34. thirty four
thirty four
LYSANDRA
Ezra had seemed different for the past month.
As though he was being haunted by a memory that I wasn’t aware of.
We’d already spoken about his phantoms and my own.
Some of my words seemed to have caused him to close his heart to me.
I wished to know what was wrong. He continued to argue that he was fine.
Could he be going through an episode? I had my moments where I had needed space because of the memories that played in my mind constantly at certain times of the year. Especially when June got closer, since it was the month that my mom left.
The entire world celebrated the beginning of summer when I mourned the start of my suffering. It was a time filled with gloom, not sunshine.
But I had the feeling that this year would be different.
Whatever Ezra may have been experiencing, I would have to be patient. Because I understood the feeling of grieving a family that never existed.
Although there were voices in my mind that told me he was hiding something from me. There seemed to be a sliver of guilt that crossed his expression every now and then. Nonetheless, I had never been happier. I refused to allow those pessimistic thoughts to convince me of any type of deceit.
He wouldn’t do that to me. Not after everything we had been through.
I examined myself in the mirror, comparing the tone of my complexion with the skin of the girls beside me.
I sighed and shook my head. Today would be a good day.
I would not give in to my insecurities. Ezra had taught me to love who I was.
If a person like him could love me, then I should be able to love myself.
Well, I should probably hold back on the word “love”. I couldn’t get my hopes up like that.
All I knew was that I did love him, but I didn’t think I was ready to be fully emotionally undressed before him and tell him that.
The door to the washroom squeaked open before it was pushed against the wall, causing a ruckus that caught my attention.
When I looked back, the girl with fire-colored hair strutted inside.
Her sharp gaze focused on my reflection in the mirror.
The other girls in the restroom had hurried out when Scarlett had sauntered in.
“Oh…” she began. “It’s just you.”
I could notice the disdain in her eyes as she scrutinized me.
“Just me,” I replied, coiling one of my curls between my fingers. I gathered my mousse and gel and set them in my bag.
Scarlett walked up to the sink beside me, and fixed her hair before pulling out a small crimson bottle of lip gloss. “How’s it going with that boyfriend of yours?”
Why did it matter to her? I remained silent, a look of confusion striking my features.
“He is so good-looking. Boys like Ezra have always amused me. Those soft-hearted characters, with dark pasts. Yet they shine through the darkness, am I right? But of course, boys will always disappoint, won’t they?” she chuckled.
“I’m sorry, I’m not quite understanding where you’re going with this conversation, and I don’t have time for your banter.” Picking up my bag, I began walking toward the exit of the washroom. Until she stepped in front of me.
“My brother told me something interesting about your boyfriend.”
I felt myself go still.
“What did your charming brother tell you?”
I never thought I’d see another person with an evil grin other than Mario’s—my psychopath stepfather—but there she was, right in front of me. Mischief. Envy. Jealousy. The girl in front of me beamed at the demise of my happiness.
“You really don’t know, do you? I thought your friend Camille would have told you since the whole school knows by now.”
“Knows what?” I snapped.
“That Ezra was paid to date you,” she said.
That couldn’t be true. No. That was not true. For a split second, I allowed the fear to manifest through my widened eyes. Until I hid it behind my deep irritation for this girl.
“I don’t really like you, but I just didn’t think it was right for Ezra to have such a beautiful girl by his side when he’s lying about his true intentions.”
I gulped. As much as Scarlett’s words had been a warning, I knew there was envy laced in her tone. I knew she had always desired her brother’s best friend. And I got him before she ever had a chance. Although my intention had never been to steal another woman’s love. It simply happened.
Yet, I knew the type of malicious person that she was. I would not give mind to her lies, and I would not give her the satisfaction of seeing any type of emotion in me. “Thanks for the warning.”
However, it explained the guilt that passed through his face whenever I mentioned our plans to travel to Mexico this summer.
As if he feared we wouldn’t make it. It would explain the heated conversations between him and his friend, which stopped when I was within their proximity.
It would explain why he had been interested in me in the first place.
I had nothing to offer back then. Nothing but snide remarks and sarcasm. It explained why he insisted so much.
He had lied to me. He’d been lying to me all along. Scarlett was the one telling the truth, and he was full of lies.
To say that I didn’t feel anything when she told me that would be a fallacy. Because I felt rage I’d never experienced before. My shoulder collided with Scarlett’s as I walked out of the lavatory.
Ezra was about to begin his soccer practice, yet I didn’t mind the fact that everyone would see the show that was about to go down.
I marched my way through the halls, pushing past the crowd, ignoring the glares of most of the students.
I hauled open the doors to the football field.
I found him immediately in the mob of students that were in the same athletics period as him.
I dropped my bag and stomped toward him. I was no longer calm nor collected. The boys in his team, wearing the same maroon and black uniform, nudged him and pointed in my direction. When he turned toward me, Ezra had a smile on his face, one that I no longer enjoyed looking at.
I lifted my hands, pushing him into the arms of his other teammates. They yelled, “Hey, what the hell?”
“How dare you?” I questioned him.
Ezra furrowed his brow. “Lysandra? What’s wrong?”
“Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?” I yelled.
I used to love his ocean eyes, and in this moment I began to hate them once his gaze widened in despair. His lie had come crumbling down and he knew it. There was no redemption for what he had done.
“It’s not what you think!” he began, walking toward me with his hands outstretched. I pushed him again. He sighed.
“Then what was it?” I asked. “Give me a reason why I should trust you again after you lied to me for all of these months.”
Ezra kept on striding in my direction, yet I continued to shove him away from me. The sadness in his eyes only enraged me even more. I pointed at him. “You bastard! I trusted you. I opened my heart to you. You—”
I stopped my discourse. I didn’t know what would have become of me if the entire school had watched me cry.
“Love, listen to me. It’s not what you think.”
“Oh, really? You weren’t paid to date me?” I questioned.
When he remained silent, when he lowered his chin, when he rubbed his temples, that was when I knew that it hadn’t been a lie.
“You liar! You hypocrite! You traitor!” I yelled. I grabbed the collar of his jersey, bawling it between my fists. “Don’t you ever dare utter another word to me.”
I hauled him backward before he fell into the arms of his friends, who had been snickering under their breaths. I marched away, my legs trembling. His footsteps loomed behind me. I turned as he grabbed my forearm. “Let me explain.”
“It’s over, Ezra,” I screamed, unraveling my arms from his grasp before forcing him back. “Don’t touch me.”
His gaze stabbed my heart as I picked up my bag and walked out of the pitch. There’d been students who had their eyes glued to us, and their looks caused me to feel more embarrassed than ever before. And suddenly, I wish I hadn’t exploded. I wish I hadn’t shown my anger like that.
But I couldn’t have stopped myself, even if I wanted to. And it was then that I realized just how deep my fury ran into the roots of my being.
It was also the day I realized I would never open up to another person like I had done with Ezra. I let him see every shard of my broken soul and he had taken me for granted. People were like that; I had already been aware of it since I was a child.
Spoiled rich boy with a dark past. I should’ve known better.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. My arms cradled my own body as I shifted my gaze toward my roommate, who in a matter of months had become my confidant.
There was nothing but agony in her expression, a reflection of my own.
She served as a mirror to the broken heart that I harbored within my ribcage.
Cami sat, cross-legged, on her bed. She looked down at her fidgeting fingers.
Although she’d been aware of the machinations planned against me, I hadn’t reacted with her the same way that I had with Ezra.
Ezra was the one who had hurt me; he deserved to see that side of me.
Camille had been my companion in Blackthorn from the moment we stepped off the bus. She didn’t need to see that part of me.
“I found out around the same time as you. I’m so sorry I didn’t get to you sooner. I was dealing with something on my own when I overheard what was going on. I’m so sorry, Lys.”
My very soul wished to scream.
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not. He lied to you.”
I wished to break every window in the castle. I wanted to howl and cause damage to the people who hurt me. Ezra, Zack, and Scarlett. I yearned for vengeance. If only I dared to act upon my rage. Instead, I said, “Every choice has a consequence.”
I found a bit of solace in the thought.
“What are you going to do? Please don’t tell me you’re going to do something crazy,” she asked.
I wish I could.
“I’m not. Life will take care of it for me.” I tried to force a smile on my face.
She pushed herself off her bed, finding a spot in mine and pulling me into her embrace. The lump in my throat only worsened as I felt the comforting touch of an empathic friend. “Are you really going to leave?” she asked.
After receiving a follow-up email from Lachlan Prep, I had no other choice but to take them up on their offer.
“I think it’s for the best,” I whispered, my eyes landing on the open envelope lying on Camille’s mattress. She’d been reading between the lines and spaces of every word in that letter.
“I’m not staying here without you,” Camille argued.
I chuckled, swiftly wiping off a tear. “What choice do you have?”
“I can apply there as well. Maybe they’ll let us be roommates.”
I rolled my eyes. I had come to learn that she always saw life as an easy task. There was a solution to every problem she searched for. I admired her for that. “Then let’s hope for the best.”