Chapter Twelve
J osephine’s hands were shaking. Gyles of all people! Who would have ever imagined that Mrs. Dove-Lyon would think the Marquis of Wickes would be a suitable husband for her? The possibility was unthinkable.
“What’s come over you, Josie?” Cassandra asked taking the glass from Josephine’s hands. “I would think you’d be pleased that the man you’ve been in love with your whole life was standing right before you.”
“You mean the man who rejected me?” she cried out taking long deep breaths so she wouldn’t faint again.
Moriah shook her head. “You can’t hold that against him, dear. You were both young and you need to let whatever happened in your past remain there and not cloud your future.”
Cassandra clapped her hands. “Exactly! Why, just think of the opportunities this will open up for you. Each of you married to a marquis! What are the odds?”
What were the odds, indeed , Josephine thought before she reached again for her wine. After taking a sip to compose herself, she was ready to face whatever awaited her this evening. “I think I’ve recovered from my shock sufficiently, ladies. I might as well face the lion before me,” she murmured as Moriah and Cassandra stepped to the sides of her chair. Josephine rose and nodded to Gyles.
She watched him excuse himself from the men he had been conversing with and tried to control herself even while her heart betrayed her. No matter the years, she still held an affection for him that had never waned. He was just so… how should she describe him? He was utterly divine in his evening attire. But a handsome face with an expensive set of clothes could in no way determine the character of a man who would one day be a duke. She didn’t know the man he had become. She could never marry another man who only thought of her as chattel, nor would she marry a man for his money. She refused to be like her late husband, who had married her for no reason other than the dowry she had never received. Rather to be destitute or a mistress again then marry for anything other than love.
He gave a short bow before the three of them, and they curtseyed. He offered Josephine his arm. “Perhaps a stroll might do you some good,” Gyles suggested and when she placed her fingertips into the crook of his arm, she did everything in her power not to tremble. He gave her a hesitant smile before patting her hand. Obviously, she failed at hiding her reaction, and he had felt her shudder.
They walked in silence for several minutes until the sounds of the music faded in the distance. Lamplight lit the pathway until only a few couples strolled nearby.
“You never told me your name,” Gyles said quietly as he led her to a bench.
She sat down and he did the same sitting far too close for her comfort level. She inched herself away and then turned on the bench. Their knees almost touching. “There wasn’t really time for an introduction,” she murmured softly, “although I know who you are, Lord Wickes.”
“You have me at a disadvantage, my lady. Tell me who you are,” he said waiting for her reply.
“We spoke outside of the Lyon’s Den. Let us just say I’m a patron of the establishment.”
A chuckle left him. “And looking for a husband?”
She shrugged. “As you are looking for a wife?”
“Touché but not initially. Who is to say what might come of our meeting,” he answered with one of those wicked grins that still made her heart flip. “But this still doesn’t answer my question as to your name.”
“I’m not certain my identity is that important. At least for now.”
“I cannot address you as my lady until the end of time, now, can I?” he teased reaching for her hand and bringing it to his lips.
A gasp escaped her when she felt the warmth of his mouth touch her knuckles through the glove she wore. She attempted to snatch her hand away, but he continued to hold onto her fingertips and for the life of her, she couldn’t seem to pull away. “That was a bit forward, don’t you think?” she managed to say.
“Call me mad, but I could swear I know you,” he whispered but reluctantly let go of her hand. “Tell me… who is the lady behind the mask?”
“What difference does it make who I might be?” she asked, wondering just how long she could possibly delay revealing her identity. Since Mrs. Dove-Lyon had set up this meeting, clearly, she felt she was performing a service to bring them together to possibly wed. But how could she have known of their past association?
He sat back on the bench and became thoughtful for a moment or two before he answered. “You know who I am and what my title entails. Therefore, you must surely be aware that I simply cannot marry a woman who is not in good standing within the ton .”
And there it was … Further proof that she would never again fit in or be a part of a world that had rejected her when she made a foolish decision to marry a man decidedly beneath her. And if marrying wi thout her brother’s permission hadn’t been bad enough, then what she did after she became a widow sealed her fate shut. She was tarnished goods after her affair with Adrian de Courtenay. Gyles would never marry her no matter what feelings she still had for him.
She hung her head in shame until her chin was gently lifted by the man seated next to her. A tear ran down her right cheek that wasn’t covered with the golden mask and his thumb wiped it away.
“Why the tears, my lady?” he quietly asked taking off his mask before he continued. “Or maybe I should ask… why the tears, Josephine?”
Her mouth opened in an O of surprise that Gyles had somehow managed to recognize her. There was no reason to further her charade and she reached behind her to untie the ribbons of her mask. The golden frame slid from her face, and she stared into the eyes of a man whom she would never have.
“Hello, Gyles,” she murmured afraid to say more while her heart began beating rapidly inside her chest.
His hand cupped her cheek. “I knew it was you.”
She nodded before tearing her eyes away from his. “Well… I’m not certain how you knew. I am surprised you recognized me after all these years. But regardless, you can report back to Mrs. Dove-Lyon that we met but would never suit.” She returned her gaze back to him as her curiosity got the better of her. “How did you know?”
“You whispered my given name when you revived from your faint.”
“I did?”
“Yes. You did. There were only two people who ever called me anything other than my title no matter how many years has passed,” he replied with a slight smile. “Obviously, you weren’t your brother—and even he calls me Wickes now.”
She nodded her head. “I see. This still changes nothing. There is no reason for this…” she waved her finger back and forth between them, “whatever this was… to continue between us. Actually, there is no us . Whatever could have been ended years ago and was only my foolish imagination.”
“You didn’t imagine my affection for you, Josephine,” Gyles confessed. “You just didn’t understand the predicament I was in and the reason I couldn’t offer for you.”
She narrowed her eyes. “What predicament?”
“It was foolish, really. A vow made to your brother that I was bound to honor,” he said while raking his hand through his hair.
“What did Simon make you promise?” she asked afraid of what Gyles’s answer might be.
“We were young…”
She stood, impatient to learn about the promise that had caused her life to be turned upside down. “What did you promise my brother?” she said angrily.
He came to stand before her. “That I would never consider you for my wife. He thought it would be wrong since he thought I regarded you like a sister.”
Her heart shattered. All this because of a silly promise two young lords made to one another in their youth.
“I suppose if there’s any consolation in all this, then it’s that before now, I didn’t imagine you held any kind of affection for me beyond the feelings for a younger sister. But that still doesn’t change anything. I cannot blame you for the choices I made that ruined my life but that doesn’t mean I will continue to make mistakes that cost me everything,” she lashed out with a sob.
“I should have gone after you,” he began.
“Yes! You should have,” she yelled out before she turned away from him. She felt him step close and she did everything in her power not to lean into the man who had broken her heart. He was doing it all over again and he didn’t even know it.
“Josephine… let me make it up to you,” he said placing his hands upon her waist and turning her to face him. How she wished she could take him up on his offer …
“You can’t,” she sobbed. There was no way she could trust him again with her heart. She felt certain she couldn’t survive another disappointment—and more importantly, she wasn’t sure she could become that vulnerable again.
“Let me try. I know I can’t take away the pain you have suffered for all these years but maybe we can begin again,” he replied with what sounded like a sincere heart.
She shook her head trying to hold back her tears. “You can’t be seen with me, Gyles. I’m tarnished goods and my reputation will ruin your good name if you’re associated with me.”
He reached up to run a finger down her cheek. “I’m certain my reputation can stand the beating. Besides, it would be an honor to have you on my arm and escort you to wherever you’d like to go.”
“And what about this promise you made to my brother?”
“Let me handle your brother. Until recently, we haven’t spoken since the incident involving you so our friendship is also beginning again,” he said before he continued. “Maybe we can also start anew?”
All she had to do was say yes and her life as she now knew it would be forever changed. One little word and she could possibly have everything she had ever wished for but at what cost to the man standing in front of her? He’d be ostracized by the very people he now called his friends. She couldn’t do that to him. She’d have to let him go on with his life.
She stepped back and held out her hands to halt his progress forward. “We can’t, Gyles. I can’t let you ruin your life and your reputation because of me.”
She gave him no chance to reply when she turned and ran from his side. By the time she caught up with Cassandra she was a crying mess and begged her friend to allow her to take her carriage back home. Instead, Cassandra took Josephine’s hand and together they left Vauxhall Gardens and any chance Josephine might have had with the Marquis of Wickes.