35. Callahan
My knees weaken when her fiery gaze lands on me and my heart jumps into my throat, making it hard to breathe, so fucking hard.
Lucie’s hair’s a mess, piled up on top of her head and damp.
She’s wearing old sweatpants that need to be burned even though I suspect they’re mine and Mam gave them to her.
And the t-shirt needs to meet the same fate.
Still, Lucie is utterly gorgeous.
And fuck, she must hate me.
I could tell her I’ve spent the past three and a half weeks working with my brothers, her mom, and Mikey on making sure all issues are resolved and that everything is set up for the future.
Our future.
The official story being told is that Vincent had a heart attack.
I should’ve probably known her mother was the original de Rosa, but I didn’t.
Or maybe I didn’t pay attention to that detail.
Things like that, the made man rising to take the position of Don, isn’t unheard of, and in that structure, she wasn’t more than a mafia wife, one with a built-in armor.
If he killed her, then he’d lose everything to his son and daughter.
To her daughter.
I killed a piece of shit who’d have killed Lucie, and I don’t regret it at all.
That makes me the worst of all the monsters, and I don’t even wish I could change it.
No, that’s a lie. I do.
I wish I’d killed him long before I did.
And that Lucie wasn’t in the room, wasn’t in immediate danger.
“Callahan.” Her voice is cold and chills the deepest parts of me.
Then she looks at my mam.
“Thanks for your hospitality, but I think I’m going to head to London.”
And with that she goes up the stairs.
I don’t move.
“Well.”
Mam suddenly slaps me, hard, and dammit, my face stings.
“Ow, Mam?—”
“You be quiet.” Behind us comes a roll of laughter and I snarl at Declan as Mam whips around to him.
“You, too. Or I’ll paddle your ass. Out, Declan. Now.”
“For fuck’s sake… C’mon, Arnold.”
My dog runs up to me and licks my hand, then barks and turns to follow Declan out to the back of the house.
I haven’t been here before, not since she moved.
But Mam isn’t looking for a discussion on property and her new house.
She wants to finish what we started.
What she started, a talk about Lucie.
“Well, what, Callahan?” she snaps.
“Is that it? You come all the way here and say ‘well’ when your woman tells you she’s leaving?”
“She doesn’t want me.”
“Because you killed a man who’d have killed her? ”
“Not just any man. Her da, Mam.”
But Mam shakes her head and crosses her arms, staring up at me.
“I didn’t raise you to be stupid, Callahan. Why did you come here if it wasn’t for her? And don’t tell me you haven’t been chomping at the bit to get yourself over here since the moment you worked out where Declan took her.”
“She left me.”
“And you’re okay with that?” She shakes her head, her curls swinging around her face.
“You’re like your da. Shit scared when it comes to love. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it makes you vulnerable, but don’t you realize how strong it makes you, too?”
“This isn’t love.”
She laughs and starts straightening throw pillows even though the place is already neat and tidy and guest worthy.
“So that’s why you’ve been driving me crazy with nonstop calls? You’ve called me more in the past few weeks than you have in your entire life, Callahan Francis.”
I sink onto the sofa, hands clasped, and I drop my head.
“It doesn’t matter that I shot the prick to save her; I still killed a man she loved.”
“And she told you that, did she? Because from what she’s told me, they didn’t have a good relationship. He trapped her, caged her.”
Like I did, but I don’t say a word about that.
“And he treated her like shit. I don’t think she liked him. Now love, family love is different. You can hate someone and still feel the love you’re meant to feel, but it’s not like loving someone properly.”
“She told you all this?” I ask.
Mam sits next to me.
“Some, I read between the lines. We’re the same, me and Lucie. Mafia daughters. I hated my father, too, but the love part? It was there. I’ll tell you one thing. I never mourned him, and that girl isn’t mourning anyone but you. If you don’t love her, then let her go. But if you do, then dammit, go get her.”
“This isn’t?—”
“Don’t lie to me, Callahan.”
Because Mam always calls me on my shit.
This is love. I know it.
I think I knew it the first time I fucked Lucie Joy.
But how can you keep lying when a part of you almost gets killed, when that part runs off with your brother?
When that part makes you so exposed and vulnerable that there’s nothing to do but hide?
“Mam…”
“Love makes you strong and that girl’s special. I know why you chose her.”
“I had to marry her.”
“You didn’t have to fall for her, Callahan, and I think you did before you even knew who she was. Your brother told me how you met. And that isn’t you, Cal. Saving someone is, but going after her? No, that’s you and Lucie finding one another. So get up those stairs. Talk to her. Fix this now. Don’t let this girl leave.”
Fuck me.
Mam on the warpath is frightening.
But she’s also right, and I head for the stairs.
I take them two at a time to get to her.
Telling her will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
The scariest.
What if she hates me?
What if Mam’s wrong about how Lucie feels?
I knock on the open door.
“Hey.”
“Go away, Callahan,” she says, “If you need to stay married to me, you can?—”
“No, I don’t need to.”
She goes still.
“Consider this a divorce. I don’t want anything from you. ”
“I don’t want a divorce. I want to stay married to you, Lucie. But?—”
“You said you’d hunt me down and you didn’t.”
She whirls and glares at me, then she throws a book at me.
I catch it easily and put it down on the dresser just inside the room.
“But none of that matters anyway,” she says.
“You killed my father. I know he wasn’t really my father and he was a horrible man, but he’s the only one I had.”
There’s a defiance in her voice I don’t get, like she’s trying to back me into something.
But I don’t know what.
And that frustrates the hell out of me.
“He had a gun. Lucie. I’d told him I’d let him live for your sake as long as he didn’t touch you or your mom, sister, or brother, if he never came near you again, but he did. He fucking pulled a gun on you. So I killed him. For you.”
A tear slides down her cheek and it breaks me.
“I know you hate me, Lucie. Consequences, right? But I did it to save you.”
She doesn’t say a word, just makes a sound like a sob.
I cross the room to get to her, gently wiping the tears away.
Touching her is like the spark I’ve been lacking.
It’s like she’s my beating heart, the compassion I never had.
She’s life. And I hurt her.
She should never forgive me for that.
I know I can’t forgive myself.
“You should hate me, Lucie, just like you do. And you shouldn’t ever forgive me. I can’t forgive myself for hurting you, but please know I killed him because if he had the chance to pull that trigger, you could have died. And I can’t bear to think of life without you, Lucie.”
“Cal… ”
I want to close my eyes, but I don’t.
I make myself meet her gaze as I brush my thumb over her lips, taking in how she’s healed, and at the same time, how much I’ve broken her.
“I hate that I’ve done this to you. But Lucie, I love you. I fell in love with you. How could I not? You’re the weirdest lass I’ve met. You fascinate me. You’re brave and sweet and smart and fierce. You push all my buttons and I let you. The only one. No one walks over me like you. I love you, with everything I am.”
She pushes me away.
“You still didn’t come for me.”
“I knew where you were. I didn’t have to.” I step closer again and take her by the arms. Lucie tries to rip free, but now that my hands are on her, I can’t let her go.
I won’t.
“You didn’t call.”
“You scare me, Lucie. You with your gorgeous legs and smart mouth. You scare me to death. You make me so vulnerable. And I know hating me is right. I killed your father. We can’t come back from that.”
She’s silent.
So I kiss her. It’s a risk because I don’t know if she’ll punch me.
It’s also a goodbye, even though I want it to be a new start.
My pulse jumps when she kisses me back, soft and sweet, tasting like my Lucie, like coffee, like sugar.
I know I can seduce her, the spark of attraction between us still burns bright, but I don’t.
I slowly break the kiss, and then I start working up the willpower to walk away.
“I hate you for letting me go.”
I go utterly still.
“The thing is, Cal, I hated my father. He wasn’t nice to me. And you saved me. I tried to save you both, and instead, I put you in the position of killing him.”
“No, no, you didn’t.” I take a breath.
“Can we leave him out of this?”
“If he was a man I truly loved, then I don’t know how we’d come back from that, but he wasn’t. He was awful to me. And I think you’d have taken his bullet if it came down to it. You’d have saved me. I know that.” She sighs.
“It’s okay. You’re absolved. You can go.”
I frown, my heart squeezing tight.
“Did you hear me? I said I love you.”
“You don’t have to say it.”
“Do you know me at all, Lucie Joy? I don’t say fucked-up shit like that unless I mean it. I’m in love with you. In fact, I’m so in love with you it’s pathetic, and I’m ninety-nine percent sure Seamus and Torin are planning to murder me if I don’t sort things out. Help a guy out, please.”
She looks at me.
“Say it again.”
“I love you, Lucie. With everything I am. To my dying breath. I love you. I’m in love with you. How much longer are you going to make me grovel?”
“Three and a half weeks.”
It’s fair.
I deserve that. But then she rises up on her toes and slides her hands around my neck, grinning.
“I love you, too, Frank.”
“Ah, Christ. Frank. I forgot Frank. Frank and fucking Joy.”
And incredibly, she laughs.
It’s mixed with a sob, but her eyes sparkle, brimming with happiness.
It fills me with hope for the future.
Our future. She can control me with a look.
A word. I’ll burn the world down to keep her safe.
She’s mine.
“I love you, Callahan. You’re everything.”
I kiss her again as something bounds into the room.
I look down as a tail hits me.
“Hey, Arnold. Hey, cat.”
And she touches my face.
My love. My life.
So I tell her words of real love she can understand.
“Clawzilla stays.”
My Lucie bursts into tears and hugs me tight, and this is it.
The real beginning .
A new empire to build, made up of me and Lucie.
And a dog and a cat.
I can’t fucking wait.
I hope you loved Callahan and Lucie’s story!
Next up is Torin, so if you are a fan of dark, enemies to lovers, forced proximity, spicy as heck age gap romances, then get ready for their story, THE MAFIA ASSASSIN’S REDEMPTION , the next installment of THE MAFIA OBSESSION series!