Chapter 23
They’d made love again, in the crisp early hours of dawn, as the first rays of light penetrated the darkness of night. Perhaps it was wrong, knowing the uncertainty of their future, but Alex could no longer fight what was between them or his own need for her.
He woke her with a kiss, rousing the slumber from her eyes with the gentle persuasion of his mouth and tongue.
The fierce, hungry passion of the night before transformed into the languid, sensual exploration of lovers.
Naked, limbs entwined, he caressed her velvety soft skin until she heated under his touch and then stroked her with his fingers until she arched against his hand, her lovely full breasts straining to the sky.
He circled his tongue around her nipple, pulling her with his teeth and lips until she writhed beneath him. She was so damn sweet, her response eager and honest with an intensity that matched his own.
He entered her slowly, watching her face, wanting to remember the pink flush of pleasure that spread across her cheeks as she took him into her body. Gripping him tight, until he dissolved in heat and sensation.
He stilled for a moment, savoring the sensation of being buried deep inside her, of filling her, of being joined together in God’s heavenly embrace.
He held her gaze and pushed deeper, shuddering with a wave of pure tenderness.
The look in her eyes stripped him to the core.
He couldn’t move, wanting to preserve the moment, wanting never to forget how it felt to experience perfection.
He drew out slowly, lengthening his stroke, building the rhythm gently and then with increased urgency.
When her eyes closed and she started to come, he let himself go, surging hard against her until he sank into her full hilt and came with a violence that shocked him.
It was the most profound climax of his life.
Drawn slowly from the deepest part of him, his entire being consumed by the force of his love for this woman.
It was the most beautiful, bittersweet experience of Alex’s life.
He cradled her in his arms with all the tenderness of a man who’d been given his heart’s desire, only to realize that he could lose it in the amount of time it took an arrow to fly or a sword to fall.
He wished it could have lasted forever, but not even the force of his considerable will could hold back the sun from its determined rise.
Reluctantly, he let her go, sending her back to her pallet before the others woke. Though he doubted they were fooling anyone. Jamie, he was fairly sure, knew exactly where Meg had spent the night. In his old friend’s gaze, Alex read censure, but also reluctant acceptance.
The hours passed quickly. With the battle looming, he and Neil had spent most of the day planning a new strategy of attack.
He kept Meg within his view at all times.
When occasionally their eyes would meet, he knew she was remembering, just as he was, but there was little time for conversation.
What had needed to be said had been said last night.
Their future, if any, rested in God’s hands now.
He loved her more deeply than he’d ever thought possible. But something kept him from telling her. Perhaps he thought it would be easier for her to move on if he did not return. Or perhaps it was because when he told her he loved her, he wanted to be free to do so.
When it was time to load the birlinn, he ordered Robbie and two of his most trusted warriors to accompany the party of Mackinnons. He could not spare them, but neither would he take any chances with Meg’s safety. Meg objected, but he would not be gainsaid.
Finally, it was time.
She stood to the side on the rocky shore, alone, watching the men load the boats. Alex approached her, steeling himself for what he’d been dreading since the moment she’d arrived. Saying good-bye.
When he looked at her face, the ache in his chest tightened.
She was trying to be brave, but her eyes gave her away.
Wide and luminous, they reflected the depths of her fear in the glistening shimmer of unshed tears.
He knew her strength, but she looked so heartbreakingly fragile, it took everything he had not to wrap her in his arms and soothe her fears. But he knew he could not.
God’s breath, he had no intention of being killed or taken prisoner.
Or of losing, for that matter. He’d fought too damn hard for this moment.
Every warrior knew each battle could be his last. He never dwelled on it but accepted it as a price of the life he’d chosen.
But never had Alex had so much to live for.
And he was just as aware as she was that they might never see each other again.
He shook off the morbid reminder. He would not let that happen.
He wanted a life with Meg. To protect her.
To ease her burden. To help her clan. His throat tightened.
To hold their first child in his arms. He wanted that more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life.
But he had to finish what he’d started. While there was a breath left in his body, he would fight against the king’s injustice.
And deep down, he knew he could not have the life he wanted to have with Meg until he’d put the past behind him.
He stood before her, taking her hands in his. They were shaking slightly and cold, despite the warmth of the morning. “It’s time, lass.”
The color slid from her face. The flash of panic in her eyes hit him hard.
“Let me stay with you,” she pleaded.
He stilled. She was killing him. Didn’t she know how difficult this was for him? He didn’t want her to leave, either. He wanted never to let her go. But he’d weighed the risks, and it was far more dangerous for her to stay. He shook his head. “No.”
“Neil’s wife is here, as are many of the other wives,” she protested.
“They have no choice; this is their home. Their battle. It’s not yours.”
“I don’t care,” she said fiercely. “I don’t want to leave you.”
And I don’t want you to leave. It would tear out his heart a second time to send her away. “But you will,” he said in a voice that did not bode argument.
She held his gaze, pleading with her eyes, but Alex would not be persuaded. Not in this. He wanted her safely away. Only then could he focus on the task at hand.
“Come,” he said, leading her toward the boat. “It is time.” He was relieved when she followed him without further objection.
His feet felt like lead; each step claimed a little of his heart. He helped her into the boat and looked at Jamie. “I appreciate what you did for us,” he said, realizing he’d been remiss. “Thank you. I know what it might have cost you.”
Jamie nodded.
“Take care of her,” Alex said.
“I will,” Jamie answered. “Until your return.”
Alex turned back to Meg. His eyes scanned her face, trying to take in every last detail. He wanted to memorize everything about her, from the spattering of freckles on the bridge of her nose to the golden light that sparkled in her green eyes. She was so tiny and yet so enormously precious.
Night was falling, and the wind had just begun to pick up, carrying with it a stray lock of her hair. Unthinkingly, he tucked it behind her ear, allowing his thumb to stroke the soft curve of her cheek. She pressed her face into his hand.
“I’ll see you …” Her voice fell off, and she started to cry. Softly. Bravely. In a way that broke his heart.
The tightness in his chest was almost unbearable. Each tear that fell ate a bigger hole in his heart. Heedless of those around, he kissed her gently, but with a sharp poignancy that could not be denied. His mouth lingered for a moment, savoring the taste of her, wanting to remember it always.
Finally, he lifted his head. Tilting her chin, he looked deep into her eyes. “You will, my love. Soon.” He could not doubt it.
The boat pushed away. Her hair blew wildly around her face in the wind. Tears fell unchecked down her pale cheeks.
He wanted to turn away but forced himself to stand and watch, though the pain intensified with each minute that she slipped farther away. To safety, he reminded himself.
If only they’d met at a different time. Before his life had been inextricably entwined with the fight to free Lewis. Before the series of events that had been set in motion that day long ago on the corrie in the shadows of the mighty Cuillin mountain range, when his cousins had lost their lives.
His jaw locked as he fought the swell of emotion as Meg vanished from his view. Soon, my love.
It was time to put the past to rest.