Chapter Nineteen
It was a shameless act, performed before so many that it could not be denied later when she came to her senses. So blatant as to not be mistaken for anything else. Lara’s face flamed now even thinking on it.
Three days had passed since he’d left in the night from her bed to go off on this mission of the king’s. Three long days and three torturous nights when she’d lain awake and worried about what her father and cousin were arranging to thwart the Bruce’s, and her husband’s, plans.
She’d managed well enough in the light of day.
After ordering one of the carpenters to work on her new piece of furniture, she set herself to work on the other things needed.
Keeping her hands busy somehow made it bearable, and the thoughts of the terrible things that could happen to Sebastien did not take hold until the night.
Her dreams were filled with images of his broken and torn body being dropped at her feet by Eachann.
Her father was there as well, calling her all the foul names that the Bruce’s soldiers had used against her.
When she ran from them, they were behind her or in front of her and to her side.
The third time she woke up screaming loudly enough to draw Margaret’s attention, she knew sleep would escape her grasp until Sebastien was home safely.
Malcolm and Philippe took to avoiding her—the lack of sleep and the constant worrying over Sebastien made her a miserable companion.
Catriona was using her favorite word again, but now used it to refer to Lara’s mood.
Lara knew she should have more patience toward the child; however, at the tenth use of that word she lost any hope of decorum and ordered her out of the keep.
She knew that Sir Hugh had quietly countermanded her orders, but she chose to ignore that.
She’d almost succeeded in regaining control over herself when that damned James Douglas arrived.
Just his appearance was bad enough in her eyes, but when he sat at her table, in Sebastien’s seat, and would say nothing to her about her husband’s condition or whereabouts, she threatened to use one of Philippe’s training swords on his “valuable bits.” After crossing himself and then making a hasty retreat, he relocated himself and his men to the barracks outside the castle walls.
Then Sebastien was there, just off to the west in the firth, heading for the shore and the dock.
He stood in the boat and waved—she was sure it was to her as she watched from the battlements—but she could not raise her arm in greeting.
Instead, just as he stepped off the boat and was welcomed by Hugh and James and Etienne, she crumpled on the stone walkway and sobbed so hard that she lost her breath.
Lara heard his voice in the yard and tried to stand.
One of the guards came running to her and helped her, crying out to Sebastien at the same time.
She was on her feet when Sebastien reached the battlements and called out her name.
Leaning against the wall and uncertain of what his true mission had been, she said what came to mind first.
“Did you kill my father this time?”
Horrified at the insult, she put up her hands to fend him off. Then, even worse, with everyone watching from the yard and from the battlements, she called out to him.
“And I do not love you!”
He continued his direct path to her and waved the guards off as he neared her. Putting his hands on his hips, he challenged her. “Oh, yes you do, lass. And I love you, too.”
Overwhelmed and exhausted by worry and lack of sleep, she could not think of what to do or say next. She stood and waited for him to make some move. All he did was hold out his arms, and she ran to him. Jumping into his embrace, she wrapped herself around him and just breathed him in.
“Here now, love,” he whispered to her. “I know it has been difficult for you since I’ve been gone.”
She leaned into the curve of his shoulder and let his strength seep into her. “I have not slept since you left. I have offended most of your men and all of my family. And I chased James Douglas out of my keep.”
“So I heard. James appealed to me on the docks and said he would not enter until I did something about you.”
“He said that?” Now that Sebastien was holding her, none of it seemed important. “’Twas his fault, after all. Sitting in your place and not speaking a word about you.” She shook her head. “Oh, Sebastien, it has been horrendous without you. I have been horrendous.”
“So, Cat still uses that word? You have not been able to entice her from it with something new?” She shook her head again. “Come, then. Now that I am home we will have to try.”
He walked down the stairs, through the hall and then back up to their chambers without ever letting her go. It was a shameful display, both her actions and her words, but most especially the way that she clung to him as though she were a clinging vine on his wall.
No one spoke as they passed by. Finally, they were in their chambers, and she knew he’d seen her gift as soon as he began to laugh. He released her legs and she tried to stand. It took her a few times before she was able to let him go. Then, the expression on his face was worth all her efforts.
It was one plank wider than her father’s chair, and deeper in the seat area. She’d sewn pillows and a cover for both this new one and the old one, and they made for much more comfortable sitting. She could see the exact moment when he thought of the use for such a chair.
“An excellent welcoming gift, but I fear I would not put it to good use this day.”
“Oh, Sebastien! I have not even given a thought to your needs.” She would never survive this kind of life with him—watching him leave on the king’s business and never knowing what he would face or if he would return to her.
“Etienne has set up food and drink for the men in the hall, love. Fret not over that.”
She scanned his body, from head to toe and back again. “Have you been injured? Did you lose any men?” She shook her head. “What happened at Glen Gour?”
He lifted his hauberk over his head and fussed with the mail under it. “Not much. We approached in the hour at dawn. Some of my men climbed the walls and overpowered the guards and opened the gates. When the laird woke to our swords at his throat, he surrendered.”
“You sound disappointed.”
“Nay, not in taking a keep without losing a man. Just confused, for I expected more resistance. But,” he said, finally lifting the mail over his head with her help, “there is simply no way of knowing what to expect.”
“Do not your spies tell you those kinds of details?”
“Aye, most times. However, until a man is threatened with losing his life or those he loves, there is no knowing how he will act.” Stretching his arms over his head, he moaned.
“I did not realize how unaccustomed I was to wearing this lately. Three days and nights in mail is enough to suit anyone.” He dropped it in the corner and walked her across the bedchamber.
“I do not want to soil the bed with this sweat and grime. There is a bath waiting for me in the kitchens and I shall return as soon as I am clean and have eaten something. Will you wait here for me? Warm my bed until I can warm you?”
Truth be told, now that he mentioned it, she realized she was exhausted, and the thought of crawling into the bed and waiting for him was quite appealing at this moment.
“Aye, I will wait for you here,” she answered.
He helped her into bed and smoothed her hair away from her face. It felt so good and so comforting that she could sense the sleep that had eluded her these last days finally within her reach.
“Sebastien?” She called his name and he leaned down and kissed her mouth sweetly.
“Aye, love. I am still here.”
“I know that I have been horrendous to everyone while you were gone. I do admit it to you, but I cannot apologize for worrying over you.”
“It warms my heart to know that you love me, my lady.”
“Aye, my lord, I do love you.”
She remembered nothing after that, until a night and a day and another night hence.
“My lord, I beg of you! If you must leave, either take me with you or take the lady. I could not stand another three days as the last ones have been.”
Sebastien laughed. “You are whining like a babe, Hugh. I thought you a better man than that.”
“In God’s name, Sebastien, she chased the Black Douglas, the scourge of Scotland, from your hall! That should say something about the events here since you left.” Hugh rubbed his face and drank half of the ale in his tankard.
“Better yet, send her into your enemy’s keep and I promise she will drive them out, screaming like madmen, within a few days,” James added sarcastically. “She could be the Bruce’s secret weapon.”
“I thought that was you, James.”
“I would gladly yield the honor to the lady. This could be the turning point in the war.”
The men up and down the length of the table, some who had traveled with him or with the Douglas and some who had remained on duty here, laughed at the thought. Sebastien knew it was all in jest, but he needed to make it clear that no one could malign his wife.
“When she cares, she does it from deep within her heart. I am honored that she has chosen to feel this way about me.”
“Just so,” Hugh called out as he held his tankard high. “To the lady! Huzzah!”
“To my lady!” Sebastien added, and he drank deeply in her honor. Once the men went back to drinking and eating, he turned his attention to his friends. “James, tell me of your raid.”
“’Twas the same as yours. They did not know we were coming and I had my men over the walls before they woke.”
“Mayhap MacDougall resistance is broken? Eachann has not been seen or heard from in some time. The MacDougall is in the waters to the west and makes no secret of his appointment by Edward. My spies and yours have reported no large movement of troops in the area,” Sebastien explained.
James and Hugh nodded. “Or possibly taking Dunstaffnage has accomplished what Robert sought to do—a base with enough presence and enough men to awe those left behind when John went to England?”
“And the winter comes soon. Anything left unsettled then waits until spring,” Hugh added.
“True,” James said. “So, let us plan this final attack so that we can all settle in for a long Highland winter.”
“Dear God in Heaven!” Hugh exclaimed under his breath. “Please say that I will go with you. Do not, I beg you in the name of all things holy, do not leave me with her again. Not this soon.”
Sebastien smacked him on the back and laughed. “I would trust no other with her—she is that dear to me.”
He permitted Hugh to grumble for a few more minutes, and then turned the talk to their plans.
James had already sent half of his men on ahead to begin the approach to Invercreran.
Now finished with Glen Gour and Awe, they would join forces and take for the Bruce the last holdout keep of any importance in the area.
They would prepare their attack and leave within a few days. No need to let word spread too widely that Robert’s men were on the move. Of course, that meant telling Lara, and even worse, it meant leaving her again.
“I always knew that when some woman stole your heart, you would fall hard,” James said quietly.
“Harder than I ever thought possible,” Sebastien answered. “I want this over and done so I can enjoy the fruits of my labors.”
“And the lady?” James added with a raised brow.
“And the lady,” he answered.
Her reaction was much better than he or anyone in Dunstaffnage thought could happen.
She heard him out and accepted his words.
She asked many, many questions and pointed out flaws in their plans.
She repeated her concerns about their safety.
But, she did not lose control as she had when last he left.
They spent their time preparing for his departure, and it was not until the night he went that she demonstrated how far they’d come in their love.
Lara had looked at him with horror in her eyes when he revealed his plan to take Philippe along on this mission.
Between their uncontested raids on Glen Gour and Awe, and the presence of James and his men, Sebastien believed this would be an acceptable mission for his squire and soon-to-be knight-in-training to accompany his lord.
“Please, Sebastien, I beg you, do not take the boy.”
“Lara, ’tis his place and ’tis time for him to learn.”
She knelt before him and took hold of his hand. “My lord, my father and my cousin are ruthless and will stop at nothing to kill you.”
“How do you know this?” he asked. He suspected that Eachann was making bold claims and promises, but had no direct knowledge of it.
“He said it to me that night in the chapel. Your insult to the MacDougall honor by using our priory for the Bruce’s gathering has made this a matter of personal vengeance for them. The loss at Brander Pass does not sting as much as that.”
He’d known what he was doing, and had insulted their honor on purpose. Now he knew that they knew. He smiled.
She stood and shook her head. “You wanted him to know? It was part of your plan that they should know?”
“Aye, Lara, for I enjoyed the chance to run roughshod over their honor and squash their treasonous arses into the ground. What good is an insult if they know not of it?”
She screamed and he backed away. “So, this is a game to you as well? You and Eachann prick at each other to see the blood flow. When does it stop?”
“With one of our deaths. ’Tis the only way it can end.”
Her face paled and she shook her head once more. “Have a care, my lord, and watch for the ambush. Eachann is intent on your death and I would not have him succeed.” She began to turn away and then looked at him once more with haunted eyes. “Keep Philippe close, my lord. Protect the boy.”
“I protect those who are mine, Lara. Nothing will happen to him.”
They spoke no more of it and he departed in the night while she slept. It was easier than seeing her on the battlements as he left.