32. thirty two
thirty two
LYSANDRA
Flickering lamplights encircled my vision as we strolled through Dean’s Village.
It was a location in Edinburgh that I had wished to explore since I had found out that I received the scholarship.
I never got around to it, but Miriam had let me get a day off, allowing me a chance to venture more through the streets of Edinburgh.
“Thank you for coming with me. Camille was swamped with homework.”
Ezra chuckled, pushing his frames up with his index finger. “My pleasure, you know I’ll always enjoy any moment I can spend with you.”
It surprised me that his desire for a career didn’t involve poetry; he was the most articulate person I knew. He was great with words, which alarmed me at times. I couldn’t understand why a dark voice slurred reminders in my mind that I wouldn’t know if he ever chose to lie to me.
“Thank you. For everything,” I said sincerely.
I hushed that voice in my mind as I heard the flowing river nearby.
The afternoon sun gleamed on the water rushing beneath the bridge.
Houses built of bricks and pointed roofs were situated on both sides of the Water of Leith; they were chipped at the corners with a fading mahogany hue.
Lush green bushes were growing beside the edges of the river.
The setting sun glowed its last beaming rays before it left for the night.
I leaned against the stone railing that overlooked the rippling water.
I felt as though my own eyes had been lying to me. When you come from a broken home, from nothing, the grandness of the world surprises you.
But my dreams had become my reality.
Ezra’s stare was heavy on me. I turned toward him, raising a brow to challenge his silence.
“You have your thinking face on right now. What is it?”
My lips curled into a beaming smile. It made me happy to know that there was someone who roamed this world that had begun to observe my habits. Although I wasn’t aware that I had a particular face when brainstorming. I shook my head in reply to his question.
“You know you can tell me anything.” Ezra lowered his chin, examining me from behind his glasses.
He was right. After that night at the square, I had become accustomed to uncovering the deepest parts of my essence without shame or guilt. The tenebrosity in my mind was becoming smaller each time that I talked about it.
“Humanity, for many years, has rejected those with a contrite spirit. I’ve been told, countless times, to move on. I’ve been scorned and judged for holding onto the past, but help me understand how I was supposed to forget every ill memory of my stepfather when it was a recurring event.”
Ezra leaned against the railing, taking a deep sigh, before answering, “Those who have never suffered the same grievances as we have are incapable of empathizing with our sorrows.”
A soft breeze pushed the dark coils of my hair past my shoulder. I tilted my head down once in agreement. Perhaps that was why I felt like I could speak freely around him. I loved Cami; she was the sister I never had, but I didn’t think she would comprehend the severity of my emotional illness.
Ezra moved closer, setting a piece of my hair behind my ear. His thumb trailed my face. “Your strength and resilience inspire me.”
“There you go again,” I scoffed.
“No, you’re not doing that. I will not accept the way you diminish yourself in your own head. You are brilliant! You’re perseverant and insistent. Others would have given up, but you… you chose to fight for yourself. And now you’re here. You’re here, with me.”
I smiled and lowered my gaze to my trembling in my hands. My nervous system seemed to be cause tremors throughout my body whenever I spoke of my stepfather, and I hated it. I had to find a way to stop this feeling.
“You deserve the very best in this life,” he whispered, gently moving my chin upward. There was a painful comprehension in his ocean stare. “And I’m going to do everything in my power to give that to you.”
I laughed, wrapping my arms around his torso. “Oh, what gallant words.”
“Anything for my favorite girl.”
“So, are you trying to say that you have other girls that you don’t have particular preferences for, like you do with me?” I questioned, scrunching my nose.
He rolled his eyes, dropping his arms. “I thought we talked about this already.”
I chortled. “I’m sorry.”
To be truthful, I wasn’t sorry. I loved teasing him.
In fact, I loved everything about him. It surprised me how much he was able to understand everything that I felt, even though I felt like I couldn’t even put my pain into words. Somehow, he understood the darkest parts of me and embraced them.
Ezra huffed before stomping across the rest of the bridge, leaving me by the railing. I smiled as he glared back at me.
“Wait for me,” I chuckled and followed after him.
There was no way of saving me from this fall.