Chapter 12
TWELVE
Renn was more than ready to flop onto his bed and sleep for a week.
It had taken a few months to truly get the hang of his duties, and some days were longer than others.
He was seriously considering skipping a shower because of how exhausted he was.
If this was the schedule of a first officer, then a captain?
. . . Well, it was a job you never clocked out of, and yet, that excited him all the more.
He almost walked past it, but lying on top of Nate’s bed was a fully-packed suitcase. His heart sank.
Nate emerged from his closet with a backpack slung over his shoulder.
“Nate, what’s going on?” Nate’s eyebrows pulled together, grimacing.
“I requested a transfer a few weeks ago, and it was approved today. My shuttle leaves in a couple hours.” Renn couldn’t help his eyes going wide.
“I know; I’m pathetic—a heartbroken idiot.
But I can’t be stuck on this ship with her anymore, Renn.
I just can’t.” He sank onto his bed, absolutely defeated.
When Renn got promoted, Nate also experienced a big change. That talk that needed to happen, turned into Kaylie breaking up with him.
“Nate.” Renn sat beside him. “Remember what you told me all those years ago? Hurting can’t be measured.
Even when you try to justify that someone else has it worse than you, it still hurts.
” Nate shrugged, but he knew he was getting through to him.
“There’s a reason they call it heartbreak,” Renn added.
“You can say that again,” Nate agreed, smiling slightly. “Can I ask you something?”
Renn nodded.
“Do you see yourself ever falling in love?”
He chuckled lightly at the question, running a hand across his jaw. “Honestly. I don’t know,” Renn admitted.
“You know captains can get married. Some of their spouses even go on missions together.”
He wasn’t wrong. Family life was in no means frowned upon by the SEA. His own mother clearly knew what she was getting into when she married his father, or at least, he hoped she did.
“I mean, I get it, you don’t have to get married anytime soon, but it seems like you’ve always tried to avoid the topic at all cost.”
The truth from his best friend’s mouth hit harder than he expected.
He took a deep breath. “I never want anyone to experience what my family did—what I had to go through. I wouldn’t want that for any child.
” The words made his throat tight. “I don’t want to be alone forever.
I hope it will happen someday, but I made a promise to myself long ago that I won’t let what happened to me happen to someone else.
Especially a woman I love, or my child.” He had never made a more meaningful confession.
His heart couldn’t bear more loss as tragically as he had.
His heart had been beaten down, and he needed time to even begin to consider the possibility, because if he opened up his heart to someone new, there was always the chance it would be broken again.
“Shit, Renn. That’s so . . .” He shrugged, at a loss for words.
“God, don’t feel sorry for me, Nate, or you’ll make this more awkward.” Renn shoved him, almost knocking him over, and the pair laughed.
“I don’t feel sorry for you—you’re too good looking and smart. That wouldn’t be fair.”
Renn chucked loudly. “Always such a confidence booster,” he said, winking at his best friend.
They laughed together before the dread settled back in.
“So, when are we going to see one another again?” Nate frowned. Neither of them could guess. If Renn was a first officer, he’d be here for at least another two years.
When neither of them could come up with an answer Nate stepped in. “I’ll be at the captain’s ceremony,” Nate said, very matter-of-factly.
“Let’s hope so.”
Nate rolled his eyes as if to say, “Oh please. It’s happening.”
“You still have some time to kill, right? Let me get cleaned up and we can get something to eat before you leave,” Renn said, already heading for the bathroom.
Ten minutes later, the two of them were heading down to the mess hall.
“So, is it true, if you’re the captain, you get full say in your crew?” Nate asked.
“For the most part. Definitely for my first officers,” Renn said, smiling. They had never said plainly that if or when Renn became a captain he would have Nate at his side, it was a given.
“Well, then, I’m looking forward to it.” Nate never cried, but Renn saw the way his brown eyes shone.
“Me too, brother. Me too.”