Chapter 11 #2
“She can be,” I agreed. “But for you, she’ll always be soft and vulnerable.
You’re her weakest point, and it scares her that you’re going out into the world.
And yeah, maybe it’s because she has a hard time letting go, but she’s a hard woman who knows how hard the world can be.
Just…I’m not saying bend to her, don’t do that.
One of the best ways you can prove you’re ready to take on the world is by being willing to take her on.
That’s why I say she’s not as mad as you think.
I honestly believe she was relieved when you went toe to toe with her and won.
Just…remember she loves you. She needs to remember that you’re your own person and can stand on your own. ”
Jude sighed, and I noticed the fire was no longer sputtering and struggling but had caught the branches and was catching onto the logs as well. “You always talk about her in such a good way.”
“That’s your mother; I’m not going to say anything bad about her,” I said with a frown.
He looked at the men who were being loud and paying us no mind, as some others were taking bets on which of the two climbers would make it, betting on who would get hurt the worst. Then he looked at Reggie, who could clearly hear us, but apparently Reggie didn’t count because he continued with his troubled thoughts.
“I know she cheated on you,” he said, and I felt my stomach drop to my feet.
“Motherfucker!” Reggie swore, and I watched as the poles he’d put together fell apart with a clatter. “Could you please not drop bombshells when I’m trying to focus on this assblasting, two-timing, whore of a task?”
Jude stared at him and then glanced at me. “That was…colorful.”
“Jude,” I said softly, leaning forward so our knees bumped. “You were never—”
“Supposed to know?” he guessed and shrugged when I nodded.
“It wasn’t your fault, or Mom’s. Aunt Rita was over one time talking to her after you’d moved out.
They’d been drinking and thought I was in bed.
I wasn’t; I was texting you. Mom told her to be quiet, but I heard enough to know what happened. ”
“Of course it was Rita,” I muttered. As if Charlene’s sister wasn’t loud enough, they had added wine to the mix? It was a wonder the whole neighborhood hadn’t heard. “Jude, I…there are reasons you weren’t supposed to know, because it didn’t involve you.”
“Yeah, but she—”
“Did something wrong, yes, but don’t think I didn’t have a part to play in the failure of our marriage, okay?
I screwed up in ways I just…I’m still trying to make sense of, and so did she.
But that is between us, so if you’re harboring something against your mother…
don’t. I forgave her a long time ago, and I think she’s forgiven me too. ”
“Did you cheat?”
“No, but, Jude,” I sighed, I didn’t know how to explain it without laying out every last detail of my wrongs, which was no one’s business but mine and also something that would take too long to explain, especially with my lack of communication skills.
I had never understood or hated the irony of being one of the ‘leaders’ of a facility dedicated to improving not only mental health but also a secondary focus on communication as much as I did at that moment.
Then again, as my eyes slid to Reggie, who had finally got the poles standing up in the tent, I supposed it wasn’t just for Jude’s sake that the irony stung bitterly.
“Would ya like some help over there, Reg?” one of the guys called out. Despite the horrible way the conversation was going, and my worry about Reggie, I had to duck my head to hide my laughter when Reggie whirled around, fury and disbelief in his eyes.
“Are you shitting me, Davis?” he barked. “You’re going to ask me that now? After I’ve already done the hard work, are you serious? You jerk off got your tents up and ready and left me struggling for half an hour?”
“Well,” Davis said, looking understandably taken aback by the sudden rush of fury from a man who was normally laid-back and even a little goofy. “Kinda figured since you and Mr. Shepherd were sharing a tent, he’d be helping you.”
“He’s been too busy learning he’s useless at making fires,” Reggie snapped, and while I wasn’t the target of his anger, I was apparently enough on his bad side to catch a stray bullet.
Then his voice dropped so Jude and I were the only ones who could make out his muttering.
“And having a heartwarming family sitcom moment.”
“What about that was heartwarming?” Jude asked in bewilderment.
“Don’t,” I warned him, because he had never seen Reggie have one of his rage moments.
They were rare; he was prone to frustration and irritation, but rarely full-on anger.
Even then he kept those moments out of the ‘public’ eye.
Usually, only those closest to him were accustomed to seeing them enough to know they would flare hot and unnerving, but if left alone and unfed, would die away just as quickly.
It was when he wasn’t as choosy, showing his temper to everyone, that you needed to be more cautious.
It was too late, however, and Reggie glared at him. “Hey, Jude?”
“Yessss?” Jude asked, and while my son lacked the knowledge and sense to have kept his mouth shut beforehand, he was at least perceptive enough to realize the ice he was walking on was deceptively thin and the sound of cracking could be heard.
“Do you remember how I told you that tomorrow I planned on showing the guys this place not too far from here?”
“I do.”
“The one that has a moderately dangerous path alongside a mountain, with only the mountain on one side and a drop on the other side?”
“I…yes, I remember.”
“If you don’t want to find out just how far that drop is, shut up.”
Jude stared at me with wide eyes before turning back to Reggie and nodding. “Got it.”
“Good,” Reggie said, and turned to me. “And you, since you’re being useless, get up and be useful.”
“I can do that,” I said, thinking that perhaps assisting him in putting up our tent would be a better use of my skills than making a fire. At the very least, the chances of being worse were low.
“And, Jude?” Reggie continued, his voice dropping low again as I got up to help him.
“Yes?” Jude asked, clearly on guard.
“A marriage, like any relationship, is made and broken by the people in it. Yeah, in cases of abuse that’s one-sided, but in most other things?
It takes two to start and end a relationship,” he said, and I wondered if he was thinking of Malcolm’s death.
“And unless you’re in that relationship, or have been in the know, it’s hard to say what’s right and wrong.
What you need to focus on is the fact that your parents love you, are present in your life, and despite their troubled history with each other, still show respect to each other and work together for your sake.
So, either judge your dad for being about as communicative as a statue most of the time, as well as blaming your mom for what she did, or leave them to their business and focus on the parents who love you. ”
Jude opened his mouth, then frowned and closed it with a troubled look, but I think it was thoughtful as well. I sighed as I looked at the tent, sidling close to Reggie. “I should have let you take over; you’re better at this than me.”
“Communication is a skill, not a talent. You have to practice,” he said, not sharply but not in his normal gentle tone either.
“Right,” I said, and I could only think how that confirmed he was growing fed up with me. “Was it necessary to friendly fire me, not once, but twice?”
“Utterly and completely,” he said, shoving a mallet into my hands. “Now figure out where the stakes go…and put them in the ground at an angle so they don’t come out easily.”
“Yes, sir,” I said, bending down to get to work before he decided I needed more of an earful.
God, I was going to need to say something to him tonight in the privacy of the tent.
Not that his attitude for the rest of the night was all that inviting.
It was Reggie, so once we got the tent up and he was no longer fighting it, his temper dulled.
Anyone else might have thought he had calmed down and was back to his normal self, and I wouldn’t have blamed them.
He was, by all appearances, his normal, chatty, and joking self.
I, however, could see the way he lapsed into silence when someone wasn’t directly talking to him, and sometimes seemed to struggle to look me in the eye.
I would have paid good money to figure out what was going on in his head, only to feel like dirt when I realized there were probably plenty of people who would have said the same thing about me.
I didn’t think he was the type to give me a taste of my own medicine; he wasn’t usually spiteful or petty, not for anything serious anyway.
That didn’t mean I didn’t see that it was, in fact, still a taste of my own medicine.
Jude too was acting a little strange, but that was harder to categorize.
He was eighteen and dealing with a lot, especially after the conversation he and I had, and then the food for thought Reggie had given him.
It wasn’t nearly as strange to watch him lapse into silence, or at one point when he sat away from the campsite in what I assumed to be thought.
The clearing was fairly large, enough that there would be space for those in the tents to have relative privacy if they were quiet, but close enough that no one would lose sight of the other tents.