Chapter Sixteen
The dust storm brings an unexpected yet welcome calm after the chaos of Roman and me trying to make it back in time. Unfortunately, though it was calm, the dust storm knocked out our power, and the Hab is only running on enough to provide us with life-supporting oxygen. The LED lights are on as well, so we’re not in the dark. But that does mean we can’t check whether we’ve received any messages from Mission Control or anyone else. And right now, I’m missing my family.
I miss my parents, my siblings, my niece, and Sheba, and I wish I could call them up and tell them what is going on. I’m sure they’re tuning in every chance they get, but it’s not the same.
“You doing okay?” Jordan asks. He comes from the kitchen with a cup of water and joins me on the couch.
“I’m fine. Just missing home. Especially my dog. Do you have any pets?”
“A turtle. I don’t like dogs.”
“I used to judge people who don’t like dogs, but I’d like to think I’ve moved on from that,” I say, but can’t help but give Jordan the side-eye. Who doesn’t like dogs?
Realistically, I know millions of people in the world aren’t pet people. But those millions also haven’t met Sheba.
Jordan laughs. “Sorry. They scare me. One almost attacked me when I was a kid. Ever since, I start sweating bullets every time I’m near one.”
I gasp and lay a hand on his forearm. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m the one who’s sorry for giving you a hard time.” And I feel terrible about it.
“Nah, don’t sweat it. You didn’t know. It’s not like I walk around advertising all my phobias or anything.”
“What’s going on over here, lovebirds?” Angie says as she walks into the common room.
“Lovebirds?” I say, while at the same time Jordan chokes on his drink. It’s all I can do not to move all the way to the kitchen, but I don’t want to be dramatic. “Why would you say something like that?”
“Why would I say that? Come on, look at you two,” Angie says, wiggling her eyebrows.
I turn my head to look at Jordan. When I realize how close we are, I scoot over.
At that moment, Roman pokes his head out from the computer server closet. “Did the cameras come back up yet?” He’s been in there trying to reset the system.
“Not yet,” Angie answers. “Roman, back me up here. Don’t you think Brianna and Jordan would make the cutest couple? I’m trying to help my girl find some love.”
I cover my face with my hands and shake my head. Why does Angie have the worst filter in human history? When I peek through my fingers, I see that Roman’s face is blank as he stares at Angie. After a second, he shakes his head and goes back into the room, slamming the door.
“Welp,” Angie says. “It looks like Major Pain is in some kind of mood.”
“That’s probably because he’s trying to fix something while you’re out here talking nonsense.” I look at the door, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Angie, listen. I know we’re not at school, but I still take my position of vice principal very seriously. I cannot stress enough that there is nothing going on between Jordan and me.” I turn to Jordan. “You know you’re my people, but I only see you as a friend. I hope my friendliness has never come off as anything other than that.”
Jordan looks like he’s about to start sweating bullets now as he shakes his head furiously. “Yeah, no, of course it hasn’t. I mean, you’re great, but I don’t see you like that either. Or anyone, really.” His cheeks puff out as he lets out a big breath.
I raise my eyebrows and nod. Jordan is simply out here trying to live his best life, not interested in me or anyone else. I commend his honesty and that he doesn’t feel the need to justify himself to anyone. I don’t know if he means that he wants to be single forever and doesn’t have romantic feelings toward anyone, but I know it’s not my place to pry. Like I told Angie, we are colleagues, and while I want to be on good terms and feel connected with them while we’re here, certain lines have to be maintained.
I turn to Angie. “I appreciate that you’re trying to help me find joy.” I try to look at it from the angle that Angie wants to help and not pry or stir up workplace drama. “But there is nothing going on between Jordan and me, so please stop.”
Angie looks contrite and lets out a long stream of air. “Fine. But don’t say I never tried to do anything nice for you.”
“You have a heart of gold.” I stand up. “Now I need to set the record straight with Roman. I don’t need him going back to school and starting any rumors.”
I walk to the closet, knocking on the door before opening it without waiting for Roman to invite me in. “Hi.” I slide in, realizing just how small the server room is with all the tech equipment as well as the bodies of Roman and me. I have to close the door behind myself to be able to fit all the way inside.
He looks up from his spot on the floor. “Hey. Did you need something?” His tone lacks the warmth I’ve come to know from our time together.
“I came to see if you needed help. It’s a big task we’ve got you working on.”
He holds a small flashlight in his hand and points it at a paper to read the manual he’s managed to find. “I think I’ve got everything squared away. I’m just waiting for it to reboot, and we’ll see if that will work. Don’t worry, I want the power on just as much as everyone else. I’m not trying to sabotage anything.”
“I know you’re not,” I say honestly. “You being alone in here to mess anything up was the furthest thing from my mind.” And now I feel bad that my past actions have caused him to think I’ll always be suspicious of his motives. I also feel strangely guilty about what Angie said about Jordan and me. I know I shouldn’t. After all, I don’t owe Roman any explanations when it comes to my love life. And I’m Roman’s superior, so he has no reason to be in the know at this level when it comes to my love life. And yet…
“You can go back out there with Angie and your little boyfriend,” Roman says, and I lose all feelings of guilt in a flash.
No this man didn’t.
I make my back straight and hold my head up high. “Excuse me?”
Roman’s jaw flexes in the low light as he meets my gaze, but he doesn’t back down either.
Like I do anytime his dad tries to stare me down during the school year, I lift my eyebrow to let him know he needs to come correct. “That was uncalled-for, and you know it.”
Finally, Roman proves that he isn’t like his dad. He looks away and his shoulders fall a little. “Sorry,” he says. “Look, I’m good here. If you want to hang out there and get cozy with Jordan, don’t let me stop you.”
He was almost there with the apology, and then he had to go and ruin it. Maybe he’s trying to get me to back off like the teachers do, but I’m not a teacher and I don’t like when people try telling me what to do.
“I was not getting cozy with Jordan,” I say.
“No? Angie sure seemed to think so. She thinks y’all would be a cute couple.”
Now I know, just know , Roman isn’t jealous at the thought of me dating Jordan. Maybe the thought of me breaking the school conduct rules brought out his petty side. The thought that I, the person who is in the position he wants, is dating someone I have influence over. That I can see.
But as I watch the tenseness in Roman’s jaw, the way his shoulders are wound up tight…Well, I’ll be damned.
“It doesn’t matter what Angie thinks. I’m not interested in dating Jordan.”
Roman’s eyes snap to mine and my heartbeat picks up. “No? Why not?”
I lick my suddenly dry lips. This conversation is taking a turn I was not expecting. We’re veering into dangerous territory and I need to put a stop to it. “Because I don’t date colleagues.”
At my words, he goes silent. He searches my eyes, then something changes in his face. He looks a little hurt and disappointed. “Why not?” he asks quietly. Almost too quietly in this space where the fans not only act like a white noise track but also ensure no one overhears our conversation.
“You mean, why don’t I date my colleagues? Because it would be unethical. Because of the power imbalance that comes along with me dating someone who reports to me. Because I value my job.” Because Superintendent Watts would surely skewer me over the same greasy ovens used to make the god-awful school pizzas before withdrawing her mentorship, and I’d forever be floundering through life without a purpose. “Take your pick.”
He rubs at his temples and sighs.
“Roman, why are you asking me this? Is it because of Jordan, or because…” I don’t bother finishing the question. It’s not worth the embarrassment if I’ve once again inflated our connection in my mind and he says no.
He reaches forward and grabs my hand. “I’m asking because yes, I want to date you. I don’t like thinking about you being with Jordan or any other dudes because I like you.”
He caresses my knuckles with his thumb. His hand is warm, his skin soft. It serves as a distraction as I try to think of a response to his confession, but all I can do is focus on his skin against mine.
“When I said you are amazing, I meant every word,” he says.
“Roman,” I finally say. “We can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I already told you. My job. Your job too. We can’t date.”
“But you want to.” He doesn’t state it presumptuously. Just matter-of-factly, with all the confidence in the world, and he’s so right.
I do want to date him. I want to learn all about his life and, in turn, tell him about mine. I want to see what we have in common, what opinions we share and what things he’s wrong about. But learning all there is to know about Roman won’t change the fact that at the end of the day, I’m the vice principal and he’s a teacher who reports to me. I can’t cross that line.
“You did it, Roman!” Jordan says through a crack in the door. He isn’t able to open it any wider with me there, and I’m not about to step back into Roman’s personal space to let him. “The monitors are back up and working.”
“Thanks,” Roman says, not taking his eyes off me.
Jordan walks away from the door, and I know I need to get out of here.
“Well, great job,” I say. “You just, um, keep reading those manuals.”
I take a small step forward, waiting to see if Roman will move. He doesn’t. “Excuse me, I’m just going to squeeze right on out.” I finally manage to pass between him and the door, but not without having my whole backside push against his front.
When I’m out in the common room, I school my features and hope the conversation that just transpired between Roman and me isn’t written all over my face.
“Come look at this mess we’ve got going on,” Angie says to me from her spot at the comms station.
I mentally shake the remaining warm-and-fuzzies out of my head and walk to them. “Where did they even get all of this dust from?” I wonder aloud. Dust fills the screens, and we can only intermittently make out the ground.
“This shit better not be full of asbestos,” Angie says, and all I can think of are lawyers’ commercials about getting my claim in.
“That’s going to be hell to clean up later,” Roman says. He’s appeared behind me, and it’s obvious that he’s done it on purpose.
I bite down on my lip as he leans forward, his body caging me in, and one of his hands rests on the desk and the other one on the chair while he watches the storm.
I turn my head and find Angie looking at us with speculation. Oh God. Angie must know something happened in that closet. I do my best to hold stock-still, not react. Maybe if I act like I’m not aware that every breath I take is filled with Roman’s scent, Angie will let it go.
Angie does not let it go.
“I have a teeny, tiny, innocent little question for you,” Angie says when we’re in our room later.
I hesitantly put down my book and stick my head out of my pod. “Yes?”
“So, are you not worried about Roman being the principal’s son?”
“What do you mean? Why should that bother me?”
Angie narrows her eyes at me. “If you like living dangerously, then I love that for you. Really. Just watch out. Roman typically hates just about everyone, and I’d hate to see you get your feelings hurt.”
I automatically want to correct her. Roman doesn’t hate everyone. He gets along with Kareem and Raven, with the students. And here, me. But she’s already too deep in my personal business.
“I appreciate the concern, but I’m fine. The same way I told you nothing is going on between Jordan and me earlier, it holds true for Roman.” I lean back in my bed before she can detect any lies.
I wake up the next morning in a state of disbelief and elation. I can’t believe Roman said he wants to date me. Roman wants to date me . Brianna with the too-gummy smile. Brianna with the word vomit whenever I get around him. Rather than being on another planet, it’s like I’m in an alternate reality.
With a sigh, I flop on my back, let my smile fall, and look up at the ceiling of my pod. Once I get out of this bed, I need to put thoughts of getting to know Roman better behind me. I made my stance on dating teachers crystal clear to him yesterday, and I need to make sure I hold on to my word.
Will I have to tell him we can’t be friends as well? Before I left the server room yesterday, it didn’t seem like he was ready to back down. In such a short period of time I’ve grown used to the way he smiles just for me. I don’t want to have to lose that. But I know getting closer to him would be a mistake.
I finally get out of bed. Jordan is at the experiment station, looking at something with a magnifying glass. I’m surprised to see Angie up and eating oatmeal rather than a protein bar. I’m proud of her for branching out.
“Good morning,” I say, eyeing her. “You’re up early.”
Angie takes in a deep breath. “Yesterday, I was really worried I was going to lose you and be stuck here with Jordan. I’ve come to accept that this is my life. It’s not Cancún, and it smells like the pits of hell, but I’m here.” Even though I like it, I’m thrown by her air of calm acceptance. Maybe she did yoga this morning or something. “So I’m going to help us win, get that teacher bonus, and use it to go to Jamaica, bay-bay!”
That’s more like it. I shake my head and walk to the cabinets to make some tea. I pour hot water in the pot and add tea leaves. While waiting for the tea to steep, I turn and lean my back against the counter, looking around inconspicuously.
“Looking for someone?” Angie asks.
“No,” I quickly respond, fiddling with my shirt. “But I am wondering what everyone is up to this morning. What is Jordan looking at?”
“It’s the samples from the rocks you and Roman brought back.”
“I see. And Roman, where is he?” I mean, Angie was the one who brought him up to begin with.
Angie smiles like she’s satisfied. “He’s in the greenhouse. Said he was going to check on the plants since nothing shows signs of sprouting yet.”
I nod. Then I mess with my shirt some more. Then my foot starts tapping. I want to go speak to Roman. I need to reiterate to him that we can’t date. But if I do, Angie will think I want to spend time with him.
“Well.” Angie stands up from her stool. “I’m going to get some cardio in. You’ll come join me after you eat?”
“Yes, of course,” I answer quickly. Maybe a little too quickly, as I’m eager for Angie to leave the room, but hopefully she won’t notice.
“Well, okay then.” Angie walks away, smiling at me one more time before she’s out of sight.
I take the pot off the stove so it won’t burn and start a fire, and head for the greenhouse. I don’t worry about Jordan thinking anything is up. He’s still engrossed with the magnifying glass.
Once I’m in the greenhouse, I immediately spot Roman. He’s inspecting the sprinklers. He turns in my direction as I walk in and close the door.
“Hey,” he says.
“Morning.” I walk toward him, stopping before I can get too close. But I don’t stop so far away that I don’t notice the bags under his eyes and the overall worn-down look he has. “Are you okay? You don’t look so good.” I hope he’s not getting sick.
His smile is tight. “I’m fine. I just woke up with a headache.”
“Have you taken any medicine?”
“Yeah.” He puts his hand on his head, pushing his hair back in the opposite direction of his waves. “I’m not putting too much faith in it working. Once a migraine starts, it’s too late for medicine.”
I grimace. He must not be feeling well at all if he’s messing up his hair. I want to reach up and smooth it back down. Massage his temples to help him feel better. But I don’t dare. I clasp my fingers together behind my back.
“I didn’t know that you get migraines.” It feels like it’s something I should be aware of. But I can’t think of a day when he’s missed school or it seemed like he was in pain.
“I don’t get them often, and they’re usually not debilitating, just annoying, which can cause me to get irritated quickly…or act like a pain.” He looks at me and cocks an eyebrow.
I instantly feel bad, realizing he must be aware that the teachers call his dad Major Pain and him Major Pain Jr. While his dad one thousand percent deserves the nickname, I hate that Roman is aware of it, and even more that I haven’t put a stop to it. If I was aware that the teachers had some joke about my name, who knows what I’d do. Actually, I do know. I’d cry about it.
“You’re not a pain,” I say emphatically. “If you hear anyone calling you that, let me know, and I’ll put a stop to it right away.” That might have come off a little more feral than intended, but I try to tell myself that I would be just as protective of anyone who I thought might be getting their feelings hurt.
Roman salutes me. “Yes, ma’am.”
I smile and nod, confident he’ll take me up on the offer and assured in my capability to put a stop to the nasty name. I look around at the plants and sprinklers, then at the dandelion plot. We haven’t yielded any sprouts yet, and I’m beginning to get antsy. There is one lone dandelion from the old plot that has already lost its flower, with nothing left save for the wispy spores. I walk closer.
“How are we going to get these to grow?” I ask.
Roman stops next to me and plucks the old dandelion from the soil. It’s a straggler from what the crew before us had planted.
“Hey, don’t!” I begin, but it’s too late.
He holds it out to me. “Here. Make a wish.”
“I can’t. We’re supposed to keep whatever we can grow or put it with the compost. I heard Jordan say he wanted to make dandelion soup at some point.” Roman’s flat look tells me exactly what he thinks of dandelion soup. I shrug. “Look, those are his dreams, not mine.”
“It’s one dandelion,” Roman dismisses. “And if it makes you feel better, I’ll keep the stem when you’re done.”
“Jordan would kill us if he knew we were about to send more than a hundred seeds into the Hab.”
Roman looks very serious as he says, “If Jordan tries anything, let me know, and I’ll put a stop to it right away.” The half smile he lets slip is pure, unadulterated charm.
He holds the dandelion under my nose, waiting for me to comply. Finally, I suck in a deep breath and make a wish. Surprisingly, it’s not about my career or even the library—I wish for real, honest connections. I’m tired of being lonely.
I blow a stream of air directed toward the center, and about a hundred seeds fly out, swirling around Roman and floating in the air around us. I smile as I hold my hand out for any of the seeds to land in. I catch two, lift my palm to show Roman, and freeze. As in awe as I am with the magic of this moment, he seems to be in awe of me.
My pulse speeds up and my stomach is a jumbled mess. Especially when his eyes land on my lips.
Never mind that just a few minutes ago I came in here to tell him directly, once again, that we can’t date. The Brianna who thought up that horrible idea was out of her mind. Because why can’t we? Why shouldn’t we?
Because you’re colleagues, you’re on camera, and the man clearly isn’t feeling well. I want to plug my ears, but that won’t drown out the voice of reason in my head .
“You need to stop looking at me like that,” I finally say.
“Like what?”
I swallow past my own desires to get the words out of my mouth. “Like you want to kiss me. We can’t date, and we certainly can’t kiss.”
“We’re not at school, and we’re both adults,” he says, and I have to admit he makes an excellent point. “And most importantly,” he continues, “I want to. I haven’t wanted anything like this in a long, long time.”
As I open my mouth to do something—repeat myself until I believe it, tell him to pucker up, who knows—an alarm begins blaring throughout the Hab. I initially think the people in charge of the simulation can actually hear us in here. That they’ve been watching and, after deciding we’ve crossed a big line, are now calling us on it. But then I realize that loud hitting sounds can be heard. Are we being attacked? Roman and I look at each other with wild, surprised eyes before taking off out of the greenhouse.