Chapter 2 Walker #3
Memory was such an odd and fickle thing, and only idiots convinced themselves it was something they had control over.
It might behave itself for a while, maybe even years, but it always had a will of its own.
At this moment, I wasn’t thirty, pushing thirty-one, a man made bitter and cynical by a world that was apathetic to the point of cruel.
I was that man I had been at twenty-four, surprised to find someone I had to actually turn my head up to look him in the eyes, a man who was larger than life in everything from sheer size, to the volume and genuineness of his laugh, and a grin that stretched over features that could have easily been hard and mean.
And there it was, that laugh, the one that boomed, an initial explosion that continued in deep waves like aftershocks.
I wasn’t surprised when he didn’t hesitate to reach out, grab my shoulder, and yank me close in a tight hug.
He and most of his team had never been shy about showing affection, and he had always been the first to hug or drape his arm over people.
I had almost forgotten that his hugs felt like being crushed against a wall of steel while somehow being comforting in their strength.
“Goddamn,” he said with another laugh, yanking me back so he could look me over. “Lookit you! Ain’t changed a whole lot, have ya?”
“Neither have you,” I said as I looked up at him in a mixture of confusion, shock, and pleasure. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be happy to see another person, but as always, his warmth and joy were infectious.
“You’re kiddin’, right?” he asked with a snort, letting go of me to pick his metal leg up and give it a wiggle so it was on blatant display. “Not all of me is here.”
“Well, yeah,” I said, not sure if I should be embarrassed for not mentioning it or because he was in this state. “But you’re still…you.”
“I guess,” he said almost bashfully, and I looked him over again. Other than his leg, there wasn’t a lot different. Of course, the fact that he was here was a sign that not all was well, which fit the stories I’d heard, but—
“What are ya doin’ here?” he wondered, his brow furrowing.
“Probably the same thing you are,” I said evasively, because there was no way I was going to get into the real reason. Maybe I’d tell Cade under different circumstances, but we were out in the open, in a place I didn’t trust or know, and I wasn’t going to start running my mouth yet.
“I’m not even going to bother asking if you know each other,” Reggie chuckled beside me, and that was the last thing I needed to be pulled back to reality. “That much is obvious.”
I glanced at him, knowing it wasn’t his fault that he was a reminder that I was back in the present rather than in a far more comforting part of my past, but still annoyed by his intrusion. “And yet you felt the need to state the obvious, so here we are.”
Reggie shrugged. “Like you said, I’m annoying. What would I be if I didn’t live up to my image?”
I wanted to point out that it wasn’t necessary for him to be so annoying to live up to his so-called image, but I bit back the annoyance before it could lash out.
Despite knowing I was back in the present and not in some weird land of memory, I was hyper-aware that the Ser…
Cade, his name was Cade, was right there and hearing everything.
“I don’t know,” I said instead of what was bubbling away behind my words, aching to be let loose. “What would you be?”
“Probably a far more agreeable person,” he said with a shrug that said he wasn’t worried.
“Though my original point was going to be that there is no point continuing our tour since this seems to be a surprising reunion between two people who know each other well. Which means I’m off the hook and you’re free of me…
if Cade will take over for the tour that is. ”
It was said in a tone that said he knew the answer, and Cade followed through with a wide smile. “Of course! I don’t mind, I been here enough times that I probably know as much as you do.”
That startled me a little, but Reggie smiled. “That you do. I’ll leave this in your capable hands. Just give him the platinum-level tour, will you? Oh, and he’ll have to be shown to his room, which, uh, hmm—”
“Is there something wrong with my room?” I wondered, but he wasn’t looking at me. Reaching into his pocket stalled as he stared at Cade instead, a conflicted expression on his face.
Cade’s smile faltered, and he cleared his throat, looking away for a moment before turning back to Reggie. His smile returned, but it felt fixed rather than natural. “It’s Clay’s old room, isn’t it?”
What was that ugly flash of emotion that ripped through me without warning?
It couldn’t be something as stupid as jealousy, could it?
Because that was monumentally ridiculous.
Excluding the fact that there had never been anything between Cade and I in the past despite the massive crush I’d had on him that bordered on obsession, or that I hadn’t seen him in over five years so what the hell could I possibly expect him to have done with his life?
No, the first reason in a long line of them why it would make zero sense for me to get upset was that he was, and undoubtedly still was, heterosexual.
I might be stupid about a lot of things, but there was no way in hell I was going to forget that vital piece of information, was I?
“It is indeed,” Reggie said, reaching into his pocket and holding out what looked like the same sort of plastic disc he’d used in the elevator, handing it to me.
“Thanks,” I muttered, even though the conversation no longer involved me.
“Yeah, well, he’s…not here and probably not comin’ back, so that makes sense,” Cade said, but I could see the statement had taken its toll even as he smiled.
It was what he would have done back in the day as well.
No matter how hard something was, no matter how bleak things looked, Cade was the first to offer a reassuring smile and say something that made the rest of us feel better, if not confident.
It didn’t matter how much anything was weighing on him; he had thought about everyone else around him rather than whatever was bothering him.
“Of course,” Reggie said lightly, but I detected the softness in his voice before he glanced at me and smiled.
“Cade will explain how the passes and the system here work. It’s pretty basic, or at least it should be, and easy to understand.
But if you have questions, you can either grab me when you see me because I’m not afraid to roam around and pester people occasionally.
And if you don’t see me, there’s an option on the computer to send me a message. ”
Cade snorted. “Yeah, yeah, we know Reggie. It’s your baby and you’re proud of it.”
“Damn right,” Reggie said, glancing over my shoulder. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, they’re supposed to be having a waffle bar today, and there’s no way I’m going to miss that.”
I watched him go, wrinkling my nose. “Did he just get rid of himself?”
“Kinda think he did,” Cade said with a chuckle. “He’s good people, weird, but, ya know, in a place like this, what can ya expect?”
“I guess you would have to be pretty weird to want to work at a place like this.”
“Work? He and Mr. Shepherd built this place. I dunno what the full story is, but this is their baby. I guess Mr. Shepherd takes care of, like…all the external stuff, but Reggie’s the one dealin’ with all the stuff on the inside. I guess he was the first Guide this place ever had.”
“Guide, that’s my babysitter, right?”
Cade cocked his head, a curious look in his eyes. “I mean…not really. It’s not like someone who’s gonna follow you around and make sure you’re doin’ what you’re supposed to be doin’, ’cause they don’t really do that around here. It’s kinda like…I mean, battle buddy basically.”
I raised an eyebrow. “What battles do we need a buddy for?”
Cade looked away, running a hand down the back of his head. “I mean, a lot of the guys here got a lot of demons. And when they’re tryin’ to deal with them, it’s a fight, ya know?”
“You’re right,” I said, feeling properly chastised, even though there hadn’t been the slightest hint of judgement in his face or voice. “I guess I’m…forgetting where I’m at.”
Cade’s concerned expression broke, and he laughed, giving me a nod. “Yeah, don’t go worryin’ about all that, ya wouldn’t be the first person to forget. This place can be weird sometimes. Ya forget where ya are, and that you’re supposed to be doin’ stuff to help yourself.”
“Reggie said there was no measurement of right or wrong, correct or incorrect, and definitely no expectations of what you’re supposed to be doing.”
“And that’s pretty much what they’re doin’. But when ya come here, there’s the idea that you’re here to make yourself better, so ya know, most people figure they should do that. And now I’m just talkin’ in circles, ain’t I?”
“You kind of are,” I admitted with a grin. “Like I said, you haven’t changed a lot.”
Not that I could claim that, and I wondered if he was thinking the same.
The thing about Cade was that when people listened to him, between his odd mixed accent, southern and something from the neighborhood he’d grown up in, and the rough way he spoke, they thought he was stupid.
Of course, most people weren’t stupid enough to say that, but some mouths would get there before their brains did, with mixed results.
The results from his team hearing it were always the same, and it was made clear quickly to everyone that although Cade might take that kind of comment with good grace, the people in his circle weren’t nearly as forgiving.
“Why don’t I start by showin’ you where you’ll be eatin’ most of the time,” he said with a grin. “And before ya say it, I know, I was never shy about eatin’ and that ain’t changed either. But it’s worth seein’, and then I can show ya some of the other places. Just wait till ya see the rooms.”
“High-class accommodations?” I wondered with a snort.
“It’s like…fancy,” he said with a chuckle. “And comfy as hell.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said, remembering the exchange between him and Reggie earlier and then glancing at him cautiously. “Who’s, uh, Clay?”
“He’s…well, he was the first friend I made here, and became my best friend,” Cade said, sounding embarrassed, which was…
odd. What was wrong with having a friend?
“He, uh, went through a lot, which I guess is true of a lot of people here. A lot came up when he was here the last time, and he…didn’t do too well.
Bad enough that they thought it might be better if he went somewhere else that could help him. ”
Fully aware that I was on shaky ground, I still had to ask. “Then what’s the point of this place if they can’t help people who have a hard time?”
His expression was grave. “It was bad, real bad. They can help us here; I’ve seen ’em do it before, but that don’t mean they can help everyone, or all the time.
He was in a really dark place, and even he thought it would be better to go somewhere that might handle him differently.
They’re pretty hands-off here, always tryin’ to push ya to do more and help yourself, but they ain’t the sort that can help when you’re fallin’ apart like that. ”
I wanted to ask how bad it was, but the look on Cade’s face told me it was probably not a good idea. I couldn’t tell if he was missing his friend or was worried about him. “Is that who you were talking to on the phone?”
“Nope,” he said with a sudden return to his bright mood.
“That was Isaac. He was here last season, interestin’ guy actually.
He was the one who made Clay act like such a horndog, and well…
I don’t know what they’re gonna do now but he’s been a good friend to me too, and he was great for Clay, even if he don’t realize it.
I think if they’re smart, they’ll end up together when Clay gets his head on straight. ”
“Finding love in a hopeless place,” I muttered, looking around and thinking Arete looked anything but hopeless. Then again, I wasn’t here by choice, so I wasn’t overflowing with hope.
“Aw, this place ain’t that bad,” he said with a laugh, surprising me by pulling me toward the door overflowing with the sound of people and the smell of food. “Let me show ya around before Reggie shows back up and starts his tour again. Trust me, you’ll be here all day if ya let ’em do that.”
“Sure,” I said, smiling and feeling the best I had in weeks now I had someone I knew to guide me.
It wouldn’t be the first time I’d followed him into the unknown, so maybe it wasn’t going to be all bad being here.