Chapter 16 The Man I Call My Wife
Preparing for Marriage
Evan had always imagined that planning a wedding would feel glamorous.
He had pictured beautiful clothes, flowers, invitations, and some carefully chosen location where everything would look perfect in photographs.
He had never imagined doing it with one hand resting protectively over a growing pregnancy bump while Nathaniel argued about guest lists.
"Your list is too long," Nathaniel said.
Evan looked up from the tablet in his hands.
"Your list is too short."
"I don't need three hundred people."
"We aren't inviting three hundred people."
Nathaniel pointed at the screen.
"You've added forty-seven names."
"Forty-seven is not three hundred."
"It's still forty-seven."
Evan smiled.
"Some of them are my friends."
"I know."
"Then they should come."
"They can."
"Good."
Nathaniel looked at the list again.
"But who is Daniel?"
"My college friend."
"You've never mentioned Daniel."
"I've mentioned Daniel."
"You haven't."
"I definitely have."
Nathaniel raised an eyebrow.
"When?"
Evan thought about it.
"At some point."
Nathaniel laughed.
"That's not an answer."
Evan reached across the table and took the tablet from him.
"You're becoming controlling."
"I'm trying to understand the guest list."
"Same thing."
Nathaniel smiled.
"Fine."
Evan looked at him.
"You're going to have to get used to being challenged."
"I thought that was one of the reasons you agreed to marry me."
"It was."
"Then I'm prepared."
Evan laughed.
They were sitting at the dining table surrounded by wedding plans.
There were fabric samples.
A venue brochure.
A list of possible caterers.
Several invitations they hadn't chosen.
And one small notebook Nathaniel had insisted on buying because, according to him, "we need somewhere to keep track of everything."
Evan had written on the first page:
Things Nathaniel Cannot Control.
Nathaniel had added beneath it:
Things Evan Will Pretend He Cannot Control.
They had both laughed when they saw it.
Planning the wedding had become unexpectedly easy.
Not because they agreed on everything.
They didn't.
Nathaniel preferred something private and elegant.
Evan wanted warmth.
Nathaniel wanted a smaller guest list.
Evan wanted his closest friends.
Nathaniel wanted everything organized months in advance.
Evan kept changing his mind about flowers.
Somehow, none of it became a real argument.
They simply negotiated.
They listened.
They compromised.
And every disagreement reminded Evan that this was different from what they had once been.
There was no arrangement now.
No temporary living situation.
No unspoken expectation.
They were planning a marriage.
Their marriage.
Evan glanced down at himself.
The bump beneath his loose shirt was impossible to disguise.
A few months ago, he had been able to hide it with oversized clothing.
Now there was no point.
The shape was unmistakable.
Their baby was growing quickly, and so was the reality of everything that was happening.
Evan placed his hand over his stomach.
Nathaniel noticed immediately.
"Are you tired?"
"No."
"Are you uncomfortable?"
"A little."
"Do you want to stop?"
Evan smiled.
"You're asking too many questions."
"I'm your fiancé."
"Exactly."
Nathaniel leaned back.
"That means I'm allowed to ask."
"You're allowed to ask."
"And you're allowed to ignore me."
"Good."
Nathaniel smiled.
Evan looked at the ring on his finger.
He still hadn't gotten used to it.
Sometimes he would catch sight of it unexpectedly and stop.
Not because he regretted saying yes.
Because he still couldn't believe that something so complicated had become something so simple.
He was engaged to Nathaniel.
Soon, he would be his husband.
The thought made his heart race.
"You're staring at the ring again," Nathaniel said.
Evan looked up.
"Maybe."
"Do you regret it?"
"No."
Nathaniel's expression softened.
"Good."
Evan stood.
"I need something to drink."
Nathaniel immediately stood too.
"I'll get it."
"I can get water."
"I know."
"Then why are you moving?"
"Because I want to."
Evan shook his head.
"You've become impossible."
"You knew that before you said yes."
Nathaniel walked toward the kitchen.
Evan followed.
He had noticed that Nathaniel had become more openly affectionate since the proposal.
There was no longer the hesitation that had defined the early months of their relationship.
Nathaniel touched him casually now.
A hand at his back when they walked.
A kiss against his forehead when he passed.
Fingers brushing his shoulder.
An arm around him when they watched television.
Small touches.
Nothing possessive.
Just affection.
Evan loved it more than he admitted.
Nathaniel returned with the water.
Evan took the glass.
"Thank you."
Nathaniel stood in front of him.
His eyes dropped to Evan's stomach.
"Can I?"
Evan smiled.
"You still ask."
"Always."
Evan nodded.
Nathaniel placed his hand gently over the bump.
The touch was warm.
Careful.
His expression changed immediately.
There was something almost peaceful about Nathaniel whenever he touched the baby.
Evan covered Nathaniel's hand with his own.
"Our baby is getting bigger."
"I know."
"Very soon, we'll know what it feels like to have a real person in the house who doesn't sleep through the night."
Nathaniel smiled.
"I'm prepared."
"You say that now."
"I'll manage."
"You have never changed a diaper."
Nathaniel looked offended.
"I can learn."
"I know."
"And I will."
Evan smiled.
Nathaniel's hand remained over the bump.
"Have you thought about the nursery?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"I want it close to our room."
"Agreed."
"I want soft colors."
"Agreed."
"No unnecessary expensive furniture."
Nathaniel raised an eyebrow.
"I haven't said anything."
"You were thinking it."
"I was considering quality."
"Exactly."
Nathaniel laughed.
Evan watched him.
This was the man who once believed distance was the safest thing he could give Evan.
Now he stood in their kitchen, talking about nursery furniture and wedding invitations while holding Evan's stomach.
The transformation was almost impossible to believe.
"What?" Nathaniel asked.
"Nothing."
"You're looking at me."
"I know."
"Why?"
Evan smiled.
"Because sometimes I still can't believe we're here."
Nathaniel's expression softened.
"Neither can I."
Evan leaned against the counter.
"We started with one kiss."
"One very bad decision."
"You still call it a bad decision?"
Nathaniel smiled.
"No."
"Good."
"It was a dangerous decision."
"Better."
"But not a bad one."
Evan laughed.
Nathaniel moved closer.
"I don't regret you."
The simple words touched Evan deeply.
"I don't regret you either."
Nathaniel kissed his forehead.
Evan closed his eyes.
He could hear the faint sounds of the house around them.
The dishwasher.
The air conditioning.
The distant traffic.
Ordinary sounds.
Domestic sounds.
Home sounds.
Evan opened his eyes.
"Do you know what's strange?"
"What?"
"This doesn't feel like we're preparing to become married."
Nathaniel looked at him.
"It doesn't?"
"No."
Evan smiled.
"It feels like we already are."
Nathaniel was quiet.
Evan continued.
"We wake up together."
"Most mornings."
"We eat together."
"Usually."
"We argue about groceries."
"Frequently."
"You worry about me."
"Constantly."
"You touch my stomach every chance you get."
Nathaniel smiled.
"That's true."
"You know how I take my coffee."
"I do."
"You know when I'm tired even when I don't tell you."
"I've learned."
Evan looked around the kitchen.
"We have a home."
Nathaniel's expression became gentle.
"Yes."
Evan rested his hand over Nathaniel's.
"We had an arrangement once."
"I remember."
"You offered me a place to stay because of the pregnancy."
"I did."
"And we tried to make everything about practicality."
Nathaniel nodded.
"We failed."
Evan smiled.
"Completely."
Nathaniel's fingers intertwined with his.
"Fortunately."
Evan leaned closer.
"I think that's what I like most."
"What?"
"That we failed at pretending."
Nathaniel laughed softly.
"We were never very good at it."
"No."
Evan rested his head against Nathaniel's shoulder.
For several moments, they simply stood there.
Then the baby moved.
Evan felt it first.
He caught Nathaniel's hand.
"Wait."
Nathaniel looked down.
"What?"
"Here."
He guided Nathaniel's palm to the exact place.
A second later, the movement came again.
Nathaniel's eyes widened.
"That was—"
"Yes."
Another small movement.
Nathaniel smiled.
"Hello."
Evan laughed.
"You're talking to the baby."
"Of course."
"What are you going to say?"
Nathaniel looked down.
"Your father is nervous."
Evan laughed.
"And?"
"And your other father is pretending he isn't."
Evan touched Nathaniel's chest.
"You are definitely the nervous one."
"I am not."
"You absolutely are."
Nathaniel leaned down and kissed Evan's stomach through his shirt.
Evan's breath caught.
Nathaniel looked up at him.
"Very soon, everything changes again."
Evan nodded.
"Yes."
Nathaniel stood.
"But whatever changes, we're doing it together."
Evan smiled.
Together.
The word no longer frightened him.
It felt right.
Later that evening, they returned to the wedding plans.
Evan sat on the sofa with the venue brochure while Nathaniel sat beside him.
They discussed flowers.
Food.
Music.
The ceremony.
The people who would attend.
The people who wouldn't.
There were still difficult questions.
Richard had not changed his position.
He hadn't apologized.
He hadn't offered his blessing.
That hurt.
But Evan no longer felt like his father's rejection had the power to define his future.
He had Nathaniel.
He had the baby.
He had his own life.
And he had a choice.
He looked at Nathaniel.
"What?"
Evan smiled.
"Nothing."
Nathaniel narrowed his eyes.
"That's becoming suspicious."
"I'm happy."
Nathaniel's expression softened.
"So am I."
Evan leaned against him.
Nathaniel wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
The wedding plans remained scattered across the coffee table.
The nursery waited to be prepared.
The future was still uncertain.
But their home no longer felt temporary.
There was no pretending.
No arrangement.
No obligation.
No secret between them.
There were two men building a life together.