CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE #2
Mom snorts. “He’d complain every day that he's bored. I swear, sometimes, I think he figures the back pain is worth it if he gets to keep working out in the sunshine everyday watching new homes and offices being built.”
It’s lucky for my dad and Deacon’s family that Catalpa Creek is a town growing fast enough to support several construction businesses. Especially with the ski and golf resort that was built up on the mountainside last year.
Mom gets up and picks up dishes. I help, following her to the sink.
“Deacon’s very good looking,” Mom says as she loads the dishwasher.
“Is he? I hadn’t noticed.”
Mom stops loading the dishwasher and stares me down. “I’m not four-years-old, Amelia Burns. I know exactly what you two were doing here before we showed up.”
I sigh. “It’s casual, Mom. Now that he’s met Harper, I’ll probably never see him again.”
“He did a great job setting up Marmalade’s gym in Harper’s room after he met her. That’s not the sign of a man who’s running for the hills.”
“Was that the guy on the park bench you were avoiding after lunch the other day?” Bryson asks.
I spin to see him standing in the doorway to the kitchen. I didn’t even hear him come in, but Mom saw him. She knew he was there the whole time.
And she didn’t tell me.
She winks as she slides past me. “I should get home to your father. Have a good night.” She kisses me on the cheek and leaves me alone with Bryson.
I look at my ex-husband, who’s laughing. “What the hell was that about?” I ask.
“Pretty sure she wants me to know you have other options,” he says. “Not sure if that’s because she wants us back together or because she wants me to stay away from you.”
I stare after my mother. “I don’t know either.
She doesn’t interfere in my life choices unless I ask for advice, but it would be nice once in a while to understand where her head is at.
” I look back at Bryson. “You’re clear that the two of us will never be more than friends and co-parents again, right? ”
“Crystal. If you consider me a friend, it’s more than I could have ever hoped for.” He shrugs. “Plus, that ship has sailed. I’m just not that into you anymore.”
I gasp, pretending outrage. “How dare you?” Then I smile. “But same. Hard to believe I was ever madly in love with you.”
“We were young and horny and all about the poor choices.”
I snort. “Is that why you left? You figured out I wasn’t the right one for you?”
“Not at all. My leaving was all about me and my own cowardice and issues from my past.” He loads the last few plates in the dishwasher, puts in the detergent when I hand him a pod, and starts it. “What’s the story with Deacon?”
I walk toward the living room, intending to walk him to the front door. “There’s no story.”
Bryson drops to sit on my couch. “Seems to me like there’s a story. He built a gym for Marmalade in Harper’s room?”
I sigh. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
His grin is wicked. “Nope. I’m catching up with the mother of my child.”
“Weren’t you just saying you’d be lucky if I let you be my friend? I don’t owe you information about my private life.” I regret my words almost instantly, especially when Bryson’s smile falls, and he looks genuinely wounded.
He leans forward, elbows on knees, hands clasped. “Harper wasn’t the only person I hurt when I left. I need to know you’re okay. Happy.”
Damn it. I sit on the couch next to him, weighing my words carefully. “Deacon was Ellery’s idea. She said I need more fun in my life, more time to be an adult and do what I want.”
“Ellery?” he asks. “Did she go to school with us?”
I nod. “She was in Asher’s class. She’s my best friend now. She’s the children’s librarian at the library downtown.”
“I agree with her,” Bryson says. “You should get to have fun for yourself.”
“You don’t know me anymore. So, you can’t say that.”
He rolls his eyes. “Harper is happy and healthy. Your parents are clearly doing well. You have no excuse not to go out and have fun. Especially now that I’m back.”
My stomach drops, and I’m not sure why. “What does that mean?”
He must read something on my face, because he leans back in his seat, hands out in a placating gesture. “That was too much. I’m not pushing, Melly. I swear. But, whenever you’re okay with me being alone with Harper, I can take care of her while you get some adult time to do whatever you want.”
Wow, that feeling in my stomach isn’t going away. In fact, it feels an awful lot like the upset stomach I get when I’m really nervous about something. But what am I nervous about? It doesn’t make sense. “I’m already okay with you spending time alone with Harper.”
His expression doesn’t change. “That look on your face was not you being okay with me taking care of Harper on my own. You can be honest with me, Melly. I’m not going to push for anything you aren’t ready for.”
“I’m not lying. Your sister called today and told me what an amazing uncle you are. I’m not going to keep you from Harper.”
“So what’s bothering you?”
“I don’t know,” I say slowly, trying to figure it out myself. “Maybe just the idea of not having Harper here? But that doesn’t make sense. She sleeps over at her grandparents’ house and stays with Asher. I don’t know what’s going on with me.”
“Maybe it’s different because I’m her dad?”
“Maybe,” I say, but that doesn’t feel right either.
And I don’t want Bryson to think he’s the problem when he’s not.
Yes, I’m still mad at him for leaving us.
I probably always will be. And yes, I’m never going to entirely trust that he won’t do it again, but he’s a good person.
The man I married was a good person at heart, and the man sitting next to me now is still that good man.
Demonstrably even better. And I don’t want him to worry that I’m going to keep Harper from him.
Because I know that worry is unbearable.
“Would it be weird to say I think I might be scared of having the time and room to be an adult who’s not Mom or daughter or sister or animal control officer?
” That feels right. That’s what’s scaring me.
My stomach roils in agreement. “I don’t have any idea what I’m going to do with an entire Saturday or even an entire weekend to myself. ”
“We can take it slow,” he says. “You’ll be welcome any time Harper’s with me, Melly. I have nothing but love for you, and I will never not want you around.”
“But that’s the way it’s going to have to be sometimes.
Because we aren’t together anymore. Someday you’re going to meet someone and get married again.
Harper needs to know you as separate from me.
She needs to have her own relationship with you.
” I grimace, feeling my face heat. “Can you tell I’ve been overthinking this? ”
He pats my shoulder. “Not overthinking. Trying to do what’s best for Harper and anticipating every possible stumbling block.”
I nod, but I can’t relax. Everything is changing in my life, and I have no idea how to feel about it.
“So,” Bryson says. “What’s the story with Deacon?”
I groan. He’s not going to let this go. “There’s no story.
I invited him over for my lunch break today, and Harper and Mom walked in when we were…
” I sigh. “At an inopportune moment. He ducked into Harper’s room, I jumped into the shower, and the story he came up with was that he was measuring Harper’s room for an extension of Marmalade’s climbing gym. ”
“And he stayed and built it?”
“Only because he had to.” Though he didn’t have to. I gave him an out. “I assume I’ll never see him again now that he knows I have a kid. Which is fine. The last thing I need is a serious relationship, and he was starting to act like he might want to take things between us past casual.”
“You don’t like him enough for that?”
“I do,” I say, before I think it through.
It’s a gut reaction not to let Bryson think less of Deacon, but it’s also true.
If I were going to have a relationship with anyone, it would be with Deacon.
Actually, it would be a combination of Deacon and HandsyGuy, but since that’s not possible, I’d try to make things work with Deacon.
“He’s a great guy. And the chemistry between us is…
” I fist my hands and spread my fingers wide, making an explosion sound.
“But my focus needs to be on Harper. I can’t be falling in love and getting my heart broken, because the last time I did that…
” I stop myself, remembering who I’m talking to.
“The last time you did that, the guy left and never looked back,” Bryson fills in for me. “And you assume that’s going to happen with every guy you let in.”
Yes, but I can’t tell him that, not when he’s looking so devastated. “No. But I can’t take a chance of it. Not with Harper. When you left… it was rough for a while. If I hadn’t had Mom and Dad helping me…” He doesn’t need to know the dark details.
“But you did have them. And now you have me and Asher and your parents. We’ll all be here to help you if you’re ever struggling. You can’t just put your whole life on hold for Harper.”
Irritation and fear and anger propel me to my feet. “Nope. I’m not there yet. You don’t get to tell me how to raise my daughter.”
He stands with me. “Our daughter,” he says gently. “I’m just trying to help you. I only want what’s best for Harper and for you. You both deserve to be happy.”
He leaves out the front door all on his own, but not without a parting shot. “I’ll be in touch. I’d like to hang out with Harper again soon.”
I slump back onto the couch as the door shuts behind him, head in my hands. Fuuuuck.