Chapter Twenty-Nine
London, Hyde Park
Sending the note now was wrong; he knew it was, but he wouldn’t leave her again without saying farewell, no matter how bittersweet the meeting.
The first time he’d done so, he’d been under orders to leave immediately. Not telling her had almost crushed him. This time, leaving her was likely to break him, but he had to tell her goodbye.
Adieu, not au revoir, he thought. The finality of it brought a lump to his throat.
Forever stretched ahead in lonely shades of gray.
His body felt heavy, sluggish, weighed down by the despair of having loved and lost as he lurked near the path along which she would come.
He could not meet her by the lake. That had been a place of joy and love, bright and open to the sunlight. His mood now was dark, requiring hidden spaces. At his back, a heavily treed copse offered privacy for this most private of all goodbyes.
Punctual as she had always been, Clem appeared at the entrance with her maid following close behind. Even from this distance, he could see she was anxious.
Will straightened his shoulders and sucked in a slow breath, praying he would find the strength to let her go, to walk away when their farewells were done.
His note could have been less dramatic, he supposed, but in the grip of despair, he’d been unable to write anything but the harsh truth.
They were undone, all hope shattered, and life would become but a pale imitation of what once had been.
He could not have done what needed doing now if she had arrived, her smile unsuspecting, as beautiful as it had always been.
As she approached, she stopped and closed her eyes, tipping her face to the sun as she so often did.
Light and life, she used to say. Was Clem also seeking strength in its heat?
The rays lit her face like a Botticelli angel he had once seen in a painting.
Then, it had reminded him of Clem and the love that was growing between them.
She opened her eyes and her gaze found him immediately, despite the deep shade in which he stood. A word and a small gesture sent her maid in the opposite direction before Clem walked towards him.
“Will, why aren’t we meeting by the lake? Your note was so dramatic it frightened me at first until I realized Rufus has probably not shared what he plans to do, even with you. I believe he would defeat an oyster in a clamming-up race.”
Will took her hands in his and, for a moment, he reveled in the sight of her blue eyes gazing into his. The scent of roses wafted from her skin, sun-warmed and carried on the breeze.
Clem had always been an optimist, and even now, when he knew their world was crumbling around them, she found a positive way to interpret the news. He longed for the respite of her belief, if only for a few more minutes.
“Can we talk about that later? Right now, all I want is to hold you.”
She glanced over her shoulder and then slipped her arm through his. “Let’s go.”
To the casual observer, they would simply be two people strolling down a path that wound through trees, but she gripped his arm with such fierce possessiveness that he didn’t trust himself to speak.
“I’ve seen so little of you and then—”
“I’ve been working. There’s no rest for the wicked.” His attempt at levity fell flat as she made a soft sound of disgust.
“Rufus is part of the regent’s inner group at the War Office, and he’s begun including me in certain meetings. Much is changing. I’m sorry I couldn’t get away more often, Clem.”
Sorrier than she would ever know that he hadn’t found a way to spend more time with her. But perhaps that would have made this parting harder than it already was.
Clem patted his arm where she held him. “I knew you were working for Rufus, and I guessed ages ago that you were a spy. It sounded romantic, but it’s kept you away from me for so long.”
“Far too long.” He had only one life, and he had believed they would spend the rest of it together.
Don’t get despondent yet. Enjoy these last moments with her.
“Part of my new job will be developing training methods to teach others spy craft, so we are better prepared against the threat of future wars. It means I will be working most of the time in London.”
Why had he shared that with her? It mattered little where he was if he could not come home to Clem at the end of each day.
But a small part of him was proud of his new responsibilities, and of the trust Rufus placed in him, and the thought of training others to work in the field as he had excited him.
“So I’ll see you much of the time if you’re working in London? You’ll be at home more often once we are married.”
“Clem.” He drew her off the path into the shelter of two trees whose low branches would screen them from passersby. “You read my note, didn’t you?”
“Of course I did. How else would I have known to meet you here?”
“Then you must understand this. The regent has given his blessing to your marriage—to Rufus. That means we cannot be together, ever.”
“Indeed, that was what I thought when I first read your note, but I’m certain Rufus will find a way to change the prince’s mind. Did he tell you the regent had blessed our union? What, exactly, did he say?”
“Not in so many words, but—”
“Ask him. Rufus, I mean. Surely, he’ll tell you his plans now, where I cannot extract from him even a hint of what they are. But I trust him.”
“I know how good Rufus is, but do you truly believe even he can convince the regent of anything once he’s made up his mind?”
“Rufus can. Oh, Will, you have to believe. For twenty long months, he worked magic behind the scenes to keep me out of the clutches of would-be suitors. For you! He’s our dearest friend, and he’s not going to give up now.”
Clem’s complete belief in Rufus finally opened a small crack in the darkness Will had been carrying within him.
Did he dare to hope?
“Can we meet again tomorrow?” Clem stepped in close, setting a hand on his chest. Her voice was soft, but in her direct gaze, he saw a reflection of his own desire.
He swallowed as her touch drew an instant response from his body. “I don’t know if it will be possible. I’m still under orders until the War Office officially reassigns me to Rufus.” He tipped his head and covered her hand with his. “Do you really think Rufus has things in hand?”
“I have to believe, and you must too. I am going to keep working toward the fundraiser and look ahead to the ball. We will be together, Will. I know it in my very soul.”
He brushed a loose strand of hair off her brow, wishing he was as certain of success as she was. “If you believe it, then so will I.”
He’d keep silently repeating that until sheer force of will made it true.
“You’ll be there, won’t you, Will, at our ball?”
“The entirety of Boney’s army couldn’t keep me from you.”
But Prinny can.
No, stay positive.
“Your note sounded ominous, but everything will work out in the end. Now, kiss me before anyone comes.”
Carlton House, later that afternoon
Will hailed a hackney cab from the park to Pall Mall for his audience with the Prince Regent in a more positive frame of mind than he’d begun his day.
The prince had written of his thanks in the letter Lord Carstairs had given Will.
An audience with the regent seemed unnecessary.
Although Will appreciated that it was a great honor, what more could there be that hadn’t already been said?
By the time he arrived at Carlton House, he’d regained some of his ability to step back, observe and analyze a situation.
He’d even convinced himself of Clem’s belief in Rufus and his powers of persuasion.
Perhaps they had a chance, albeit a small one of being true.
A glimmer of hope was better than the Stygian darkness into which he’d fallen.
Upon entering the palace, a servant took Will’s hat and coat, and another led him through the public rooms to the prince’s private audience chamber. There, nerves took hold, wriggling like worms in his stomach.
Why had the prince invited him here? Did it have anything to do with Rufus and Clem, or was Will’s mind stuck on their situation to the exclusion of all else, running around and around like horses on a racetrack?
Minutes ticked by, and he had far too much time to ponder as he waited.
Regardless of appointments and unconcerned about keeping others waiting, the prince was never one to rush from a meal, and Will stood beside the door, unable to sit down and unwilling to wander around the room for fear of being caught out of his place when his majesty appeared.
Finally, at a quarter to five, a mere three-quarters of an hour after his appointment, the door opened and the regent entered the chamber.
Will bowed low, holding the position until the regent spoke.
“Ravenshoe, good to meet you. I’ve wanted to since Marsden told me of your sterling work in France. That ride you made from Ligny to Waterloo under enemy fire sounds exciting. Was it exciting?”
Frightening. Painful.
Injured and under fire, Will wouldn’t have called that last mad dash to Wellington’s camp exciting, but the regent wasn’t known for his practical nature.
“Indeed, Your Highness, it stirred my blood.”
The regent nodded and paced for several steps, hands behind his back. “Welly mentioned how important your information was in defeating old Boney. Said you were instrumental in winning the battle.”
“It is kind of Your Highness to say so.”
Still, Will had no idea where this audience was going. A private audience to say well done seemed unnecessary, but he stood straight and calm before the prince.
“I believe bravery such as you showed goes above and beyond what duty demands. Marsden agrees with me, of course. I have decided you are to have a reward.”
“I only did what duty required of me.”
“Spoken like a true hero.” The prince picked up a beautifully painted casket from an elegant desk and, turning to Will, lifted the lid, opening the box toward him.
Inside, a parchment lay on a bed of red velvet.
The regent’s Great Seal was affixed on the lower right of the page, but as for the content, Will barely had time to see it contained letters patent before the prince spoke again.
“This is my official thanks to you for your service to king and country.”
“Thank you, Your Highness. You are too gracious.”
The prince regent dropped the lid and handed the casket to Will. “Well done, sir. You are the best of my spies after Rufus.” He nodded, “Yes, indeed. One of the best.” He turned on his heel and headed out the door.
Will bowed again, holding the bow until the prince left the chamber. When the door closed behind the regent, Will opened the casket and read the regent’s letters patent through twice, then shook his head in disbelief.
“Who would have thought it?”