Chapter Twenty-Three
Keston
I wasn’t used to remorse. But seeing Bailey emerge from the car with his shoulders slumped, those normally twinkling eyes vacant, and his always-at-the-ready smile nowhere to be found, my heart turned over and guilt streamed through me, hot and painful.
I’d done that. Taken away his joyful spirit, reducing him to a shadow. A figure in grays and blacks, when usually he’d be filled with every color of the rainbow. This wasn’t the Bailey I knew, and I didn’t like myself very much at the moment.
Bailey remained on the sidewalk, so I rose to my feet from my seat on the stoop and came down the steps to meet him.
“Can we talk?”
His steady gaze met mine. “I don’t know. Can we? You weren’t so interested in talking in your shop. All you wanted was to shut me up. So if you’re here to give me more excuses why you want to keep hiding me, you can keep walking.”
People passed by, giving us curious looks, and I took him by the elbow. “Can’t we go inside?”
Without answering, he walked up the steep stairs, and like a puppy, I trailed after him, hopeful because he hadn’t yet told me to fuck off and get out of his face. Once in his apartment, he tossed his keys into the dish by the door and kicked off his loafers. He eyed me.
“They’re Cole Haan, bought at the outlet store. I may wear designer, but I still buy thrifty.”
I held out my hands. “Come on, Bailey. Don’t be like that.”
Eyes blazing, he pointed at me. “Like what? You lied to Ambrose’s face about me…
us. And worse even, you thought it was okay for me to shut up and listen to your bullshit explanation.
For what? So you could prepare him for me?
What the hell—I’m not someone you can fuck in the dark and hide away in the light.
Because he doesn’t like lawyers? Big deal.
I don’t like to go to the dentist, but you can be damn sure I wouldn’t hide him away if he and I were together.
Not that I’d want to be with Dr. Brady because he’s sixty and straight with a paunch and a wife… ”
My lips twitched, but Bailey was on a roll and wouldn’t be denied.
“I deserve more. I am more.”
“I…I know. I—” But he cut me off.
“I would never let anyone talk down about or to you because you’re a tattoo artist and didn’t go to college.
I’d build you up, show you off. I’d tell them how talented and creative you are and how you run your own business.
If anyone said something negative, I’d challenge them.
You know what your problem is? You’re too busy judging people on face value, and that’s shallow as hell. ”
“You’re right. I was wrong.”
“That’s it?” He stared at me, and a snort of disbelief escaped him. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You think that’s all you have to say and I should be grateful? That everything between us will be fine and we’ll jump into bed?”
“I’m trying to say I’m sorry,” I yelled. “Dammit. I don’t need this shit.” I opened the door.
“Go ahead. Leave. That’s what you do best, run away when it gets tough,” he shouted back at me. “I didn’t ask you to come here. I’m sure you can find someone who’ll be okay with your moody, grumpy ass. But it won’t be me because I’ll have met someone who appreciates me.”
At those words, I froze. “The hell you will.” I slammed the door shut and faced him. He glared at me.
“You have no say. Remember, you won’t even admit you and I are sleeping together.”
“That’s not true. I-I told Ambrose.”
“Wow, I’m so honored.” Bailey slow-clapped, and my face flamed.
“Forget about him. What did you mean you’ll meet someone else?”
Jaw set, he folded his arms. “It’s pretty self-explanatory.
I want a lover who’s proud to be with me, not someone who pretends I don’t exist because I don’t fit with his lifestyle.
If I try hard enough, I’ll find someone else who wants me.
So go ahead. Leave. Sit at home and brood about the world instead of living in it. ”
Bailey had made it easy for me. I could walk away, and that would be it.
I’d probably see him occasionally at Grady’s, but I could work it out so I didn’t have to.
But as Bailey spoke so easily of replacing me, I saw red.
The thought of another man touching him, kissing him…
being inside him? No fucking way. Unthinkable.
“I’m sure you can find someone else. But he’s not gonna get the chance. Not as long as I’m around.”
Bailey rolled his eyes. “Yeah? What? You’re going caveman on me? Talk is cheap, Keston. I need someone whose actions match his words.”
“How about this?” I pulled him to me and slammed my mouth over his. He clung to me, pushing his tongue past my lips to play with mine. I tangled my hands in his hair, breathing deep of his smell. “You’re mine. No one else’s.”
He sucked my tongue, then nipped it. “Yeah? You want me? Say it to my face.”
“I want you.” I licked a wet path up his neck, touching the jumping pulse at the base of his throat. “I’m crazy about you.”
“Are you just saying that to get me into bed?”
I gazed into Bailey’s lust-drunk eyes, his mouth swollen, face reddened from my stubble. “No. If you want me to leave, I will, but it won’t change how I feel. You’ve gotten under my skin.”
“Like a bedbug?” He grinned.
“Only if it’s my bed.” I cradled his face between my palms. “I am so sorry I didn’t stand up for us earlier. I was caught by the shadows of the past instead of living in the sunlight of the future. I promise to try and be better.”
“That’s very poetic. It would make a great tattoo.” Bailey kissed me. “I accept your apology. Were you being honest with me? Did you tell Ambrose about us?”
“Yeah. He was pissed I lied, but he admitted he made it hard for me to tell him the truth with his stupid attitude toward lawyers.”
“I told him about his brother. That I’ll be looking into his case.”
I nodded. “I know. Also that you’re doing it for free? Bailey, that’s nice of you.”
He shrugged. “Don’t you know? I’m a nice guy.”
“Really nice.” I slid my arm around his waist. Bailey fit me, no matter that our pieces came from two different sets. “Hot too.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere, you know.” He blinked at me. “Where do we go from here?”
“We said we were gonna try out this dating thing.” One hand splayed at the small of his back while the other undid his tie.
“We’re a little past that phase, don’t you think?” His gaze was steady, and I squirmed under his scrutiny.
“I guess…yeah. We are.” My phone buzzed, and Grady’s name popped up. “Do you mind if I get it?”
“No, of course not.”
“Hey, what’s up?”
“I know it’s a little late and short notice, but Lauren and I were gonna meet for dinner downtown. Want to join us?”
Bailey had put some space between us to give me privacy, but I grabbed his arm and put my hand in his. “Can I bring someone?” He raised a brow, and I grinned.
“Uh, yeah. Sure.” A smile softened Grady’s normally husky voice. “Do I know them?”
“Kind of.”
“Okay. I’ll text you the place. She’s picking.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Bye.”
I slipped the phone into my pocket. “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited you to dinner with Grady and Lauren. I figured Grady deserves to know about us. Even though he’s probably guessed by now.”
“He’s smart.”
“He is.” I pulled him close again. “So are you.”
“Mmm, tell me more.” Bailey’s mouth brushed mine.
“Smart, sexy, hot as fuck. With a mouth that won’t quit,” I teased.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” He stroked my cheek, then rubbed it with his own.
“You should. It’s a very talented mouth.”
“Keston?”
“Hmm?” I nuzzled his neck, the pulse beneath my lips jumping, his breath hitching.
“I love you.”
My lashes fluttered, and I jerked away to gaze at his face. “What? How can you?”
Eyes soft, he traced the outline of my lips. “How can I not? I know who you are—strong and so hurt by your past. Filled with so much anger at a system that failed you, but also with tremendous love for your brother and friends. You need to accept that love can heal you.”
I caught him by the wrist. “What about you? You don’t think you’re part of that healing process?” Bailey might be great at pumping up others, but he was terrible at recognizing he was special.
Breaking eye contact, he lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. I helped, but—”
“But what?” I silenced him with a rough kiss. “You were the driving force.”
“Come on.” Bailey pulled away from me. “You don’t have to say that to make me feel better because you don’t feel the same way.”
“Says who?” Seeing the protest rising in his eyes, I put two fingers over his lips and took his hand. “Let’s sit.” I led him to the couch, where of course, he dominated the conversation.
“I’m not the driving force. You have Grady. He’s the one, and I don’t blame you because he’s your brother. Of course you trust him most of all. And—”
“Dammit, will you shut up for a minute and let me talk for once?” At his outraged face, I pressed my lips together to hide the laughter that threatened.
“Listen. I love Grady. One of the best days of my life was when he showed up and I found out he was my brother. But he’s so afraid to say the hard stuff to me, and I always feel like he’s waiting for me to…
I don’t know. Lose my shit, fall apart. I want him to see that I’m not that angry kid he met.
I’m capable. I can handle whatever comes my way. ”
“You don’t think he knows that?”
Damn, expressing emotion was fucking hard. But I looked at Bailey, and knowing the life he’d hidden because of his pain, he was the one person I could expose myself to without judgment.
“I don’t know. I’m always afraid if I show the real me, he’ll walk away because it can get ugly sometimes.” I paused. “Maybe you will too.”
“Never,” he whispered. “I think I fell in love with you the first time we met, and I’ve been falling ever since.”