Isaac #3
“That makes sense. Seems like a pretty lonely way to live,” he said with a frown. “I mean, I guess I shouldn’t make assumptions, it’s not like you’ve stood there and said you haven’t dated or had friends or a family you can talk to.”
I laughed. “I have friends and family, though I can promise you I have no desire to talk to my family about my work. They know what I do, or did, but it’s not exactly a conversation for the dinner table.
Mostly, they’re content to let me live my life and don’t ask too many questions.
Not that I blame them, whether or not you’re accepting of someone’s choices, sex work can be a sensitive subject.
And no, I have not done a whole lot of dating. ..or any at all.”
“That’s a shame,” he said. “A lot of people nowadays are more accepting of that kind of work. You might have gotten lucky.”
“Getting lucky is exactly what I was doing,” I chuckled.
It was mainly because I’d felt my attitude toward sex and relationships taking a nose dive, and in a moment of what I could only refer to as existential panic, decided it was time to get out before things finally did crash and burn.
At least now I could say I was wary of sex and relationships rather than outright opposed to them.
As I’d done a few times, I turned my attention to Luka with curiosity.
He was a handsome man; I had always been a sucker for blonds, and his hair was unusually bright.
He had an easy smile, and it was clear he was a genuinely caring person, which was another weakness of mine.
Even though he was wearing loose clothing, it was obvious he was in good shape, really good shape.
I searched and found a little tickle of arousal in my gut at the thought of seeing him naked, of getting to see how right I was about his body.
It was only when I got to the idea of sleeping with him that I felt emotions attached to the images drain away until I was left with a vague mental image that held no interest.
“You alright?” Luka asked, cocking his head.
“Perfectly fine,” I said, mostly meaning it.
I wasn’t distressed to find I wasn’t attracted to what was essentially an attractive man.
There were too many factors that worked against me being attracted to him, without adding my complicated relationship with sexuality and arousal.
Primarily, it was the fact that ours was meant to be a professional relationship.
I had always been a big proponent of not shitting where you ate, and you most definitely did not sleep with someone if you had some formal or professional relationship with them.
Also, in a display of great irony, I avoided sleeping with people who were caring and kind; something about it had always felt wrong in a way I’d never been able to explain.
“I wouldn’t mind walking around, stretching my legs,” I said after a moment. “I’ve been doing a lot of sitting, and it’s weird not being more active.”
“Oh, yeah,” he said as he walked to the door. He opened it by tapping the pad and heading out into the hallway, with me close at his heels. “I remember hearing you were coming from a distance, not sure where.”
“Germany,” I told him as we continued walking. “I was out there saying goodbye to one of my clients...well, former clients now.”
“Ah, was...he or she upset?”
I laughed at his careful phrasing. “He was upset, of course, but the clients I was willing to say goodbye to are the sorts who weren’t going to be a pain in the ass. There were only a few I grew to like, and it only seemed right to say goodbye properly.”
“I would say it’s a shame that there’s only a few you felt like doing that with, but I’m not surprised. I’m sure in your line of work, there were plenty of times when you found the worst in people.”
“That’s accurate, but putting it nicely.”
“Yeah, well, I try to be understanding. Especially when it comes to sex. People can be really messed up when it comes to that. I try not to blame them for how weird that can get, but I can understand why a lot of people wouldn’t want to go that far.”
“Are you asking me how I feel about it without actually asking me?”
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
I chuckled as we stopped at one of the broad sections of interior wall made of glass overlooking the slopes of the Rocky Mountains. “You have the right mindset for someone in my former line of work, that’s for sure.”
“I’m going to assume that’s a compliment.”
“You can’t go into that line of work without being willing to keep an open mind.
There has to be a certain tolerance to their foibles and failings that come from being human.
And, as you rightly pointed out, people can be especially messy when it comes to relationships and sex.
There are a lot of things lurking beneath the surface.
All too often, a desire for sex comes down to a cry for something else, for understanding, or even just expression.
I’ve always thought that we as a society do ourselves a disservice by not studying sex and trying to mingle it with other psychological studies, or even neuroscience.
There’s been some progress there, but really, it’s only once you start experiencing it or at least dig into it that you discover just how much of our brains and personalities are shaped by and shape our sexuality.
I mean the expression of sex, not sexual orientation. ”
“Hmm,” Luka said, glancing sidelong at me. “Were you a student of psychology at some point?”
“Aspiring,” I chuckled. “And then I ended up in escort work and realized I was making good money, so why not devote more time to it and see just how much I could really make? It never occurred to me it would be the sort of job that would become...difficult to maintain as the years went on.”
“You get so close to expressing something that might be workable, and then you draw back,” Luka said with a laugh.
I glanced at him. “I’ve never been good at expressing certain things about myself.”
“Oh, no, that’s fine,” he said with a shake of his head.
“We just met. I don’t expect to hear your life’s story or have you spill your heart to me.
I shouldn’t make comparisons between you and the last guy I was a Guide to, but you’re.
..different. Getting him to talk at first was like trying to pull teeth from a cranky boar.
Of course, there were a few things I had to learn about him at the very end of his stay, but—”
I glanced at him. “Is there a point in asking for more details?”
He grinned. “Probably not. It got really complicated by the time all was said and done, and really? Does it matter how it went? In the end, I was surprised to learn that not only did his stay here help him, but so did I.”
“You questioned that.”
“Oh boy, did I.”
I chuckled. “I can’t imagine this job is free of stress and worry.
Even if you are supposed to be a ‘buddy’ to me, there’s still the expectation that you’re best suited to guide and help me.
It’s not quite the same as a therapist or even a life coach, but perhaps that lack of strict roles actually makes your job worse.
That has to be a frustrating balancing act. ”
“Well,” he said, looking surprised. “It’s not all bad. I mean, this is a chance for me to help people, so I can’t complain.”
“Anyone can complain about anything,” I said with a laugh, turning when I heard conversation nearby and looking for the source. “Whether they should is a different story.”
“Sounds like there’s some late dinner people if you feel like being social,” Luka offered.
I considered it for a moment before shrugging. “I suppose I have time to meet people, but it wouldn’t hurt to get started early and get some talking in.”
“Alright,” he said brightly, gesturing for me to follow him. “Then let’s go see who the first people you meet will be, other than the standard welcoming crew.”
“Let’s not make this first interaction with my peers symbolic of how the rest of my time here is going to be,” I said with a laugh.
“Superstitious?” he asked with a grin as I followed him toward a cafeteria-style area, with round tables and built-in seats.
“I try not to get too caught up in superstitions, but the brain does what the brain does, and sometimes it sees something and screams in terror that you might be cursing things. So maybe it does or doesn’t work, but hey, it never hurts to play it safe occasionally.”
“Alright, alright,” he said as we rounded the corner into a large open room with more tables.
There was also a large buffet along one wall, with a drink station at the end.
I knew the food was included along with most other things the place offered as amenities.
There were only a couple of people left in the cafeteria, and I looked between them before Luka said anything.
One of them was...quite handsome, actually, but a big part of it was the goofy smile that made him look boyish and enhanced his rugged looks.
Under his shorts, I could see that one of his legs was an intricate prosthetic that softly thunked against the ground and the bar of the table when he shifted to look at us.
His expression was one of open curiosity, and he raised his hand to greet us.
He seemed relaxed, taking in a new face with ease, but clearly recognizing Luka, and unafraid to greet him with open fondness.