Chapter 24Claire
24
Claire
I wake nestled in Valerian’s arms, feeling rested for the first time in days. My mind is calm, if only for a moment. Then nausea hits me like a wave, forcing me to breathe through it. I try to stay still, not wanting to disturb Valerian.
His eyelids flutter open before I can compose myself. I greet him with a playful kiss on the lips, hoping to distract from my discomfort. He smirks, still half-asleep, but his grip around me tightens, pulling me closer.
“Morning,” he murmurs, his voice rough with sleep.
I can tell he’s noticed something’s off. His brow creases slightly as he studies my face. Before he can ask questions I’m not ready to answer, I lean in for another kiss. This one is deeper and more insistent. I pour everything I’m feeling into it—my fear and uncertainty, but also the undeniable connection growing between us. For some reason, it eases the nausea too.
Valerian responds immediately, one hand cupping the back of my head while the other splays across my lower back. His touch sends sparks through my body, momentarily chasing away the nausea entirely. I lose myself in the kiss, in the warmth of his body against mine, and the little bubble in which we’ve immersed ourselves, even if it is temporary.
When we finally break apart, both breathing heavily, his eyes are dark with desire. “Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”
I shrug, aiming for nonchalance. “Do I need a reason to kiss you good morning?”
His lips quirk up in a half-smile. “I suppose not.” His trails his fingers down my arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “How did you sleep?”
“Better than I have in a while.” It’s true. Despite everything weighing on my mind, being in Valerian’s arms had allowed me to truly rest.
He nods, seemingly pleased. “Good. You needed it.”
I stretch, careful not to jostle my stomach too much. “What time is it?”
He glances at the clock on the nightstand. “Just after eight. We don’t have to be anywhere for a few hours.”
The suggestion in his words makes me tremble with longing for a few uninterrupted hours with Valerian... Part of me wants nothing more than to lose myself in him again and forget about the complications waiting for us outside this room, but the rational part of my brain knows we need to talk.
“Valerian,” I start, then hesitate. How do I even begin to broach this subject?
He must sense my internal struggle because his expression softens. “What is it, Claire? You can tell me anything.”
I open my mouth to tell him about the pregnancy, but the words stick in my throat. My mouth gets dry while I search for the right way to break the news. Instead, I hear myself saying, “I can’t stop thinking about Jay in the hospital.”
His expression softens as he pulls me closer, gently combing his fingers through my hair. The tender gesture makes my eyes sting with unshed tears.
“It was awful seeing him like that, so vulnerable and hurt.” I pause, gathering my courage before asking the question that occurred to me yesterday. “Do you think it was random prison violence?” Part of me hopes for a simple yes. Random violence would be terrible, but somehow less frightening than the alternative.
Valerian’s hesitation speaks volumes. His hand stills in my hair while he searches for the right words.
“No,” he says finally, sounding grave. “I am sure it was the Petrov Syndicate.” His accent thickens slightly with emotion. “The only question remaining is why...”
The question hangs between us. My stomach churns, and not just from morning sickness. If the Petrovs are targeting Jay, what does that mean for the rest of us? For the babies growing inside me? Is it indirectly my fault, since I’m a weak point for Valerian, or are they trying to collect on what they see as their investment in him that he screwed up by getting sent to prison?
Valerian must sense my distress because he cups my face in his hands, forcing me to meet his intense gaze. “I’ve tightened security,” he says, his voice steady and reassuring. “No one will harm you or your family. I promise.”
I want to believe him. I want to sink into the safety of his arms and forget about the dangers lurking outside, but my secret presses down on me, making it hard to breathe. “Thank you,” I manage to say, forcing a smile. “I know you’ll do everything you can to keep us safe.”
Valerian nods, his expression serious. “Always.”
We rest in silence for a moment. I should tell him about the pregnancy. He deserves to know. Yet the thought of bringing four innocent lives into this world of violence and danger makes my heart ache, and I don’t know what to do.
“How about breakfast?” I ask suddenly, desperate for a distraction. “I’m starving.”
Valerian’s eyebrows raise slightly at my abrupt change of subject, but he doesn’t comment. “Of course,” he says, rising from the bed. “What would you like?”
As we get up and start our morning routine, I promise myself I will tell Valerian everything. Just not today. Today, I need to process, to plan, and to figure out how to navigate this new reality. I watch Valerian as he moves around the room, his powerful presence both comforting and intimidating. He catches me staring and gives me a questioning look.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
I nod, plastering on another smile. “Yes, just thinking about what I want for breakfast. Pancakes, maybe?”
Valerian chuckles. “Pancakes it is.”
As we head downstairs, I try to push away the guilt gnawing at my insides. One more day, I tell myself. One more day to pretend everything is normal before I turn both our worlds upside down.
Later in the morning, Valerian has departed to run an errand, and I’m sitting in the living room, flipping through a magazine without really seeing the pages, when I hear a car pull up outside. Curious, I set aside the magazine and move to the window, peeking through the curtains. My heart leaps when I see my mother stepping out of a sleek black SUV, one of Valerian’s guards holding the door for her.
“Mom?” I whisper, surprised and a little confused. I hadn’t expected to see her today. I haven’t seen her in a few days, since going into lock-down at the mansion, and seeing her now, when I’m so desperately confused, brings tears to my eyes.
I hurry to the front door, opening it just as my mother reaches the steps. Her face lights up when she sees me, and she quickens her pace. “Claire, sweetheart.” She envelops me in a warm hug, the familiar scent of her lavender perfume washing over me, before she kisses my cheek. “I hope you don’t mind the surprise visit.”
I return the hug, savoring the comfort of her embrace. “Of course not. I’m always happy to see you, but how did you?—”
“Valerian arranged it,” she says, pulling back to look at me. Her eyes search my face, concern evident in her expression. “He thought you might want some company while he’s out.”
Myriad emotions surge through me, including gratitude for Valerian’s thoughtfulness, nervousness about facing my mother’s questions, and a twinge of guilt for the secret I’m keeping. I force a smile, stepping back to let her inside.
“That was nice of him,” I say, leading her to the living room. “Can I get you something to drink? Tea? Coffee?”
Mom settles onto the couch, taking in the luxurious surroundings. “Tea would be lovely, thank you.”
Before I can ring, Anatoly is already there, a tea tray in hand. He gives me a smile. “I thought you ladies might enjoy tea. There’s chamomile, herbal, or ginger .” He says that last part with special emphasis, making me wonder just how much the observant butler has guessed.
When he departs, I feel my mother’s gaze on me. My secret presses down on me, making my movements feel clumsy and uncertain. I pour the tea and hand her the herbal blend while selecting ginger for myself. Mom takes her cup, blowing gently on the steaming liquid before taking a sip.
“So…” she says, her tone casual but her eyes sharp. “How are you doing, really?”
I open my mouth to give my usual response of, “I’m fine,” but the words stick in my throat. Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, and suddenly, I can’t hold it in anymore. “Oh, Mom,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “I’m pregnant.”
Her eyes widen, the teacup freezing halfway to her lips. “Pregnant? But I thought?—”
“I know,” I say, wiping at my eyes. “The doctor said it’s some kind of hormonal shift, and it’s not just one baby. It’s... four.”
Mom sets down her cup with a clatter. “Four? Oh, Claire...”
I nod, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. She moves to sit beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Have you told Valerian?” she asks gently.
I shake my head. “Not yet. I... I don’t know how. You can’t tell anyone until I figure out how to tell him.”
She squeezes my hand. “Of course not, sweetheart, but you need to tell him soon. He deserves to know.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I’m just... I’m scared.”
Her brow creases, and she suddenly looks concerned. “Scared? Claire, are you... are you being held here against your will? Is this about Jay’s debt?”
I sit up straighter, shaking my head vehemently. “No, it’s nothing like that. Jay’s debt has been resolved. I’m here because I want to be. It’s just...” I trail off, struggling to find the right words.
“It’s just what?” she prompts gently.
I exhale raggedly. “I’m scared of bringing babies into this world. Valerian’s world. It’s dangerous, Mom. There are people who want to hurt him, and by extension, anyone close to him.”
She’s quiet for a moment while rubbing soothing circles on my back. “I can’t pretend to understand everything about your situation, but you have options. If you’re not ready for this, if you don’t want to go through with the pregnancy…”
“No,” I interrupt, surprising myself with the vehemence in my voice. “I mean, I’ve thought about it, but I spent so many years thinking I might never be able to have children. Now that it’s happened, even in these crazy circumstances, I can’t give that up.”
She nods, a small smile on her lips. “I understand, but this is your decision. Whatever you choose, your father and I will support you.”
I settle into her embrace, feeling some of the tension leave my body. “Thank you, Mom. I just need some time to figure out how to tell Valerian.”
“Don’t wait too long. Secrets have a way of coming out, and the longer you wait, the harder it will be.” She slants me a small smile. “Especially with a multiple baby pregnancy. You could conceivably pop overnight and suddenly be showing.”
I nod, knowing she’s right, and I want to tell Valerian before it’s physically obvious. We sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes, sipping our tea before she asks more about the babies, and I share the details of my doctor’s appointment, and the shock of seeing four tiny heartbeats on the ultrasound screen.
“Two singletons and a pair of identical twins,” I say with both awe and fear in my voice. “Can you believe it?”
Mom laughs softly. “Oh, sweetheart. You never do anything by halves, do you?”
I chuckle at that. “Apparently not.”
As we talk, some of the weight lifts from my shoulders. Mom listens without judgment, offering advice when I ask for it and just being a comforting presence when I need it.
Before I know it, lunchtime rolls around. We move to the kitchen, where the chef has prepared a simple meal of sandwiches and fruit. As we eat, Mom shares stories from the flower shop, making me laugh with tales of demanding brides and clueless boyfriends trying to choose the perfect bouquet. It’s only been a few days, but I miss being in the thick of it all. I miss my massage clients too.
All too soon, one of Valerian’s guards appears in the doorway, informing us Mom’s SUV is ready. I walk her to the front door, hugging her tightly.
“You can handle this,” she whispers before pulling back.
I nod, blinking back tears. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.” With a wave, she walks out between two hulking bodyguards like she does that every day. With the way things have been lately, she probably does.
I stand watch until she’s in the SUV, and it pulls away. Once I’m alone, I keenly notice Valerian’s absence for the first time since Mom arrived. I turn to Dmitri, who’s standing nearby.
“Where’s Valerian by the way?” I ask, trying to keep my tone casual. “He said something about errands.”
Dmitri’s expression remains impassive. “He had a meeting but should be back soon.”
I nod, pushing down the flicker of worry that tries to rise. Valerian’s a busy man, and meetings are part of his life. Still, as I head back inside, I worry about him. I can’t help it.
Settling back onto the couch, I pick up the magazine I’d abandoned earlier, trying to distract myself from thoughts of Valerian’s absence and the secret growing inside me. The words blur on the page, and my mind wanders to the conversation I need to have with him, and soon.