Chapter 9
LUCY
Did he just imply what I think he did?
Holy fuck, he does have my list.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
What do I do? Do I go to the firehouse? The boys could stand to burn off some energy, and it’s too cold for the park today.
But if I go there, is he going to tease me about my list?
What if he wants to help me with it? No, there’s no way he’d want to do that.
He’ll probably just give it back to me and send me on my way.
Carl hands me our meat, all neatly wrapped, pulling me from my thoughts. I set Levi down, drop it in my reusable grocery bag, and walk out of the store, boys in tow, still unsure of my next move. When I get outside, Mike is nowhere to be seen, so I head toward our car.
Micah tugs on my hand. “I want to see the fire trucks.”
“Fire trucks. Wee-noo-wee-noo!” Levi sings.
“Just get in the car,” I say, buckling Levi into his car seat. Once I sit down, I grip the wheel tightly, willing away the intrusive thoughts overtaking my brain.
It’s probably nothing.
He’s probably just taking pity on an overwhelmed mom.
He probably offers up the fire trucks to every kid he meets.
He probably doesn’t even have my list. I’m just imagining the way he emphasized that word.
That’s it. It’s all in my head.
“MAMA!” Micah shouts, startling me.
I turn in my seat to look at him. “What is it, baby?”
“I’ve been calling your name.”
“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind. I didn’t hear you.”
“Can we go to the fire station? Mr. Mike said they have some cool Pokémon there. He has the game on his phone, and he said we could play sometime.”
I don’t even know how to respond to him. Micah does not like most men. The few visits with my dad ensured that. So for him to ask to spend more time with one, well, it’s huge.
“Okay,” I relent on an exhale. A chorus of cheers come from the back seat as we head towards the fire station.
I can’t believe I’m doing this. Have I lost my mind?
We walk up to the front door of the station, and Levi yelps when Micah hits the doorbell before him. I’m trying to separate the impending fight when the door swings open and Mike’s booming voice startles me.
“Just the kiddos I was hoping to see!”
Something about his admission warms my heart. He could have made a flirty comment and teased me more, but the fact that he seems genuinely happy to see my kids sets my mind at ease.
We follow him into the station, and Levi lifts his arms. “Uppies!” I’m about to lean down when Mike scoops him up like he weighs nothing. I should fight him on this, but I’m secretly relieved not to tote around an almost-fifty-pound four-year-old.
Mike continues the tour, showing us all the rooms in the station.
I’m honestly in shock that they’re not bored because we haven’t even seen a fire truck yet.
As I follow him down a hallway, Micah lets go of my hand and jogs to catch up with Mike.
When he grabs Mike’s hand, my heart skips a beat, and I blink rapidly, trying not to cry.
This is dumb. Why is this making me so emotional?
I mean, this is a huge step for him, but it shouldn’t make me cry, for Pete’s sake.
Quick, I need a distraction, something to take my mind off the sentimental nonsense running through my head.
My eyes track over from their clutched hands to Mike’s backside.
Dammit, he has a really cute ass. I get why Levi grabbed it.
It’s thick and round, and I’m struck with the urge to touch it myself.
A throat clears, and I look up to see Mike catching my leering as he peers at me over his shoulder.
“Enjoying the tour, Lucy?” He smirks, and I die a little inside. He totally caught me checking out his ass.
Fuck my life.
Before I have a chance to respond, he swings open a door to the garage part of the building. “This is the bay. It’s where all the rigs are stored.”
Saved by the fire trucks.
He sets Levi down, and he immediately takes off for the biggest truck, jumping up and down like he could reach the handle to open the door.
“Levi, no!” I screech.
Moving faster than I expected, Mike is right behind him, roping his thick, tattooed forearm around Levi’s middle as he hoists him in the air. “At least lemme open the door for you, lad.” He chuckles, and I blow out a sigh of relief. Micah lurks behind them, curious but cautious with his cast.
Mike sets Levi in the truck. Levi is in heaven, running his hands over everything in the cab, unable to sit still as his eyes go comically wide.
“Wanna jump in too?” Mike asks Micah.
Micah nods, and Mike carefully lifts him into the truck. He sits in the driver’s seat, watching his brother play whack-a-mole with all the buttons.
“He can’t break anything in there, can he? Because I’m not sure I could afford to replace anything on my teacher’s salary.”
“He’s grand,” he says, still watching my boys.
I’m mesmerized by the way he observes my kids, like he can’t look away. It would be easy to assume it’s because he’s worried about them breaking something, but he looks genuinely enthralled by them instead of scared off by their energy.
He must see a lot of kids come through here. This is just part of his charm. I mean, job. It’s part of his job. He props his foot up on the bottom step up to the cab as he leans against the open door. The move makes his ass pop, and I can’t help staring at it. Yeah, I definitely want to touch that.
“Whoa, you’re having a party without me?” a voice calls from behind me. I startle, prying my eyes off Mike’s ass as I turn, clutching a hand to my chest.
“Didn’t mean to scare ya,” he says, holding up his hands. “I’m Chief Sawyer.” He extends his arm, and I shake his hand.
“Hi. I’m sorry. We’re probably making too much noise, and you all probably have a lot to do. We’ll get out of your hair.”
“Nonsense, they’re having fun,” Sawyer says. “Stay as long as you like. Unless we get a call, we’ve got all the time in the world.”
“Chief.” Mike nods.
“Did you show them the button they’re absolutely not supposed to touch under any circumstances whatsoever?” Sawyer asks. My blood pressure starts skyrocketing until I see the smirk on his face.
“No, I didn’t. You want the honor?” Mike steps aside as the chief climbs into the cab and starts the engine.
My boys stare with rapt fascination as everything on the dashboard lights up.
Levi is sitting next to him, and I see the moment he loses his battle with his impulse control, but Sawyer throws his arm out, holding him back as he speaks in a low voice.
“Whatever you do, don’t touch that button,” he says, pointing to the panel.
Levi’s body vibrates with pent-up energy as his eyes flick back and forth from the button to the chief.
Micah pulls his cast against his chest, using his other arm to hold it in place as he cautiously sizes up Sawyer, unsure what to make of him.
I hold my breath, knowing exactly how this is going to play out since I’ve seen this scenario hundreds of times at home.
I tell them not to do something, and Micah easily complies, but Levi’s brain is set to destruct mode, calculating every angle of the situation.
Is it worth it? Do I care? How fast can I do it?
Will Mama notice? Will Micah tattle? Fuck it, I’m doin’ it!
I see all that play out in Levi’s head as he grips Sawyer’s arm, shimmies over it, and slams his hand down on the button.
I cover my ears as a siren blasts through the closed space and Mike doubles over in laughter.
Micah looks terrified. Levi is whooping.
And I’m oddly at peace for once that these two men are showing my kids some attention and they’re eating it up.
There aren’t a lot of people I can depend on, and these two seem content to spend time with my kids, even if it is just for the moment.
Sawyer cuts the engine to the truck shortly after, which is probably for the best. He looks at Mike. “Why don’t you give her a tour of the kitchen? I’ll keep these two entertained.” He then turns to my boys. “Have you ever seen the inside of an ambulance?”
“I have!” Micah says.
“I wanna see it!” Levi pipes up.
He turns back to me. “My kids are a little older than them, but I remember this age. I got this. Go take a break. Grab something to eat with Mike.”
Before I can respond, he’s chasing after my kids as they run over to the ambulance.
“Is he always like this?” I ask Mike, my gaze shifting back to Levi and Micah.
“A big kid? Yep. But he’s a good guy. Even better father.” We stand there in awkward silence for several moments before he speaks again. “You hungry?”
I am. But I’ve got groceries in the car I really should unload.
They’ll be fine in the cold for a bit, so it’s not like I’m in a big hurry.
But being in this man’s presence is overwhelming, and I can’t figure out why he has such an effect on me.
My therapist would probably point out my lack of control.
I don’t like not having control over situations.
I know it goes back to my shitty ex, Kyle.
It’s something I’m working on, but it’s a damn hard habit to break.
Shit, he asked me a question.
I am hungry. Just not in the way he means, and definitely not for anything that can be served on a plate.
My stomach tightens, heat pooling low as my brain insists on replaying the way he looked at me.
The confidence. The ease. The fact that he knows exactly what he’s doing and isn’t the least bit sorry about it.
It’s been years since I’ve felt the touch of a man. Years since I let myself think about one like this, about hands and mouths and the kind of attention that has nothing to do with responsibility or restraint. But I’m not about to tell him that.
Focus, Lucy. Food. Normal adult conversation. Being around kids all day at home and at school, I’m clearly starved for grown-up interactions. I just need to keep my mind out of the gutter.