29. twenty nine
twenty nine
LYSANDRA
After that night at the square, in the heart of Edinburgh, I couldn’t get Ezra out of my head. I saw the pained look on his face, but I didn’t know what to say since I’d clearly hurt him. And when he saw me at The Black Orchid, my embarrassment only doubled.
He had been avoiding me, and I didn’t like it. I missed his presence, his company, his laugh. He still spoke to me, to be cordial, but it still wasn’t the same. I thought I could try to make it up to him.
My fingers grazed the edge of the seal. Thorned roses were imprinted on the wax. Swiftly, I walked to his dorm and slid the letter under his door before anyone realized. And I prayed that his roommate—Davi—wouldn’t open the envelope. I would probably throw myself off a cliff if he did.
Why was I so nervous? It’s not like I was confessing my undying love for Ezra. I was simply requesting him to meet me at a certain location so we could talk. As friends. Just friends. That’s all we were, and that’s all we ever would be.
Ugh, just friends.
As much as I enjoyed the particular feeling I got whenever I was around Ezra, or whenever I thought about him, I didn’t know how I’d feel with people knowing that I even had emotions in the first place.
I had set up a reputation for myself. I was known as the heartless rubbish bin from California.
I didn’t take it as an insult; those girls had nothing better to do than leech off of the lives of others to have some sort of amusement.
I examined the dress I’d been wearing. There had been a slight V-line drop with a brooch accenting it.
The waistline had been cinched on one side, and the dress was fresh and flowy.
The dress was white and beige, transporting me into a 1950s cottagecore garden party.
A pearl drop hung from my neck. I smiled.
I prepared my bag, headed out, found myself a cab, and arrived at my destination. I was almost certain that Ezra would enjoy the scenery.
I waited under the golden sun. It surprised me how beautiful spring was at its full potential here in Edinburgh.
Back home, it was hot, dry, humid, and suffocating all at once.
But, the view I had before me was out of this world.
The roses in the field danced with the slight breeze that flowed through them.
Slight, quiet footsteps neared me. I looked up, standing from the log I’d been sitting on.
Warmth curled his lips. Remarkable. The sunlight marked his sapphire eyes. I couldn’t help but grin as well.
“I got your letter,” he said.
“I’m glad,” I replied.
“Why are we here?”
And all the words, the apologetic speech I had planned, disappeared like smoke. A brow of his furrowed.
“Are you okay?” he asked, approaching me. The allure of his gaze pulled me in completely. I didn’t know I could swim in a person’s stare until I met his ocean look. I was able to dive into his soul, and I didn’t wish to be pulled out from under.
I was the one who caused this drift between us, and he was the one asking if I was okay. I should be asking him that question.
“I asked you out here because I can’t really talk freely when I’m at the academy.”
“Okay,” he said more as a question.
“I’m sorry for what I did the night that we went into town.”
He shook his head. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
“I am worried because I noticed how you’ve changed.”
“I haven’t changed.”
“Yes, you have. You don’t talk to me like you did before.”
Ezra examined the field of flowers beside us. I hated this distance so deeply. We were beginning to build a bridge of connection, and now it felt unfinished. As if I’d been screaming at him from the other side and he couldn’t hear me.
It was kind of him to take me out on a walk, letting me see his favorite spots in town. He was letting me into the innermost parts of his heart. Ezra let me open my Pandora’s Box that was my past. Then he made sure to remind me of my worth.
And then it clicked.
I had an idea of how he felt for me, thanks to Camille’s incessant squealing that day, but I didn’t want to admit it. Because then I’d have to confess that I felt the same way. Maybe even more than he did.
Feelings, that was never something I’d ever had for someone else. No one had stolen my heart before.
He stole it with one glance, one word, one smile. It was troubling not to give in to the magnetic force of him and everything that he was. I was entrapped in a love haze. And surprisingly, I didn’t want to be set free.
The words left my mouth before I could even stop myself.
“I know you feel something for me.” I clapped a hand to my forehead.
He turned around immediately, analyzing me as I exposed his secret. His face had turned a slight red. Every bone in my body quivered.
“You don’t know what I feel,” he mumbled.
Oh, but I did. I knew how he felt because I felt it too. I felt it all. I had never experienced this euphoria with anyone else, and I would be brave enough to say that I didn’t believe I would have it with anyone else.
My heart raced when I was around him. My stomach fluttered whenever he smiled at me. And my mind yearned for him when he wasn’t around. This wasn’t a crush. This was more.
It was now or never.
I sighed, stepping toward him quietly, gently. Setting a hand over his shoulder, his eyes had gotten blurry, and there was despair in them.
I let out a shaky breath before finally saying, “I do too.”
He was happy to heart that. I knew he was. Because there was a light in the ocean depths of his expression. Then, suddenly, his joy faded almost immediately.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “You don’t seem sure.”
I couldn’t help but snort, cracking into laughter. He stared at me. His pupils seemed to rip open my soul.
“Are you serious?” I questioned. “What kind of question is that?”
As I laughed, he looked away. I think he felt embarrassed by the soft way in which he portrayed his fear. I stepped closer, setting a hand on his cheek. Then slowly, I redirected his gaze toward me.
“Why did you push me away?” he asked, his tone telling me how much it pained him that I had pushed him away instead of pulling him in.
“It was a reflex. I only meant to take care of myself, and I didn’t consider you. I’m sorry,” I confessed.
A thought passed through his face.
“Believe what I say,” I implored. “I…I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.
When I realized that you probably felt the same way, I just—I lost it.
No one has ever thought of me the way you do.
No one’s tried to understand all the messed-up parts of me.
You… You’re different. In every imaginable way. ”
He remained pensive, staring at me for what felt like an eternity. His hand began to snake around my waist.
“It’s impossible not to have feelings for you.
You understand me. You comprehend my pain.
I’ve never told anyone about my past. But you, you knew what to do when my father did that to me.
You saved me. Who knew what my father would’ve been capable of that night?
He’s sent me to the hospital before. And it seemed as though that would be my fourth time visiting A&E.
It was like you arrived at the time when I needed you most. Someone to fight with, someone to talk to, someone who enjoyed my company despite your arguments,” Ezra explained.
“I thought I hid my affection quite well.”
“Let’s just say you’re a horrible liar,” he chuckled.
I gasped, my hand on my chest.
His shoulders shook as he laughed. “Truth is, I’ve never felt like this for any other person.
This peace whenever I’m around you. A certainty that it was you that my soul had been waiting for.
If we were to part ways forever, I know that there will never be another like you.
And I don’t intend to test that theory.”
A smile crept onto my face. A breeze began to flow between us, my hair danced before my face and I was glad for it.
He wouldn’t see just how happy I’d been to hear him confess his affection for me.
His warm fingertips brushed away the strands from my profile.
Gently, he set the palm of his hand on the side of my face.
“May I?” he asked.
I couldn’t find the right words, so I closed the space between us. Wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer to me.
I felt like my heart would explode as I felt him give in, tightening his grasp around my waist. He brought me closer to his chest, then his hands spread across the back of my dress until he found the ends of my curls. Ezra coiled a strand between his fingers.
He parted the kiss with a wide grin. “Sorry, I’ve been wanting to do that since the moment I first laid eyes on you.”
I giggled, aching to feel his lips again. I pushed myself onto the tips of my toes and kissed him again.