Chapter 1 #2
And when Moe finds out what I have done—how far I have taken my revenge—she might repudiate me too.
The risk is very real that I might lose both of them.
Barbi will never forgive me for my betrayal, while Moe might never be able to look at me the same for the atrocities I have committed in her name.
I am aware of that. But mayhap that is my lifelong curse.
To be too aware of my own self and my mistakes to such an extent that no matter what road I take, it will always be the wrong one.
I have killed, tortured and maimed. I have done so many terrible things even while knowing how terrible they are. Yet I was fine with damning myself in everyone’s eyes as long as I got my beloved back.
Selfish, is it not?
Because that’s what I am—what I’ve always been. So damn selfish, that I could justify any means as long as they lead me to my ultimate goal. Unfortunately, now, my selfishness has reached untenable heights.
I grind my teeth to keep the pain at bay as I regard Barbi’s beautiful but terrified face.
There is a part of me that still wants her.
One night and I cannot shake the way she made me feel—the way her scent still clings to my skin.
One night that I justified as a stepping stone—I had to fully mate her for the ritual to work, no?
After all, her body would soon be Moe’s, so one can say I did nothing wrong.
But I did something wrong, did I not?
I have been doing something wrong all along. From the first time I saw Barbi, I have been doing everything wrong.
I tighten my hold on her neck. She wheezes, her eyes widening in panic.
A stabbing pain erupts in my heart.
“Goodbye, Barbi,” I whisper as I materialize the red ruby ring and place it around her neck, adding a protective layer to it so it cannot fall off. Her lips tremble and I cannot help myself as I lean forward and brush my mouth against hers.
Sweet. So damn sweet.
Why did you have to be so sweet?
Why did you have to make me waver?
Why did you have to make my heart beat to this odd, beautiful song that still echoes in my being?
But there is also another question that I hardly dare to think about.
Will this song ever end?
“I will remember you fondly for your sacrifice,” I murmur, squeezing my eyes shut and readying myself for the inevitable.
She has to die for Moe to live.
She has to…die.
I push her off me.
The taste of her kiss burns on my lips. Her screams echo in the perpetual night.
I stare at her falling body, the seconds turning into an infinity. A sharp pain erupts in my chest. Endless scenes of treachery flash before my eyes. For the first time in my long and weary existence, regret fills me to the brim.
The moment stretches into an eternity as I watch her fall, the whisper of a curse on her lips—a curse I brought upon myself.
“I hate you, Nykander v’Kyro!”
A crippling pain grips me, a tight vise that surrounds my heart and squeezes it dry.
My pulse echoes in my ears, but it’s not enough to drown out the sweet cadence of her voice now filled with heartbreak.
I open my eyes just in time to see her fall, getting closer and closer to the red surface of the water—closer and closer to being lost to me forever.
But I will have Moe back, will I not?
Yet even that is not a certainty. If there’s any chance that this spell will fail, then I will lose both of them—or so I tell myself.
And once more, I find that I’m too much of a selfish asshole to let that happen.
My body is moving before my mind can catch up to my intention.
I plunge head down, my arm stretched out to reach for her.
Everything happens in the split of a second.
She’s falling. I am falling too.
I strain to catch her before she makes contact with the dangerous water, but just as my fingers brush against hers, she hits the surface of the lake. Red droplets of water splash over to me, and as I grab her hand to pull her out, I find myself getting pulled down instead.
No matter how much energy I use to propel us up, the lake is intent in swallowing us.
“Barbi, hang on,” I whisper through gritted teeth.
She doesn’t hear me.
Only her arm is now above the surface, sinking down by the second.
I could let go.
I could let her be swallowed by the lake as I’d intended to, fulfill the spell and get back my Moe.
Then I’d be fine, too.
But that’s the coward’s way out, and I find that I have been a coward for far too long.
Barbi sinks even more. I move my hand down her arm, holding her better. If we are to be lost to this torment, at least we will do it together.
Soon the water gets a hold of me too.
I feel the first touch of the cold red liquid against the tips of my fingers, and an indomitable force surrounds me. Like an endless vacuum, it yanks me down until I am fully submerged.
The visibility is low. The blood-red liquid is almost opaque. But I can still make out her shape.
I can no longer feel my limbs, nor feel her.
She is next to me, her hand still in mine. Her eyes are closed, her expression serene.
I try to move, to get closer to her and shake her awake so we can both leave this place. But even as that thought crosses my mind, I know it to be impossible.
No one leaves the lake until the lake permits it.
Slowly, I become paralyzed. My mind, too, becomes sluggish, until awareness seeps out of me.
I know what to expect when I finally lose myself.
That does not mean I am prepared for it.
Yet my last thought is the same old regret.
If only I had done things differently, then none of this would be happening.
Moe would still be alive. Mine.
And Barbi would go on to live her life oblivious to the name Nykander v’Kyro.
Alas, the fates must really abhor me…
It is dark at first. So dark, I cannot tell where I am, or if I still am.
Yet from that darkness, a dim light appears, together with the echo of determined steps heading towards me.
Hells click against the floor, and the light follows this elusive figure.
As she steps in front of me, now fully illuminated, she raises her gaze to meet mine. A smirk pulls at her lips.
Her light blonde hair flows down her shoulders, framing a heart-shaped face with high cheekbones, full lips and a pair of beautiful brown eyes.
She tilts her head to the side, studying me brazenly.
“We meet at last, Nykander v’Kyro,” she murmurs in a self-assured tone.
I frown. Confusion clouds my mind.
“Who are you?” I demand sharply.
She smiles slyly.
“I am surprised you do not recognize me,” she mentions.
I stare at her, racking my brain for that elusive memory. There is familiarity there, but I cannot recall who she is.
“I have met you before,” I say.
“You have.” She nods, coming closer.
She is much shorter than me, but her imposing aura makes up for it. There is pure power emanating from her—the type of which I have never before encountered.
“You have met me before. Many times. But we have never before been officially introduced like this.”
My brows knit together in confusion.
“My name is Lispera.”
My eyes widen.
“How?” I whisper, shock taking hold of me. “How are you in the lake? How…”
“I have been waiting for you, as I knew you would come,” she continues in a sweet voice. “This is your welcome to hell, Nykander. And I shall be your guide.”
A dark smile curves at her lips as she raises her hand. With the snap of a finger, she teleports us elsewhere.
I struggle to accommodate to the change in lighting at first. But as I take in our new surroundings, I gulp down hard.
This is hell.
And nothing less than what I deserve.