Chapter 12
REGGIE
God, something had to give, or everything was going to.
“Alright everyone,” I said as we hiked the path I’d walked before and had been checked out by some DNR officers a couple of days before we set out.
It was important to make sure the area was still safe and hadn’t changed since the year before.
“This path is supposed to be safe, but only if you’re using your brains.
So don’t screw around while we’re at this bit, or trust me, I’ll drag you back to Arete, pack your bags and send you home… without a refund.”
Marc shot me a questioning look, and I shrugged before turning away.
I felt like shit. I had once again used sex, used Marc, to avoid the shit going on in my head.
He deserved better than to be treated like a sex toy or an escape from my problems. Especially when one of those problems was trying to figure out how to tell him that his son had not only come onto me, but had fucking kissed me.
Yet that’s exactly what I had done to him last night as I lay there, trying to find some way to just…
say it. Then bringing myself back because I was afraid it wouldn’t be the right time and place, that telling him when Jude was camping just yards away from us seemed…
wrong. Then the guilt came, and I felt dirty and ashamed for reasons I couldn’t explain.
Then I had thought about the fact that Marc was half a foot from me, lying in his goddamn tight underwear, and the guilt and shame had washed away as I rolled over and sought him out in the dark.
It was hard to regret the sex, because sex with Marc, despite having only gone on for a few weeks, had been phenomenal every time.
It was ironic that the man who couldn’t communicate what he felt or wanted would turn out to be a fantastic lover, but there it was.
He could be as rough as he sensed I wanted, as gentle as he thought I needed, and when the shoe was on the other foot, he was as confident and comfortable in his own skin.
And yet it was still my way of avoiding my problems, and that wasn’t fair…probably for either of us.
“Reggie?” Marc asked as we made our way through the thick foliage until we reached a break in the trees that would carry us up the path that ran alongside the mountain, the most treacherous part of the entire trip. Well, except for when we had to come back, so I suppose both would be dangerous.
“What?” I asked sharply, and then winced, hearing my tone immediately and shooting him an apologetic look.
He watched me for a moment, his voice dropping. “You okay?”
“Dandy,” I said, trying for bright but falling closer to neutral, almost uncomfortably blunt.
“Sure,” he said, and the matter was dropped just like that.
For a moment, I was prepared to take all the frustration and anger bubbling inside me and spew it at him instead.
Which wouldn’t have been fair because he wasn’t the problem here; hell, I couldn’t decide if it was me that was the problem or my life.
Maybe not even my life, maybe it was the universe I should aim my annoyance at because Jesus fucking Christ, couldn’t I finally have something good in my love life happen without something ruining it?
“Everyone, watch your footing. Jude, stick close to Marc; the rest of you stick close. It’s not that narrow, but all it takes is a split second and you’re going down,” I called over my shoulder.
“Shouldn’t we, like, have rope or something?” one of the guys asked.
“We’re walking, not fucking climbing a mountain, you dipshit,” another piped up.
“Is this not a mountain we’re on? And it’s a kind of climbing!”
“It’s walking, not fucking mountain climbing, Jesus.”
“Fuck off, I’m just asking.”
“Asking dumb shit.”
Before I could look to the heavens to pray for patience rather than strength, Marc turned around, his voice a growl. “Screw around as we’re walking and we’re all going back, and you can deal with pissing off everyone else in the group, understood?”
There was a pause, and then an almost unanimous “Yes, sir.”
“Good,” he said, turning back to me and frowning when he saw my face. “What?”
“Oh, nothing,” I said quickly, turning away to focus on the path ahead.
If we were alone, I might have told him that hearing him go full on, bossy Dad mode was weirdly arousing and if he could find a way to incorporate that into our bedroom play, he would never have to worry about his balls not being drained again.
We weren’t alone though, and I really needed to stop letting his natural sexiness get in the way of me remembering there was something important I needed to talk to him about first.
The path became less densely packed with foliage as we walked and eventually opened up into a dirt and rock track that crept its way upward at a steady incline that I knew got steep in places.
I had walked the path almost a dozen times over the years, so I knew it was relatively easy, but as I’d told the group, it was important to be careful because one misstep could cost a lot more than a twisted ankle.
One of the guys grunted as we stared up at the path winding around the mountain, out of sight. “Doesn’t look that bad. You could walk like…two at a time.”
“We’ll be single file,” I told them. “Please, at least try to remember that you’re all full-grown men who can behave somewhat responsibly given the chance.
Please, do not make me regret this, because although it wouldn’t take more than a few hours to get back to Arete, then there’s however long it takes to get someone out here to rescue your dumbass…
or pull your body off the rocks somewhere. ”
Jude shifted nervously behind his dad. “I, uh…has anyone got hurt out here?”
“Out here, in the Rockies? Plenty of people,” I said with a shrug, and snorted when he looked even more worried. “In all the times I’ve led this trip, and I’ve led at least one if not two per year, I’ve never had any issues. The worst was poison ivy, and then…the concussion.”
“How…is a concussion less bad than poison ivy?” Jude asked curiously.
“Well, you know how some people have a stronger reaction to poison ivy than others?” I asked. “Like, full-on, breaking out in hives that are the worst things ever?”
“I’ve heard of it,” Jude said. “I’ve never had it, though, so I don’t know.”
“It itches like crazy if you’re normal,” Davis said, wrinkling his nose and looking around. “And you want to peel your skin off if you’re like me, even when it’s just like, your arms. But get it in your armpit or something, like my brother did? And you really consider carving your own skin off.”
“Yeesh,” Jude said, looking uncomfortable. “I mean, that sounds awful, but…concussions can be pretty bad.”
“It was a moderate one,” I said with a shrug. “And that’s what he gets for not listening when I told him to stop screwing around while there were loose rocks and gravel everywhere.”
“Well, yeah, but—”
“And the poison ivy? Imagine what Davis just said, but on your taint, balls, and asshole.”
That made everyone but Marc, who’d obviously been around when it had happened, albeit at the actual resort rather than with the group, make an ugly face.
I watched as the idea, the very concept of being horribly allergic to the stuff and then getting it on the parts considered most sacred on a man’s body.
Ones meant to be protected, not smeared with the oils of a plant that could drive even the most strong-willed into a fit.
Marc shot me a small smile. “I believe the point has been made.”
“I think the only thing I did was convince them not to touch anything green out here,” I said. “Which is a start. Now, come on.”
“You should do part-time work at a haunted house during October,” one of the guys muttered. “You’re great at sucking the fun out of something and scaring the shit out of people.”
“You know, I never considered that. If this place ever gets shut down, like say if one of you should be stupid enough to crack your heads open so our liability insurance doesn’t actually cover us and we get sued into a black hole, I’ll consider it as a viable back-up plan,” I said as I turned and began walking, ignoring the troubled look on Marc’s face.
I knew he was worried about me, or more accurately, he was worried about the attitude I was barely keeping in check.
I wished I could reassure him I was fine and there was nothing to worry about, that I was just in my head a little, and eventually I’d shake it off and everything would be okay.
Except I couldn’t make that promise because I didn’t know if everything was going to be okay.
Again and again, I came back to the problem that had dropped in my lap, or rather onto my lips, right before the trip.
Should I tell him the truth? Would he be pissed at me?
Would he turn his rage on Jude? Would that destroy the relationship he and I had carefully and enthusiastically built over the past few years?
Was it wrong to keep it a secret from him, or was it one of those cases where it would do more harm to tell him?
That was the problem; there were no easy answers.
Then again, I’d found at every turn in my life things were rarely simple and almost never easy, and that went double for the truth.
I knew I hadn’t started it; Jude had done that, and could his timing have been any worse?
Well, yes, he could have made his move publicly, where I wouldn’t have had the time to figure out what I was going to do.
Wouldn’t that have been a peach? As much as thinking about it whenever I had a spare moment and now whenever I wasn’t hyper-focused on one thing absolutely sucked, it would have been a hell of its own if I had to deal with it before I was ready.
Then again, who knew, maybe having the choice taken from me would have been easier; at least the anticipation wouldn’t be gnawing away at me rabidly.