Isaac #2
“So, something is going on, but you’re reluctant to tell me and risk betraying your boyfriend’s trust.”
Cade stared at me before snorting. “Ya know, I thought ya might be a good influence on him, but ya might actually be worse than he could ever be.”
I winked. “Oh, you have no idea; you probably should have considered that before you decided to pull me into things.”
“Somethin’ to keep in mind for the future, I guess,” Cade snorted, his eyes drifting around the room before settling on where we could see Clay slowly walking the circuit I had been running on earlier.
“But, uh, yeah...he’s fine. He just...has moments when he’s not okay, but then he gets better. It just takes some workin’ out.”
“Ahh, so that's why he was going harder than I’ve seen before,” I said with a nod. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t actually expecting you to tell me. Or, well, I was hoping, but I understand why you wouldn’t. Plus, it would probably be better if he told me in his own time, right?”
“Right,” Cade said with a grin that was relieved and grateful. “Speakin’ of—”
I snorted. “I’m still not making any promises.”
“Look, all I wanted—”
“You asked that I be his friend so he could have more than just you, but not to forget I deserve a friend too. I remember,” I told him with a shrug. “But here’s the thing, I’m going to slap a price on it.”
Cade leaned back, looking surprised. “Ain’t ya supposed to negotiate?”
“Sure, but so far nothing is keeping me here, is it?” I asked, knowing damn well my threat was empty because I would be Clay’s friend with or without Cade agreeing to my terms. It had only been a week since the shift in my relationship with Clay; it was a small shift, but it was significant, and I was curious where it would lead.
“Er, we talkin’ money?”
“Nope. See, you’re worried about him not connecting with people, and you have enough insight and empathy to realize I struggle with identity issues. You wanted to make sure I had the mental and emotional space to be myself with someone.”
“Right.”
“So,” I said, turning to him with a smirk.
“I think it’s time you showed that same compassion and care to yourself.
If we deserve that level of care and interest, then you do too.
We’re all here because we know, or someone in our lives knows, something's wrong with us, something that’s getting in the way of living a happy and fulfilled life.
Which means it’s time you turned your attention inward.
I’m not saying you have to fix yourself in a month, but maybe it’s time you start. ”
Cade frowned. “Who said I ain’t?”
“Me,” I said with a shrug. “You can only hide behind that easy smile and warm, friendly personality for so long, big guy. At some point, you’re going to have to acknowledge that you’ve been damaging your life and start doing something about it.
Just agree you’ll try, no promises, just like I gave you none, that’s all I ask. ”
Cade stared at me before looking away with a sigh. “You’re somethin’ else, ya know that?”
“You wouldn’t be the first person to tell me that,” I said with a light laugh. “But I’m keeping up my end of the deal, so I’m asking you to have a part of the deal you have to be responsible for.”
Cade snorted. “You’d really just walk away if I don’t?”
“No,” I told him, smirking when I saw the surprise on his face.
“Did you expect me to lie? You did. Well, I wasn’t going to risk making this a dick-measuring contest where you felt the need to call me on my bluff rather than just agree.
So just accept that someone is trying to help you and go with it.
Maybe that’s all any of us really need, someone who’s willing to be in our corner. ”
“Clay’s in my corner,” he protested, sounding offended on his friend’s behalf.
“And you and Clay don’t seem to be willing to push each other. You support each other, but that’s not the same as pushing each other to be better, is it?”
“Naw, I guess not.”
“Well, there you go.”
“Fine,” he grunted. “I’ll try.”
“I appreciate that,” I told him, meaning it. “Is he okay now?”
“I think he’s thinkin’, or tryin’ not to think. Hard to say,” Cade said with a frown as we watched Clay make another slow circuit. “I can never figure out if he’s thinkin’ too much or not enough.”
“Does this happen often?”
“Naw, it’s actually been a minute. I think.
.. Well, I think it still happens, but he deals with it alone.
Been a bit since he did it and I knew about it,” Cade said, sounding frustrated.
“He won’t tell me what’s goin’ on, but..
.I don’t know. I’m wonderin’ if maybe we made a mistake, pushin’ him to open up to ya. ”
“I haven’t pushed him in the slightest,” I told him softly. “Well, other than making him think I was going to sleep with him last week.”
Cade’s eyes went wide. “What?”
I chuckled. “Calm down, he told me no and pushed me away.”
I didn’t think Cade’s eyes could get wider, but wider they got. “You’re kiddin’ me?”
“Nope,” I said with a shrug. “He said it wouldn’t feel right to do that to me.”
“Oh, that sounds like ’em. He likes actin’ like he don’t care, but—”
“He does care,” I finished for him, wondering if caring was exactly Clay’s problem.
Perhaps it was easier to play the cocky playboy whose only concern was when and with whom he was going to get laid than it was to deal with what he really cared about.
That perhaps days like this were when the wellspring of care inside him threatened to spill and overtake him if he wasn’t careful.
Or I was full of shit and throwing things at the wall to see what stuck.
“But he’s...I mean, he’s been talkin’ to ya? Ya know, not like a pervert,” Cade added with a snort.
“Yes, I’ve learned that he was an electrician, though he seemed reluctant to tell me about it, and didn’t really get into detail, which seemed odd when it’s just a job,” I said, watching Cade’s face, and I saw a shadow pass over his features.
Okay, I was right to think that was odd, but I kept my face neutral when Cade nervously glanced at me, clearly aware that reading his face was like reading a children’s picture book and making sure I didn’t catch his slip-up.
“Yeah, he made pretty good money, I guess,” Cade said with a casual tone that made me want to laugh, but I held it back, maintaining the illusion that he hadn’t just confirmed my suspicions.
“He also told me about growing up in Maine before moving to Arizona, that he used to have a dog, but the dog loved his sister more than him, so he gave it to her. Which I figured was a lie and called him out on it. He gave the dog up because he was supposed to be coming here, or, at least, that’s what he said.
I told him I didn’t think that was the whole truth, but he didn’t have to tell me the whole truth if he didn’t want to.
Which is when he decided to start talking about his love of old western movies, so I took the hint and moved on. ”
Cade grunted. “Ya called him on it, and he told ya the truth?”
“He did, in fact, shift the story to something a lot more believable.”
“Ya don’t believe him?”
“I don’t think Clay realizes that in trying to hide something from me, he’s making what he’s hiding much more obvious.”
“What do ya mean?”
“I mean that with the parts of himself and his past that he’s been sharing, it seems his life was relatively normal, healthy, and happy.
But there is a noticeable gap in his stories and memories.
And that gap is right around the time that other things happened.
Like, say, having to give his dog away, which happened around the time he realized and accepted he was into men.
The same time frame he avoids in increasingly obvious ways.
Something happened, Cade, I know it did.
And no, I’m not asking you to tell me, or give me hints, or even tell me if I’m right or wrong. ”
Cade gave me a little smile. “Alright, I won’t.”
“That’s fine,” I said. “But yes, he’s taken the time and effort to act like a normal person around me.
It’s hard for him, and sometimes he’s so busy trying to make sure he’s not giving too much away that the conversations get weird, or he defaults to making a dirty joke.
But I’d say we’re becoming good friends. ”
“And, uh, are you gonna—"
“Sleep with him?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want me to?” I asked in amusement.
Cade winced. “I dunno, I mean, I don’t want ya to, but I don’t not want ya to, either. I just...I’m the only person he’s been friends with, and I think it’s ’cause he hasn’t been able to sleep with me, ya know?”
“I know what you mean. I won’t pretend the thought hasn’t crossed my mind, but right now? No, I’m not going to sleep with him. I’m enjoying getting to know him and not considering throwing sex into the mix. It’s nice actually, having someone to talk to while knowing they want to sleep with me.”
“That, uh, don’t sound like friends to me. Sounds more like datin’.”
I laughed. “I guess it does now I say it out loud. But we’re not doing that either.”
Cade looked at me more closely. “Would ya want to?”
“Date Clay?” I asked in surprise. “I never thought about it, if I’m honest. This place is weird. It’s like it’s suspended in time and space, like nothing we do really counts, and nothing is all that important.”
“I know what ya mean,” he said, frowning. “That’s kinda the problem with Clay, I think.”
“I agree,” I said as Clay came back for another lap. “But I also think he’s a big boy and maybe just having someone who breaks the cycle he’s stuck in is enough.”
“I hope so,” Cade said, looking troubled but not saying much else.
“Worrying never helps anyone,” I told him, patting his elbow. “Excuse me.”
“Sure,” he said, eyeing me curiously as I walked off and met up with Clay on the track.
He looked surprised when I looped my arm through his and began pulling him with me. “What are you doing?”
“C’mon,” I said brightly as I led him toward the exit.