Clay
They were burning.
Smoke, thick and acrid, filled the air, and I coughed, choking on it as the wood at my feet glowed with hot embers and the wallpaper curled and burned in the face of the heat. I was blind unless I stayed low, could barely breathe without heaving, and everything was so hot.
And they were burning.
I knew they were there somewhere, lost in the hell that was all my fault, but I couldn’t find them!
Which door? There were more than I remembered, and they were all closed.
I tried the first and yanked my hand back with a hiss; the metal was so hot it was a miracle it hadn’t melted.
Terror swirled through me like a whirlpool, and I swore I could hear someone crying out, calling my name in horror and fear, pleading.
I tried to call a name, but choked again, buckling forward and choking on the taste of ash and smoke. It was everywhere and I couldn’t... Where was I?
Stumbling, I stopped when my feet met something on the floor.
It was next to impossible to see, but I bent down, and in the light of the flames, I could see a stuffed lion.
His ear was singed, and his tail was on fire, but I put it out, gathering it to my chest and holding it there, hoping it would give me strength.
But I couldn’t do it. They were lost somewhere in the house, and there was no way to find them.
They were going to be trapped, and I wouldn’t be able to save them.
Maybe if I could just find them, I could get them out, even if it meant I stayed behind.
That made sense, that was almost right. They deserved to live, to be free, and I deserved to be here in the hell of my own making.
It was my fault. None of them should have been here. They were only here because of me, and now I couldn’t find the strength to help them.
They were crying out for me, no question about it now. Except their voices came from every direction, there was no way to figure out where they were trapped. Now the roar of the fire and the crackle of the place burning were drowned out by their cries.
Oh God, they were burning, they were all burning.
I needed to find them.
“Gina!” I cried, slamming into a wall that I swear hadn’t been there before. “Mikael!”
Their cries were mixed, turning into hell’s choir as it filled the hallway and pounded in my ears.
I could smell them now, even as they continued to cry out believing I could save them; I could smell them, smell their burning hair and skin.
I was trapped.
There were doors on each side of me, and none of them would open. One of them was shaking as if someone were beating on it heavily from the other side, and that was when I realized I could hear them. Except I couldn’t get the door open, I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t save myself.
We were all trapped.
“Mikael!” I screamed, hammering at the shaking door. “Gina!”
“Isaac!”
“Isaac!”
That was my voice. But nothing was making sense. I wasn’t in the fire anymore, but it was way too hot. The smell of ash and smoke still seemed to be there, but there was something sharp and ugly in the air too that I didn’t recognize right away.
And it was so bright.
“Fuckin’ hell!”
“Clay, no!”
“Oh my God, why is he so strong?”
“Isaac!”
Hands closed over my face, and I tensed to swing, but then the ugly, bright lights were blotted out, and a beautiful, wonderful face full of worried concern was hovering inches over me.
Isaac smiled. It was a fragile and desperate thing, but at least it made the world make sense.
“Hey, hey, hey, I’m here. I’m here, Clay.
I promise, okay? I’m right here, and I’m okay, and you’re.
..you’re okay, alright? I’m right here.”
He was...real?
I blinked, looking around the room, though it took me a minute to put together the bright lights, the curtains, and the machines nearby and realize I was in the medical wing of the resort.
I had only been here a few times for checkups and once to make sure it was a bad bug rather than anything serious, but it seemed I had made my way back there, though I didn’t remember walking.
No, I-I remembered fire and smoke and the...no, that hadn’t been real. That was...it was—
“A dream,” I whispered, realizing it had all been a dream.
Well, not all a dream. I had never been in the house with Mikael and Gina, but it wasn’t the first time I had dreamed I was stuck in our home while it burned to the ground.
Except Isaac hadn’t been there. I hadn’t even known he’d existed back then.
He hadn’t been trapped in the house with them; it had just been. ..them.
“A dream,” Isaac reaffirmed, backing away slowly, his eyes sweeping my face, searching it desperately.
I frowned, reaching up to the ugly scratch that ran from his cheekbone to his jaw. “What—”
And then I remembered.
“Aww, fuck,” I said, feeling my chest hitch as I tried to touch the mark but couldn’t bring myself to do it. My voice was a croaking rasp, and I didn’t know why, but damn it, I had done that to him. “Isaac, I—”
“Stop talking,” he said, his lip trembling as he stroked my face in that gentle way only he could. “Okay? They’re pretty sure I didn’t do any damage, but it’s best not to overdo it.”
“Damage?” I asked. A lot of things were a blur, but I could remember enough.
The argument, the way everything felt like it was crashing down around me, the way everything inside me was collapsing under its weight, and I was stuck trying to keep myself in one piece, but I couldn’t.
Everything had unraveled, and I had lost it again, except this time I had hurt Isaac, and in the process, I had done the one thing he had trusted I would never do.
It was hazy from that point, but I remembered the desperation, the need to make it end, to stop hurting and—
“I had to...to restrain you,” he said, his eyes growing watery. “There was nothing else I could think of after I called for help. They were taking too long, and you were going to—”
I looked at my arm wrapped in a bandage.
That’s right, I’d taken the shard of ceramic from the mug and turned it on myself after I’d hurt Isaac.
Isaac had been screaming, trying to make me stop, but I had been stronger and threw him off.
I remembered the hot line of pain and a weight on my back and pressure on—
I reached up, wincing when my fingers touched my neck, and pain throbbed. “You choked me.”
“I had to,” he said in a fragile voice that wobbled on the edge of despair and self-loathing that I knew too well. “You were covered in blood, and you wouldn’t stop and y-you...you—”
“Hey,” Cade whispered, and I realized he’d been standing there the whole time.
His arm curled around Isaac’s shoulders, and he squeezed.
“You stop. Ya did what you needed to do, alright? He might not think so right now, but I’m grateful.
And I know he’s got some people back home who will be happy ya did it too. ”
The door to the room banged against the wall, and two large men in scrubs appeared, with Reggie and Luka behind them. I was pretty sure it had been Luka I’d heard when I’d woken up, and apparently, he had gone for help.
“Stop!” Isaac cried out, pushing Cade out of the way, and from the surprised look on Cade’s face, he had done that himself, not been allowed to do it. “He’s fine, alright! He’s fine!”
“This doesn’t look fine,” Reggie said, looking around the room and forcing me to do the same.
Apparently, my waking up had involved a lot more than yelling, because there was a machine on its side, a couple of chairs turned over, and someone’s cup on the ground, leaking orange juice from the looks of it.
“Clay?” Luka called cautiously.
“I’m okay,” I said softly. “I mean, as much as I can be, I guess.”
“What do you remember?”
“Too much.”
“I mean about the past twenty-four hours.”
“My answer hasn’t changed.”
Luka sighed. “Alright, c’mon, Reggie. He’s clearly coherent and not emotional. We don’t need to drug him again.”
“Again?” I wondered and then thought about my groggy confusion and the intensity of my dream. “Oh...yeah, I guess that makes sense.”
“I said he should’ve been restrained for everyone’s safety,” one of the men said with a huff. “Even his own.”
“Yeah,” Cade said dryly. “You were pretty sure right up until Isaac threatened you.”
“I didn’t threaten him,” Isaac protested.
“You told him plenty of things can be used as a garrote...and offered to give him a demonstration when he brought the restraints in.”
“That’s not a threat, it’s an offer.”
The sheer absurdity of Isaac of all people threatening someone on my behalf after I’d already scared the shit out of him was so absurd I couldn’t help but laugh.
It felt like my throat was one big glass-filled wound, but it was worth it to see everyone look at me like I’d lost my mind.
Which made me laugh even harder because hey, I had lost my mind already, so why wouldn’t they look at me like that?
I could see a few of them getting nervous, and I looked at the men in scrubs. “Get the restraints, please.”
“What?” Isaac asked, looking at me with huge eyes. “No, you’re fine!”
“I’m not,” I said. “And I’m coherent, didn’t you hear them? That means I can make choices, and I want the restraints. I don’t...I would feel better with them on.”
Cade slid his hand over Isaac’s shoulder and squeezed. “It’s okay. Let him have this.”
Isaac’s head hung, and he sighed. “It’s not like I can stop anyone.”
Of course, that was when the room got a little crazier.
The doctor came in, checking me over before one of the men from before came in with the restraints to bind me to the hospital bed.
The room was cleaned up, and Isaac sat in the corner, glaring at anyone who gave him a look that he could interpret as a sign they were considering chasing him out.
Correction, him or Cade, because my best friend was next to him the whole time, holding his hand.