His Eyes
five
*FOREST*
The reflection in my mirror is pathetic. Like someone who plays dress-up. The party hasn’t even started yet, and I already know that I won’t belong. Tugging my tie off, I change it to a bolder color, gazing at my reflection again. Still pathetic. Bland, boring, awkward. It’s always been like that.
As an alpha’s son, I should have more vigor, more energy…
more aggression. I should love to mingle and network, but I hate it.
I don’t like going out; I am not good at small talk, and I suck at presenting myself to these overly confident alphas.
I much prefer my training and spending time outside, but as an alpha, I just can’t be a recluse.
My parents keep emphasizing, over and over again, that I need to change my ways if I ever want to take over the pack.
And I get it. Sure, their comments hurt sometimes, but Dad can’t just hand over the pack to a meek alpha. I just wish I would be able to live up to their expectations.
Be a little smarter than I am. I never brought home the best grades, always just somehow passed and did okay.
Have a little more drive. As much as I am trying to, I just can’t seem to change my image. Everyone perceives me as reserved.
“It’s not going to get any better,” I mutter, eyeing my reflection begrudgingly. I look okay, I guess. A formal suit makes anyone look okay, but okay won’t cut it.
I make it out of my suite and downstairs. In the corridor leading to the private dining room of the alpha family, I stumble into my mother.
“Forest!” She comes closer to me, checking me over. “Well,” she says, a smile curling her lips, while she tugs at my tie. “I guess dressing up has never been your forte.”
“You are not wrong,” I admit.
“Well, at least you tried,” she says, patting my arm. “Come, Lissa is already waiting.”
I nod, trotting after her into the dining room, where I spot my father with Melissa—or rather, Lissa—my ‘date’.
She is the beta’s daughter, and we have always gotten along well.
During important parties and events, she always accompanies me, to fend off any unnecessary advances from female shifters and to support me. I am awkward, and she is not.
Lissa raises her head when she spots me, showing me a happy smile. “Forest!” She is immediately on her feet, approaching me, and gives me a hug. “You look good.”
“Really?” I ask doubtfully.
“Don’t sugarcoat it, Lissa,” Dad chuckles. “I know my boy doesn’t dress up well.”
“Even if that’s true, I like that he tries,” she says before turning towards me. “I like the tie,” she whispers.
My eyes light up at that; she noticed I tried something new.
Lissa is who I consider to be my only real friend. We both grew up as children of ranked members, and there were high expectations for both of us. Just, Lissa delivers them more than I do.
“Are you prepared?” Dad asks me. “This might seem a relaxed event, on the outside, but in fact it’s a place where alliances are made.”
I nod. “I made sure to know who will attend today.”
“Alpha Jordan from Black Moon pack will attend,” he continues his lecture.
“He is important. His pack is big, and he has money. An alliance with him would do us good.” He frowns when he looks at me.
I don’t know what he expects me to say or do, but as always, he looks equal parts disappointed and resigned.
“Lissa will be there with him. I don’t think we need to worry. With her, Forest might get to network a little,” Mom intervenes, as though I am not standing right there in the same room. “Lissa has met Alpha Jordan before,”—she turns to Lissa—“and I believe you got along quite well.”
“Yes,” Lissa says. “I met him at a gala a couple of months ago. Granted, I didn’t talk a lot with him, but it seems he is frustrated with his luna.”
“I have never seen or met her,” Dad says. “He always comes alone. Not a good view of the luna. She must be utterly useless.”
We don’t know that, I want to say, but keep my mouth shut.
If I say something like that, Dad will call me out on being too sentimental or empathic.
What do we care about a luna we don’t know?
Useless or not, I find it strange when her alpha mate doesn’t take her along anywhere.
Maybe she is sick, or something else happened that we don’t know about.
My parents don’t seem to notice my silence, but Lissa does, because she smiles at me. “Don’t worry, Forest. I am with you. I won’t embarrass you.”
“Don’t be silly,” Dad says before I can answer. “If anything, he relies on you too much. Without you, we wouldn’t have struck the last business deal, either.”
I wish I could argue with him about it, but he is right. Lissa is bubbly and sociable. During the last event we attended, she befriended two young lunas and then engaged in a talk with their two alpha mates, which furthermore led them to seek me out and engage in a talk with me.
It was all thanks to Lissa that this deal we struck was possible.
“You should leave, or you won’t be on time,” Mom says, ushering us towards the doors.
She makes sure to check me over and straightens my suit and tie, again.
With a frown, she checks me once more, and then just smiles slightly like she always does when she looks at me.
I know that smile. It means that I am doing or looking okay, but not more than that.
The extra mile I could go is still missing.
I am also aware that by now she has given up on demanding more; instead, she moves towards Lissa and beams at her. “You look absolutely perfect, sweetie!”
“Thank you, Luna.”
Mom laughs, an open and happy laugh. “How often are we supposed to tell you that you should call us by our first names?”
“I know, I know,” Lissa sighs. “Old habits.”
“You are almost like our daughter-in-law,” Dad adds. “No need to be so shy.”
Daughter-in-law? That’s how they see her? Is that what Lissa and I are in the eyes of my family, and maybe also in the eyes of the pack?
While both of us make our way to the car, I keep thinking of my father’s words over and over.
I am so caught up in my thoughts I barely notice my future beta, greeting us.
He is a promising young man named Martin, coming from a strong lineage of wolves.
His father is an elite warrior and a very good friend of my parents. Dad recommended him as my future beta.
Martin drives us, while Lissa and I take our places in the backseat. I look at her from the corner of my eye. She is a beautiful woman; there is no denying that. She knows how to dress and has an overall winning personality. She is charming. I guess she would make a great luna.
But is that fair? Doesn’t she want her mate? And what about my own mate? I haven’t even met her yet. Am I okay with taking a chosen mate for the luna position without even knowing what’s out there?
Well, I am not sure if I actually have a choice.
Of course you do, my wolf, Darien suddenly intervenes. We don’t talk an awful lot, so hearing him speak out now surprises me a little. I know he wishes for a less meek counterpart.
We have expectations to fulfill, I point out.
Yes, but not the ones you believe we should, he groans. Who the fuck cares if Lissa is luna material, or not, since she isn’t our mate!
You don’t like her?
I don’t care about her, he says. She isn’t our mate.
Now, that was straightforward! In a way, I am envious of him for being like that. I have a much harder time making decisions and knowing what I truly want, but he… he always knows what he wants.
We are in our late twenties, I point out.
So what?
What if we don’t find our mate? I ask. You know, our parents said that we can only take over the pack when we have a luna.
Then let’s get out there and find her, he snarls.
But our responsibilities—
Fuck them! Our responsibility is to find our mate and become as strong as possible, not to go to a shady gala, full of shifters who waltz around. We are better than that!
Are we? I am not sure. I need these business deals for the pack. Dad has made that clear every time we talked about these events. I don’t enjoy them, I just go because I have to, and unlike my wolf, I know I can’t just quit my responsibilities.
I didn’t say you should quit, he intervenes. It’s about priorities.
Before I can answer, he has retreated to the back of my mind, blocking me out like he usually does.
“Wow, this place is stunning,” Lissa exclaims.
I offer her my arm, which she accepts with a bright smile. “You think so?”
“That was the moment you were supposed to say that I am stunning,” she laughs.
“But…” I pause, not sure how to answer. Does she want me to compliment her? And if so, why? “You do look stunning,” I tell her. “I just don’t want to make things awkward.”
She bumps her shoulder against me and chuckles. “Forest, you could never make things awkward. It’s just me, good ol’ Lissa.”
“Right,” I say, although I am still not feeling comfortable.
Somehow, our conversation makes me recall what my wolf said only an hour ago.
She is not our mate. I can’t deny that I want my mate, that I want to find her and know who she is.
It’s unusual for an alpha-to-be of my age not to have found their mate yet, so maybe this is another thing wrong with me.
But I do wish I’d meet her.
My parents, however, are a different issue. Do they want me to choose Lissa as my mate? We don’t even know if this is what she wants. Lissa might be waiting for her own mate; as of now, she is just accompanying me as a friend and because I am bad at socializing.
“Forest, you are here!”
I turn my head to meet Tristan’s eyes, surprised to see him here. He and I went to the same alpha preparation training and are of similar age. He is from a small pack and took over last year after having found his luna. “Hey, I didn’t expect you to come.”
“You know me,” Tristan grins. “This is not me, but sometimes I have to show my ass.”
He doesn’t even lower his voice as he talks, despite poking fun at the event. I’ve always envied him for his confidence.
Lissa casts Tristan a glance and just smiles briefly. Neither she nor my parents deem him worthy of their time, I know that. It’s mainly because he isn’t really influential. “I’ll go ahead and greet Alpha Jordan,” she tells me.
I nod, waiting for her to have left before turning towards Tristan again. Tristan moves me aside a bit. “Did you take her as your chosen mate?”
“No, why do you ask?”
“Don’t know, people are talking,” he says, looking up and frowning. I turn my head to see what he is looking at. It’s Lissa who is greeting Alpha Jordan. The latter is a handsome man, strong and with obvious charisma, but I don’t like him. Something rubs me the wrong way whenever we talk.
It’s his eyes.
There is something in his eyes.
I have voiced my concerns to my parents once, but obviously, his eyes were not reason enough for them to even consider my worries. They have a point, though; why should I judge someone for the way they look at me, especially when they aren’t impolite?
“What are they talking about?” I ask while Jordan gives Lissa a hug. His hand lingers on the small of her back a little longer than would be considered appropriate for an alpha or any wolf with a mate.
“That she is in the running for the position of your luna,” Tristan tells me. “Dude, if you like her, I won’t say anything, but years ago you told me you wanted your mate.”
I told him something like that when I was still in my late teens. Funny, I completely forgot about it.
“Time’s ticking,” I admit.
“Says who?” he blinks.
I shrug. “You know, I can only take over the pack when I have a luna.”
“But you are still young,” he points out. “You still have time to find her. And Lissa…“ he pauses.
“What’s with her?”
Tristan sighs. “It’s just rumors,” he admits.
“I still want to hear them.”
“Some of my warriors claimed that they saw her with Jordan,” he tells me. “Not just at an event. In private.”
“She is trying to strike a business deal with his pack,” I tell him.
“In a hotel?” he asks.
I raise my gaze in surprise.
“From what I know, they spent the night there,” Tristan says. “But it’s just rumors. I haven’t seen them myself.”
Right at that moment, Jordan raises his head, his eyes finding Tristan and me. He smiles briefly. His face is ever so handsome, but his eyes are cold and calculated.
“Goddess, I hate that guy,” Tristan mutters. “Always gives me the creeps.”
His words surprise me. So, I am not the only one? Judging my father’s reaction, I felt like I was completely insane for doubting Jordan, but funny how Tristan thinks similarly to me.