Chapter 29 #2
I scratch the back of my head. How? That’s a good question and one I don’t have an answer for either. Somehow, the forest decided to let me through. But I don’t think this answer would satisfy him.
“A few tricks here and there until I created an opening,” I lie. “Then it was very easy to enter inside the mausoleum.”
“Tricks?” He echoes. “I would be curious to see some of those tricks,” he says, his disbelief evident.
“It was the spur of the moment. I couldn’t tell you exactly how everything occurred. It was weeks ago, too,” I reply.
He makes an annoyed sound.
“Why would a book guarded so well in the first place?” I add jokingly.
“That is not for you to know,” he fires back, his voice grave.
“Of course, those were the terms of the deal,” I grumble. “If that is all—”
“You are seeking the Raffia and the Wilka. Do you plan on going to the Horan Forest?”
His question surprises me. “I don’t think so. Didn’t you hear what everyone said? Going there seems like a death sentence.”
“Perhaps.” He pauses. “I have a map of the forest should it interest you.”
My eyes widen. As much as I’d love to ask more about it, the mere fact that he’s telling me this in a private meeting rather than mentioning it in front of everyone makes me rather suspicious of his motives.
“I don’t have—”
“I do not require payment,” he cuts me off, anticipating my refusal.
“What do you want then?” I narrow my eyes.
“There is another creature endemic to Horan Forest. It is called a baiqingo. I will give you this map and in exchange, I would like any information you might get on it; any clue.”
“And if I don’t find any?”
He shrugs. “The baiqingo’s existence has not been confirmed; there are only legends about it. If you do not find any clues, then perhaps it exists only in those legends.”
“I find it hard to believe you would be giving me that map for free basically,” I add.
Something isn’t right about this entire interaction.
Yet what scares me the most isn’t the suspicious nature of this gentleman’s offer, but the fact that my desire to cleanse my meridians is far greater than any red flags.
He chuckles. “Is it for free? Not really. There are very few people willing to go to Horan Forest, and out of everyone who’s gone there, none have made it back.
If you do go and disappear, then I do not lose anything.
If you go and come back—regardless of whether you have a clue or not—I gain everything I need. ”
Again. Cryptic. I don’t trust a word he says. But on the off chance that his map could help me, then…
“All right. You have yourself a deal.”
The terms are signed and the map is deposited in my proto-realm.
Then he’s gone.
The entire interaction is so strange, I have a hard time believing it was real. On my way home, I can’t help but feel uncomfortable about the situation.
Is it worth it?
Should I even attempt to go? Everyone said the chances of making it back alive are slim to none. Do I dare risk my life for this?
Yes. The answer echoes in my mind straight away.
From the moment I was told I could not cultivate, my dream has been to prove to everyone that I can. When my seal was finally destroyed, I found hope again. My dream was achievable. I would, at some point, become a warrior like I’ve always wanted.
But there is only one small hurdle in the way. A hurdle that might get me killed.
But aren’t you living on borrowed time already?
If I live or die in that forest isn’t really the main issue.
It’s the fact that if I don’t even try, I’ll die anyway.
My seal might be gone, but without clear meridians, I won’t be able to synthesize energy from the environment.
In turn, I will likely waste away slowly.
Perhaps without the seal I’ve bought myself a little more time. But how much?
Do I want a slow and painful death, or a swift but valiant one?
There’s also the matter of Mother.
If I don’t die from the lack of energy, I will die by her hands.
Since she is the one who placed the seal on me, she knows that any immortal Tartareian cut off from energy will die. She did this on purpose.
A dry laugh bubbles inside of me.
And that’s why she hasn’t bothered to show up until now.
Why get her hands dirty when I would die anyway?
But if I miss the timeline she prepared for me, she might end up deciding to finish the job herself.
All in all, I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.
So I might as well do it. Risk everything for the off-chance I might make it out of that forest alive. And if I catch those mythical beasts and sell their body-parts, I will also end up a very wealthy individual.
My decision is made, and in my mind, it’s rather immutable.
But as I get home and the delicious scent of meat and fresh bread wafts toward me, I waver.
As she turns around, her smile wide on her face as she regards me, I waver.
As she opens her mouth and calls me by that name that only she can use, I waver.
How can I play with death when I have her waiting for me?
How can I risk everything when she is the culmination of all my dreams?
My thoughts become contradictory; a jumbled mess of what ifs. But the conclusion is always the same.
I will still die. This way, I will not put her in danger. This way, I will not allow her to see me at my weakest as I waste away.
“I’ll be gone for a while,” I blurt out while we’re at the dinner table.
Her eyes widen and she regards me curiously. “Where are you going?”
“A mission,” I lie. “I’m headed to a forest to hunt some mythical beasts.”
“Mythical beasts?” Her eyes sparkle with interest. “I’ve read legends about them. Aren’t they very powerful?”
“Some. Others not so much. It shouldn’t be too hard. But it pays a lot of money. When I come back, I’ll buy us one of those carriages so we don’t have to walk everywhere.”
“A carriage? Those are so expensive, Nyk. We don’t need such a thing.”
“I can walk long distances since I have better endurance. But you can’t. We need some transportation. Remember last time we went out, you had blisters on your feet the next day.”
One of the effects of my prolonged Zantrax use is that I’m now slightly above a mortal. But I’m still rather useless, too.
“You…noticed?” She bites her lip.
“Of course I noticed. You seemed uncomfortable even in the house slippers.”
She flushes and nods. “I wish I could heal faster, like you.” She sighs. “And the endurance, too. I wish I could walk farther...”
“You will be able to!”
A smile pulls at her lips. “That’s so sweet of you,” she whispers. “How how long will you be gone?”
“I’m not sure yet. But I will leave some money for you while I’m away. It should last you quite a while.”
I plan on leaving her everything I have left.
“All right,” she says with a bright smile. “But you must promise me you will be careful. I don’t want you to come back hurt again.”
I force a smile. “I promise.”
In fact, I might not come back at all.
“Good. I hate to see you bleeding.”
I gulp down guiltily and nod.
We finish dinner and I head back to my room to pack. I place all the money I have left in a box and write a short letter with instructions in case I don’t come back.
Knocking on Moe’s door, I hand her the box and the letter.
“Open this only after I’m gone.”
She blinks. “Why?”
“Just do it, please.”
She looks at me askance. I avert my gaze. “Please?” I whisper again.
“Fine.”
I nod. “I’ll leave early in the morning. You don’t need to wake up to see me off.”
She folds her arms over her chest, her head tilted to the side as she raises a brow. “That early?”
“Yes. I must catch the outbound carriage.”
“I see.”
“…”
I stare at her. This might be the last time I see her. I—
“Can I… Can I give you a hug?” I ask with a stammer.
“Fine.” She shrugs, but she doesn’t move her arms from her chest. A little awkwardly, I move closer. I touch her shoulders first. Then I pull her to my chest.
Her folded arms make it so the hug is clumsy and rather inept. But I don’t complain. I just close my eyes and try to memorize the feel of her body, the scent of her skin, the warmth of her presence.
“Good night, Moe. I’ll see you soon.”
Another lie.
“Good night, Nykander.”
A knot forms in my throat as I slowly retreat to my room.
She did not call me Nyk.