Chapter 7
LUCY
Could I embarrass myself even further with that ridiculously hot man? Yes, of course I could. I was determined not to go back into the coffee shop, so I ended up bringing alternative beverages to today’s playdate.
Since it’s too cold to play outside, and none of us wanted to drag all the kids into Denver, we end up at Raven’s house. It’s the only one large enough to fit our gaggle of children.
“So how did the date go?” Summer asks.
We all stare at her in shocked amusement.
“What? What am I missing?” she asks.
“Read the room.” Raven chuckles as she crosses her arms over her chest.
“Bad, I take it?”
Bella nods. “Bad doesn’t even begin to cover it.”
“Sorry. I’ve been locked up in the house dodging the flu from my kids,” Summer says.
We all rear back, pushing our chairs away from the table like she has the plague. And considering how bad the flu has been this season, it’s not an inaccurate assessment.
“Did you bring your sick kids to our playdate?” Raven asks. She’s always been the no-nonsense one in our group, and I’m thankful she’s not afraid to say what I’m thinking but would never voice.
“I would never.” Summer puts a hand to her chest as though she’s offended by the accusation.
“You think I’m going to risk all of us like that?
I’ve had the flu shot and so have most of my kids, but you know how hard it is with Logan.
Between his diabetes and egg allergy, it’s nearly impossible to get him a flu shot.
He’s the one that got it, and I was able to isolate the other kids and Lysol the crap out of everything.
We’ve been flu-free for over a week now, so we’re all good. ”
“So calm your tits, ladies,” Bella adds, gesturing for us to take our seats.
I place a hand on Summer’s arm. “Sorry, we didn’t mean to be assholes about it, but I’ve seen playgroups dissolve over less, and I would be devastated if I lost you all over something like that.”
“We would never let that happen,” Bella adds. “You all are stuck with my awkward ass. I don’t think I could make new friends if I tried.”
“Agreed. Why is making friends so fucking hard in your thirties?” I ask.
“I don’t want to lose you all either. Though I could do with a little less swearing around the kids,” Summer adds, looking between me and Bella.
“They can’t hear us. I can barely hear myself over all that racket they’re making,” Raven says, taking a sip of her wine.
“Oh my God, why would you say that out loud? You’ll jinx us,” I whine.
“Please tell me you don’t buy into that magic-is-real bullshit. Jinxes aren’t real, they’re just a tactic moms use to get their kids to shut up for five minutes,” Raven says into the rim of her cup.
“I’m parenting wrong, because that is brilliant.” I stuff a Goldfish cracker in my mouth.
“You just trick them into saying a common phrase, say it at the same time as them, call jinx, and they can’t speak again until you say their name. It buys me at least five minutes every time,” Raven explains.
Bella nods. “I got Isaac to be quiet for two whole hours once.”
“That doesn’t count, he was probably an only child then. They’ll be quiet for hours,” Summer says.
“Accurate.” Bella pops a couple fruit snacks in her mouth. “Loving this charchoochie spread by the way.” She laughs. “Coochie spread. I love the way you spread your coochie on this plate.”
Normally, I’d be laughing at Bella’s typical perverted word vomit, but Levi takes that moment to run into the room.
“Coochie!” Levi parrots as he climbs on my lap, using me as a booster to grab the snacks he wants off the tray.
I put on my sternest face because I’m the adult and this kid repeats every word he hears.
If he sees me laugh at his antics, it will only encourage him to repeat it more. But fuck, do I want to laugh.
Bella gives me an apologetic look. “Charcuterie. Can you say char-coo-ter-ee, Levi?” Bella asks. I giggle at her attempted recovery.
“Cooter!” Levi says around a mouthful of fruit snacks.
Somehow this has gone from comically bad to worse, and we all trade glances, trying not to be the first to break into laughter.
“I was going to add more to the charcuterie,” Raven says, emphasizing the char, and I give her an appreciative glance. “Like olives, pickles, and more for the adult palate, but I ran out of time so all you get are some dumped-out Lunchables, Goldfish, and gummies in cartoon shapes.”
“Oh, I love a good pickle!” I shoot Bella a warning look. “But the presentation is so fancy,” she adds.
Summer shrugs. “Tastes good to me.”
“Love you, Mama,” Levi says, giving me a big sticky kiss on the lips as he scampers off.
“Well, I’m definitely getting the flu now,” I tease, winking at Summer.
“Oh my God, no one is getting the flu,” she moans.
“Can we get back to Lucy’s tragically bad date?” Raven gets us on track again.
“What was so bad about it?” Summer asks.
“Everything, but it’s how it ended that was the worst.”
“He gave her a speeding ticket,” Raven says.
The shocked look on Summer’s face is comical. “What?”
Bella leans forward, resting her arms on the table. “Yeah, she was on her way to the hospital because Micah broke his arm.”
“I heard about that part,” Summer says, taking a bite of cheese and crackers.
“But did they tell you about how I ran into a wall when I got there and the same hot firefighter that rescued my son had to rescue me?”
Summer smacks Raven and Bella’s arms in unison. “They did not tell me that! What’s with you two embarrassing yourselves in front of firefighters?”
“You’ve done it too.” I laugh incredulously. “Do we need to talk about that kiss again?”
“That’s different. RJ wasn’t a firefighter then,” Summer says, pouting.
“Well, I, for one, do not plan on embarrassing myself in front of a firefighter. Frankly, I do not see the appeal. But I’m happy for you two.” Raven pops another gummy in her mouth.
“To be fair, I embarrassed myself in front of Hardy and Mike on Halloween,” Bella says.
“That should make me feel better, but oddly, it does not,” I say, taking a sip of my wine.
“Wait, was your boob out too?” Summer looks at me, horror-stricken.
I laugh and shake my head, thinking about how Bella met her now-boyfriend when she’d accidentally exposed herself to the guys.
“No. I saw blood and passed out, and when I came to, I was in a hospital bed and his sexy forearm tattoo was in my face. I was confused and woozy and I think I referred to him as Mr. March before they took me back for scans.”
“Oh my God, that’s so embarrassing!” Summer clasps her hands over her mouth.
“Don’t worry, I’ve embarrassed myself plenty since then.”
Three sets of eyes stare at me expectantly.
“I literally ran into his ass in the grocery store a few days ago. Like turned a corner and bounced off it while I was chasing after Levi, and Micah walked up and handed me ‘my adult diapers.’ But they weren’t for me, they were out of Levi’s size, so we grabbed adult ones.
Never did get a chance to explain that to Mr. March, though.
Then today, he opened the door for me at Chestnut Mountain Roasters as I was pushing it open with my butt, and I fell and spilled all our coffees all over myself. ”
“Is that why you were late?” Raven asks.
Summer leans forward in her chair as if she’s invested. “Is that why you brought wine instead?”
“Yup. There was no way I was going back in there after the scene I made.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” Bella says, tossing a cube of cheese into the air and then catching it.
“On to the reason why we’re here.” Summer turns to me. “I know you think you’re unlucky in love, and I’ll admit Doug was a truly terrible date, but we’re going to change that.”
“And what do you propose?” Raven asks skeptically.
Bella claps her hands excitedly. “I asked Lucy to make a list.”
“The list of qualities you’re looking for in a man that I suggested you make?” Raven asks.
“Even better. She made a sex list!” Bella says.
“Keep your voice down,” Summer scolds.
I chuckle as I reach into my purse hanging off the back of my chair. A tiny prick of panic hits me when I can’t find the paper, and I grab the purse, setting it on the table so I can dig through it. Oh my God, where is it? “Umm, guys…”
Summer looks wary. “What is it?”
“I can’t find my list.”
Bella takes my purse and dumps it out on the table. “Sorry, I feel like this will be faster than us watching you root around in that thing.”
Taking a quick scan of the contents, my worst fears are confirmed. “It’s not here.”
Raven takes the empty purse, comically holding the sides open as she dumps out nothing but air and a few Cheez-It crumbs. “Let’s not panic. I’m sure there’s a logical explanation.”
My head whips to her. “It didn’t sprout legs and walk away!” Deep breaths. They’re trying to help. This is not their fault.
“Let’s retrace your steps. Where did you see it last?” Bella asks.
My breathing picks up as I try to piece together what could have happened. “I made it the night you suggested it, and I stuffed it in my purse so Micah wouldn’t find it.”
Bella nods. “Understandable. He’s the strongest reader in my class.”
“But it’s not in your purse.”
“I know that, Raven!” I snap. Bella rests a hand on my arm. “Sorry, I’m just freaking out.”
“I would be too,” Raven says. “But keep thinking. Would the boys have gone through your purse?”
“No. They haven’t before, but there’s a first time for—”
Holy fucking shit.
My hands start shaking and I clasp them together trying to control my nerves. “My purse fell when I dropped the coffees, and everything spilled out.”
Summer’s mouth drops open as if she’s already figured out what I just did. “Hot Irish firefighter has your sex list!” She immediately scans the room for little ears.
Raven and Bella’s mouths fall open, and I drop my head in my hands. “This is not happening.”
Bella squeezes my arm tighter. “Please tell me you didn’t put your name on it.”
My head pops up. “Of course my name was on it,” I say through gritted teeth. “I teach second grade and I tell my students to label everything, so yes, my name is at the top of that thing.”
“What if he didn’t find it?”
My eyes shoot to Raven’s. “Why would you say that? Do you want my anxiety to spiral?”
“I was just going to suggest that it blew away and no one found it, but what if Ned found it?” Raven says.
“Oh my God, that man’s a bigger gossip than my shitty neighbor Mrs. Johnson!” Bella cries, and then her eyes dart to mine. “Want me to suss him out? Feel around and see if he knows anything?”
“Dear God, no! If he didn’t find it, you’re just gonna give him ammunition to figure out what you’re talking about.”
Bella pats my arm. “You’re right.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but now I’m hoping Mike found it,” I say.
“Maybe he’d help you complete the list,” Summer says with a wink.
I fake a smile back and nod as they continue talking, but inwardly I’m a mess of nerves. I made that list in a wine-induced haze, but I’m pretty sure I mentioned wanting to fuck Mr. March. I know I wrote something about an accent. Shit, what else did I put on there?