Chapter 9 #2
“Hey,” John said with a friendly smile, not even a hint of deception on his face, “you hear anything about the job yet? The waiting is killing me.”
Kell’s eyes narrowed as he stared John down, wondering how long it would take for the guy to show one hint of guilt, discomfort, or even fear.
Instead, he got confusion.
“Is something wrong?”
Kell looked at his phone, then at John, then took a long, angry breath.
“Everything.”
In that split second, Kell made a choice.
I’m coming home now, he tapped out on his phone, hitting Send. Then he powered it off before he could change his mind. He tucked the phone in his pocket.
John was still standing there. Kell moved a step closer, his face inches from John’s. The guy didn’t flinch, but finally, Kell saw it.
A whiff of fear.
Good.
“I’m really sorry,” Kell whispered.
John’s astonished look turned a little wolfish. “Sorry for what?”
“Sorry you’re such a Grade A asshole that you have to undermine other people to try to get ahead. And then pretend you didn’t do it.”
All the color drained out of John’s face. His eyes cut to Karen’s door and he backed up a bit, working himself closer to the cubicles in the main area.
“Dude. It’s just how this works. Alissa said she was calling and more voices would make a difference and might tip the scales, so I–”
Kell grabbed John’s lapel, carefully walking the line between punching the guy–and possibly being charged with assault–and making his point by scaring him.
Urban life may have been appealing, but there was plenty of country left in Kell, and he’d had his share of confrontations with jerks back home.
Where at least people were mean to your face, instead of behind your back.
“That’s not how it works, you weasel.”
John recoiled, his nose wrinkling at the insult.
“Here’s how it actually works: We both apply for the same job. We interview, we make our impressions, and a committee decides whether to hire us. You don’t call my potential employer and lie to them about me so they’ll drop me as a candidate and you get the job.”
“That’s not what happened.”
“Then what the hell did happen? Are you saying you didn’t call them and claim I would unfairly use my connection to my uncle?
You didn’t tell them it would be a conflict of interest for me to work there?
I don’t know what Alissa said, but for you to actually pick up the phone and make that call sucks. And you know it.”
Blazing eyes met Kell’s, but there was still plenty of fear.
“We don’t all have what you have, Kell.”
“You come from a super-wealthy family in Baltimore, John. Your name ends with a Roman numeral. Don’t try to twist this around as some ‘poor me’ story.”
“Money has nothing to do with it. You come from a place where you know everyone. You’re connected. You could have a top government job there, or work for whatever company you want that has connections to your uncle. But you want more. You have to go out there and grab an even bigger piece.”
“That’s what everyone here is doing!”
“Right. So don’t piss on me because I’m playing the game.”
“The game you’re playing isn’t the same one I am.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Kell caught movement.
Rachel came around the corner but stopped short as soon as she saw them, Kell’s fist still twisting John’s lapel. Dropping it, Kell stepped back.
“Right. Gee, shucks, Kell. Small-town guy with high morals takes on D.C. and triumphs. What a great story,” John said, sarcasm dripping from every word. “Don’t try to make Alissa and me the bad guys for doing what everyone does.”
Rachel shook her head and mouthed, No.
John turned, following Kell’s gaze. He let out a huff, pointing at Rachel.
“And she’s just as bad. Wake up, dude. You’re playing the same game we all are. You’re just pretending you’re not.”
He stormed off, leaving Kell to face Rachel.
“Kell, I–”
All the emotion that was ripping him to pieces on the inside chose that exact moment to come out.
And Rachel was his only target.
“You make fun of the town where I’m from for being fake, and it is fake. It’s a cheesy tourist trap, but you know what I love about it? The people are real. Unlike here.”
“Kell. What was that with John?”
“You don’t get to pretend you don’t know what’s going on.”
“I’m not pretending!”
“Alissa and John called the governor’s office in California and tried to torpedo my job offer.”
Her hand flew to her mouth in horror. Or at least, a very good approximation of horror.
“Oh, my God!”
“It didn’t work. I just got the email with the job offer.”
“Congratulations!”
He closed his eyes, trying to loosen his shoulders, but the muscles were tight and cold.
“It doesn’t matter now. None of this ever mattered. What a waste of a year. A damned waste.” His voice rose, a few heads appearing over cubicle walls. The bemused looks and some raised eyebrows just infuriated him more.
“What do you mean?” She was clearly alarmed. “None of this was a waste. You're amazing at what you do. Sharp and caring. I've loved working with you and learned so much. You got what you wanted!”
“Maybe I don’t want it anymore!” he shouted. More heads popped up, like a bizarre human version of Whack-a-Mole.
“Kell,” Rachel whispered. “You’re being really loud.”
“SO WHAT? SO I’M LOUD! I’M ANGRY! How’s that for being real, Rachel? I’m angry because it turns out what I thought was a career in doing good for the environment and for people is just a backstabbing, two-faced, slimy world of people who lie, cheat, and undermine.”
Her eyes went wide, and then began to gleam in the light. Rachel was about to cry.
John popped up from his cubicle and shot Kell a dirty glare. Ooo, tough guy, when there was plenty of distance between them.
“Kell, I’m so sorry. But not everyone is like that. Can we talk? I want to explain what those emails Alissa gave you were really about,” Rachel pleaded. “You're so upset, and I think there's been a huge misunderstanding. Let me clear the air.”
“I know what they’re about. I can read.”
“There’s an explanation. It’s not as black and white as it looks.”
“NOTHING IS!”
Fear about his dad washed through him like a spring melt in the mountains. Normally calm streams inside him were suddenly swollen and overrun, waters of anger rising fast and strong.
He wanted to listen to her. Have his friend tell him everything he was afraid of wasn't true. The memory of sitting on the couch with Rachel, showing her his mom's scrapbook, twisted a knife in his gut, because it was exactly what he wanted.
More time like that with her.
And yet... it had all been fake. Rachel had ulterior motives, too.
Twin feelings of despair and need made the anger spike, because he didn't want to need her. Didn't want to feel disappointed that the spark he'd felt was just an illusion, because she wasn’t the person he thought she was.
And he didn't want to let go of his hope, the hope that something was there.
“Someone’s going to call security if you keep yelling,” she whispered. “You know how D.C. is.”
“Oh, I know all about how D.C. is, Rachel,” he hissed. He was torn when he saw her tears, but still, she had deceived him. He wanted to believe her but he could no longer trust his own instincts.
Which made every second he stayed here torture.
He took a good, long look at her. The other night, they'd had a great time hanging out. Sharing his mother's graduation present with her had felt so comfortable, like it was meant to be. Revealing his life to her layer by layer felt natural. Simple. Sure and real.
But then Alissa had barged in and dropped a bombshell, and now he didn't know what to think, feel, or believe.
And every bit of him hurt.
“You, Alissa, and John, and who knows who else, have shown me exactly what D.C. is like. I’m guessing L.A.
is the same way. Vapid people pretending to be nice but secretly manipulating behind the scenes.
You’d expect that in Hollywood, but not in public service.
” He let out a bitter laugh. “I really am that green, aren’t I?
So stupid to believe in the innate goodness of people. ”
“You’re not! It’s what makes you so special, Kell!”
“Special? I’m special, all right. Especially easy, as a mark for people like you.”
“Not me! No!” Rachel whispered furiously. “I was above board with you on everything, Kell. Why would I warn you about what Alissa was doing with MonDex and your uncle if I were somehow scheming with her?”
“STOP IT!” He moved past her, grabbed an empty copier paper box, and went to his desk.
Karen came out of her office and marched over to him.
“What’s going on, Kell?”
“I quit,” he said, a chorus of gasps coming from the other cubicles.
“You what?” Karen shook her head as if she couldn't process the words.
“I quit. I quit the fellowship. I quit D.C. I quit this whole world where you can’t trust anyone and people lie to your face.”
Karen was looking at him, but he was busy emptying his drawers, dumping everything into the box. It wasn’t big enough.
She touched his arm and he turned to look at her. Concerned eyes met his, but there was something more.
A recognition. An understanding.
“You’re throwing away your career because you’re upset.”
“That’s right. That’s exactly what I’m doing, Karen.”
Rachel walked away, her departure causing physical pain inside Kell.
“You can’t undo this. If you’re really quitting, I’ll respect it, but it’ll mess up your references, the L.A. job offer–”
“Hey, everyone!” Kell spoke loudly, in a voice intended to carry. “Did you know John and Alissa double teamed to call the governor’s office in L.A., trying to stop me from getting the job?”
More gasps, people openly standing up now, all staring at John.
Who sank into his cubicle.
“It didn’t work!” Kell crowed. “I got the offer. But you know what? This place isn’t worth it. The world of policy isn’t worth it.”
Rachel reappeared, pulling a large rolling duffel bag with the EEC logo on it. She pushed it to Kell’s toes, coming close to hitting them, but not quite. Beseeching eyes met his.
“Here. You can use this to pack the rest.”
“You’re helping him?” Karen said in disbelief.
Rachel shrugged, then looked at Kell. “I can tell he’s made up his mind.”
“How?”
“Because he’s yelling. Kell never yells,” Rachel whispered.
“It’s not a secret, Rachel. You don’t have to whisper,” Karen said, her eyes darting between Kell and Rachel as if trying to make a decision.
Tossing more of his crap into the bag, mostly books and binders full of projects he was starting to realize he’d never touch again, he felt liberated.
But also hurt. Mostly hurt.
He turned to Rachel. He knew she had betrayed him, but he needed to tell someone. And he yearned for the connection he'd felt the other night.
“I just found out my dad fell out of a tree. Twenty-foot free fall. He took over our tree company from my grandfather, and wants my oldest brother to take over from him. But Dennis refused. And Dad’s in the hospital.”
Rachel touched his shoulder in sympathy. Figuring out whether it was real or fake drove him into a deeper frenzy.
“Oh, no! I'm so sorry. Is he going to be okay?”
He shrugged off her hand. “I hope. But he needs me. Mom and Dad need me back home. I’m good at tree work–better than good.
” He paused his packing. “It’s not just horticulture.
There’s an intuition that kicks in. Pattern matching and problem solving.
It’s about math and art, geometry and gut instinct. ”
“Just like policy,” Karen said in a tone that angered him more, as if she were trying to find common ground.
“Yes,” he answered sharply, loading an empty travel mug and his last notebook into the duffel bag. He raised his voice. “But without the sociopathic maneuvering.”
“Kell,” Karen said firmly, “you need to keep your voice down. Go home. Calm down. Think about it and let’s have a meeting tomorrow.”
“I said, I quit.”
Rachel let out a breathy sound of concern, and he wanted to believe it was genuine. A part of him really, really wanted to hear her out, see what she had to say about those emails between her and Alissa, but what if that just made him an even bigger fool?
All his feelings for Rachel were wrapped up in his pain and shame over being played.
“Resignation not accepted. You’re too good at what you do to walk away from it all.”
“Watch me.”
Kell hoisted the box in his arms, realizing too late how heavy it was.
Rachel grabbed the duffel handle and pulled it silently out of his cubicle, head down, headed toward the exit.
He followed, passing her quickly, muscles screaming.
Karen did not follow.
Everything she said made sense, and it would be right if the world itself weren’t so tainted. All he wanted was to go home, see his dad, and have space.
Lots of space. Fresh air in the mountains. A slice of heart-shaped cake from Love You Bakery. To go for long walks in the forest, talk to the trees again.
And put his suits in the closet, possibly forever.
Something in him had snapped in two and he didn’t think it could be repaired.
He pulled out his phone and waved Rachel away, wondering why she was being so helpful. Powering the phone back up, he ignored his mother’s texts and called her directly.
She picked up instantly.
“Kell? You don’t have to come home. It’s not that bad, honey.”
“I mean for good, Mom.”
A sharp inhale was her only reply for a few seconds.
He didn’t think Rachel could hear him, but he waved her away again. She didn’t move, looking uncomfortable but determined.
“I really don’t know how to keep your dad from climbing these trees,” his mom chuckled, but he could hear the tears. Deanna Luview didn’t fall apart, but she was damn close now.
Kell closed his eyes slowly, pain radiating across his forehead.
He’d come to D.C. from a hometown filled with genuine love, but where all of the commerce was built on the trappings of love. Ready to go out and do good, he’d left his “fake” town to do something real.
And what did he get? A world filled with nothing but backbiting and double crossing.
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“I know how. And I’m coming home. Love you.”
“Always,” she replied.
Always.