Chapter 4
FOUR
The luncheon dragged on for hours. Renn had found his way to the other kids in attendance who were also forced to endure the adults conversing over what seemed like the same subjects repeatedly.
They entertained themselves the best they could.
When, eventually, the speeches were over and the room began to empty, Renn returned to where his family was seated, hoping they would soon be going back to his father’s penthouse for the rest of the evening.
Usually, his grandparents would stay for a couple of days in the city before heading home, and Renn couldn’t wait to lie down for a while and, if he was lucky, sleep in tomorrow.
His father tended to take a couple weeks to get back into a normal Earth routine, so he was looking forward to easy and carefree days ahead.
“Ah, Aldrenn. There you are,” Elias said, motioning for Renn to take a seat at the table.
“Did you have a good time with your friends, Renn?” Camille asked.
He shrugged. “As good as one can at a luncheon, I suppose.”
Elias chuckled, clapping his son on the back. “Like father, like son. We don’t like to be bored, do we? Always looking for the next adventure.”
The comment irked Renn more than he wanted it to, but he pushed it aside. At least he’s trying,” he thought.
“Does that mean we can go now?” he asked, hopeful. This time, Charlie and Camille laughed as well. But Renn spotted his grandmother’s hands doing that same nervous motion as they were in the car earlier. She was uneasy about something and it unsettled him.
”Yes, we can go. I was just telling your grandparents there was something I wanted to discuss with everyone back at home.
” Renn looked to his grandparents silently, asking if they knew what was coming.
He waited for Camille especially to give him any sign.
She merely bit her lip, shrugging slightly.
“Shall we?” Elias asked when no one moved.
Charlie and Camille began to stand, but Renn made no indication he was following.
“Why can’t you just tell us now?” Renn asked, flatly. His grandparents exchanged a look and sat back down, but Elias remained standing.
“You just asked if we were leaving,” Elias said with a puzzled expression.
“I think we would all be more comfortable if we had this conversation at home. It’s been a long day, Aldrenn.
” His face was the most serious it had been all day.
They stared at one another, neither making a move or sound before Camille spoke.
“Elias.”
He turned to her, brows raised in surprise.
“To be honest with you, dear, we’ve all been a bit anxious about Renn’s practice exam results and though we haven’t spoken about it exclusively . . .” She turned to her husband and he gave her a nod. “We were sort of expecting some sort of an announcement from you.”
Elias shook his head as she spoke.
“I don’t want to speak for Renn. But he would probably prefer to hear it now if you could spare him any more anticipation,” she added, her eyes seeming to ask if he would try to consider how his son may be feeling, which, sadly, he clearly needed the reminder.
Renn swallowed nervously. Of course she knew what he was feeling—she always did.
Her plea was successful because Elias returned to his seat, placing his hands on the table and interlocking his fingers.
“Well, if you all insist.” He gazed around at each of them. “I do have exciting news about Aldrenn’s future.”
Renn could practically feel the inhale from his grandparents. He joined them, taking a deep breath in preparation.
“Aldrenn’s test score came back a few weeks ago and he performed so brilliantly that he has been accepted to The Academy and will start in the fall.”
Everyone was deathly silent for what felt like several minutes, but it was only a few heartbeats until his grandmother said, with forced excitement, “That’s wonderful. Congratulations, Renn.”
But he didn’t acknowledge her, nor did he look her way. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Elias—this stranger that he somehow saw enough in to idolize and yet didn’t know at all.
“But, I’ll only be thirteen by then. You have to be fifteen to be accepted,” Renn said calmly, but his eyes were saying something else as he stared at father in disbelief.
“Well, considering you are my son and surpassed all the admission testing and evaluations . . .” So those hadn’t been practice tests at all.
At that time, Renn had thought the thoroughness to be extreme, but he never missed an opportunity to prove himself, so he had done it with no complaint or question.
His father continued. “They make exceptions for people and situations like this when needed. Plus, the dean is very excited to?—”
“But I don’t want to go,” Renn claimed loudly. He had never interrupted his father before, leaving both caught off guard. “I mean . . . I’m not ready to go . . . yet,” he added quickly when his father’s eyebrows rose, panic on his face for a millisecond.
“Of course you are. I’ve known it to be true for some time and the exams proved my suspicion that there was no need to wait.”
How do you know what I’m ready or not ready for? You’re never here, Renn wanted to say.
“But I am . . . Dad, please, I need more time.” He stumbled to find the words, trying to sound mature, but his tone sounded more like a child begging his dad for a toy he wanted. Renn hated appearing weak to him, but he perhaps hated more the fact that he cared.
“Time for what? This is what we’ve been working for.”
We’ve been working for? He couldn’t be serious. Renn shook his head, focusing anywhere but on his father or his grandparents.
Elias considered his son for several seconds, as if he was trying to read his thoughts, trying to understand his own flesh and blood. It made Renn’s skin heat up, knowing that his father viewed him as such a mystery.
“Are you worried about making new friends? You won’t be the only one who was accepted early.”
Renn scoffed as he quickly wiped away tears welling in his eyes. He never had a hard time making friends, but that didn’t mean he wanted to. Again.
“No.” His eyes stung as he willed himself to not let another tear escape.
“Are you nervous about living on campus? I can assure you, it’s a wonderful place to live as you study.”
“No.” It was louder than before.
“Then I don’t understand. Starting two years earlier will only be a benefit.
And, you know, by failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail,” And there it was, once again.
If Renn wasn’t so angry he would have laughed.
“You could be a captain in twelve years. Maybe less. It takes most people fifteen, even twenty.”
Twelve years was difficult for a thirteen year old to comprehend, especially when it was nearly half his life. Renn couldn’t fathom what he would be like at twenty-five.
“And what if I don’t want to be a captain,” he blurted, without thinking.
His father leaned back in his chair, as if the statement wounded him. “Aldrenn. Don’t be ridiculous."
And he was right. He had always pictured himself at SEA, becoming a captain, but there were still other options that he wanted to explore. He didn't want his entire future carved into stone in the span of this one afternoon.
The room seemed to be closing in on him.
“Why didn’t you talk to me about this?” He stared straight into his father’s grey eyes as he spoke this time. “It didn’t even cross your mind, did it?”
Elias stared at his son, inhaling through his nose. “I didn’t think it was necessary,” he said, almost bored.
“You didn't think it was necessary to talk to your son about his future.” Renn half laughed and shouted. It wasn’t a question rather a realization. “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you.”
Renn stood abruptly, knocking over a few glasses sitting on the table.
“Aldrenn. Sit down.” Elias’s voice was irate, even though, from the outside, he appeared calm. Renn had never heard that tone from him before and he didn’t want to hear it ever again if he could help it. Renn aimed to get to the door as fast as possible.
“Renn! It’s going to be okay. Let’s talk about this,” Camille called out to him, but he couldn’t look at her—not right now.
He pushed the door open forcefully, and the second he passed the threshold, he ran.
People stared as he rushed past, but he didn’t notice—didn’t care in the slightest. He had no plan of where he was going, but somehow, he found himself stalling as he approached the mural they had passed that morning.
His chest rose and fell with heavy, pained breaths.
The mural’s colors swirled together as his eyes blurred.
Renn felt as if his mind were doing the same thing, a churn of too many things all at once.
It was like he was floating through space, nothing solid to hold on to, so much unknown.
His wants and he needs pulled him in all directions, but perhaps they were all leading him to the same point.
Renn needed his father, and though there was a void between them, he wanted him to be in his life, despite trying to pretend he didn’t.
But he also craved the stars. They pulled at his soul as if he was made of them.
While the idea of being a captain was a dream—a goal he knew he could achieve—something about being told what to do by a man who was supposed to protect him, love him, urged him to reject it.
As if denying it would wound Elias as much as he wounded him.
“Aldrenn.” A calming voice stirred behind him. He turned to see his father looking remorseful and unsure. “Can we talk, son?”
Renn offered a single nod before finding a spot on a nearby bench facing the mural. His father sat beside him.
They both drank in the mural for several minutes. It wasn’t an awkward silence, more of a settling. Renn couldn’t remember the last time he had sat with his father like this—maybe never.
“I need to confess something to you, Aldrenn.”
Renn turned to face him, an unexplained heaviness growing in his chest.
“I know I haven’t been there for you like I should, but I never planned on being a father on my own.”
Renn swallowed the lump forming in his throat as he watched his father struggle to form the words.
He wasn't sure if he should try to comfort him somehow. He had never seen his father . . . vulnerable, much less emotional. But Renn tried, nonetheless. He placed a hand on his father’s, a wordless ask to keep going.
Elias smiled gratefully, clearing his throat before he continued.
“I don’t know why it took me so long to do this.
Why it has taken me crossing solar systems to realize what an idiot I’ve been, but I thought my passion for all this”—he nodded toward the mural—“would be enough to get me by, but it wasn’t.
I’ve excluded you and that’s something I can’t change or redo, and I’m sorry.
” He bowed his head in defeat and Renn felt an immense weight lift from his heart and mind.
But a deep sorrow for his father grew. He saw the regret and pain there.
These were the words he wished he would have heard years ago.
But as Elais had said, they couldn’t change the past. But they had a future they could work on, together.
“Dad. It’s okay. I’ve had a good life—the best life with Gran and Pops. I was loved—am loved. I’ve always admired the work you do. It’s why I do want to be a captain someday. Not all is lost, Dad. We’re still here.”
Elias’s smile dissolved and he practically gaped at Renn in amazement. “How old are you again?” They both laughed. “I’m supposed to comfort you, not the other way around.”
Before Renn could respond, he pulled him into a tight embrace.
“Thank you for being understanding and graceful. You are just like your mother in that way.” Renn took a shaky inhale.
He didn’t want to cry anymore today, even if it was tears of joy.
It was the most fulfilling moment he had shared with his father.
Hearing him actually mention Kendra was a miracle in itself, and having a heart to heart was something he thought would never happen.
And while there were still wounds that needed time to heal, at least they were on the right track.
“There was something more I wanted to tell you, but you didn’t give me a chance earlier,” Elias said, pulling back to watch Renn’s face, “Since you’ve been accepted, I’m taking a long term position on Earth.
I’ll be mentoring some up-and-coming cadets—potential future captains—teaching and sharing my wisdom,” he said amusingly, but Renn didn’t smile at the comment.
His brows furrowed in confusion. Surely he wasn’t hearing this right.
“I won’t be off the planet for at least five years.”
Five years on Earth?
Elias went on. “I’ll be close by, and we can spend time together when I’m not working and you’re not busy with school. We could have dinner and?—”
“Are you serious?” Renn asked before he could finish the sentence.
Elias chuckled, grasping him by shoulder so that his son would have no mistake in what he was saying.
“I’ll be on Earth with you as you attend school and maybe we’ll even have the chance to go on a mission together as you near graduation.
Who knows, the possibilities for your future, Aldrenn, are endless, and I can’t wait to see what unfolds for you. ”
Renn was speechless, and when he couldn’t find the words, he held on to Elias, committing this moment to memory—a smile on his lips and tears in his eyes. They stayed there for a long time together, and it was the happiest Renn had ever been.