Jasper
You know when you get the feeling that sometimes things are going too smoothly and you think, ‘Shit, what’s about to happen? Things are just too perfect?’ Well, that’s what it’s been like the last couple of months. I don’t know what Harley told Tristan that night of the party, but ever since then he’s been nothing but a completely different person. In fact, he’s pretty much the darling, sweet boy Todd and I remember him as, before Todd left us. Every night, when he comes home from school, he spends his nights in his room doing his homework, and when he’s finished with that, I would usually find him helping Harley with jobs around the house. It took Todd and me many years to get him to clean his room and then help us with chores around the house, and Harley managed to achieve it in less than two months. And not to mention the attentiveness he is now showing toward his brother and sister.
As a matter of fact, a lot seems to have changed since the night of the party. Harley is more focused on his work and spending a lot of time with the children and they actually enjoy being around him. The house just feels more … alive and happier. I don’t quite know how to explain it. Even Drew’s taken a liking to him a lot more than usual. I don’t want the bubble to burst or jinx it, but things couldn’t be any better, even if I wanted them to be. As I finalize my work for the day, I catch Harley in the living room sitting down on the couch with his head buried in a book that he’s reading. I turn off the lights in my office and then walk into the living room and sit down on the armchair closest to the couch. He places his bookmark on the page he’s reading then closes the cover, placing the book down on the coffee table before turning his attention to me. For the first time since he’s arrived here, I find him wearing glasses, something I hadn’t noticed until just now, and they definitely make him look very sophisticated and articulate. And perhaps even a little nerdy—cute, but nerdy.
“Is there something you needed, ?” he asks.
“Oh, no. Not at all. Please, go back to reading your book. It looked like you were deeply engrossed in it.”
“It’s very … interesting, for a lack of a better word, but I’m not sure I’d call it engrossing.”
I chuckle and then continue to stare at him. I don’t know how to explain it, but looking at him sitting here beside me with his glasses on, reminds me a lot of Todd and the way he’d sit here every night and read to Kit and Violet before they went to bed.
“I never got a chance to properly thank you,”
I tell him.
“For what?”
“For whatever it is you said or did to Tristan the night of the party. He’s certainly not the same sixteen-year-old that has been living under my roof these past few months. So, thank you,”
I say, sincerely.
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m just doing my job, and Tristan and I finally understand each other, that’s all.”
“There’s more to it than that and you know there is. Which is why I wanted to give you these.”
I reach into my pocket and pull out a set of keys and a gold credit card and hold them out in front of me for him to grab.
“What’s this?”
he asks, staring at the objects in my hand.
“Keys to your new car and a platinum credit card for you to buy whatever it is you need for yourself or the kids.”
He considers me for several long seconds and his eyes move from my eyes to my still outstretched hand.
“You—you bought me a car and you’re giving me your credit card? I don’t understand.”
Reluctantly, he takes them from my hand and continues to look at them with much consideration.
“The car is for you to use how you see fit. To take the kids to school, appointments, shopping, whatever you need. I know I have Selin, my chauffeur, to drive us both around, but I just figured this would be much easier on the both of us. This way you don’t have to wait for her to be available whenever you need to go places. You just get in the car and go wherever you need to, whenever. And that includes anything that you need to do for yourself on your days off, or whenever you’re not working. There are no limitations,”
I assure him.
“And the credit card?”
he questions.
“For all your expenses. Meals, shopping, clothes, anything you buy for the children and yourself.”
“But you already reimburse me all my expenses,” he says.
“Yes. But I spoke to my accountant, and he agrees that this is a much better way to track my expenditures when it comes to doing my taxes. He said something about it looking better and cleaner on paper and less paperwork at tax time.”
I chuckle.
“, I … I don’t know what to say. You didn’t have to do any of this. I was quite happy with our current arrangement.”
“I know that. But I wanted you to know how much you mean to me and my family. You’ve been working so hard these past few months and I can definitely see a difference in my children. And I can honestly tell you that I’m now finding myself wanting to finish work early just so I can be with them. I have you to thank for that.”
Silence blankets the room, and as I continue to stare at the man sitting opposite me, I reassure myself that hiring this man was definitely the best decision I made for me and my family, and I know Todd would agree if he were here.
“I’m just doing the job that you’re paying me to do,”
he finally says.
“Speaking of pay, I’ve decided to increase your salary. How does an extra ten dollars per hour sound?”
His eyes widen and he stares at me, not saying a single word.
“Not enough? Okay, what about twenty?” I offer.
“No! Wait! That’s not what I meant. You didn’t give me a chance to process it. I’m still in shock, that’s all. , I don’t need a raise. You’re already paying me more than what I would consider fair. Not to mention you’re letting me live in this house rent free, and you’ve just given me my own car and credit card. I—I just don’t know if I’m worth all of this.”
“You most definitely are worth all of this and much more. You’re a part of this family now, and I want to make sure you’re properly compensated and looked after. It’s one thing to be taking care of my children, but I also want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.”
I lean forward in my chair, then inch my face closer toward his, not too close, but enough to make sure he can see my sincerity and also not to make it too awkward for the two of us. “I want to make sure you’re happy here and that you’re not planning on leaving us any time soon.”
That hadn’t come out quite as I’d planned. Now I just sound like I’m bribing the guy to stay here rather than making it sound like a job and a conversation between an employer and employee.
“, I—I really don’t know what to say. Your generosity over the past few months has been more than I’ve ever received in my entire lifetime. I don’t know how I can ever repay you for any of that.”
“But that’s just it. You already have and continue to do so, just by being here and being in our lives. I can see how much happier my children have become since you started working for us. They haven’t been this happy since … before Todd died.”
I almost choke on my words. Sometimes it’s just too difficult to talk about my late husband, and other times, I can talk about him for hours on end in a conversation. We shared a lifetime together and three children. I just wish he were here to see how beautifully they’ve grown up. Harley shifts in his seat and then inches forward a little, and I can tell by the look on his face that he wants to say something but seems hesitant.
“Is there something wrong, Harley? You look a little … I don’t know, lost?”
It may not be the right word to use but I really want to know if there is something bothering him that I should know about.
“No, there’s nothing wrong at all. I just … I may be overstepping some boundaries here, and please tell me if I am. I’ve been living and working here for some time now, and I absolutely love every minute of it. But it’s occurred to me recently that I don’t know a whole lot about you. I realize that as my employer it’s not appropriate to discuss your personal life or have to justify anything to me, and I totally respect that. And like I said, I may be crossing some serious boundaries here, but I just feel like I don’t really know you and I’m the one looking after your children. Do you mind if I ask how your husband died, and how the two of you met? I’m sorry if that’s a personal question.”
I give him a warm smile.
“No, it’s not personal at all, and as I said, you’re a part of this family now. You have as much right to know about Todd as my family does. Although I’ll be completely honest with you right now, it’s not always easy talking about him.”
“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it now if you’re not comfortable,” he says.
“Where are the children?” I ask.
“Um, they’re all in their rooms. I told them I’d call them when dinner was ready.”
“Then I guess now is the perfect opportunity for me to talk about my husband and the type of man and father he was to our children. Sometimes it’s not easy to talk about him when the kids are around because they are constant reminders of him.”
I lift myself out of my chair and slowly begin pacing the room, a habit of mine whenever I’m nervous or about to talk about a difficult topic. Whenever I talk about Todd, I can’t seem to look at the person I’m talking to in the face, except my parents and of course the children. I move toward the fireplace and stare at the picture of me and Todd taken on our wedding day, then the next photo, which was taken on our honeymoon in Fiji. And the last photo that rests on the mantelpiece is one of the five of us, taken two weeks before Todd died.
“Are you all right, ? We don’t have to do this right now,”
Harley says.
“No, it’s okay,”
I tell him, placing one hand in my pocket and resting the other on the mantelpiece.
I inhale a deep breath and gather my thoughts, then exhale before I turn around to face Harley, who is still sitting on the couch.
“I think I should start from the very beginning, that way I don’t miss out on any details. I was born in France, and that’s where I started my career. It was many years later, after my business was really thriving, that I decided to make the big move to America. My parents agreed that I was old enough and more than financially stable to start my own life and expand my empire in another country. I knew that it was going to be a huge gamble trying to crack into the American market. But with a high profile and successful reputation in France, it didn’t take long for the American banks to win my trust and give me a go. I worked hard for many years to ensure my business was a success in the U.S. and when I finally cracked the market, the business just boomed after that.
The money was rolling in and soon thousands turned into millions, and within a few years, I became a billionaire. With my established career and fortune, I continued to invest in the stock market, which is where most of my money is tied up, as well as trust funds for the children. Then it was the summer just after my thirtieth birthday, right after I’d bought this house, actually. I’d been working very hard and never had a vacation, and I knew that if I didn’t take some well-needed rest, I was going to burn myself out and I still wanted to travel the world and see places. I also wanted to settle down and start a family of my own. There was never any pressure from my family to get married or have children. I came out when I was fifteen to my parents, so they weren’t getting their hopes up that I was going to find the man of my dreams any time soon. That’s when I decided to take a trip to Vancouver. I’d never been to Canada and it was always on my bucket list, even when I was living in France.
I’d been in Vancouver for a week. I loved it there. It was so blissful, colorful, vibrant, energetic, and everything else. At one point I even considered staying there and never returning back to America, but it was just a dream, even though I knew I could very easily make it a reality. One night, I decided to venture out and see what this beautiful city had to offer, so I decided to head into town. I ordered a cab and waited outside the hotel I was staying at for it to arrive. When it arrived a few minutes later, I stepped inside and sat in the front passenger seat, not paying any attention to the driver because I was talking to my parents on the phone. I mouthed the address to him and went back to talking to my parents. We were driving for about ten minutes before I wrapped up the call and then I turned to face the driver. And in an instant, I was completely fixated on just how handsome he was.
“We immediately got to talking, not about anything in particular in the beginning, and I guess he must have noticed my accent because he asked where I was from. When I told him I was originally from France, he told me to say something in French because it was his favorite language. I smiled and then said, ‘Ravi de vous rencontrer,’ which means, it’s nice to meet you. He then asked my name, and I replied and said, ‘I’m .’ He introduced himself as Todd and shook my hand. I know this is going to sound really silly and extremely hard to believe, but I felt as if, from that moment, we clicked. I asked him if he knew of any good places to visit in town, and he gave me some recommendations. Then after he dropped me off at my first location, he gave me his number directly so that I could call him personally to pick me up. I paid for my cab fare and gave him a rather large tip, then went exploring.
“It was late in the evening when I finally decided to head back to my hotel, and I wasn’t even sure if Todd was still on, but I took a chance and called him. The phone only rang once before he answered, and I recall asking him if he was just casually waiting around for my phone call because he answered so quickly. He picked me up about fifteen minutes later, and rather than take me straight back to my hotel, he asked if I’d like to see some of the sights of Vancouver. I’m not sure if he just assumed I was wealthy enough to afford being driven around, or if he was genuinely flirting with me and wanted to keep me inside the cab as long as possible. Even though I was tired and all I wanted to do was go to bed, I fought my fatigue and agreed for him to show me around. He pulled the cab over and made a call to his boss, telling him that he was signing off for the night and would return the cab to the depot in the morning.
“We spent the rest of the night just sitting in the cab talking and getting to know one another. We completely lost track of time because the next thing I remember was looking at the clock display inside the cab, and the time was 4:30 a.m. Todd drove me back to the hotel after that and when we got there, he asked how long I was in town for and if he could see me again. I said goodnight and then went inside my hotel.
“We ended up going on several dates after that. Todd would go on his rounds as a cab driver and then come to my hotel after his last drop-off and we would go out for the evening. We started to become very fond of one another, and I knew that it was more than just two people going out––it was love, although, neither of us had actually said the ‘L’ word to the other. The more time we spent with each other, the more we became attracted to one another, and before I knew it, it was time for me to go back home to America. But I just couldn’t bring myself to leave this man that I’d met and found myself falling in love with. I know it sounds completely crazy because I hadn’t planned on going there to fall in love. It was meant to just be a vacation and some time away from my work.
“Todd asked me to stay, and it wasn’t a difficult decision to make, really. I called my parents and only told them what they needed to know, but Mom, being Mom, managed to piece together all the pieces and figured out that I’d met someone. After calling the airline and cancelling my return flight, I then called my team in the States and told them to take care of all the business affairs while I was gone. At the time I didn’t know how long I was going to be gone for but I had a good team of employees and I knew they could look after the business while I was away.
“After getting my necessary visas I ended up moving in with Todd and remained in Canada for a year. At which point, on our one-year anniversary, he took me on a surprise trip to Niagara Falls and proposed. Of course, I said yes, and we remained engaged for many years after that until same-sex marriage was legalized in the States and we both agreed to move to America. Todd quit his job and sold his house, and the two of us made the move to America. We immediately applied for his American citizenship, and it was a lengthy process, but he was approved for all the necessary visas in the meantime so that he could find work. Although money wasn’t an issue for the two of us, Todd wanted to make sure he was financially independent and didn’t want to rely on my money to survive. He moved in with me and the two of us lived here in the mansion.
“When same-sex marriage was legalized in the States, Todd and I were married in San Francisco. Our honeymoon was a trip around the world, which lasted six months, finishing in Fiji. I put all my work commitments on hold and had my staff run the business for me while I was away. All I wanted to do was spend as much time with Todd as I could because the two of us knew that when the honeymoon was over, I’d be back to work and that was going to take up most of my time. We spoke about starting a family many times and we were both very keen on the idea, so it didn’t take us long to get the process started. We searched online for surrogates, but like everything you do online, we didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into or whether we’d be scammed, so we proceeded with caution, but we found nothing at first.
“We kept trying for months to find someone but we just couldn’t find a suitable person to be our surrogate. Then a mutual colleague of ours mentioned that we should put out an ad and contact the local hospitals to inform them that we were looking for a surrogate. It was a long and daunting wait; Todd and I had been searching for almost a year and things were starting to look grim. Then, just when we thought all hope was over, we got a response to our ad. Her name was Violet, she was in her late twenties and living in New York. She told us that she would be interested to meet for a chat. Once I told Todd, we made the necessary arrangements and took the first plane to JFK.
“We met with Violet that evening at a café in the city. We spent hours talking and finding out all we could about one another. She was the sweetest person I’d ever met, not to mention smart, beautiful, and intelligent. Todd asked her first of all why she wanted to be a surrogate. She told us that she had been a surrogate for her sister and her husband who had been trying to have a baby for two years after they got married. They’d both had their eggs and sperm frozen. Violet saw how upset the two of them were and how desperate they were to have a family of their own, so she agreed to be a surrogate for them. They then injected her sister’s egg and her husband’s sperm inside Violet and it was a successful first attempt. She carried the baby to term and when it was born, handed it over to the parents. To this day, she continues to be very much involved in her nephew’s life.
“Violet, like me, was a very successful businesswoman. She had her own advertising agency and marketing firm, and her business was thriving. When we asked her if she was married or had a partner, she told us that she had no desire to settle down. And as much as she loved children, she was too focused on her career to settle down and worry about a family. After helping her sister, and then speaking with Todd and I, she told us that if she could help people who were less fortunate than her to have a child and make them happy, then that was all the happiness she needed herself. At the time, Todd and I knew that we wanted a rather large family and we knew it was a big commitment to ask her to carry three of our children, much less one, but she didn’t even blink.
“We had all the necessary legal documents drawn up. Todd and I both agreed that if this was successful, we’d pick the name of the first and last born, and then she would pick the name of the second child. We also agreed that if one of them was a girl, it would be named after her. Todd had a very low sperm count and was deemed infertile, so we agreed to use my sperm rather than try to find a donor. We visited the clinic where Violet and I had all the necessary tests done to make sure we could conceive a child, and when we were given the all clear, we started the process.
“Within a month we found out that we were pregnant. Violet continued to work but agreed to take things easy and not jeopardize the pregnancy until the baby was born. During her final weeks of pregnancy she took time off work and spent the remainder of her pregnancy at home. I agreed to pay all her expenses until the baby was born, and the remaining months afterward if necessary. Of course, she refused and insisted she was more than financially stable to take the time off. Then the baby was born, and Todd and I agreed on Tristan for a name. Two years later, we were pregnant again with another boy and Kit was born.”
“Did you know at that point that you wanted any more kids?”
Harley asks.
“Truthfully, Todd and I were already blessed with two beautiful boys but we so desperately wanted a girl. So, the three of us agreed that if we had another child, it would be our last, whether it was a boy or a girl. When we were finally pregnant with baby number three, we started thinking about more boy names because we’d already agreed on Violet if it was a girl. And then as if God had heard our prayers, our daughter, Violet, was born nine months later. We were so grateful for everything Violet had done, and finally our family was complete. The three of us agreed that if the children ever asked about their mother, we would be truthful and honest and give them the option of whether or not they would ever want to meet her.”
“And have they ever asked about her?”
I pause, gathering my thoughts for a moment because it’s this part of the conversation that is sometimes the most difficult to talk about.
“After Todd died, Violet started asking a lot of questions about her mother. It was a little difficult to talk about because Todd and I always thought it would be a discussion we had with the children together. Anyway, after I explained who her mother was, and that she was named after her, that was the last time she ever mentioned her.”
“So, the children have no idea who their mother is?” he asks.
“We don’t have any secrets. They know that they were all born through a surrogate and that her name is Violet. They don’t know the circumstances around how we met, and I prefer to keep it that way. But if they were to ever ask, I’d tell them.”
One thing my parents always taught me, was to always be honest, and yeah, as a successful businessman I have sometimes had to stretch the truth a little. Or a lot, but isn’t that how people become successful? And it wasn’t through deceit or deception. I worked hard for my money. Every. Single. Penny. And my children are the most important thing in the world to me, so that means I’m going to be one hundred percent honest with them, every day of their lives. I look over at Harley who is still sitting on the couch. He has one leg crossed over the other, his right arm is stretched across the top of the couch, and the other is resting on his thigh.
Damn he reminds me of Todd.
“And Todd? Do you mind if I ask how he died?”
“Aggressive stomach cancer.
It was completely unexpected.
Todd was one of the healthiest men I knew.
He always watched his weight, ate all the right foods, exercised, and never worked too hard.
One day he came home from the store and he was pale in the face.
He looked really frail and tired.
We put it down to severe exhaustion and thought nothing more of it.
Then after dinner, when the kids went to bed, we decided to sit down and watch a movie, just the two of us.
Friday night was our regular date night where we would wait until the children were asleep, heat up some microwave popcorn, and then sit down on the couch and watch a movie.
One week I would choose and the next it would be Todd.
This one particular night it was my choice and I chose A Walk to Remember.
It had been many years since the two of us had seen it, so it wasn’t really a contest.
It wasn’t even thirty minutes into the movie and Todd told me that he wasn’t feeling great.
I turned off the movie and told him that we could just go to bed, but he told me that he needed to go to the hospital.
He just had this feeling that something wasn’t right.
I quickly packed an overnight bag for the two of us, called Drew to make sure she could sit with the children, then drove us straight to the emergency room at the hospital.
It didn’t take long for one of the doctors to come and see us, they ran some tests and told Todd to stay overnight while we waited for the results.
The following morning, the doctor who had examined Todd the night before came to his room, then he delivered the news and told us that Todd had an aggressive form of stomach cancer.
And that was the moment my entire world was ripped apart.
He explained Todd’s condition, and due to the fact that it was so aggressive, it had spread throughout his stomach and liver rather quickly and there was nothing they could do.”
My eyes begin to well up with tears, and I try to hold back the huge lump in my throat and I try to speak but choke on my words.
I look over at Harley still sitting on the couch, but this time though, he’s moved closer to the edge of the couch, and his eyes lock with mine. I can see that they’re watery, and my lips quiver as I try to compose myself. I close my eyes, then breathe in and out and finally finish my story.
“The doctor told us that it would be a miracle if he lasted six months. It was a lot to take in, and I’m not sure either one of us truly understood a lot of what the doctor had said because we were so grief-stricken and trying to process all the information. Todd and I agreed that we needed to tell the children before it was too late, and he wanted to spend whatever little time left he had with them. There were so many things he wanted to do before he died, and we knew that we didn’t have a lot of time, so I put all my work commitments on hold indefinitely and took an extended leave of absence to be with Todd and the children. He insisted that we go to Fiji because that was the place we spent our honeymoon, and he wanted it to be the last place we all spent together as a family.
“Although the trip was very relaxing for all of us, Todd was always tired, and even after I told him to stay at the hotel and rest, he insisted on spending every moment with us. He told me that he didn’t want to spend his final moments on vacation in bed. It was no use arguing, Todd was a very stubborn man, but I knew how much this vacation meant to him. After two weeks, Todd grew increasingly sicker, and I had to get clearance from one of the doctors on the island to fly him back home to America. Less than a week later, it was Valentine’s Day weekend. I’d arranged for my parents to look after the kids while I planned a nice romantic dinner for the two of us. Todd had lost a lot of weight by this point and was getting weaker and weaker. I even tried to cancel the dinner and just take him straight up to bed, but being the stubborn asshole he was, he insisted on having dinner with his husband.
“We managed to get through dinner, and by that point, Todd was practically falling asleep in my arms. I took him up to our bedroom, He was far too tired for a shower, so I helped him dress into his pajamas and then get into bed. I quickly changed into my own pajamas and crawled into bed beside him. I swung my arm around him and kissed his forehead, then he whispered in my ear and told me that he wanted to watch Beaches. It was his favorite film, so I turned on the TV and selected the movie. We sat up in bed, not really talking, but just enjoying each other’s company and warmth. I was stroking his hair, and his breath became labored. I asked if he was okay, and he whispered a soft “Yes.”
I felt his fingers intertwine with my free hand as the two of us continued to sit there in silence. Todd made himself more comfortable and slid down a little, then rested his head on my stomach. Our fingers were still intertwined and I continued to run my fingers through his hair. Occasionally I would say something to Todd, just to make sure he was still awake, and he would reply with either a nod or a whisper. As we watched the movie, I leaned my head down closer toward Todd but making sure not to disturb him. I kissed the top of his head and whispered, ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, baby. I love you.’ I could still hear his labored breaths, but they were getting faster, and then I heard him whisper the words, ‘I love you too. Look after the children and make sure they always remember me.’ And just as Barbara Hershey took her last breath as Hillary Whitney, so did Todd.
“Every year the kids and I go to the same restaurant on Valentine’s Day for the anniversary of his death. That’s how I became a regular customer and how your former boss, Scott, knows me so well.”
A tear trickles down the side of his cheek, and I can’t control my own emotions as tears stream down my face.
Harley stands up and moves toward me, places a hand on my shoulder and says, “I’m sorry for your loss. Todd sounded like an amazing, loving man and father.”
“Thank you. He was,”
I tell him.
“Thank you for trusting me,” he says.
Pulling myself together, I say, “Well, I think I might head to bed. Enjoy the rest of your evening, Harley. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, sir,”
he replies.
That’s the first time I’ve heard him address me as sir. I’ve gotten so used to hearing him call me by my name that I hadn’t noticed just how much I like hearing it. And believe me, I most definitely do like the way it sounds.