Chapter 11 The Pregnancy Scare #2
It was one of the first lessons business had taught him.
Panic made people careless.
Fear made them rush.
Rushing led to mistakes.
He had built his reputation on being the man who stayed composed when everyone else was losing control.
That ability disappeared the moment the hospital doors closed behind Evan.
Nathaniel stood in the corridor for several seconds after Evan was taken away.
He could still feel Evan's hand in his.
He could still hear his voice.
Stay.
Nathaniel sat down.
Then immediately stood again.
Sitting felt impossible.
He walked to the window and looked outside.
Cars moved along the street.
People entered the building.
A nurse pushed a cart down the corridor.
Everything continued normally.
Nathaniel hated the normality of it.
His world had narrowed to one closed door.
Evan was behind it.
Their baby was behind it.
And Nathaniel could do nothing.
He checked his phone.
No messages.
He put it away.
A minute later, he checked again.
Nothing.
He walked back toward the door.
A nurse passed him.
"Mr. Cross?"
Nathaniel turned immediately.
"Yes?"
"The doctor is still examining him."
"Is he okay?"
"We don't have a full update yet."
Nathaniel nodded.
"Thank you."
The nurse continued walking.
Nathaniel remained where he was.
Not knowing was worse than almost anything he had experienced.
He had negotiated with people who had tried to destroy his company.
He had stood across tables from men who wanted millions of dollars from him.
He had watched projects collapse and rebuilt them.
He had faced lawsuits, hostile competitors, financial crises, and family conflicts.
None of those things had prepared him for the helplessness of sitting outside a room while the person he loved was being examined.
The person he loved.
Nathaniel repeated the words silently.
He loved Evan.
He knew that.
He had admitted it.
But fear made the truth different.
It stripped away all the careful explanations.
He wasn't afraid because Evan was carrying his child.
He wasn't afraid because responsibility demanded that he worry.
He was afraid because the thought of Evan not walking out of that room was unbearable.
Nathaniel sat again.
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
His hands were shaking.
He stared at them.
He hadn't noticed until then.
He closed his fingers into fists.
Stop.
He couldn't allow himself to panic.
But every time he tried to think rationally, another possibility appeared.
What if something was seriously wrong?
What if the baby was in danger?
What if Evan needed treatment?
What if—
Nathaniel stopped himself.
He couldn't think that way.
He stood again.
A doctor eventually appeared.
Nathaniel immediately approached.
"How is he?"
The doctor remained calm.
"We're continuing to monitor him."
"And the baby?"
"We've seen reassuring signs so far."
Nathaniel exhaled.
"So they're okay?"
"I said the signs are reassuring. We still want to observe him for a while."
Nathaniel nodded.
"Of course."
The doctor gave him a few more details and returned to the room.
Nathaniel stood alone again.
Reassuring.
It wasn't certainty.
But it was enough to let him breathe.
He closed his eyes.
For a moment, he imagined a future without Evan.
The thought was so painful that his chest tightened.
He saw the house.
Empty.
The kitchen without Evan's tea.
The breakfast table with only one place set.
The sitting room without Evan's books.
The bedroom down the hall without the sound of Evan moving around.
The house would return to the way it had been before.
Quiet.
Perfect.
Empty.
Nathaniel realized he would hate it.
He would hate every room.
Every morning.
Every evening.
Every silent hallway.
Because the house had stopped being his private retreat the moment Evan moved into it.
Evan had filled it with life.
With arguments.
With laughter.
With ordinary things.
With a future.
Nathaniel sat down again.
He thought about the first time he had seen Evan as an adult.
He had tried to bury the attraction.
He had tried to convince himself it was impossible.
Then came the kiss.
The pregnancy.
The appointments.
The first heartbeat.
The bump.
The word wife.
The first real kiss.
The promises.
All of it had happened so quickly.
And yet Nathaniel couldn't imagine going back.
He didn't want the old life.
Not anymore.
He wanted Evan.
He wanted their child.
He wanted the impossible future they had started building.
The door finally opened.
Nathaniel stood immediately.
Evan looked tired.
But he was smiling.
Nathaniel crossed the distance between them.
"How are you?"
"I'm okay."
"And the baby?"
"They're okay."
Nathaniel closed his eyes.
For one second, he couldn't speak.
Then he reached for Evan.
Evan stepped into his arms.
Nathaniel held him carefully, one hand against his back and the other resting near his shoulder.
He wanted to hold him tightly.
He was afraid of holding him too tightly.
So he simply stayed there.
Evan whispered, "I'm okay."
Nathaniel nodded.
"I know."
They sat together after the doctor gave them permission to leave later.
The immediate danger had passed.
The symptoms had eased.
They still had instructions to rest and monitor for changes, but there was no emergency requiring them to remain.
Nathaniel listened to every instruction.
Evan watched him.
When the medical staff left, Evan said quietly, "You can breathe now."
Nathaniel looked at him.
"I am breathing."
"Not properly."
Nathaniel almost smiled.
"You're one to talk."
Evan reached for his hand.
Nathaniel took it.
They remained silent.
Then Evan said, "You were scared."
Nathaniel looked down.
"Yes."
"Very scared."
Nathaniel swallowed.
"Yes."
Evan squeezed his fingers.
"I've never seen you like that."
"Neither have I."
Evan gave him a small smile.
Nathaniel looked away.
He didn't know how to explain what had happened inside him.
Eventually, he said, "When they took you away, I realized I couldn't do anything."
Evan listened.
"I couldn't negotiate. I couldn't fix it. I couldn't protect you by making a phone call or signing something."
His voice became rough.
"I had to sit there and wait."
Evan's eyes softened.
"I know."
Nathaniel looked at him.
"And I hated every second."
Evan moved closer.
Nathaniel continued.
"I thought about the possibility that something could happen to you."
His voice broke slightly.
"And I realized I wasn't thinking about the baby first."
Evan remained quiet.
"I was thinking about you."
Evan's eyes filled with tears.
Nathaniel looked down at their hands.
"I love our child."
"I know."
"But when I thought I might lose you, everything else disappeared."
Evan squeezed his hand.
Nathaniel's eyes were wet now.
"I built my entire life around control."
He laughed bitterly.
"Companies. Investments. Houses. Schedules. Plans."
He looked around the room.
"I thought if I worked hard enough, prepared enough, planned enough, I could keep disaster away."
Evan listened.
"Then you came into my life."
Nathaniel smiled through the emotion.
"And suddenly none of those things mattered."
Evan reached up and touched his cheek.
Nathaniel closed his eyes.
"I was terrified."
"I know."
"No," Nathaniel whispered.
"I don't think you understand."
He opened his eyes.
"The thought of losing you nearly destroyed me."
Evan's expression broke.
Nathaniel continued.
"I couldn't imagine going home without you."
His voice trembled.
"I couldn't imagine waking up and knowing you weren't there."
Evan leaned closer.
Nathaniel rested his forehead against his.
"I kept thinking about the house."
"The house?"
"Yes."
Nathaniel smiled sadly.
"How ridiculous that sounds."
"It doesn't."
"I imagined walking into the kitchen and not seeing you there. I imagined the tea you like still sitting in the cabinet. I imagined your books staying where you left them."
His voice became quieter.
"And I realized I didn't want the house back the way it was."
Evan's eyes filled with tears.
"I wanted you."
Nathaniel's hand moved to Evan's stomach.
"And I wanted our baby."
He looked at Evan.
"Not because I'm supposed to."
"Then why?"
"Because you're both my family."
The word hung between them.
Family.
Evan covered Nathaniel's hand with his own.
Nathaniel looked at their hands.
"I've been afraid that my love would become another burden for you."
Evan shook his head.
"It won't."
"I don't want you to feel trapped."
"I'm not trapped."
"I don't want you to stay because of the baby."
"I won't."
Nathaniel looked at him.
Evan smiled gently.
"I'm here because I want to be."
Nathaniel's eyes closed.
Evan leaned into him.
"You don't have to protect me from loving you."
Nathaniel held him.
"I know."
"And you don't have to pretend you're not afraid."
Nathaniel nodded.
"I'll try."
Evan smiled.
"There you go again."
"What?"
"Trying."
Nathaniel laughed quietly.
"I'm working on it."
They remained together until it was time to leave.
The fear had not disappeared completely.
Perhaps it never would.
But Nathaniel understood something now.
Love wasn't control.
It wasn't the ability to prevent every danger.
It wasn't the promise that nothing bad could ever happen.
Love was knowing how much you could lose and still choosing to stay.
Nathaniel had spent weeks trying to protect Evan from the risks of loving him.
Now he understood that the greatest risk was pretending he didn't love him enough to be afraid.
As they walked out of the medical center, Nathaniel kept Evan's hand in his.
He didn't let go.
Evan didn't ask him to.
And neither man needed to say what the moment meant.
They both understood.
Nathaniel's fear had nothing to do with obligation.
It wasn't about money.
It wasn't about responsibility.
It wasn't even primarily about the baby.
It was about Evan.
The man who had entered his carefully controlled life and changed everything.
The man Nathaniel could no longer imagine losing.
The man he loved.
· ? ·