Luka
The talking in the room dropped off, and I sat at the back waiting patiently.
Group discussions were open to everyone who agreed to stick to the rules.
The resort didn’t have many rules, but the ones it did have, they were sticklers about.
One of them was that, in a group discussion, you showed respect for others, and while you didn’t have to participate, you had to be quiet when it was someone else’s turn.
Dr. Ramirez shifted in his seat and looked around the circle. “Does no one have anything to throw out there? Clay maybe? You come, but you rarely speak.”
Clay shifted in his seat, looking out of place in regular clothes. “Why, because I talk all the time, any other time?”
“Well, having someone who’s normally not shy about expressing themselves show reluctance to speak is an attention getter,” Ramirez said with a smirk, leaning back in his seat. “And you only seem to be shy when we have these discussions.”
“You force me to be here, Doc,” he said dryly, clearly not pleased.
The unfair part of my brain thought he was probably annoyed that he had to be here for counseling rather than having free run of the resort to try and get laid.
The fair part reminded me that he was here because he needed, and in some way, probably wanted help not judgment.
After all, he was as known for his sexual activities as he was for his friendly and chatty demeanor.
If anything, I should be looking at his almost pathological need to get laid as a sign of a larger problem that needed to be addressed.
..preferably by someone better equipped to handle that sort of thing.
Considering what I’d done a couple of days ago, I was clearly not that person.
Not that I would have fallen into bed with Clay if I were assigned to be his Guide.
He was good-looking, and I’d hope with all his experience, he’d be good in bed, but Clay wasn’t my type.
Then again, I would have said the same about Rowan, and now look at me, suffering for two days from much-deserved guilt and shame because I had let a hot body and a nice dick make me break the rules.
So yeah, not only should I try to show a man who needed help some understanding, I should probably be careful about the stones I was mentally tossing around while my house looked very glass-like.
“If you mean these meetings, then yes, you are required to come once a week at my recommendation,” Dr. Ramirez said with a smile. “But if you mean this resort, you’re here because you have people who care about you who wish to see you—”
“What, get better?” Clay asked with a smirk. “I think I’m doin’ just fine here, Doc. I have everything I need, and if some people want to sit around and hope I’ll get fixed magically, that’s their problem, not mine. Any problem I need to take care of, I do it, easy.”
From his seat in the circle, Rowan rolled his shoulders. “I don’t think he meant your sexual problems.”
“Well, I did,” Clay snickered. “Move on to someone else, Doc. See, Rowan feels like talking, ask him about his childhood or whatever.”
“I’m just observing,” Rowan said quickly. “Without judgement, I might add.”
“A worthy addition,” Ramirez said with a nod. “You, of course, can feel free to speak up whenever you’d like.”
“I have nothing to add,” Rowan said, and I shook my head, unable to help my smile.
Which didn’t go unnoticed by Dr. Ramirez, and his eyes fixed on me. “And what about you, Luka? Do you agree with him?”
I repressed a sigh. I should have realized that was going to happen. It wasn’t my first time standing outside the circle of guests in the group discussion, but it was the first time my Guest was here, so of course, I was going to get pulled in.
I cleared my throat. “I think Rowan has plenty he could add, and quit glaring at me out of the corner of your eye and let me finish, Rowan...thank you. Anyway, I think Rowan has plenty to add when he’s ready. I’m not going to push him to talk when he doesn’t want to.”
Rowan was still glaring, but at least now he was glaring at the center of the circle rather than at me.
Please, as if I was going to force him to open up in a room full of strangers?
That level of vulnerability was hard for the average person, let alone someone as private and reserved as Rowan.
He had only recently begun to loosen up around me enough to talk about himself, and even that was a trickle.
It was progress, so I wasn’t going to complain, but it didn’t indicate a man who wanted to spill his guts in a group session.
“Well, and how would you say things are going between the two of you?” Ramirez asked, adjusting his glasses.
“Should I answer that?” I wondered. “I think you’d rather ask my guest.”
Ramirez’s gaze lingered on me before shifting to Rowan. “So, what do you say, Rowan? How do you feel about your Guide?”
I ducked my head and rubbed my mouth like I had an itch, when in reality I was hiding my smirk from Rowan when his eyes slid to me with accusation in his stare. After a moment, he cleared his throat. “I would say it has been...different.”
“How so?” Ramirez asked curiously.
“It’s strange, having someone around me at all times. I haven’t had this sort of experience since I was a child, growing up with my sister,” Rowan explained. “I am not particularly sociable...or personable for that matter. So my experience with other people is limited outside my family.”
“What, don’t have friends?” Clay asked in amusement.
Rowan stiffened, and I forced myself to keep my lips pressed together.
Just like he wasn’t one to be forced into opening up easily, he also wasn’t someone who needed me to jump to his rescue if he was uncomfortable.
Hell, as much as I didn’t like Clay prodding him, I’d noticed Rowan did a lot better with people when he was pushed a little.
I didn’t know whether letting your guest be antagonized was an approved plan, but that was one reason I was just a Guide rather than a licensed therapist or psychiatrist like Dr. Ramirez.
“None worth bringing up,” Rowan said, and I mentally translated that as no, he did not have any friends. “My point was, or is, that it has been a different experience being here than I originally thought.”
“And what were you expecting?” Ramirez asked, because, of course, he wouldn’t let something that juicy go without addressing it.
Rowan’s face tightened, and I could tell he regretted having spoken and was contemplating how annoyed with me he was.
“I was expecting something more rigid, more detailed, and more arranged. I have so far done what I wanted when I wanted. There has been no prescribed routine, no requirements. If I did not know better, I would say this is a vacation resort where I happen to have someone to follow me around and...entertain me.”
“Hey, you’re gettin’ it,” Clay grinned.
Rowan frowned. “That isn’t necessarily a good thing. This place is meant to help us after all, and so far it amounts to a long vacation.”
Great, so I was getting a job performance review in full view of everyone, and would you look at that, I was doing poorly, apparently.
“Well, every Guide handles things differently. Then again, how many vacations have you gone on where you’re asked to come to a group discussion?” Ramirez asked, with genuine curiosity rather than judgment.
“Not many,” Rowan admitted, glancing toward me.
I shrugged. “It wasn’t like I brought you here just because it sounded like a good idea.”
“It’s a boring idea,” Clay said, and I ignored him.
He had been resistant to anything but getting laid, and I was glad I wasn’t in charge of his care.
I wouldn’t know where to even start with someone like Clay.
He had a different Guide every time he came back, and sometimes changed in the middle of a stay, so clearly other people didn’t know what to do with him either.
I suppose they let him keep coming back because he was a good source of income for the resort, but at some point, they would have to admit that, no matter how much help someone needed, there had to come a time to cut them loose.
If he didn’t want help, his spot could be offered to someone who did.
“Only because everyone’s wearing clothes,” one of the other men in the circle spoke up, sounding irritated.
“Nah, I can use my imagination,” Clay said with a grin.
Rowan’s attention turned to the guest who’d spoken. “And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“Do you feel this place has merit?”
“Look, man, if you’re asking if this is where any of us will get healed magically, and all our problems will go away, then no, fuck no, there’s nowhere in the world you’re going to get that.”
Clay snorted. “And if they promise that, I’ve got some beachfront property in Oklahoma for you to buy.”
“Right,” the guest said, and I remembered his name was Paul.
“But you know what? After my last couple of relationships, losing my job, and...my family, it’s nice to have a place where I can be myself.
I don’t have to worry about the world outside until I leave.
Maybe it feels like a vacation to you, but it feels like a place where I can fucking chill out for the first time in thirty-three years, alright? ”
Rowan stared at him, and it was easy to mistake his expression for an unhappy scowl, but I recognized it; he was thinking hard. “Do you mind if I ask you another question?”
“Sure,” Paul said with a shrug. “Just so long as I can tell you to fuck off if I don’t like it.”
At that, Rowan smiled. “Fair enough. There’s something no one has clarified, and I was wondering if you had any ideas.”
“Okay, what?”
“Why is it a male-only facility? From top to bottom, guest to Guide, maintenance staff, cooks, everything.”