Clay #3
“Is this the first time you’ve turned someone down, I mean, recently; past year or two?”
I frowned, leaning against the counter where I could still see him, but at least it felt like there was a safe distance between us. “No, there’ve been a few.”
“Like?”
“You really want to know about the guys I rejected?”
“We’re talking; this is a conversation, and I’m asking a question about the topic we’re talking about. That’s how conversations work.”
“Fuck you.”
“You already said no to that.”
“Okay, you know what? I walked into that one,” I said with a snort, hopping up and sitting on the counter. “There was a guy who was really into me that I eventually had to turn away.”
“Why?”
“Well, I kind of have a rule that if someone is starting to catch feelings, then I’m not going to sleep with them anymore.
And he wasn’t just catching feelings, he was being obvious about it to literally everyone, but also straight up told me he was interested in me like that.
God, he was pissed when I told him I wasn’t going to sleep with him anymore, like really pissed.
Mad enough that I got worried about whether or not I should start checking my food for razor blades. ”
“Oh, you have rules then.”
“Well, yeah. I don’t want people thinking I’m just..
.going to do whatever, you know? I don’t sleep with guys who are catching feelings, and I don’t sleep with guys if I know they’ve got a partner.
And no, I don’t give a shit if they claim they’re separated, or in an open relationship.
I don’t trust that shit. And by the way, I didn’t just spring it on the guy.
I tell everyone the rules, including that I don’t have overnight guests, we fuck, and they go back to their room.
He could be pissed about me turning him down for good, but it wasn’t like I hadn’t told him that would happen.
He was mad because his feelings didn’t magically change my mind. ”
Isaac smiled. “You were absolutely right to correct me when I said you were a player with morals. I mean, upfront communication and setting boundaries from the start? That’s not player behavior.”
“I mean, that’s what I tried to tell you,” I said with a smirk. “You were the one who didn’t want to listen.”
He shook his head. “I also got the feeling that you’re not particular about gender?”
“Yeah, bi, right, that.”
“And when you’re not here?”
“Guys.”
“Just men?”
“Yeah.”
He tilted his head gently to one side. “Why?”
There was at least one answer I could give that was the truth, but avoided the whole truth.
“Easy, I spent a lot of my life, most of it, not being honest with myself, or other people. I kept denying I was into guys, even when it was obvious that I was. Like,” I laughed, “the way you lie to yourself about stuff like that is just...it’s kind of funny to think about it.
I mean, you’re not interested in that hot guy who’s not the least bit shy about changing in front of people, you’re just admiring his physique, and wish you could have a build like that. ”
“Right,” Isaac said with a smile. “I remember when I discovered porn, and I watched it, straight at first, but you know, I paid attention to the men because...well, it had to be because I was curious if I would look like that, it wasn’t because I was gay.
And you know, when I finally came across gay porn and realized I was more attracted to what was happening? Well, we’ll ignore that.”
I nodded. “And when you’re actually attracted to a friend, they’re just..
.a buddy, a really good friend. It’s normal to find ways to be alone with them, and to feel the urge to reach out and touch them because that’s a normal friend thing.
And if you find yourself watching their ass?
Well, hell, guy friends like to make weird gay jokes all the time, that’s just you finding the perfect excuse to make a joke yourself. ”
“The lies we tell, and the denial,” Isaac chuckled, taking the water bottle and flipping it. “It’s amazing when you think about it. So, you’re just....making up for lost time?”
“Yeah,” I said, swallowing back the truth that, for an alarming moment, threatened to leave my lips. “It was only a few years ago that I admitted to myself I was into guys and that it was okay.”
“And...everyone else in your life?”
“Like, was I honest with them?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, some of my friends back home know, and I finally sucked it up and told my family. They were...surprised,” I said carefully.
“Because you’d only been with women and never showed any sign of being into men?”
“Pretty much,” I said with a shrug. The topic was still flirting too close to giving away too much, and I could feel a familiar weight pushing my chest. “I mean, they don’t know I’m out being a giant man whore, but who wants to share that with their family?”
“Some people would,” Isaac snorted.
“Does your family know?”
“About my being gay, or the escort thing?”
“Both, I guess.”
“I came out when I was sixteen.”
“Damn, I’d guess we’re about the same age, so you beat me to the punch.”
“Hmm, from what I can tell, it’s easier to ignore your feelings for the same sex when you’re still attracted to the opposite sex,” he said with a shrug. “Which makes sense. It would be harder to ignore the fact that I’m gay when, over time, it was obvious I was only into men.”
“Yeah, I could hide, I guess, being bi.”
“As for the escort thing, my family isn’t nosy or private, but there are times when questions pop up.
You know, like ‘what are you doing now you’re not in college and working at that bakery?
’ and ‘how can you afford all this stuff when we heard you were barely getting by a few months ago?’ Stuff like that,” he chuckled.
“Eventually, I had to tell them; obviously not, ‘I’m having sex for money,’ but I let those who wanted to pretend it was only about keeping people company keep that fantasy in their head, and for those who definitely knew it involved me sleeping with my clients, they could politely keep the reality to themselves. All in all, it worked out.”
I grinned. “I bet it wasn’t the sort of thing that came up at family dinners, though.”
“God no,” he said with a laugh.
“Do you...eh, never mind.”
“What?”
“It’s kind of a really personal question,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “A lot more personal than asking what you look like naked.”
He smirked. “I’d say it’s amazing you managed to go this long without a dirty comment, but that felt more like an easy way to make a comparison. Ask your question. I have the choice not to answer it, after all.”
“True,” I admitted. “Do you think they’re upset or...disappointed by what you were doing?”
“Well,” he said with a laugh. “I definitely don’t think they were overflowing with pride that men basically paid their son or brother to sleep with them.
Oh sure, it was high-class, rich men who threw a lot of money my way and let me do things with that money that I’d only dreamed of, but.
..I don’t think they’re disappointed. They accept it, they understand it’s been making me good money, and hell, my family has benefited too.
I helped my sister put a down payment on a house, and I helped my parents go on a vacation they’d always wanted but could never bring themselves to drop that much money on.
I was able to start savings accounts for my nieces and nephew for when they turn eighteen and hopefully do something smart with it. ”
“Huh,” I said, crossing my arms and nodding. “So, you’ve been doing a lot with that money then. Not just buying yourself expensive things and a bunch of drugs.”
“Oh, there’s been plenty of that, though I have to say my biggest expense has been food,” he said with a chuckle.
“Going from living off ramen and cheap fast food to suddenly having money to take myself to nice places was quite a shift. Well, it helped that a lot of my clients enjoyed the idea of a ‘date night’ fantasy, so they’d take me to dinner, and because they were playing into the fantasy that it was a date, they would often pick places to impress. ”
“So, you ate well on and off the clock,” I said, looking him over and frowning. “And no offense, but you don’t look like you’ve been eating like that.”
He smirked. “You know, it’s amazing. When you make the kind of money I was making, you can afford to invest in a personal trainer who understands the life you’re living and can help guide you.”
“If you say so.”
“I could tell you about the plan he drummed up for me that I was actually devoted to following if you’d like. It’s not a very interesting topic of conversation, though.”
“I believe you,” I said with a snort. “So, uh, you do that job for long?”
“About five, six years,” he said with a shrug.
“Damn, and you made enough money to do all that?”
“And still have plenty to live off after I leave here for a while, so I have time to figure out what I’m going to do with myself,” he said with a shrug.
“Damn, clearly I should have considered getting into the escort business,” I said with a laugh.
“I’m not sure you could have done it,” Isaac said, appraising me. “You have the looks for it, and while anyone can be trained to do well in bed… Well—”
“You’re trying not to make a crack about my personality, aren’t you?”
“Mmm, no. I’m definitely giving you shit for your personality, but I’m doing it in a way that forces you to puzzle out what I’m saying so the landing stings more than it would if I said it outright.”
“Didn’t you just get done talking about how you weren’t playing mind games?”
He grinned. “I can’t help but poke you just a little.”
He was begging for me to comment about poking him with something, but I held back. Shit, I’d already turned him down when he’d been willing to sleep with me. “Hey, you, uh...were you serious about sleeping with me or was that you like...messing with me?”
“Does it matter?” he asked, sounding curious.
“I mean, I guess not. I’m just—”
“Trying to figure out if you still have a chance of getting me naked?”
I blinked and then laughed. “I mean, it’s always nice to know you have options. I guess I’m just trying to figure out what’s happening right now.”
“I told you, we’re talking,” he said, looking amused when I sighed heavily. “And what if I said I wasn’t being serious, and just messing with you? What if I said that you turned down the one chance you had to sleep with me? And what if I said you might still have a chance despite that?”
“That’s three different paths. What the hell am I supposed to say?”
“My point is...does it matter? You didn’t know if one of those three scenarios was the real one, but you still made a choice,” he said, setting the water bottle back on the table and leaning back in his chair. “So again, how did it feel to turn me down like that?”
“Hard,” I said, snorting when his brow quirked. “Well, emotionally. It was obviously physically hard.”
“Something sure was,” he said, and I felt my groin twitch at the way his voice seemed to caress the words in a way that I didn’t know was humanly possible.
“Right,” I said, clearing my throat roughly. “I don’t know why I did it, and I don’t know how I feel about it. I just know that I did and it...feels right, I guess. Which is where you tease me and repeat ‘I guess’ in a tone that gives me shit.”
“Sometimes ‘I guess’ is as wise as ‘I don’t know’,” he said with a shrug. “You’re not sure what to say because you’re not sure how to feel, so it makes sense that you’re not sure if it felt like the right choice.”
“It was the right choice,” I said with a frown. “But you know, people love pointing out that the right thing doesn’t always feel like the right thing when you do it.”
“True.”
“Right...so?”
“Are you still waiting to see if I was serious?” he asked with a little laugh.
“Yes! I answered your question, didn’t I?”
“That you did,” he said with a nod, getting up and making his way over to me, placing his hands on the counter on each side of my leg and smiling. “And I’ll tell you this much. I’m far happier that you chose to turn me down than take me up on my offer.”
That wasn’t quite the answer I was looking for and left things vague as hell, but then he bent down and gently pressed a kiss to my cheek before turning away, and I suddenly forgot what I was irritated about. “You...could be a very evil man, I hope you know that.”
“I know,” he said lightly as he went toward the door. “On the way here with Cade, I saw they were setting up a smoothie bar for lunch. Why don’t we see if we can get our hands on the good stuff? I’m feeling a little parched.”
“Wait,” I protested as he opened the door. “You didn’t tell me what it was you and Cade were talking about.”
“Oh, you’re right,” he said, his eyes going wide. “Well, I guess that’s a mystery for another day. Coming?”
Before I could push him for more information, he was out, leaving me to stare at the door closing behind him just like Cade had done earlier.
I scowled, knowing full well that not only was I not going to get an answer out of either man, but Isaac was messing with me on purpose.
And yes, I liked it, even though it was starting to get on my nerves when all I wanted was to talk to him.
Well, I suppose I had talked to him, hadn’t I?
And it was a conversation that didn’t have the normal amount of dirty jokes, innuendos, or come-ons I usually had when I was talking to someone.
It had been...nice.
Yeah, damn it all, I guess I was going to follow him.