Chapter 13 #2
A bunch of bananas was within reach, so Rachel put them in her basket.
“Deanna? What are some of Kell’s favorite foods?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Just curious.”
“Bananas. Apples. Pistachios. Prime rib. Black coffee,” Deanna ticked off easily. “Potato chips, especially the ridged kind. Lasagna, but not the kind with only vegetables.”
“That’s good enough. I’m just getting snacks.”
“You’re shopping for him now?” With a simple question, Deanna conveyed so much.
“Just helping him out.”
“Good. Kell helps so many other people. He deserves to have someone do for him in kind.”
Rachel reached for some Jonagold apples.
“I would imagine he has plenty of people who want to help him. Especially women.”
Rachel knew she wasn’t being subtle with that comment, and Deanna gave her an amused side glance.
“When Kellan left for college, all the girls who swooned after him lost their minds. He was popular in high school, but always hard to pin down. You know the type?”
“A player?”
“No–that was my oldest son, Dennis. He went through girlfriends like they were designed to be monthly accessories,” she said with a rueful headshake.
“Kell was more the nice guy who flirted but never went much beyond that. Always had a date for school dances. Hung out in groups of friends, but never had a serious girlfriend.”
“That sounds like all of our generation.”
“You’ve never had a serious relationship?”
A memory of finding her money stolen by Nico flashed through her.
“Not the kind you would call serious, no. I’ve dated plenty of guys, though.”
“Kell seems to last about six months with any woman he dates. He says they dump him,” Deanna said bluntly. “Alissa was the first person he ever dumped. But I think it was more complicated than that.”
“And is he seeing someone now?”
“Other than you? No.”
“Me? We’re not seeing each other!”
“You’re… something with each other, though. Don’t fool yourself. Dean said he could tell at the parachute rescue that you were into each other.”
Cheeks flaming, Rachel suddenly couldn’t make eye contact.
“Dean also said you were helpful and nice. You got the Dean seal of approval.” Deanna squeezed her arm, then let go to pick up a head of lettuce and put it in her basket. She waved to someone across the aisle.
“I don’t know what Kell and I are. He–he doesn’t trust me.”
Saying it hurt, but not saying it hurt more.
“No, dear. He doesn’t. Kell came back from D.C. a changed man. I think he was more hurt by you than by his actual girlfriend.”
Rachel closed her eyes and held onto a bin full of oranges. Her legs began tingling and her chest seemed to fold in. Breathing didn’t open it up.
“Honey? I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings by saying that,” Deanna said softly as Rachel slowly opened her eyes.
“I didn’t do what he thinks I did, Deanna. I swear.”
“Kell needs to feel that truth, Rachel. Having you pop into town was a bigger shock than you–and probably he–realize. I think he needs you, though. More than he’ll own up to.”
“How do I convince him? Last night, we started to break through. He let me talk a little about what happened.”
“Did it help?”
“I think? But then he–” The words all tangled together, making it hard to describe how they’d parted. Some part of him opened to her and then closed, giving her a taste of how it could be for them, together.
Not being able to access that ached.
“Then he closed off, didn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“Keep trying.”
“What?”
“Keep trying,” she said emphatically. “Kell is the forgiving type.”
An involuntary snort came out of her.
“I know, I know. And he’s spent five years nursing this pain, but I think he can heal.” Deanna shook her head. “Listen to me, butting in where I really, really shouldn’t.”
“You’re his mom. You care about him.”
“He’d kill me if he knew I had this conversation with you.”
“You’re really easy to talk to, Deanna.”
“I’m just a normal mom.”
“Kell says that all the time, how your family is ‘just normal.’ But you’re not.”
“Oh, come on. You talk to your mother, I’m sure. Or your best friend?”
Rachel’s stomach clenched.
Deanna tilted her head, studying her. “You don’t, do you?”
“My mom is great, but not the type to talk about my love life. She’s been with Dad since she was eighteen and doesn’t understand what I want in life.”
“And your best friend?”
“I–I don’t have one.”
“What? We all have a best friend!”
“Not me. My friends from high school are all very L.A. and into acting and Hollywood. College friends are all getting married and having kids. My MBA friends are all trying to be the next Elon Musk or Kendall Kardashian. And the best friend I ever had, well...”
“Was Kell.”
Hanging her head, Rachel tried not to cry.
“Yes.”
“Oh, honey,” Deanna said. “I think that’s what broke Kell’s heart the most, too. That he lost your friendship.”
Rachel almost told her about the kiss.
Almost.
“You two need to talk. Really talk. Clear the air. Kell is a stubborn man, but he’s not unreasonable. You’ll find your way.”
“And if we don’t?”
“Then you’ll know you tried as hard as you could.”
Suddenly, Rachel was in Deanna’s embrace, the hug sweet and oh, so needed.
“Thank you,” she whispered, feeling disoriented. Had she said too much?
“You’re welcome. I want all of my children to be happy and fulfilled. Kell needs more happiness in his life. If you’re going to spend time with him, I want to know it’s because you care about him, and it sounds like you do.”
She pulled back and looked Rachel in the eye, her demeanor intense.
“But my Kell was hurt and sad when he came home from D.C., so be careful with his heart.”
As Deanna walked away, Rachel’s ears were ringing.
For the next ten minutes, she loaded her basket with apples, almond milk, two percent milk, pistachios, ridged potato chips, and some Love You Coffee she found in bags in the coffee section, but she halted in the frozen aisle when four different kinds of lasagna stumped her.
Did Kell have a favorite? If he did, she wasn’t sure, and decided not to risk it and buy the wrong thing.
The cashier was fast and efficient, friendly but not taking too long. There was a long line now, the place hopping. Rachel took her bags and walked back to Kell’s apartment, musing over the conversation.
When she keyed into his apartment, Calamine instantly got up and gave her an ankle rub.
It was nice to be greeted so happily by a being who didn’t judge or demand anything of her.
After putting away the groceries, she made coffee and settled in, weeding through emails, processing expense reports, and watching ever more video clips.
That text from earlier was Tom, the town manager: Please see my email.
When she checked her personal email, she found a reply from Tom:
This is a great start. Can we meet to talk about how to go forward with this? I know you’re only here until February 15, and this isn’t your job. Just wondering if you have time for a friendly visit so we can take your idea to the next step.
Rachel bit her upper lip and stared at the screen.
How invested did she want to become? In L.A., she wouldn’t have bothered writing that exec sum and sending it to the mayor’s office, because she walled herself off and stayed focused on her career. No time for anything else.
Because everything else hurt.
And what if everything else was why she was always “almost”? If she were laser-focused on her career, surely she’d achieve success, right? So she weeded out everything else in her life.
Sure, she wrote back instantly, before she could change her mind. Mornings are best.
As she hit Send, she realized she was entangling herself here more and more.
Which would make it so much harder if Kell rejected her.
“I can’t think that way,” she chided herself, taking a few deep breaths to clear her head.
And then she did what came more naturally.
She focused.
Hours passed as she watched and documented, catching new emails in batches as they came in, until the sound of a key in the door startled her. Kell walked in with a smile, but his eyes were wary.
The wariness made her tip her head down.
Here we go, Rachel. It’s time.
“Hey,” he said, looking at her as he took off his hat and coat. “You look busy.”
“I am. Watching a bunch of videos on an upcoming project. Documentation. It’s so fun,” she said in a voice that made it clear the opposite was true.
“Desk jobs,” was all he said, stretching and yawning, covering his mouth as his big body got bigger, fingertips brushing the high ceiling.
“Long day?”
“My arms are vibrating from chainsaws and stump grinders.”
“Fun.”
“No.”
The blunt way he said it made her laugh.
“There’s fresh coffee if you want some.”
“Now you’re talking.”
As he reached for a mug next to the coffee machine, he paused. “Potato chips? Apples? Bananas? You really shopped.”
“No big deal.”
“You got my favorite chips? How did you know?”
“Do you want the truth, or a lie?”
“Let’s not have any more lies,” he said, the words stinging.
“I ran into your mother at the market.”
“Is that why her scarf is on the chair?”
“Yes. I committed a felony in this town, and she helped me hide the evidence.”
“Let me guess: You wore something in public that wasn’t red, white, or pink.”
“How did you know?”
“Because you seem to only have clothes that aren’t red, white, or pink. Other than that red coat. And people here are really serious about the whole color thing.”
“She was being sweet. Protecting me.”
“Sounds like Mom. And she told you all my favorite foods.”
“Yes.”
“Wow.”
“It was nice. Your mom is great.”
“She’s just a mom like anyone else’s.”
“No. She’s not. And she said… she said I needed to be careful with your heart.”
Kell froze mid-step, holding a red heart mug filled with hot coffee, the steam rising up.
Intense eyes met hers. “We're really going to talk now, aren’t we?”
“Yes.”
The look he gave her was unguarded, all the walls coming down fast.
“Okay. Who goes first?”
“Shall we flip a coin?”
“No. I’ll do it. Here goes: I really, really like you but I really, really don’t know how to trust you, Rachel.”
“And I really, really like you but I really, really don’t know how to get you to trust me.”
“The great impasse.”
“Exactly. I can’t prove a negative, Kell. All those years ago, I wanted to, but Alissa set the perfect trap.”
“And I’m still caught in it, all these years later.”
He took a sip of his coffee, and Rachel’s heart melted a bit. She felt for him, and if this weren’t about her, too, she’d have the distance to see he was in agony.
Her own agony was too big, though. It cast a shadow over everything.
Even a big guy like Kell.
“Rachel,” he sighed. “If I trust you, then I wasted five years. If I don’t, I keep hurting myself even more.”
“That is a very, very binary way of looking at this. And also, so what?”
“So what? What do you mean, so what?”
“If you trust me now, it doesn’t mean you wasted anything. It means you’re a human being who is learning and growing, and that’s how long it took.”
His eyes cut over to her. He blinked, then looked away, reaching for her hand at the same time. Fingers threading, he squeezed, his hand callused, so rough, so warm.
And so connected.
“This is a lot.”
“It is.”
“And I’d rather do this over dinner.”
“Dinner?”
“Yeah. Dinner. I just got home, I need a shower, and now my head is spinning and my heart feels like it’s being fed through a chipper at the same time it’s paragliding.”
“Those are very specific descriptions.”
He laughed.
“Dinner tonight? With me?” he asked, then stopped himself and groaned, as someone outside beeped the horn once, a rare occurrence in this quiet and polite town. It made her flinch.
Oh, how quickly she’d adapted from living in L.A.
He smacked his forehead. “Damn! I have to withdraw my own invitation. Dad, Colleen, Luke, and I are helping the decorating committee with the outdoor lighting for the festival. That’s tonight.
They’re serving dinner to volunteers buffet style, at the UCC church.
” He grinned. “That’s not the kind of dinner date I want with you. ”
“I really can’t, anyhow. West Coast job means I should work until at least 8:00 Eastern Time,” she said, grateful for the break. What she needed most was to go sit and stare into an abyss, gathering her thoughts. A date? He was asking her out on a date?
Or was this just a friend thing? Was “Friend Rachel” the most she’d ever be with him? Sure, it would be a step up from where she’d been, but she didn’t want to climb a rung on the Kell ladder.
She wanted to reach the summit.
Besides, there was too much sexual tension between them. Rachel wasn’t misreading his signals. Chemistry was elusive, hard to describe, but she knew it when she felt it.
They had it.
Always had.
And now, as she watched him, heat rose inside her, the air charged as his words sank in. Date?
Finally, yes. A date.
He finished his coffee, then nodded. “We can easily eat at 8:00. No problem. Raincheck then. Tomorrow, instead? Dinner. With me. And not at my place. Let me take you on a date.”
“A date?”
“A real one.”
“Like, get dressed up and go out to dinner date?”
“Yes.”
On impulse, she reached up and ran her fingers through his beard, tugging gently. “I love that idea. How fancy, though? I brought business suits, but nothing nicer.”
“Around here? That’s beyond fancy. A suit is wedding attire.”
At his words, her mind flashed there, imagining their wedding.
Are the bridesmaids required to wear pink or red? she wondered briefly.
Then, Good grief, stop! What am I doing?
“Rachel?”
“Okay, then…”
“Wear something nice, but low-key. Make sure you wear some red. I’ll pick you up at 8:00.”
He kissed her cheek and smiled, grabbing his keys, coat, and hat. Then he paused in his doorway, hand on the knob, his smile obvious even under that thick beard.
“I know we still need to talk, but it’s almost like we’re the old Kell and the old Rachel, right before Alissa barged in on us.”
“Not quite,” she said, laughing but nervous. “We hadn’t kissed then. We have now.”
“We have,” he said, nodding. Before she realized what was happening, he was back across the room, kissing her until she was on her tiptoes, fiercely holding on.
The kiss was hot and heavy, impulsive yet intense–the kind of kiss you give someone when you’re in a rush but need to transmit all your feelings through your lips.
His heart beat hard under her hand, his familiar scent transporting her, the way he held her so steady, so right.
Message received.
Kell was definitely interested.
Breathless, she gasped as he pulled away, jogging toward the door, his ass the last thing she saw before the night ate him up.
This was happening.
She was about to go on a date with Kell.
Maybe, just maybe, there was something to this love thing after all.