Chapter Eighteen
I quietly open the bedroom door and slip in. Once it closes behind me, I wait for my eyes to adjust to the low light. I walk to my bed—Roman’s temporary bed—and begin to pull the screen up.
“Hey,” I whisper. “I came to check on you, and I brought you some wat—”
Lord. Have. Mercy.
There is a stranger in my bed. Gone is the poor, pitiful, in-desperate-need-of-rest Roman that I left here alone. That man is gone. Gone . In his place is a masterpiece. It’s shirtless Roman, which, in my book, equates to the same thing—a masterpiece.
He’s still conked out, lying on his back with his hands supporting his head. I study the smooth skin on his chest and abs. Look at his arms. He’s got tattoos running along them, which I did not see coming. With who his dad is and with how serious Roman appears, I wonder what’s the story with the ink. Who is this man I’m learning more and more about? And why does he always hide this man away? Why always the long-sleeve shirts? What is the reason? Well, I know the reason. If he, a tall Black man, were to show up to school displaying his beautiful ink, he’d get middle school girls falling all over him since that would surely cause a hormonal awakening (and nobody wants the girls to become even more scheming than they already are), and parents would be even warier of him teaching their kids, thinking that the way his skin looks, which is a totally artistic way to express himself, says something negative about his personality. They’d judge a book by its cover.
I study him longer than what is probably considered appropriate, but no one is around to catch me, so…My eyes roam up his neck and to his face, and I’m surprised to see his eyes open when I get to them.
I jump. “Oh!” Caught red-handed, and honestly, it’s what I get. I can only hope Roman’s eyes haven’t been open for long. “I, uh, didn’t know you were awake. Anyway, I came to see if you needed some water. You’ve been sleeping for a while. I wasn’t sure how long you should go without water. So if you want to go back to sleep, that’s fine. I can come back later.”
Noooo. Stop talking, Brianna. Just stop.
“Bri,” he says. I snap my eyes to his, blinking rapidly. “Breathe.”
I suck in a gulp of air, holding it in for a few seconds before letting it go. “Sorry.”
“It’s cool. You don’t need to apologize.” He hauls himself up so that he’s leaning against the headboard. “You said that water’s for me?”
“Here.” I all but shove it his way, surprised it doesn’t spill on the sheets.
“Thank you.” Roman takes the cup, his fingers brushing mine.
When he’s done, I hold my hand out to take the cup back to the kitchen. I nod at him and begin to back away. Before I can take more than a step, Roman speaks up. “Wait.”
I look at him with raised eyebrows.
“Can you stay for a few minutes?” he asks.
I bite down on my lower lip, unsure. Staying, with him looking like that, does not seem like the best idea.
“It feels like I’ve been sleeping the day away and missed everything. Can you catch me up?”
He looks hopeful, and if I’m honest with myself, I want to stay, no matter my vow to pull back. “Okay. A few minutes,” I say, placing the now-empty cup on the headboard.
“You can sit. I won’t bite.” He scoots over to leave more room in the bed’s edge for me. Then he seems to take in his surroundings fully, his eyes landing on the picture of me holding Sheba when she was a puppy before he looks back at me. “This is your bed, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. You kind of gravitated toward it and I didn’t have the heart to tell you to move.”
“I must have been really out of it. How long was I sleeping?”
“Six hours,” I say without having to do any further math in my head. I’ve been keeping track. I go on to tell him about the need to fix the antenna and the plan for Jordan and Angie to go out once conditions allow for it.
“Okay.” He nods determinedly. “If we get the chance, let me know and I’ll help.”
“Absolutely not,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. Roman looks taken aback, so I spell it out for him. “I don’t get migraines, but I know enough about them. I know it was most likely brought on by all the stressors of this simulation, the way we’ve had to ration water and food, and the loud warnings from this morning. Unless you want to be laid out for longer, I don’t think we can allow you to do anything with the antenna while you’re still recovering.”
Roman squints at me for a few seconds then shakes his head. “You’re kind of bossy, you know.”
“I’m not bossy.”
“No? First you threaten to come down on anyone who calls me Major Pain. Now you threaten me if I help out with the antenna.”
“I didn’t threaten you. I’m just saying. Our nurse isn’t here, so maintaining the mental stability and physical health of everyone has fallen to me.” It’s something I decided just now. “You’re my number one patient, Roman, being that you’re my only patient.”
“Well, good. It makes me feel special.”
The way he looks at me, even in the low light, or most especially in the low light, makes me nervous. My stomach is swirling with butterflies, and I’m sure my pulse is off the charts. I lick my lips. “So how are you feeling? Is your headache gone?”
“Not all the way, but I’m recovering. It’s a lot better than it was earlier.”
I nod. I should probably leave now. He’s not back to one hundred percent yet, so he could use more rest.
“I like your tattoos,” I say instead of walking out. “I must admit, I was surprised when I found you here without a shirt. In my bed. With everything on full display.”
“Does it make you uncomfortable?” he asks.
Uncomfortable? No. Ravenous? Yes. “No. I grew up with two older brothers. I’m used to seeing men walk around without shirts on.”
“Then why won’t you look at me?”
I grip a handful of the sheets. What do I say to that? It’s not like I can admit to wanting to get up close and personal with every part of him and that I’m just barely holding myself back. “I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“You won’t. I like when you look at me.”
“Roman!” I exclaim, falling speechless. How can he just say these things to me? Like these are normal, everyday conversations we’ve been having forever. “Why do you keep saying things like that?” I finally ask. If he’s going to be blunt, so will I.
“I thought yesterday I made it pretty clear. I like you, Bri. Is that plain enough?”
I shake my head. “Where is this coming from? I don’t get it.”
“It’s been here. I couldn’t do anything about it at school. But we’re not at school now. Here, you’re not Vice Principal Rogers. I’m not Mr. Major. We’re just Brianna and Roman.”
Have any names ever sounded so sweet together?
He moves from his spot against the headboard, scooting closer to me. If I simply move my shoulder, I’ll touch him. And maybe that’s what he wants.
“I want to get to know you more. I like spending time around you. I think you’re funny, smart, beautiful. I like all the different hairstyles you wear.” He tucks a braid behind my ear.
“In the library at school you said I was amazing…” I’m fishing for compliments, but he’s the one who started reeling them out.
“Yes, you’re amazing. And sexy. You’re my dream girl.” His words are music to my ears. “But, if you don’t feel the same…”
“I do,” I say quickly. I shouldn’t admit it, but there it is.
Roman is encouraged by my answer and moves in even closer so that his legs bracket me on the bed. His hand drops from my ear to my shoulder and down my arm, then he picks up my hand and interlaces our fingers.
“I just…I don’t know if this is a good idea,” I say.
“Maybe it’s not.” He shrugs. “But we’re here now. We might as well make this happen while we’re in the present.”
I like that way of thinking. I need to stay in the present. I’m not at school. I’m not even out in the common room, where cameras are everywhere. I’m holding hands with my literal dream man.
I nod. “Okay. While we’re here in the simulation, when we’re behind closed doors and it’s just the two of us, we can get to know each other better.”
He lets out a satisfied sigh. “I’ll take you however I can have you. In here, where it’s just us. Out there, in front of everybody. I’ll follow your lead.”
“Okay,” I say, but inside I’m shouting. I get three weeks with him.
“You say okay, but you’re all stiff. Relax, Bri. Touch me if you want to.”
This man has no idea what kind of pass he’s giving me. “If I touch you,” I say, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.”
I bring my free hand up and run it along his forearm, up to his bicep and shoulder, then back down again. His skin is so hot, muscles hard. I explore his chest and stomach, letting my hands linger leisurely. Now that I’ve gotten started, he might possibly have to bind my wrists together to get me to stop.
I turn so I’m fully facing him, untangling our fingers so I can use both hands. Roman tilts his head back and closes his eyes, letting me get my fill, and I love that he gets how much I needed his permission to simply take my time. Then I hear the door start to open. I tear myself away from Roman, jumping off the bed.
“Why are the lights off?” I hear Angie say two seconds before the light is switched on.
Roman lets out a grunt and shields his eyes with his arm.
“Angie, the light is too bright for Roman,” I tell her.
“Sorry, I forgot about the migraine. I’ll…” She trails off and I look behind me to see what’s going on. Angie is staring open-mouthed at Roman. Her eyes go from him to the ceiling, and she raises one hand in the air. “Mine eyes have seen glory!”
“Angie!” I admonish. Hey, I get it. Roman is glorious indeed, more so now that the lights are on. But it’s too bright for him. This won’t help his recovery. “The lights, please.”
“Oops.” Angie turns the lights off then smirks at me. “You know what? I’m not even going to ask what you two were doing alone in the dark. It’s either something boring, like you were checking up on him, or it’s something juicy, like y’all were about to get down. I’ll let my imagination do the work.”
I absolutely cannot with her. “Did you need something?”
“The storm has calmed down. Jordan wants to go ahead and fix the antenna while we can. We’re about to get dressed in our space suits.”
“Okay. I’ll be right there,” I say. Once Angie is out the door, I turn back to Roman. “I better go help. You stay here and rest.”
He salutes me and gets situated back against the headboard.
Before leaving, I give his arm one more squeeze. Then, because I can’t help it and because apparently I’m allowed to, I bend over and kiss him on the cheek. “Get some rest so you can feel better.”
He watches me with soft eyes as I back up and turn for the door.
I leave the room and meet Jordan and Angie as they’re getting their space suits on. I make sure their oxygen is securely in place, then see them out the door.
I get set up at the comms station, getting connected with a headset as I spot Jordan and Angie on the screen. I also keep an eye on the screen monitoring the weather, and they immediately set out to work on the antenna.
The dust is coming down like drizzle, coating the two in red. I watch them work, my leg bouncing like crazy to get out some nervous energy.
They get the first part complete, and I know there’s still quite a long ways to go.
“I don’t know how visibility is for y’all, but from here it looks like it’s picking up,” I say.
“Yeah,” Jordan says, breathing hard. “I noticed.”
“Okay, how much longer do you think it will be?”
“Maybe ten minutes? We have to connect more of the cables, but they’re hard to stretch.”
I hate feeling so helpless while they do all the work. I put my braids into a ponytail, then take them out again. As the seconds tick by, the visibility gets worse, and the winds pick up.
“Guys, I’m going to be real; I’m really getting worried. It’s getting harder and harder to see y’all. Maybe wrap it up now and try to finish again later?”
“We’re almost”—Jordan passes something to Angie—“done.”
Staring at the screen is giving me too much anxiety, so I start pacing again. I really want them to be able to fix the antenna, but not if it means they get stuck out there. This may have been too big of a risk.
I close my eyes and channel positive thoughts their way.
“Swear to God, your humming is not helping,” Angie says. “I promise I’ll move faster if you just stop.”
“Sorry,” I say. I didn’t realize I was humming again.
I turn back to the cameras and freeze. I can’t see Jordan or Angie. It looks like a blizzard. Where did we even get all this dust? It seems excessive.
“Guys, just let me know when you’re heading back. I can’t see you at all,” I say.
“We’re done!” Jordan says in triumph.
“Great going, guys,” I say, only breathing half a breath of relief. “Come on back to the Hab. Hurry.”
On the heels of my words, a large gust of wind shakes the Hab, and I look up, afraid the dome might cave in.
“I can’t see anything!” Angie screams.
Jordan lets out a very uncharacteristic curse that has me raising my eyebrows.
“Guys, please don’t panic,” I plead. I have to think. What can we do? “Can you see each other?”
“I can’t see anything,” Angie grits out. “As soon as I wipe my visor with my hand, it’s covered in more of this red dust.”
“You need to find each other. Then get back to the Hab. I know you can’t see, but y’all are only, what, fifty feet away? If you can find each other, you can make it back here.”
“Angie,” Jordan says, “stay where you are, and I’ll find you.”
I wipe the sweat off my upper lip while I continue to stare at the monitors. If Angie and Jordan don’t find each other and make it back to the Hab, they’ll run out of oxygen and be eliminated. “Come on, guys, you can do it,” I say under my breath.
The silent encouragement doesn’t work. Jordan can’t find Angie. Angie is screaming because she can’t see and is upset that Jordan can’t find her. I wish the dust could let up for just a moment. Long enough for them to see and get the lay of the land to know where they need to go. But seconds tick by, then minutes, and the dust continues to cascade down.
A warning flashes from one of the monitors, and my stomach sinks. Jordan and Angie have been out there too long. Their oxygen is critical.
“Okay, new game plan,” I say. “You are likely to run out of oxygen before you can find each other. Just try to make your way back to the Hab. Crawl on the ground and put your hands out as feelers if you have to.”
If only I could go out there and help.
Angie and Jordan are still lost out there. I wonder if they’re even in the vicinity, or has not being able to see led them toward the hills and craters? If they fall and get hurt, it will be my fault for telling them to try and find their way back by any means.
The monitor with everyone’s health and statistics begins flashing red for Angie’s and Jordan’s names.
“I have a confession,” Angie says quietly and quite solemnly. “I wasn’t planning on going on vacation to Cancún simply for some fun. I was going to chase after Carlos. We met during ballroom dancing. He was a good man.” Angie sniffs. “He has family there, and I was going to go win him back. I can admit why it didn’t work out. I was the problem. I knew there weren’t going to be any football players here, but I came anyway so I could forget him. But I can’t.”
My mouth is wide open by the time Angie is done talking. But I’m proud of her.
“I have a confession too,” Jordan announces. “I didn’t come here just for the adventure. My family members don’t believe in me. My asshole older brother says I always freeze up when it counts and I’m a living embarrassment. I was going to use this opportunity to show him how wrong he is.” He breathes heavily into his mic. “But he was right.”
“No,” I grit out. It breaks my heart to hear him so defeated. He’s a great teacher, he was integral in getting us here, and he reminds me so much of how I feel in comparison to my siblings. “Jordan, your brother was wrong. You’re not an embarrassment. You’re amazing. And who cares that you didn’t come here for the adventure? None of us did.” I sniff as tears begin streaking down my face. “And Angie…yeah, you might be the problem, but the first step is admitting it. If things don’t work out with Carlos, you’ll find someone even better. Someone who can handle you in all your glory. You two are amazing. Now find your way back to the Hab so I can tell you in person and throw you a pizza party!”
Jordan chuckles, but it’s sad. “No, Bri, you’re the amazing one. You’re the only one here for good motivations. The kids. We don’t deserve you here, and we don’t deserve you at the school.”
“Stop talking like this is over. It’s not over yet,” I say through clenched teeth.
“We’re out of oxygen,” Angie says, and I look to the monitor to confirm it’s true. Now a countdown displays how long they have left to breathe before they expire.
“Remember me, and all the laughs we had together,” Jordan says.
It’s ridiculous and melodramatic and unnecessary, given that I’ll see them again when the new school year begins, but I can’t help but feel like I’m really losing them.
When the monitor finally shows that they’ve expired, I continue staring, hoping for one more glimpse of my friends so I can say goodbye, but all there is to see is a blizzard of dust.
I remove my headphones and place them on the desk. I walk to the bedroom, and when I get to my bed, Roman is sleeping. I briefly hesitate, then slide my shoes off and begin to climb in.
Roman stirs from his sleep, blinking me into focus. “It looks like you’ve been crying,” he says.
“That’s because I have. Angie and Jordan were eliminated. They ran out of oxygen after fixing the antenna.”
Roman opens up his arms, and I crawl under the covers, lying so I’m tucked against his chest as he rubs my back.
“I’m sorry,” he says, voice gravelly with sleep.
I nod. It’s just Roman and me left. I hope we can make it through with no more issues.