Chapter 5
LUCY
After the worst date of my life, a speeding ticket I cannot afford, and an embarrassing run-in with that hot firefighter that ended with no broken bones for me and a cast for Micah, I’m resigned to my fate.
Lady Luck hates me. Every man in my life lets me down.
First my dad, then my shitty ex, and especially Doug.
Even Mr. March didn’t stay true to his word.
He said he’d watch Micah, but he was nowhere to be found once I got back from my scan.
I know two things with absolute certainty. One, men cannot be trusted. And two, I’m never leaving my house ever again. Or at least not tonight.
“Mama! I’s got no Pull-Ups!”
But I have kids so that’s not an option.
Fuck you, Lady Luck.
I walk into Levi’s room where he’s sitting bare-assed on the carpet. Knowing how poorly this kid wipes his own ass, I shudder and make a mental note to hit that spot with the Bissell tomorrow.
Yawning, I search through Levi’s drawers trying to find him a Pull-Up. “Ugh, I’m so tired, buddy. I just want to go to bed. I feel so old. I used to have all this energy until I had you guys.”
“You’re not old, Mama.”
“Thanks, buddy. But I definitely feel it. Look at all the wrinkles you guys have given me.” I wave a hand in front of my eyes.
“Where?” He scoots his bare ass across the floor like a dog as he tries to get closer to examine my face.
I point to the lines on my forehead and the slight crow’s feet around my eyes. “See?”
“Those aren’t wrinkles.” He furrows his brows in concentration as he looks up at me.
“Yes, they are.”
“I have wrinkles on my tess-tick-uh-bulls. See?” Levi stands up and lifts his shirt as he wiggles his junk around, and Micah erupts into laughter in the doorway.
“Please put on some pants.” I cover my face with my hands to hide my smile. Even when they are being ridiculous and gross, I love these boys so freaking much.
After searching through his dresser and coming up empty, I grab a pair of undies. “I guess we’re going Pull-Up free tonight, buddy.”
“But I need it,” he whines.
Levi was potty-trained very early, much earlier than his brother, but he’s still such a heavy sleeper that we’ve had to rely on a little help at night. How did I not realize we were out of Pull-Ups?
“Fu—” I catch myself. “Fudgsicles!” I groan when I search his closet for extra sheets and a waterproof mattress protector and come up empty. Clearly I’m doing laundry tomorrow too.
“I want a Fudgsicle!” Levi cries.
I really need to come up with alternative curses that don’t involve food he likes to eat. “I’m sorry, buddy, it looks like we’re gonna have to run to the store to get some Pull-Ups.”
“And Fudgsicles!” he adds, pulling on the undies I hand him.
“I want a Fudgsicle too!” Micah calls from the doorway.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I look at the time.
Shit, we’ve got fifteen minutes to get to the store before it closes.
“Okay, both of you get shoes and coats on, we don’t have much time.
” If I try to change them out of their pajamas, we’ll never make it.
It’s late enough that we shouldn’t see anyone we know anyway.
Minutes later, by some miracle, we park at Chestnut Mountain Market, and I hurry the boys inside.
There isn’t even time to corral them in a cart like I normally would.
I nod at Ned as we tear through the store like a pack of rabid raccoons on trash night, running past the aisle of Valentine’s Day items that are marked half off.
Damn, I could use some cheap chocolate, but if I stop near candy, we’ll never get out of here. Luckily the baby section is near the freezers, so we can avoid the confectionary temptation.
“I’ll get the diapers!” Micah shouts like the helpful oldest child he is, and I follow Levi as he runs to the ice cream cooler.
I’m not five steps behind the kid, but he’s already opened the freezer door and has climbed halfway inside by the time I reach him.
“Whoa there, buddy, you can’t climb in there like that,” I say, hoisting him out of the freezer as I slide him onto my hip.
“Yes, I can, it was easy.”
Oh, how I love kid logic. We have minutes till the store closes, and my patience is running thin. Micah would never question a rule like that. Levi thinks they’re meant to be tested. Why is it always the second-born?
“Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”
Then he asks me the question every parent hates most when trying to corral an unruly child.
“Why?” Levi fidgets in my arms as I grab the Fudgsicles.
Because you could get hurt. Because you could break something that I can’t afford to fix. Because it’s not safe. Because I don’t want anyone to think I’m a shit parent because you won’t behave in public. “Because I said so.”
“But why?”
“Do you want the Fudgsicle or not?” I ask, setting him down.
“Got the diapers!” Micah exclaims as he walks up.
“I don’t wear diapers!” Levi argues.
“They’re Pull-Ups,” I say, trying to quell their impending sibling fight.
“Look like diapers to me.” Micah hands me the package. Thank goodness they’re the right size, but they’re pink and covered in princesses.
“Those are for girls!” Levi squeals.
“Are not!” Micah argues.
“Are too.” Levi balls his fists and stomps his foot.
“Anyone can wear pink, just like anyone can wear blue. But if you don’t want these characters, we can pick out different ones.”
Micah shakes his head. “They only had these in his size.”
“I don’t want princess Pull-Ups!” Levi whines, and I know we have about thirty seconds before we are in full-blown meltdown territory.
“Let’s go check to see if they have anything else.” I scoop up Levi, and we walk down the aisle.
Micah was right; the only Pull-Ups close to Levi’s size are the princess ones. He’s pretty big for his age, and the smaller ones don’t fit him. “Can we do these tonight, Levi? They’re all out of everything else. Or you can wear underwear?”
Levi thrashes in my arms. “I don’t want to wear underwear!” He’s loud enough to make a scene if anyone is left in the store with us.
“Hold on, I have an idea.” I hoist Levi higher on my hip and walk over to the adult diaper section.
Quickly scanning the shelf, I spot a pair of extra-small adult diapers and praise the heavens when I see that it includes his weight in the range on the package.
“How about these, buddy? No princesses, they’re plain white, and they should fit you. ”
He takes the package out of my hand and inspects it closely. My back protests and I set him down on the ground as he hugs the package against his chest and yawns.
“Are those diapers for grown-ups?” Micah asks, looking at one of the packages on the shelf.
“No diapers, I want Pull-Ups!” Levi shouts as he throws the diapers on the floor.
I swing my head toward Micah as I mouth the word “Why?” at him. He shrugs his shoulders, giving me a sheepish look, and when I turn back to Levi, he’s gone.
“Levi!” I shout as I take off down the aisle, rounding the endcap when I run smack into another fucking wall.
Except it’s not a wall this time. It’s the muscular backside of a tall man. I bounce off his butt like a kid in a bouncy castle and land on my ass on the floor. “Shit!”
“That’s a bad word!” Levi scolds, and I realize this brick wall of a man is holding him. Relief washes over me—until the man turns around and I see who it is.
“Well, hello there, a chroí. We’ve got to stop meeting this way,” Mr. March says in his irresistible accent.
I blink up at him like a fool. It takes several seconds for me to realize that he’s holding out a hand to help me up.
As soon as I slide my hand into his giant one, a rush of warmth lights up my insides, and I clench my thighs together to ease the ache building there.
His eyes track the movement, widening slightly, then they move slowly up my body before he locks eyes with mine.
It almost feels like a scene out of a movie, where the two love interests meet and something passes over them, drawing them together like magnets.
Almost.
Except I feel like Mike and I are two Barbie dolls that Lady Luck keeps mashing together like a manic child, and instead of some magical, fairy-tale book romance, we’re just awkwardly crashing and banging until we come out bruised and broken.
Okay, that might be a little dramatic.
But that’s the kind of luck I have.
And I know this is true, because it’s at that exact moment when Micah runs up to us shouting, “Mama, you forgot your diapers.”
My eyes go comically wide, and I watch in horror as Mike’s eyes roam back down to my crotch.
Oh my God, is he trying to see if I’m wearing a diaper right now?
I hold the box of fudge pops out in front of myself as if it will stop his leering.
Except I realize that I’m now covering my crotch with something that looks like a giant turd, and I awkwardly hide it behind me.
“It’s not… I don’t…” All words escape me as I shift nervously in front of him.
“Hey, you’re the Pokémon guy!” Micah exclaims.
His eyes shift to Micah, and a smile lights up his face. “See any interesting Squirtles around here?” There’s a small smirk on his face when he says this as his eyes drift back to the diapers I’m now clutching to my chest. “Or do you prefer a fire type?”
I’m not sure if he’s making a joke about Pokémon or about him being a firefighter. Either way, mortification consumes me as I grab Levi out of his arms and speed-walk to the checkout with Micah struggling to keep up behind me.
“Mo-om! Mama, wait!”
I stomp to the counter and throw my items down with more force than I intend. I’m still pissed at Mike a little. He doesn’t get to be all cute and charming.
Ignoring all of his attempts to get my attention, I hurry out of the store and pile the kids back into their car seats, convinced I’m going to die alone.