Chapter lviii
lviii
I SPENT THE REST OF THAT WEEK WITH THE KIDS —we hiked Bear Mountain, went to Coney Island, visited the Museum of Ice Cream, and took a helicopter ride around Manhattan. Then for the weekend, I took the kids out to Montauk—my adventure choice, which I packed full of ice cream and hiking and boating and pizza—and on Tuesday we were back in the city for our one last adventure activity: a pasta-making class, surprisingly put in the hat by Violet. By the end of all our family togetherness, I thought everyone seemed a little better. A little less angry, a little more connected. Their smiles came more easily and their harsh words came less frequently. Spring break didn’t heal us, but it definitely helped.
And it left me twelve steps past exhausted.
I think I have the perfect idea for tonight , Dax texted me on Tuesday afternoon.
We’d been going back and forth all week and nothing seemed quite right.
What? I wrote surreptitiously, making sure the kids didn’t see.
Movie night at your place. Or as one of the nurses called it today: Netflix and chill.
You’re right , I wrote back, perfect. Also, how did you not know about the concept of Netflix and chill?
Been on a boat for six months? he replied with a shrug emoji.
I couldn’t believe how endearing I found every single thing about this man. But I couldn’t say that, of course. Instead I wrote: See you soon. Can’t wait.
HANDING THE KIDS OFF TO COURTNEY THAT TUESDAY night was emotionally complicated. I was sorry to see the kids go, especially when it felt like we’d made real progress that week, but also I was so excited to see Dax. The two emotions were all twisted up and it left me feeling a bit like a yo-yo.
When I got home, I poured myself a glass of wine and sat on the couch, staring into space, waiting for Dax to ring my doorbell. Then, all of a sudden, an idea for a TV show started forming in my mind: a duck—no—a rabbit on a hot air balloon who travels the world saving animals who are endangered. Rescue Rabbit. He has a crew with him on the hot air balloon. I started envisioning it. Were they all rabbits? Different varieties of rabbit? Rescue Rabbits maybe?
I took another sip of wine, fully realizing that Dax was the inspiration for this idea. He had made his way from my heart to my mind. I was smitten. I got up and headed into the first-floor bathroom and opened up the cabinet under the sink. I had stashed some extra toothbrushes there when I bought a bunch on sale a while back. I picked out a green one just as the doorbell rang. I stuck the toothbrush in the back pocket of my jeans and went to answer it.
“Lucy!” Dax said, holding a pizza box in one hand and a bag from a local liquor store in the other.
“Dax!” I said, feeling my whole self smile at the sight of him. I took the pizza box, but before I could even turn to bring it inside, he reached out for my arm and then leaned in for a kiss.
“I missed you,” he said, kissing me again.
“Hold that thought,” I murmured as I walked a few steps to put the pizza box on the table in the entry hall. “Now,” I said. “What were you saying?”
Dax enveloped my body with his and kissed me with such passion it left me breathless.
“Mmm,” he said. “You taste like wine.”
“You want some?” I asked.
“That would be great,” he answered. “I brought a bottle, but I see you’ve already got one open.”
He walked in and shut the door behind him as I turned to get him a glass of wine.
“Is that a toothbrush in your pocket?” he asked.
I stopped. “It is,” I said. “It’s a gift. For you.”
“For me?” he said.
We’d moved from the doorway to the living room area at this point. I pulled the toothbrush out of my pocket. “I thought maybe you’d want to keep it here,” I said. “So, you know, you’d feel a little more at home.”
Dax bent forward and kissed me again. “From the first night I met you, you felt like home,” he said. “Toothbrush or not.”
My laughter turned into another kiss, and we found ourselves on the couch, groping each other like teenagers. Before I knew it, I was shirtless, we were both pantsless, and Dax’s tongue was circling my nipple while his fingers were stroking deep inside me. I wrapped my hand around the base of him and stroked upward, matching his rhythm.
We were both breathing hard, and he whispered, “I’m so close,” just as I orgasmed with his fingers inside me. Then he came, too, and I grabbed my T-shirt to keep the couch clean.
“Sorry,” he said, a bit chagrined. “I didn’t mean to ruin your T-shirt.”
“Not ruined,” I said. “And even if it was, so worth it.”
We laughed and put our underwear back on. He gave me his T-shirt. It came down past my midthigh. “Looks better on you,” he said.
“I refute that statement,” I told him, opening up the pizza box. “Ready for some Netflix and chill?”
We turned out the lights, wrapped ourselves in the big fleece blanket on my couch, and turned on Casablanca while we ate pizza and cuddled.
“I want to tell everyone about you,” I said to him as my fingers wove into his under the blanket.
“I want you to,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze. “I want us to be real, no hiding, no secrets.”
“Would you be willing to meet my ex-husband?” I asked. “Because I want you to meet my kids, and a million years ago we made a deal ”
“If it means you’re asking me to meet your kids … well … I would like nothing more than to meet your ex-husband,” he said. “Because I would like nothing more than to meet your kids.”
Sitting there, half-naked, my body pressed against Dax’s, I sent Darren a text: Do you have a minute to talk?
Is it about the kids? came back.
No , I wrote, but I have something I want to tell you .
There was a long, thirty-five-minute pause, then a text came back: I’m really busy now, Lucy. Sorry. Can’t really talk.
I stared at the screen and then showed it to Dax. I thought about the toothbrush I gave him. The idea of hiding it before the kids came back, of editing him out of what I shared with them about my week. And I hated it. I hated that I’d be lying to them, again, when I’d just told them I was an open book.
“How about just meeting my kids?” I asked. “And forgetting about Darren?”
“Even better,” he answered, lifting my fingers to his lips for a kiss.
The spot Dax occupied in my heart was growing bigger and bigger, and even though it still scared me a little, it made me feel truly alive for the first time in years. I had fallen in love with Dax Armstrong.