Chapter Ten
I don’t sleep well the first night, slipping in and out of dreams only to wake up bothered. It’s not due to homesickness or being in a different bed. It’s thinking about the possibility of failure. How if we somehow don’t win the money, I’ll have to walk back into school and face Principal Major and his smugness and go through another year of being put through hell. How I’ll be the Rogers kid who just can’t get it together and is considering running away from yet another job.
It’s the fact that Simone and Angie are somehow snoring in tandem. Angie breathes in with a rattling, rumbling vibration that sounds like a mountain on the verge of collapse. And if Angie is the mountain, Simone is the chainsaw, hacking away in loud spurts.
I considered moving to the sofa in the common room but thought of how that would put me in closer proximity to Roman, aka the final reason I’m not sleeping well.
He’s managed to sneak into each dream I’ve had. And not simple dreams where we pass each other in the school hall or a running favorite where he waits for all the teachers to leave the teachers’ lounge in the morning. Instead of going to his class when the bell goes off, he smiles as he walks up to me, wraps me in his arms, then kisses me softly before wishing me a good day. It’s a tame dream, but the idea of anyone doing something so sweet, something that would make me feel cherished and seen, has always made me wake up with a smile. But the dreams I had tonight were anything but tame.
In one dream, Roman has locked the door in the teachers’ lounge. Instead of an innocent kiss on my forehead, he grabs my braids to tilt my head back, exposing my neck, where he begins trailing hot kisses. In another, he backs me into a corner in my tiny office, ready for a morning romp before class.
I think the only way to save my sanity and sleep is to get rid of him. We don’t need a full team to complete the tasks. That was only required to start the simulation. In fact, during orientation they said they fully expect most teams who compete to lose more than half of their members over the course of the six weeks. I’m just not sure how I’d actually accomplish getting rid of him yet.
I close my eyes, trying to fall back asleep. They pop right back open when Simone lets out a rough snort. I open the screen of my pod. The clock on the wall reads 4:30 a.m., which means by now it’s too late to get any quality rest. With my pajamas on—black leggings and black crewneck shirt—I quietly leave the room.
Walking through the habitat is eerie. The only sounds are from the fans and computers. Logically, I know I’m not alone. There are cameras with who knows who watching me move around like a lab rat in this big experiment, and my teammates are within shouting distance. Still, I can’t help but jump when I hear a creak.
I look around and don’t see anything, so I force myself to shake it off and go to the kitchen. I’m craving a little normal , and tea is the same whether you’re on Earth or Mars. I fill a small pot with water and place it on the stove. While that heats up, I’m rummaging through the cabinets, where I find packets of our dehydrated food, tuna, and Spam when I hear a deep voice behind me.
“Looking for the tea?”
From the first syllable he utters, I scream and jump, fearing that the simulation has taken a turn for the worse and Mission Control is about to have us face off against aliens. Then I turn around and see Roman and don’t know what scares me more—the thought of fighting off aliens with nothing but metal cups and plates and not-quite-hot water or the way he sends my heart leaping in bounds.
“Whoa, it’s just me,” he says, like that’s supposed to be assuring.
“Why are you sneaking around? You almost gave me a heart attack.” I place my hand on my chest while taking deep breaths to calm myself.
“How was I supposed to know you were gonna scream loud enough to wake the whole planet up? And I didn’t sneak. We’ve got to work on your situational awareness,” he teases. “Could’ve been a whole alien in here and you wouldn’t know.”
I pause for a second. I thought it was eerie to be out here by myself, but it’s even more eerie that Roman would talk about aliens when they were just on my mind. It’s like we’re on the same wavelength. Then again, we are on an extraterrestrial mission. I’m sure the thought of aliens has crossed everyone else’s minds too. “My situational awareness is just fine, thank you.” I sniff. “What are you doing out here so early? You should still be sleeping.”
“I gave up trying to sleep hours ago. It usually takes me a while to adjust to a new bed. It’s just not home, you know?”
I’ve never had problems adjusting to new beds, and suddenly I’m filled with all these questions I want to ask him. Did he have to adjust to new beds often? Why? Does he travel a lot when not at school and stay in a lot of different hotels?
Before curiosity can get the better of me, I turn away from him and go back to searching the cabinets.
“What are you doing up this early?” A loud snore sounds from my room, answering Roman’s question, so he pivots to another topic. “You were looking for the tea, right?”
“Yeah. I’ve checked all over, but can’t find it.”
Roman opens one of the cabinets I already went through but reaches higher and pulls out a metal container. “Blueberry?”
“Thanks.” I take the tea from him. “I guess it would have been smart to look up. Then again, I wouldn’t have been able to reach it anyway, even if I saw it. Not without a ladder at least. I guess I need to find those next.” I bite down on my lips. I’m doing that thing again where I overshare.
Roman hands me the tea then finds the drawer with the strainer and passes it to me as well. The Mars simulation program is all about sustainable living, since we wouldn’t have the same resources on the red planet as we would on Earth. For tea and coffee, we have to steep them in (rationed) hot water, strain it, then put the leaves or ground coffee into the compost. Roman just stands there and watches as I unseal the canister and shake some leaves into the pot. His presence is so unnerving I end up putting in way more than I planned and huff out an annoyed breath. I look at him, but all he does is offer a too-sexy smile that throws me off. When has he ever been this open and inviting?
When he invited you to Big Lou’s because he thought he was about to steal yo’ job! a voice in my head says.
At the abrupt reminder, I turn away.
“I can put it up for you,” Roman says when I’m done with everything, pointing at the tea.
“How about we find a place on the counter so I don’t have to keep bothering you about it?”
Roman momentarily pauses, but says “Fine” and places it next to the microwave.
I sit down with my cup while Roman heats up water to make coffee for himself. I try to ignore the clanging of cabinets opening and closing and the rustling of fabric as he moves around the kitchen finding exactly what he needs. He sets his cup on the table at the opposite end from where I’m seated, grabs a booklet from another drawer, and sits down.
While drinking my tea, I can’t help but notice how loudly he’s sipping his coffee. Obnoxiously so, like he’s doing it on purpose.
“What are you reading?” I finally give in and ask, only to get him to stop slurping. The sound is almost as bad as the snoring floating in from Simone and Angie.
Roman closes the booklet and gets up from his stool, coming to sit on the one next to me.
I watch with wide eyes as he slides the booklet to me, then look down. “The dishwasher manual? If you’re that starved for entertainment, I have some books you can read.”
“It’s not for entertainment,” he says with a smirk. “We’re supposed to know how to fix anything here that could break down at a moment’s notice. At the orientation they said we should take the time to learn about everything during the first few days here. I read about the rover last night.”
I remember them saying we should read the manuals, but I’m surprised Roman is already getting up to speed on things. After all, how much does one really need to know about each machine here in the Hab to sabotage it?
“Right,” I say under my breath.
“What’s that mean?”
“What’s what mean? All I said was ‘right.’?”
“I know what you said, but it’s the way you said it. You don’t believe me?”
With Roman’s seemingly confused gaze on me, I look away and consider what to say. I can act like there was no undertone to my words, or I can just come right out with my suspicions to let him know the jig is up.
In the end, I choose violence.
I set my mug down and swivel in the stool to fully face him.
“Rom—Mr. Major. Come on, let’s be real. You and I both know why you’re here, and it’s not because you want to see the library being remodeled.”
“I don’t?”
“Nope. You’re here because your dad sent you. He wants you to make sure this whole simulation is one colossal failure. That way I’ll be too ashamed to show my face back at school, and you can take my job.”
I watch closely as Roman’s face darkens and he crosses his arms across his broad chest.
Got him.
Maybe now that he realizes I’m onto him, he can save us both the trouble and graciously bow out. Me and the rest of the crew will be able to continue on in peace.
But Roman shows no sign of backing down or of being defeated. He scoots his stool forward, stopping right before his knees knock into mine. I look down. We’re not touching, but mere centimeters separate us, and I can feel his body’s heat. I have the urge to move my stool closer, ever so slightly, to erase that space. It’s like holding two magnets apart, sitting this close and yet so far from Roman, and it feels wrong. Like we’re going against physics.
“I’m not here for my dad,” Roman says. “I’m not on some secret mission to screw this up for everyone. I’m here for you all. To help the mission succeed.”
While Roman speaks, I tear my gaze from our legs and meet his steady brown eyes. The way he said you all …it was like he put a special emphasis on you .
“What do you mean, Rom—Mr. Major?”
He shakes his head. “Brianna, call me Roman. Please. No more Mr. Major or Vice Principal Rogers. Here I’m Roman and you’re Brianna.”
I cannot— no , I will not do that thing with my lip. If he wants me to use his first name, fine. It makes sense seeing as we aren’t on school grounds. And yes, it feels like the sun has just beamed down on me, bathing me in warmth, a dove landing on my shoulder and all, because of the way he says my name, but clearly he’s trying to throw me off my game. Of course someone sent here to ruin everything would deny it. Of course he would put on an air of total sincerity, most likely having picked up on the fact that I want to see the good in everyone. He didn’t really mean that he’s here for me specifically. Just like he didn’t mean it in the library when he said I was amazing. He was trying to get me to trust him then, and he’s doing it now.
I can’t get my brain working quickly enough to say anything, and when a door opens followed by Jordan coming into view, it’s too late.
“Oh wow. You two are up early,” Jordan says. He’s got a spring in his step like he just woke up from the best sleep of his life. “Are y’all excited for our first spacewalk? I know I am.” He moves toward the stove.
Roman has backed up his stool to a respectable distance, and his indifferent mask is back on.
I study him closely, wondering if the conversation we just had actually took place or if it was all some sort of hallucination from lack of sleep. Did I imagine his intense look and the words coming out of his mouth? He always seems to clam up when other people come around.
“What’s that?” Jordan asks, pointing to the booklet still in front of me.
“It’s the dishwasher manual. We’re supposed to get familiar with all the gadgets here.” Quietly, I tack on, “Roman reminded me.”
“Oh cool. I’ll have to make sure to check that out later,” Jordan says. “Right now I’m starving. I wonder how good the eggs are.”
After saying his name, I look at Roman, who offers a small smile. The butterflies in my stomach are very real and come on quick, and I know that for someone who should be suspicious of every breath Roman takes, I’m walking a mighty fine tightrope right now.