The Love Simulation

Chapter Twelve

“I. Am. So. Tired,” Angie says over the microphone. I can’t see her, though I imagine each word mirrors her footsteps.

She’s on the opposite side of the Hab, with Simone and Jordan, but she comes over loud and clear in my ear. After hefting as many large pieces of metal and cables from the antenna as we could, most of us were ready to go back inside. However, Jordan wouldn’t give up on finding the missing rover.

We spent all morning clearing the debris outside, and we’re still not done. While most of the things we picked up weren’t heavy, it did take some getting used to, moving around in the space suits and having to see through a helmet. Not to mention, we worked out prior to coming out here.

Now that we’re going on our second hour of searching for the robot, I’m not even sure if it’s here. We have little handheld scanners that should pick up its signal, yet we’ve been wandering around like we’re searching for the promised land and nothing has popped up.

“Is anything showing up on the scanner at all?” I ask Roman, pleading that he says yes. “This is taking forever.”

“No.” He shakes his head—his whole body, really—then hits the side of the scanner like that will make it work.

“Be careful! If you break that thing, we’ll be out here forever looking for the rover.”

“I’m not about to break it,” he grumbles. “I don’t think it’s working anyway. We should have found something by now.”

“I want to go inside,” Simone whines.

“Come on, team, let’s keep going for a little longer,” Jordan encourages. “We’re getting close to finding it.”

“I am seriously getting sick of this,” comes Angie’s voice. “Why are we even listening to him? It’s four against one. We should be going by majority rules.”

This feels like the makings of a mass mutiny. Jordan lets out a deep scream, and I wonder if Angie made some kind of lunge for him.

“Please, guys, just fifteen more minutes,” Jordan pleads. “If we don’t find it, we’ll head back in and try again later. Ahhh! I mean try again tomorrow.”

As Jordan fights for his life, I feel a little bad for complaining. We have weeks ahead of us. If our first space walk is already fraught with fighting, the library is doomed.

“Okay,” I say with a sigh. “I think we can handle fifteen minutes. But then that’s it.”

There’s a little grumbling (well, a lot from Angie), but everyone agrees.

Roman and I continue our wayward path up a small hill, and for the umpteenth time, I glance at the scanner in his hands. I don’t even know how he ended up with it. I should’ve been the one holding it. That way, if nothing showed up for the rover, at least I would know it wasn’t because of me sabotaging it. What if Roman did see something on the scanner and simply neglected to say anything? For all I know, we’ve passed the rover ten times by now and Roman is quietly letting us walk ourselves into exhaustion.

I lean forward so I can look at the scanner with my own eyes. But Roman is holding it in his left hand while I’m on his right side. I’m forced to stretch farther than I normally would to see through the helmet, and then it happens. I don’t watch where I’m going and end up tripping over my boots.

As I let out a quick scream, Roman reaches for me, but it’s too late. The world starts spinning as I roll down the hill. When I finally come to a stop, I land face up, staring up at the domed panels, which have taken on a butterscotch color.

“Brianna!” Roman says as I hear him making his way down.

The concerned voices of my other crewmates also come through as they try to check up on me.

“I’m fine,” I say when I catch my breath. Embarrassed, but alive. “I just fell down a hill. No biggie.” I try to get up, but with the suit on I’m like a sad little turtle stuck on its shell.

A second later Roman is looming over me. “Are you okay?” The note of concern in his voice is way too convincing to be fake. “Here, let me help you up.”

I reach for his outstretched hand, and he pulls me up. Or at least tries to. Maybe he underestimates how much weight the suit has added to me, or maybe he simply loses his footing in the sand. But in a matter of seconds, we’re both on the ground.

I look at Roman’s stunned face and giggle. After a few seconds, his laughter joins mine. When we finally stop, tears that I have no way of reaching run down my face, tickling my cheeks, and my face aches from smiling.

“That did not go how I envisioned it in my mind,” Roman finally says.

“You mean this wasn’t your way of trying to lie up with me?” I tease.

In a flash, his demeanor switches from playful to smoldering. “Naw, your boy’s game is a little smoother. If I was trying to lie up with you, it wouldn’t be in a pile of dirt,” he says, and a rush of heat overtakes me. I’m curious as to what kind of game he’s got.

“Just what kind of game are we talking here?” Angie interrupts, reminding me that we’re not alone.

I open my mouth to respond, but thankfully Simone distracts everyone when she comments about picking up a signal. I forget too quickly around him when I’m supposed to have all my guards up. I turn away so I’m looking straight up at the ceiling. Roman doesn’t say anything, and we lie there a few more moments until he manages to get himself up. When his shadow falls over me this time and he reaches out, his grip is strong and unwavering, allowing him to pull me up all the way.

“Eureka!” Simone yells. “We found the little sucker!”

With the missing rover found, we can finally head back to the Hab.

“Nice going, ladies,” I say when we all meet up at the hatch.

Angie opens the hatch and Jordan walks in, carrying the robot like a hard-won trophy.

Before I can follow everyone in, I hear a gasp and turn back around to Roman.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

He doesn’t say anything, but ominously points up.

I brace myself, prepared to face whatever the simulation has in store for us. I follow the invisible line from Roman’s gloved finger to just above the door and see it—a spider.

A glance from the spider to Roman confirms he’s scared. Terrified even. Aww.

“What’s the holdup?” Angie asks. “I’m ready to take this suit off and relax.”

I open my mouth to tell them about the spider, then reconsider. I don’t trust Roman here, but I don’t want to embarrass him.

“Hold on, we’ll be right there,” I say.

Not wanting to scare the others, I can’t very well tell Roman that it’s a wolf spider and will leave him alone as long as he doesn’t mess with it. I reach for the scanner and tug it out of Roman’s grip, then tug on his hand. Only then does he tear his gaze away from the spider and look at me.

“Come on,” I coax. “Let’s catch up with the others. Angie is liable to shut us out if we take too long.”

“I’m counting to ten then starting the restabilization process with or without y’all,” she says in answer, but I ignore her commentary.

I tug on Roman’s hand one more time and he finally jerks forward, not quite at an all-out sprint to get past the spider, but real close. I didn’t know someone that big could move so quickly in such a short amount of time.

When we all finally get through the tunnel and out of our space suits, Roman approaches me while the others are busy.

“Just so you know, I wasn’t scared of the spider out there,” he says, only loud enough so I can hear.

I lift my eyebrows. He’s not about to stand here and play in my face. He would probably still be standing there if I hadn’t helped. And I don’t even know why I helped him. I should have let him stand there until his suit ran out of oxygen. Then he would have been gone without me doing any of the dirty work.

A voice in my head says it’s because I want him around, and to that I counter that it’s simply because I’m a good person.

“Fine,” Roman grits out as I keep looking at him with my eyebrows raised. “I hate them, okay?”

“Hate them or are scared of them? It’s okay, a lot of people are. You don’t have to be ashamed to admit it.”

“I’m not ashamed.” He looks over his shoulder at the rest of our team and lowers his head even closer to me. “And fine. Yes, I’m scared. Is that what you want to hear?” He clears his throat and stands up straight as he says, “If you tell anyone, I’ll deny it,” in a deeper voice that’s obviously meant to reclaim his rough-and-tough exterior.

I smile sweetly at him and make sure my dimples are at full wattage. “Your secret is safe with me…and with any of the thousands of viewers I’m sure are tuning in.”

When his eyes widen in realization, I laugh.

“I don’t think I should have come here,” Simone whispers to me as we sit in the common room. “I’m not built for this life. My arms are literally about to fall off.”

I’m not sure if she’s whispering because she doesn’t want anyone else to hear her complain or if she simply lacks the energy needed to summon a louder voice.

In hindsight, we probably should have taken it easy and stuck to cardio instead of involving weights in our workout. But after seeing Roman coaching Jordan, Simone and Angie decided they needed to work on their muscles as well, and despite my desire not to get too close to anyone, I didn’t want to be the odd man out. Judging by the ache in my own muscles, that was a mistake.

I try sitting up straighter and encourage Simone. “My arms are killing me too. But at least we’re almost done out there, and we found the rover. We’re one step closer to the grand prize!” I’ve got to get her to look on the bright side to help keep morale up. It’s the only way we’ll make it through this.

Simone sighs. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m just tired. I guess putting on the space suits and trying to walk through all that sand just solidified how everything is really happening. Man, my kids would have loved it out there today. They probably would have been running all around and would have found the rover long before we did.”

I nod. Simone may be tired, but she’s likely also homesick. It doesn’t matter that we haven’t even been here a week. It’s not home , and we’re not a family. It’s obvious in her now glassy eyes that she misses her kids.

I briefly hesitate before asking, “Why don’t you tell me about your kids?”

Her whole face lights up. “Ashton and Ariana. They’re twins, and my whole heart. They’re only nine, but you’d swear they’re already teenagers with the way they talk and try to make things easier for me.”

“They sound great.”

“I’m going to use the money I earn here to take them on a trip, and of course put some away for college. Ariana wants to be a nurse, like me. Last time I checked, Ashton wanted to be a filmmaker. He changes his mind every so often though. Do you have any kids?”

“No kids for me. I do have a dog. Which, I know, is not the same as someone you gave birth to.” I shrug one shoulder and feel the pain down in my bones. “But she’s my Sheba.”

“I am a firm believer that fur babies are real babies. We have two rescue pets, but in their eyes, they’re little humans. Hey, when we’re done here, we should get our pups together. We can have a doggie playdate at the park while my kids run around.”

I consider her invitation. There’s my reservation about blurring professional lines, but making some friends for Sheba does sound fun.

“Unless,” Simone says, “you don’t fraternize with faculty outside of school activities. If that’s the case, I get it.”

“No, it’s not that,” I say, even though, yeah, it’s exactly that. I can’t keep my personal life separate from what’s going on at school if I’m hanging with the staff in my free time. Even if the thought of new friends for Sheba is almost too tempting to pass up.

“It was just a thought,” Simone says when I don’t say anything else. “I’ll keep the invitation open in case you change your mind. Now.” She whimpers as she pulls herself up. “I’m going to take a note from Angie’s book and nap before Jordan thinks up any more torture for us.”

“Okay,” I say quietly as she walks away. I know it was the right thing not to accept her invitation, but I still feel crappy and like I’m missing out.

I consider taking a nap as well, but even though my body is tired, my mind is too wound up to sleep now that I’ve got my career on my mind. I look to Jordan, who’s tearing through a manual without slowing down to actually digest what it says. Trying to get the rover up and running has got him pressed.

“Do you want some help?” I ask him.

“No,” he says stubbornly. “This piece of machinery will not defeat me.”

“Well, go, you. Don’t forget, Angie is a computer teacher. She may be able to help you.” He sets his jaw, so I shrug. “All right. Well, I think I’ll just check out the pond in the greenhouse.”

Jordan says something, but I’m not sure if he’s talking to me or threatening the rover, so I leave him be.

When I walk through the greenhouse’s slim sliding door, I’m surprised, and yet not surprised, to see Roman. I can’t get away from him for one minute in this place.

“Hey,” he says when he looks up and sees me.

He’s standing over an open bag of soil. He looks innocent enough, but I look around the rest of the small greenhouse to ensure nothing is out of order.

“What are you doing in here?” I ask, ignoring the dip in my stomach. He needs to stop looking at me like that. He needs to not be here.

Roman rolls his eyes at my suspicious tone and points to the soil. “I’m about to move this in there.” He shifts his focus to an empty garden bed. “If you’re worried I’m going to ruin anything, you’re free to help.”

I almost whimper out loud. I’m physically spent. I only came in here to see the tiny pond. But there’s no way I’m leaving the gardening under Roman’s sole supervision. Getting the dandelions to grow is essential to winning, so I’ll power through a little longer.

I force a smile. “I’d love to help.”

Roman looks me over, without a doubt noting how raggedy I look, and raises a skeptical eyebrow. “If you say so.”

I take in a deep breath to get additional oxygen to my muscles and immediately regret the decision. The moisture-controlled air travels to my throat, and God help me, I can taste the rotten eggs. I start coughing, which turns into gagging. When it finally subsides, I wipe at the corners of my eyes.

“You okay there?” Roman asks.

“It’s the smell. Or I guess taste. I breathed in too much and it got me.” I grimace and wait for the aftertaste to subside. It doesn’t.

Roman watches on with his eyebrows slightly raised and lips lifted at the corners.

I glare at him. “It’s not funny.” It’s his fault I’m even in here still.

Cue a full smile stretching across his handsome face and my heart leaping in response. Being away from school, his smiles have come out more and more, and I wonder why that is. What is so special about being here in the Hab that would make him feel free to relax a little?

“Do you need help moving the soil?” I ask. I don’t need to focus on his smile or the reasons behind it.

“I got it. Why don’t you get the seeds? I don’t think that should require additional air intake.”

“How chivalrous of you.”

Roman hefts up the bag of soil, and instead of standing there to admire the stretch of fabric over his arms, I go to a compact storage box in the corner of the greenhouse. The storage box contains seeds for various plants, gardening gloves, and some handheld tools. I find the labeled seeds for dandelions and grab two pairs of gloves.

“Here you go,” I say, passing Roman his gloves. When he reaches out, the tips of our fingers just slightly touch. It’s brief, but Roman notices too as our eyes meet for a beat before I drop my gaze.

We both get our gloves on, then face the garden bed and begin planting. As I work on my side, I make sure to watch Roman from the corner of my eye. He’s obviously got experience gardening. He lightly presses the seeds into the soil in tidy rows and correctly spaces everything while I do the same. In some unspoken agreement, we end up trying to outpace each other until it’s an all-out race. I finish my side one second behind Roman.

“No fair,” I say, crossing my arms. “You must garden at home or something.”

“Or, I’m just that good with my hands.” He rubs his hands to remove any remaining soil from his gloves and smirks. “I used to garden with my mom and grandma. I guess some skills you just don’t forget.”

I pout, but wait to see if he’ll divulge more. I know about his dad, though I wish I didn’t. I’m curious about his mom. I’m curious about a lot of things where he’s concerned.

He doesn’t offer up any more though. Instead he reaches for my right hand. I know I should pull away, but I’m struck silent as he gently peels the glove off each finger until it slides off. I know there’s no excuse for it, but then I allow him to reach for my left hand and tug that glove off as well.

“Do you have a garden at home?” Roman asks me.

I look up from the hand he’s still holding to his face. “A what?”

“A garden,” he says, laughter in his eyes.

It takes me a few seconds, but I finally remember what a garden is. I also remember the cameras pointing at us, the people witnessing our every interaction.

He keeps a steady gaze as I pull my hand away from his grasp. “I used to have a nice garden, but it’s been hard keeping up with everything outside of work.” It dawns on me not only how busy and grinding it’s been at school but how little I’ve done at home to relax and refill my well. “I think the only thing I really do for pleasure these days is read.”

“Let me guess, you like romance?”

I shrug. “I dabble a bit.”

“Do you? I’ve thought about dabbling myself. What do you suggest? Maybe something with werewolves?”

I know he’s teasing, but I feel my eyes go wide and my cheeks heat up. Did I put the book up after Simone gave it back to me or leave it out on the table? I can’t remember.

Regardless, I’m not going to back down and keep letting him one-up me. “You know what? If you decide to dabble, I’m happy to lend you a book. Who knows, you might even learn more in one of mine than you would in these manuals you’re so fond of.”

He tilts his head to the side. “The way Angie talks about them, I have no doubt I should be studying as much as I can. Although, I am a mere man with no extra appendages. I’m not sure if I can measure up to those guys in the books.”

So apparently he heard our conversation about Felix and his tentacles. I shouldn’t be surprised, considering how small the habitat is as a whole and how loud Angie was.

“Come on, Roman. I’m sure you more than make up in other ways for what you lack in extra appendages.”

I can’t believe the words tumbling out of my mouth. Judging by the way Roman’s eyebrows jump to his hairline, he can’t either. My only saving grace is, like our facilitator told us, the microphones don’t pick up conversation in here, and the others can’t hear me with the door closed.

Before I can backtrack, Roman laughs. It’s unguarded, unfiltered, and rumbly and goes straight to my core. All year, I’ve never seen him laugh, and I immediately realize what a tragedy it is that no one gets to witness this on the regular. I’m so caught up, I can’t even feel embarrassed about what I said. In fact, it feels like I’ve already won the grand prize here.

But then he just keeps on. I wonder, when is he going to stop? Any reasonable person would have sobered up by now. It’s not like what I said was that funny. Unless he’s laughing at me?

I sweep my braids into a bun while waiting for Roman to get ahold of himself. He finally does, and I crook an eyebrow at him. “I don’t think what I said was that hilarious.”

It looks like he might start again, so I narrow my eyes at him until his face sobers.

“I promise I’m not laughing at you,” he says, yet again on the verge of laughing. “I was just caught off guard to hear you say something like that so nonchalantly.”

“Why wouldn’t I say something like that? It’s not like I’m some naive virgin. I know what all sorts of appendages entail.” No, I haven’t seen a lot of appendages, but I’m not a blushing violet. I hate when people assume that just because I’m short and young looking, it makes me inherently more innocent.

Roman sighs and shakes his head. “I never said you didn’t. I’m sorry if it feels like I was making fun of you. I promise I wasn’t, Bri.”

I snap my head back. Oh, so I’m Bri now. This coming from the man who refused to call me anything but Vice Principal Rogers two weeks ago. Now here he is, laughing way too hard at my jokes and shortening my name. I don’t know what to make of it all. And while the thought of him laughing at me is embarrassing, it’s clear he wasn’t. He was actually letting loose, and I really like this side of him.

But can I trust it? Is the real Roman finally making an appearance now that he’s outside school grounds? For what has to be the millionth time, I wonder if this is all a ruse.

Roman’s tongue flashes along his bottom lip as he looks me up and down. “And for the record, your boy absolutely knows how to use his appendage.”

Oh God. I stand corrected. Apparently, I am a blushing violet. Forget blushing. My whole body is a furnace. I’m ready to strip out of this jumpsuit and toss my panties at him.

“You shouldn’t say things like that,” I say.

“Why not?”

I blink. I actually don’t know. Something about boss-employee inappropriateness. Something else having to do with being monitored. I can’t form coherent thoughts while he looks at me like that.

He takes a step closer. “Well?”

“It’s not nice,” I finally get out, my words more breath than sound.

Roman smirks. “I’m not a nice man. My dad made sure of it. But you know what I am? A man who goes after what he wants.”

“What you want?” I echo. Before I can process that meaning, Roman takes another determined step forward, almost closing the distance between us. At the same time, my heart jumps into my throat. There’s no way he’s about to try to kiss me. Not here, out in the open.

I open my mouth to ask what he’s doing, when a rush of cool air hits my back as the door opens.

“Hey, guys,” Jordan says with a defeated sigh. “I could use some help with the rover out here.”

“Where’s Angie?” Roman asks. His tone is colored with impatience, while I, for one, am glad for Jordan’s interruption.

“I asked her, but she was in the middle of a nap,” Jordan says. “So you can guess how that went.”

Roman sighs. “I got you.” He’s back to his normal serious self. How does he do that so quickly?

Roman follows Jordan out of the greenhouse, and I’m left alone with my head spinning. I take in a deep breath, managing not to choke on the smell this time.

When I gather the nerve to come out of the greenhouse, Roman and Jordan have gotten the rover up and running. It’s a tiny thing. About a foot wide and as high as my knees. The next time we go outside, it will be released to fill tubes with dirt samples.

“Isn’t it cute?” Simone says to me, having gotten up from her nap and now watching the guys. “We should name it.”

“It’s not cute, and it’s not a pet,” Jordan says. “It’s a tool.” Apparently he’s decided to hold a grudge against the machine for not bending to his will.

Simone ignores Jordan and speaks to me. “What do you think? We could name it after your dog. How about Sheba Jr.?”

I shake my head. This thing was lost before. It feels like it could be a bad omen if I name it after Sheba, only for us to lose it again. “What about Miles? For the number of miles it will be traveling outside?”

“It’s not a pet,” Jordan insists again.

“Miles,” Roman says. “It’s a good, strong name.” He pats the top of the rover, and I know he’s got to be humoring Simone and me, but it’s sweet.

He straightens up and winks at me. I swear, I have no idea who this man is and what he did with the stoic science teacher who used to ration out smiles and soft glances, but I give up for the day. He’s too enticing, and the armor I’m supposed to have wrapped around my heart is more like foil than steel, bending easily under his attention.

I shake my head and collapse on the couch.

“Hey, I found the music uploaded to the system!” Jordan announces a short time later. Since he couldn’t figure out Miles , he was adamant about learning all there is about our comms system.

“Oh, let’s listen to something,” Simone says. “We could make it like a ritual or something. Play music when we’re winding down.”

“Okay,” Jordan says. “What do y’all want to hear? There’s pop, R & B, jazz, country. It looks like there’s a good collection of everything.”

“Is there any Isley Brothers?” Simone asks.

“What are you, my grandma?” Angie asks. “I want something I can dance to.”

“You can dance to the Isley Brothers,” Simone counters.

I sit on the couch watching them. I don’t plan on dancing, so I’m staying out of it.

Jordan browses through the music for a minute then nods to himself. “I know the perfect song.”

When “Achy Breaky Heart” comes on, Simone, Angie, and I all shout out, “No!”

Jordan cackles, and a few seconds later, “Hey Mr. D.J.” by Zhané sounds through the speakers.

Angie stands up. “Nice!” she says, and starts dancing, not caring that she’s the only one. Stepping first left, then right, hips swaying in perfect time to the beat. Fluid and smooth. Her arms are raised, hands right in front of her face, as she snaps to the beat with her eyes closed.

Simone joins Angie, her dance moves consisting of smaller steps from side to side and exaggerated arm movements. They both move with no particular dance routine in mind, just vibes and a drive to combat cabin fever. I guess they’ve forgotten about their aches and pains from working out.

I look around the room, and my eyes snag on Roman, who’s just come from another round in the gym. He works out like he’s going to have to take on a horde of aliens by himself. He leans against the wall, looks from me to our dancing teammates, then back to me again. He cocks his head to the side as if to say, Go on out there with yo’ bad self.

I raise an eyebrow. Hello, did you forget I’m a vice principal? What would I look like dancing with them?

He twists his mouth to the side. You would look like you’re having fun. There’s no shame in that.

I tilt my head in their direction. I’ll dance as soon as you get out there.

He shakes his head and walks toward his room, and I know I’ve won. That’s what I thought. Although I’d love to see what kind of moves he has.

“Come on, Brianna,” Simone says.

“I’m good,” I tell her, just like I told Roman. I can only imagine the words Superintendent Watts would have for me if I got up and danced with them.

“Suit yourself,” Simone says.

When I catch myself tapping my foot to the beat, I get up and go back to our room. Sometimes it sucks trying to keep up boundaries. It sucks, and it’s lonely.