37. thirty seven
thirty seven
LYSANDRA
Today was the day.
Well, not really the day, but it was the day that I would try to see if there was even a chance between Ezra and me.
I couldn’t believe I was about to do this.
Nothing but Cami’s encouragement fueled my courage to approach him.
It also didn’t help that she was feeding into my delusion and motivating me to do this in the first place.
What was I freaking out about? It’s not like I was going to confess my undying love for him. That would be crazy. Never in a million years would I do that. I would just go near him to see if he was willing to go on a date with me. Hopefully the words actually left my mouth this time.
I felt so pathetic just thinking about it.
Today’s filming would last for almost the entire day.
Which kind of stressed me out, since I had to fit in more time to start writing again.
After countless meetings with my publisher, they finally accepted my book proposal, and they expected me to have the book’s first draft by February.
We were in November already. Something about the marketing team having a plan to keep up the “hype” of my public profile.
I didn’t understand any of it, all I knew was that I had to do my job.
The doors of the set clattered with a bang as I strolled inside. Pushing past the carts and dozens of assistants walking around with earpieces. I’d arrived at the back section of the set, my eyes looking for the snack bar. My nerves created an insatiable hunger within me.
Again, I kicked myself mentally for my anxiety.
When I looked up, I wished I could erase the image that would forever be imprinted in my mind.
It was Ezra. With another woman clinging to his arm.
The walkie-talkie attached to her hip and the badge hanging from her collar meant that she was part of the videography team.
Her blonde hair had been pulled back into a ponytail with strands falling at the front.
The uniform fit her ridiculously snug. The woman rubbed his arms as he gave her a tight smile.
“Thank you, that truly means a lot to me,” I heard him say.
“Anytime, darling,” she purred. Hearing her flirt with the man of my dreams ruined the adoration I had for Scottish accents.
My breakfast almost came back up my throat. I let out a hitched breath, covering my lips when I realized I’d been too loud. No need to get their attention.
Ezra stepped back, grabbing the script from his back pocket, and dashed toward the cameras that were being prepped for filming.
There’d been a grin on his expression, as if he’d been enjoying the attention he was receiving from her.
I inferred that my love for him would not be enough to satisfy his male desires.
It made sense, then, why he was friends with Zack in the first place.
I should just return to lurking in the distant shadows while longing for him.
He hadn’t realized I had seen their exchange.
I wish I hadn’t. It ruined the entire plan I had for this day, which I had predetermined would be one of the greatest days of my life.
I was wrong. I found my seat beside him, all the joy in my body gone.
Ezra grinned when he set his perfect gaze on me.
“Hey! I didn’t know you were coming today.
We’re almost done filming the fallout between Laurie and Elijah. ”
I almost beamed at the way he exclaimed like a child…had I not felt like my heart was boiling inside my chest, and if it hadn’t caused an excruciating burning sensation within me.
His brows furrowed when I didn’t reply. I stood, putting space between us, as he remained glued to the screens playing out the scene of Laurie’s and Elijah’s scene. Who, really, had been a representation of Ezra and me.
I wondered whether he had caught on already.
When he finished directing the scene, he set his earphones on the wooden chair with his surname plastered on the back of it.
Ezra examined me as he neared me. I couldn’t deal with this right then, so I forced myself to the restroom.
I glanced back and noticed that he’d been stopped by the same assistant as before.
I saw him smirk at her, then he glance in my direction.
Was he doing this on purpose?
I pushed the door to the bathroom open and let out a breath, my hands trembling as I shook them.
Tears had already begun to form in my eyes. When I looked down, through the blur of my vision, I realized my entire body had been shaking. My heart thumped against my ribcage. It was Blackthorn all over again. I forgave him, but I couldn’t forget what he did. How I wished I could.
I’d have to tell Camille that she was wrong; he didn’t like me. He was the same Ezra that I had ran away from five years ago.
There’d been a consistent pain in my chest as I forced my sadness away.
I trudged to the white pristine sinks and opened the faucet, swiftly washing my face with fresh water.
As I raised my eyes to analyze my physique, I hated what I saw.
I was supposed to be strong and not suffer for a guy who had broken my heart once before.
I knew better than this. Guys like him didn’t deserve my sadness. He’s just like Aldair, I told myself.
That’s a lie.
I chuckled. I’d told him a few days ago that I wouldn’t allow myself to suffer for those who weren’t worthy of my pain. He was the exception.
I couldn’t help but think of the closeness that we shared all those years ago. I had created a fallacy in my mind that claimed we’d be even closer than before if we ever found each other again. That the time apart would heal all wounds and make our hearts yearn for the other. That was a lie, too.
“Come on Lysandra, you have to get back out there,” I whispered to myself. They needed me out there; I was one of the screenwriters and the co-director. My readers needed me to give them the best version of this movie.
Swiftly, I wiped my face with the sleeve of my blouse. My tears marked the black fabric even darker. My legs quivered with every step that I took out of the washroom.
And I immediately regretted leaving my sanctuary.