Chapter 30
ZONA USED UP THE LAST OF August avoiding Alec.
He respected her decision, to both her relief and dismay, and didn’t try to contact her.
The red PT Cruiser was no longer anywhere to be seen.
Alec’s truck stayed parked in his driveway most evenings, except for the occasional weekday night.
When he was probably out with his buddies, who were probably commiserating with him and telling him how unworthy Zona was of him. She’d left him. Just like his wife.
She finally ran into him at Vons, when she turned into the frozen pizza aisle, looking for an easy meal. He stopped his cart and stared at her like a thirsty man looking at a mirage.
Then he gave her a sad smile and nodded. “Zona.” It came out wrapped in yearning.
“Alec,” she said and could hear the same yearning in her own voice. “Well, now that we’ve proved we know each other’s names.” It was a lame joke. She stood there with her cart of lettuce and cheese and avocados, her brain as frozen as the pizza in the glass case beside her.
“I miss you,” he said. “I hate where we are.”
She bit her lip, nodded. So did she. “What’s happening with your sister?”
“Jail,” he said. “After she’s served her sentence, she’ll get shipped off to Montana. I’m going to try to get her some help. Therapy maybe. But she won’t be coming back to California.”
Zona nodded. “I’m glad you’re rid of her.” She wanted to say more. She couldn’t seem to get the words out.
He pulled his cart up level with hers. “I know it’s going to sound nuts, but I’m in love with you.”
“We haven’t known each other long enough,” she protested, not wanting to admit to either him or herself that she felt the same way.
“You’re wrong. It doesn’t take that long to fall in love. It takes a lifetime to grow it, I get that. Even though we’re through I keep hoping we could have a lifetime.”
“Maybe we could have had that, if we’d met earlier. If . . .”
“If two other men hadn’t messed you up so bad. I hate men who hurt women. They bruise you and then leave you broken.”
He reached over and laid a hand on her arm and she felt the electric charge all the way to her heart. She bit down harder on her lip, didn’t look at him. She couldn’t.
He removed his hand. “I’m selling my house.”
That did make her look at him. “What?” She couldn’t be with him, didn’t want to be with him, except she didn’t want to see him go.
“Putting it on the market in a few days. I can’t stay there, knowing you’re next door, remembering what we almost had.
Don’t really need a house, anyway. I just bought that one because it was a steal.
I’ll flip it and move on.” The look in his eyes burned into her heart. “I wish you were moving on with me.”
“I wish I could. I really do. Where will you go?” she asked.
“Got a friend with a condo for rent in Azusa. I’m going to live there for a year while I figure out what to do next. Azusa’s not that far if you change your mind,” he said softly.
“Oh, Alec. Why did you have to move in next door?” she said miserably. This time it was her laying her hand on his arm.
“To torture you?” he joked and tried to smile again. It was a lame joke, too, and he dropped the smile and the comic act. “Ah, Zona.” He put a hand to her cheek.
An older woman pulled up next to them. “Do you two mind doing that somewhere else? Some of us would like to get a pizza.”
“Sure. We’re done anyway,” said Alec. He gave Zona a kiss, just long enough to make her want more, wish they could have more, then he wheeled his cart away.
The woman gave a snort of disgust. “You kids these days. Can’t live your lives without drama.”
As if Zona had chosen all the drama she’d been living. She started to laugh. “Oh, my gosh. If you only knew.” The laughing got crazier, then turned to sobs, and the woman grabbed her pizza and bolted. No words of comfort or encouragement. Not the motherly type, obviously.
Zona called Gracie on her way to the checkout stand. “I just saw Alec.”
“Oh, dear,” said Gracie.
“He’s moving,” Zona said, and started crying again.
“Where?”
“Azusa.”
“Okay, he’s not moving to another country.”
“He might as well be. Did you know he’s selling his house?”
“It just came through on the multiple listings.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Zon, I’m not sure there’s anything you can do,” Gracie said gently. “Where are you now?”
“Vons.”
“Drop off your groceries and meet me at the Metro. I’ll buy you a drink and give you my unsolicited advice.”
“The drink sounds good,” Zona said. “Is it okay if I cry?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Well, because I just scared a woman half to death in the frozen foods aisle.”
“You won’t scare anyone. The staff will probably all give you a hug.”
“I just wish they could give me my life back,” said Zona.
“Which part of it?”
Good question. She’d had plenty of sucky years. “The part where I had hope,” Zona said. “Take me back in time to when I was eighteen.” No, not that far. Just to when she was happy with Alec.
“Can’t do that. But I’ll take you to Metro,” said Gracie.
An hour later they were seated at an outside table at the Metro Restobar with an order of truffle fries between them. Mojitos and moaning.
“I hate my life. Again,” said Zona and glared at her glass.
Gracie pointed to it. “Half empty or half full?”
Zona downed the last of her drink. “Totally empty, thank you.” She scowled. “I’m a cliché. Drowning my sorrows.”
“You’re only half a cliché. You’re not eating a quart of ice cream.”
“Give me time. I’ll get there. Why did he have to move in next door?” Gracie had no answer and Zona continued. “Why did he have to turn out to be nice?”
“Because you needed nice?” Gracie suggested. “Maybe you still do.”
Zona picked up a fry and bit down on it. “It would never work. His stepsister won’t be behind bars forever. She’s supposed to end up in Montana but who knows.”
“Who knows if we won’t have the big quake next week and all our houses fall down on us,” said Gracie. “Who knows if the Second Coming won’t happen tomorrow? Who knows if you will even live to see tomorrow?”
“Gee, thanks,” Zona said with a frown.
“Nobody knows the future, Zona. You can’t spend the rest of your life being afraid of it. What if you’ve already had your share of bad things happen and it’s all good things waiting for you now? Do you want to miss out on that?”
Did she?
“Life’s a gamble.”
“Aack. No gambling metaphors!”
“It’s true though. There are long shots and there are sure things. Even though I didn’t get to meet him, from everything that’s been happening, from everything you’ve told me, Alec looks more like a sure thing.”
“I can’t,” Zona said. “Bree will have a fit.”
“Bree isn’t the one who’s going to end up alone and unhappy. It’s your life.”
“But she’s a big part of it, and I’ve messed her up big-time with all my love fails.”
“Then maybe it’s time she saw you having a love win. If Alec is as solid as he sounds.”
Zona took a deep breath. “I think he is.”
“Well, then? What are you waiting for, a cosmic sign? A thunderbolt?”
“Maybe,” said Zona.
She returned home to find her mom and Martin happily cuddled on the couch, overdosing on Deathline. At least someone’s love life was looking healthy.
“Join us,” her mother invited.
Happy as Zona was for her mother she didn’t think she could take a supersized serving of ooey-gooey in her present state of mind. “I have some eBay stuff to do,” she lied, and went to her bedroom. Her Angel Ram finance book was waiting.
She opened to her next chapter: Security Versus Risk.
“Sounds like my love life,” she grumbled.
Life is full of risk. We take a risk just crossing the street.
But we take that risk because we know it’s a low risk.
We have traffic laws to keep us safe, we have a traffic signal telling us when to walk.
With money, as with all aspects of life, you put your safeguards in place and then, when the signal says walk, you step out and walk.
Good advice. For money. When it came to love, Zona definitely needed a signal that told her she could put her foot out. And it needed to be a big, flashing walk signal, a sign from heaven.
Of course, nothing came. She didn’t find any treasure with some cosmic meaning when she hit the garage sales the next day. No ceramic heart, no little wall hanging with Follow Your Heart painted on it. No HopIn passengers that night had any profound remarks to share about love. Oh, well.
LOUISE AND MARTIN had gone for a drive Sunday evening and it wasn’t until Zona was on her way to bed that Louise finally clomped in the door.
“You two are sure becoming cozy,” Zona observed. At least someone in the family was enjoying life.
“We are,” said Louise. “There’s so much more to Martin than I ever realized. Funny, isn’t it, how blind you can be.”
Was that some kind of sign? Probably not. “I’m going to bed,” Zona said. She sounded grumpy but so what? Grumpy was an improvement over miserable.
SHE WOKE UP that night to a strange bright flash outside her bedroom window. What on earth? She shot out of bed and looked out the window. There it was again. Lightning flashing, illuminating the house next door. A few seconds later a rumble of thunder followed.
But no rain came. A dry thunderstorm. The sky rumbled at her one more time and she saw a flash in the distance. This was creepy. This was . . . a sign?
“Did you hear the thunder last night?” she asked Louise as she served her an early cup of coffee before Gilda’s arrival.
“Thunder?” Her mother looked puzzled.
“You didn’t hear it?”
Louise shook her head.
“I thought I heard thunder. And I saw lightning.”
Louise looked out the window at the clear, blue sky. “Everything looks dry as usual,” she said. “Did you hear anything, Darling?” she asked.
Darling barked a happy, Who cares?
Okay, had Zona only dreamed that? Maybe she had.
But what if she hadn’t?