Chapter 11 Seasick
SEASICK
ASHLEY
Istep out onto the veranda, gripping the railing, letting the sea breeze cool my cheeks. The setting sun glows orange and pink on the waves below, steady and endless. I wish my life felt like that right now.
But it isn’t.
Beckett told Courtney and Mrs. Grady that we’d been together ever since that first meeting in high school. Only, it’s not completely true. Not even if we don’t count this last month.
There was only one other time when we broke up. Like really broke up.
I was a junior, still in high school. He was a freshman at MIT, buried in classes and the kind of future I couldn’t quite picture myself in yet.
Long-distance was hard. We fought constantly—missed calls, jealous silences, a thousand little things that felt enormous at the time.
So, being practical and proactive, I’d suggested we “see other people.”
A month later, he’d come home for Christmas break. I remember walking into a mutual friend’s party, wearing cherry vanilla lip gloss and holding some guy’s hand—someone safe and forgettable.
Beckett was across the room, red Solo cup in hand.
And when our eyes met—God, it was like I’d reached across the room and sucker-punched him.
My date said something about getting us drinks, and I nodded.
I think.
I pretended not to notice that Beckett’s hair was a little longer, that his eyes were even bluer than I remembered. But when he pushed off the kitchen counter, walking right toward me, the crowd just… fell away.
“You look good, Ash.” His voice was low, gravelly.
“So do you.” I tried for casual and failed.
He nodded toward the living room. “That guy with you—you like him?”
“He’s nice.”
“‘Nice.’” He took a step closer. “Is that what you want?”
I backed up against the pantry, knowing…
He reached out, brushed his thumb over the bracelet he’d given me before he left for school—the one I still wore even after saying we should see other people.
“I hate this.” He just said it. No pretense. No playing it cool. “Thinking you aren’t mine.”
And then he kissed me.
The world tilted. My knees threatened to buckle, and for a moment, I felt as if I was actually going to swoon like some delicate princess in a fairytale.
When he finally pulled back, he looked wrecked and hopeful all at once.
“Still want to see other people?” he murmured.
I’d wanted to be angry.
Instead, I kissed him again. Harder.
By the end of that night, the safe, forgettable boy had gone home alone.
And Beckett?
He never really left my life after that. Until now.
Laughter drifts through the open doors behind me, tugging me back to the present.
That was a long time ago. We’re different people now.
I’m a different person. A few well-placed compliments don’t erase the year I just survived.
More guests have spilled outside, drawn by the view. The sun is dipping low, the ocean wide and endless, demanding attention.
I turn toward it, but my chest feels tight, like I didn’t quite finish my last breath. The breeze lifts my hair, cool against skin that suddenly feels too warm. My fingers curl, then uncurl at my sides.
It’s nothing. Nothing’s wrong.
I fix my gaze on the horizon, counting the slow roll of the waves, letting the salty air fill my lungs. I give myself a few seconds. That’s all. Then I’ll force the corners of my mouth to turn up again, step back inside, and help Luna play the gracious bride-to-be.
I have this under control.
“Hey.”
I inhale—too fast—then force the breath to slow as I turn.
There he is. Slightly rumpled. Still unfairly handsome.
“You’re not okay,” he says, his brow creasing. “You look pale.”
He thinks I’m seasick. That must be it. Of course.
My smile clicks into place. “I’m fine. A little queasy, that’s all. It’ll pass.”
His gaze searches my face. “Maybe you should eat something. I’ll grab you a ginger ale.”
“Maybe,” I agree. But then I turn away from him, to a view that’s so spectacular it can’t be real. “I just… hate keeping our—situation—from everyone. It’s hard.”
I hear him exhale beside me. “I know. But we don’t need to rush anything. We don’t need to make any premature announcements right now. You want all the focus on your sister’s wedding, right?”
“Yes.” My throat tightens. “I mean, at some point we won’t have much choice. Not like we can hide it forever.”
“Yeah.” His voice is low, resigned. “We’ll tell them later.”
There’s a pause. His hand covers mine on the railing, and then squeezes.
Then I hear it—some of the ladies from Luna’s bus tour.
Beckett meets my eyes and presses a finger to his lips, wincing.
And damn it, he’s right. We need to be more careful.
“Did you get a chance to try on your tuxedo?” I ask, pitching my voice a little louder, as if we’d been discussing something perfectly ordinary.
“I did. Thanks for picking it up from the cleaners.” Beckett says smoothly, falling into step beside me.
We sound like a team. Like the old us.
And it’s completely messing with my head.
Because we’re supposed to be unraveling, not syncing up.
A little farther along the rail, Josie is taking pictures of her sister. Babs is holding a pink drink with a slice of pineapple. “The boys are by the dessert table,” she calls out, waving her hand inside.
“I better round them up.”
And of course, Beckett’s hand is on my back as we stroll inside. When we reach the boys, I shrug him off.
“Who are these handsome boys?” I ask, feeling a little more like myself as I hug each of my two little hellions. Instead of smelling like sunscreen and kid sweat, they smell like strawberries and soap.
“We took showers,” Blakey announces proudly. “Cause there’s no bath in our room.”
Max scrunches up his nose. “You forgot my Hulk shampoo, Mom.”
“I didn’t forget. It’s in the side zipper of your suitcase.” And then to my mom, “Are you regretting taking these two on yet?” I bite my lip. “The suite Bex and I have is pretty bougie… Bex could always stay with the boys, you know—”
“Don’t be silly.” My mom is smiling. “When else will I have the excuse to take a nap every day?”
A light touch to my arm startles me a bit, and I turn to see Babs has come up behind me. She and Josie must have followed us inside. “Do you need to rest, Ashley darling?” Babs asks.
“Who, me? I’m fine. Perfectly fine.” But my mom’s friend is giving me one of her looks, the one that makes me wonder if maybe she knows something she shouldn’t.
If she overheard Beckett and me talking out there… I think back on what we’d said. Nothing, really. Just that I was a little seasick?
“Yeah, I’m good. I just need to, uh, get my sea legs.”
Babs nods sympathetically, but then she winks at me.
What exactly does she think is going on here?
“Mom! Mom!” Max shouts, crashing into my side. “Dad’s taking us on the race cars tomorrow!”
“He told me,” I say, trying to match their excitement. “Sounds like fun, huh?”
Blakey nods, beaming, just as thrilled as Max. Which says everything.
This isn’t about go-karts.
It’s about spending time with their dad.
And just like that, the anger flares again. Because who was it that stopped showing up? Who decided late nights and weekends away were fine, like we weren’t waiting, missing him? Like he could just... fade out of our lives?
“That’s awesome, honey,” I say to Blakey, voice too bright. “I’m sure Dad’ll take you to do all sorts of fun things. You’ve got six whole days together. The entire cruise.”
I turn to Beckett, jaw tight. “Right, Dad?”
He meets my gaze, an answer and its own challenge. “They get me for longer than that.”
Don’t go making any more promises you can’t keep.