Chapter 8
EIGHT
Elias attempted to reach Renn countless times since his untimely and devastating departure, but Renn ignored every single request and call.
His father even tried recruiting his Gran to convince him to call him back.
Renn knew she hated their confrontation, especially since she had been just as excited and hopeful when Elias promised he was staying Earthside.
It was a weight on his heart that Renn wasn’t prepared for.
He felt foolish, believing things would be different.
Felt ashamed that, despite everything, he still cared—still wished that his father cared enough about him to stay, or that he was enough for him to want to.
It would take time for those wounds to heal, but maybe they never would, and he would have to learn to live with it.
If his father didn’t change now, he never would. That was crystal clear.
Renn was dreading the face-to-face conversation with his grandparents to explain his decision to dissociate from his father and the harsh words that were exchanged on the landing pad.
To his great relief, they accepted it without question.
He was eternally grateful that they didn’t try to convince him otherwise.
While they never said an unkind word or expressed any hate toward Elias, Renn knew they had reached the same resolve and he was old enough now to make the final call on what he wanted his relationship with his father to look like.
A few months later, in the early hours of the morning, there was a sudden banging at Renn and Nate’s door.
“What the hell? It’s Saturday,” Renn moaned, lifting his head and squinting at the time on his nightstand. The banging continued.
“I swear to god, this better be good.” Nate groaned, covering his head with a pillow.
Renn swayed slightly with sleep as he headed for the door and pushed the button for it to unlock. He was shocked to see who was standing on the other side when the door swung open.
“Captian Grey,” Renn said, instantly wide awake now as he saluted him, painfully aware he was in nothing but boxers and a T-shirt.
Elias had always spoken highly of Thomas Grey—he had practically been a mentor to him.
And though Renn hadn’t worked with Grey exclusively yet, he was a man he sought to impress.
“Aldrenn, I apologize for the late hour, but there’s been a situation.”
“A situation, sir?”
“What’s going on?” Nate mumbled, sluggishly moving to stand beside Renn in the doorway.
“Cadent, this is an extremely private matter, you might want to?—”
“No. It’s okay, Nate can hear this too—I don’t mind,” Renn quickly insisted. The captain gave him a moment to reconsider, but Renn nodded for him to continue.
“Your father had an accident.” Thomas cleared his throat. “And he, unfortunately, didn’t make it.”
Renn froze, his mind and body unsure how to react. Was the captain expecting him to break out in hysterics—to cry? He waited for something to happen, but he simply stared blankly at the captain.
“Renn.” Nate placed a hand on his shoulder. His touch woke him from whatever state he had fallen into.
“How did it happen?” Renn asked, his voice barely louder than whisper. The captain seemed to grimace slightly.
“Radiation poisoning. There was a solar flare that came in close contact with his vessel while he and a few members of his crew were making inspections . . . they were in their suits on the outside of the ship.”
From what Renn had read about radiation poisoning, depending on the impact, he could have died instantly or maybe days later.
As if reading his thoughts, the captain continued. “The impact was quite intense. From the report, it was estimated around 22 Gy. A normal x-ray uses 0.0001 Gy.
“Shit,” Nate said under his breath.
“Did he suffer long?” Renn asked
“From what I’ve heard, no. It was fairly quick. The report still needs to be finalized, but the details?—”
Renn held up his hand for him to stop, he didn’t need to finish the sentence. Renn’s mind went there—imagining what it may have sounded like—looked like to watch his father die in such a way. Nate squeezed his shoulder, an anchor to hold it together just a little longer.
“My deepest condolences to you and your family, Aldrenn. Take some time. As I said, we will take care of everything—the funeral, his will, it has already been planned. Captains are required to do so for situations such as these.”
Renn simply nodded.
The captain bowed his head and wandered down the hall.
“I need to sit down,” Renn said abruptly, plopping down on the edge of his bed, trying to breathe in slow and deep.
Elias Anton was dead. His father was dead.
“What do you need me to do, Renn?” Nate asked, his eyes wide in worry for his closest friend as he sat across from him. “Do you need to be alone?”
Renn shook his head, and when he finally felt like he could open his mouth without the fear of vomiting or crying, he asked, “Do you think I’m a bad person because I’m not overwhelmed with grief?” He said it very matter-of-factly, but Nate didn’t miss a beat.
“No. Not at all.”
Renn stared at his friend, and it clicked that maybe this was the reason, or one of many, that Nate and him had formed the connection they had so quickly and strongly.
Nate, more than anyone, knew what it felt like to be rejected by blood—to have a disconnect with the people who were supposed to love you simply because you were family.
“I am sorry, Renn. So very sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry for me. He didn’t care about me, Nate.”
“I’m not sorry about that.” He was shaking his head. “I’m sorry about everything else—about the things he did and didn’t do.”
Renn has never seen Nate so somber and serious.
Without realizing it, Renn had protected his true feelings for his father from Nate, or so he thought.
It never felt right to complain to him about his family issues when Nate had his own.
But all those dinners and conversations with his father had clearly told him more than any words could.
A gentle peace fell over him, gratified that he wasn’t alone in that strange feeling and that, without a word, they understood one another. He could be totally honest and not feel an ounce bad for it because Nate had validated him without question.
“And just so you know,” Nate went on, “I consider you family more than the people I’m actually related to.”
At those words, Renn finally felt the tears form and he smiled. They were strangely happy tears.
“You are more than my best friend. You’re my brother, Nate.”
“Elias L. Anton is a name that will be forever remembered at the SEA, and not only on Earth, but on planets in the far reaches of the galaxy—those places he ventured to on his many journeys into the universe,” Captain Thomas Grey said as he read the eulogy to the enormous crowd.
His greying beard was groomed perfectly, voice steady and strong, as he continued to highlight Elias’s accomplishments.
It took several weeks for the bodies to be brought back to Earth—Elias and three other SEA officers—to be laid to rest in the SEA’s memorial park.
And in that time, Renn processed and processed some more.
Camille and Charlie immediately came to stay at the penthouse while things were arranged, and the moment he saw them, he cried.
His grandparents held him without saying a word, and Renn didn’t have to explain that his sadness was far more complex.
A stranger would see a boy mourning a father, but his Gran, Pop, and Nate, they understood that Renn’s melancholy wasn’t so much about loss, but about what he never had.
It appeared the entire SEA and half of The Academy attended the funeral.
Even the Locke family was present. Renn had spotted Colin next to what he assumed was his parents and older brothers as he took a seat in the front, sitting between his grandparents.
On the outside, Renn was in a state of shock and sorrow, but on the inside he was anxious for this to be over.
The reading of the will had gone as expected.
Everything Elias owned was left to him, including the penthouse, which he intended to sell and give the money to his grandparents.
The officiant had asked Renn to write a few words, but he declined. It was Charlie who eventually said he would share something on behalf of their family.
Captain Grey closed his statements with a special condolence to Renn.
“Aldrenn, the SEA will always be a family to you, as it was to your father. You have so much support behind you.” It was a kind sentiment, but if they knew his true feelings, would they give him support then?
Charlie moved to the stage, slowly, but had been adamant he did so with no assistance.
“Good afternoon, everyone. I’m Elias’s father-in-law, Charlie Miller.
Elias and my daughter, Kendra, weren’t married for very long before she passed away, sadly, but their love was pure.
Our daughter loved Elias, so much so that she wanted to have a family with him. ”
“Our little family has had our fair share of tragedy. When Aldrenn was born . . .” He paused, looking directly at Renn.
“It was the best and worst day of our lives—losing her but welcoming this amazing boy into the world. I think that if Elias were here, he would agree with me in saying, this universe, with all its glorious wonder and mystery, is nothing compared to the powerful force of love, and I hope that where Elias and Kendra are, that they found one another again. We live to die someday, it is a rule of life that not one of us can escape, but I refuse to believe that everything ends. This life may be short, but we will continue on somewhere else in the great beyond and perhaps someday, somewhere out there, our family will all be together again.”
Tears were streaming down Camille’s face as Renn took her hand in his. “Until we meet again, Elias. I hope you have found peace and the love you have been missing for so long.”