Chapter 21 #2
The rustle of the curtain was her cue. She bent down, kissed him softly on the cheek, stroking his face.
Who would he be when he woke up? She loved him no matter what and would take him however he emerged from this.
And then she walked out into the hall, pressed her back against the wall, and slowly crumpled to the floor.
Within seconds, four hands were on her, Yulia on one side, Luke on the other, holding her.
Doing the only thing they could:
Just being there.
She was greedy.
Refusing to leave the hospital, she abused her personnel privileges by making sure she had as much access to Moore as possible.
They moved him into his room right around the time that his parents left to go take care of Jordy and to settle in for the long haul. This meant that she had Moore all to herself. Yulia was working his case, and though she knew the doctor was impatient, she took what she could get.
For obvious reasons, Dr. Singh refused to put her on the case, so she gave up all pretense of trying to be a nurse. All she was now was the girlfriend.
The unofficial girlfriend, stuck in limbo.
Not sure what Moore would say when he finally woke up, if he ever woke up.
"Honey," her mom said, handing her a bag, "you need to change your clothes."
"I have clothes in my locker."
"I know you do, but these are comfortable. Leggings, sweatshirt, that kind of thing. If you're going to be here for Moore, you need to be as comfortable as possible." Deanna shook the bag. "There are some protein bars in there, too."
"There's plenty of food here, Mom."
"For people who work here. You're a family member now, waiting for your loved one."
“Not technically a family member, Mom.”
Deanna came in for a hug that caught Colleen off guard, her body melting into her mother's warm embrace. She felt childlike, cared for, supported. The waiting was the hardest part and she knew professionally that this would take a while, but personally, every second felt like a year.
"Go change," Deanna said pointedly. "I'll stay with him. If he wakes up, I'll come get you. But I mean it, honey. Take care of you. Moore is going to need you to be as strong as possible when he gets out of this. It's going to be a long recovery."
"Mom, I said some horrible things to him. We had a fight and..."
The sad smile on her mother's face made Colleen's heart skip a beat.
"I know. We heard you guys arguing and then you drove off and Moore came back into the lodge angry.
He tried to hide it, but he's always been terrible at covering his true self.
That man is so good, to the core. He was a wonderful little boy, a marvelous teenager, and now an amazing man and father.
" She squeezed Colleen's biceps. "And a perfect partner for you. "
"I may have ruined it."
"Even when two people love each other and want what's best for each other, so many things can get in the way, Colleen.
Trust me. Love is never ever easy. It's also never perfect.
People aren't perfect. You're both deeply flawed.
Moore is coming into this relationship with you from a weaker position. "
"What is that supposed to mean? I'm Third Date Colleen. I'm the cursed one."
"And he was married and divorced twice by age twenty-seven. He was shamed by his own parents for what happened with Cammie. Moore has plenty of his own ghosts when it comes to love, honey. Whatever conflict you had, you'll patch it up."
"I told Jordy about what happened when he was five.
Moore didn't want me to but I did, and then I got defensive.
I dug in. We fought and we were supposed to tell Jordy the truth about our relationship today.
But I stormed off to work, picked up an extra shift and just thought I would bury myself in emergencies. Instead, I created one."
"You did not hurt Moore."
"Of course I did. I said terrible things to him."
"You didn't make him fall off that ladder."
"I know. I'm not cursed in that sense. But everyone in town's going to talk about it. Especially when they find out that yesterday, we..."
"You what?"
"We slept together for the third time, Mom. Third time's the charm, right? And now here he is in my ER." She threw her hands up to the sky. "It's not funny, but it's funny. It's not funny because it's sickening."
"It's not funny," Deanna said slowly. "At all. I wish I could take all your pain away. When you kids were little, it was so easy. I'm sure you told Jordy the truth for a good reason."
"I did. But Moore had a good reason not to tell him and I decided that my reason was better than his."
"You two will solve this."
Colleen took the clothes and went down to the locker room, changing mindlessly. Instantly more comfortable in her casual clothes, she had to admit her mom was right. Sweats really were made for waiting in the hospital.
When she got back, Yulia was there, giving her a comforting smile.
"He's coming out of it," she said. "His parents won't be here for a bit. Do you want some time with him?"
Colleen nodded and walked past.
"I'll go fill in the family," Deanna told her.
Colleen shut the door and faced Moore's body again.
Hooked up to machines, she could see his status at a glance, his heart rate, oxygen level.
Everything going on inside him physically was there for her to read.
But his heart? She knew what the electrical signals were saying, but she had no insight at all into how he felt.
Sitting on the edge of the bed and taking his hand in hers, she watched his chest rise and fall, grateful for the steady rhythm. The surgeon had relieved pressure on the brain and sewn up the deep wound in his scalp but he was still unconscious.
"I said it in the recovery room," she began, "after you made it through surgery. So I'll just keep saying it. I love you. I love you and I want to be with you. I want us to have Jordy here and to enjoy what’s left of his childhood. I want babies with you, sweet children we raise together in our blended family. I want more nights at Bilbee’s with you, every festival, every dip in the hot springs. Please, Moore. Please wake up. I love you and I can’t imagine life without you. "
Hearing a sound, she turned and realized that the door was open. There stood Jordy in the doorway, Moore's parents behind him.
"Colleen," he said. "What did you just say?"
"Jordy! I thought you wouldn’t be here for a while.”
“Grandpa wanted to come now. Wanted me to see Dad again.”
Leander tapped on the doorway, clearly embarrassed at overhearing what Colleen had just said.
“Hi.”
“Come in.” She waved them both in, but only Jordy entered, focused entirely on her.
“Did I hear you tell Dad you love him?”
“Yes.”
“Like, as a friend? You know, like ‘love ya!’”
“Jordy, I–”
He frowned. “Or like you’re actually in love with him? Did you say you want to be my stepmother? And have babies with Dad?”
Time to bring out all the truths.
“I’m deeply, hopelessly in love with your dad, kiddo,” she said, her voice going airy and pain filled at the end. Jordy reached for her, his hand on her elbow, teen boy emotions covering his face as he grappled with how to respond.
But instinct made him reach out for connection.
“Colleen,” Leander said softly. “Good for you. We wondered when you two would finally come to your senses.”
A wet, sniffly laugh bubbled out of her.
“Moore said everyone would feel that way.”
“My son was right.”
The way Leander said “my son” made her cry harder.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jordy asked, the question adding another layer of pain for her.
“Because you said you didn’t want your dad to bring anyone into your life. Remember?”
“I sure do,” Leander said, eyes jumping between Moore and Jordy. “You made your feelings perfectly clear, young man.”
“That was when I thought it was Tissue Lady! I never dreamed Colleen and Dad would be together!”
She wished Moore were fully awake for this. Somewhere deep in his unconscious, she hoped he was registering this.
“I don’t know if we are,” she confessed. “We had a fight right before he fell.”
Jordy let out a groan.
“It was about me, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Because you told me about what happened when I was five.”
“Yes.”
“It’s my fault Dad fell.”
“No!” she and Leander said loudly, forcefully.
“Absolutely not!” Jordy’s grandfather insisted. “It was a simple accident.”
“I yelled at Dad. Right after you left. He found me in the woods and I screamed at him. Said he should have told me. I called him some, uh, bad names. He went back to the lodge and started painting. Then I guess he fell. I wasn’t there to see it.
I just got a bunch of texts from Harriet telling me to come back. ”
“Harriet?”
“She was the only person with my cellphone number. On her new phone. The one for emergencies that Luke got her for her birthday?”
“Colleen?” Jordy’s voice broke. “My last words to Dad were really terrible. If he doesn’t wake up…”
“Mine were, too, bud. Mine, too. How about we not think about that? Let’s focus on how much we both love him.”
Jordy nodded and Leander pulled up a chair, the three of them surrounding Moore’s bed.
Each asking for forgiveness in their own way.