Chapter 21 #2
Verity blinked in shock as the room seemed to go still, the only sounds were her heartbeat and an uncharacteristic gasp from Lily in the corner before her knitting needle hit the ground with a clang.
“P-pardon me?” Verity finally managed when she realized it had been some time since he had moved, since he had said anything, but remained there, crouched, his palms heavy on her legs.
“Marry me instead,” Julian insisted, taking both of her hands in his, leaning toward her until he was but a breath away.
“I might not have a house like Eastclere. I might not have his title, and I will never be a marquess. I do have debts, and I do not possess the best reputation. But I can promise you that I will show you affection. That I will not be cold to you. I will not push you aside or make the rest of my life a priority over you. I will show you warmth and intimacy and everything you deserve.”
He didn’t say he would love her, but then, that had never been part of their arrangement.
What he was promising was still more than she had ever thought possible, and yet…
did she want marriage to him in this way?
Would she prefer a cold marriage with a man she didn’t love, or one of friendship with a man that she would most certainly fully fall for, leaving her feelings unrequited?
The idea of marriage to Julian gave her hope, which was the most terrifying prospect of all. If he were to ever deny her or go to another, she would be absolutely crushed. Completely gutted. The reward was tempting, but the risk… the risk was so great.
“Julian, I appreciate you offering to do this for me, but… You do not want to be married.”
“I did not think I did.”
“And that changed within minutes?”
“I cannot answer the timing of the change with absolute certainty. I have been considering it for longer than that, but I wasn’t entirely certain. What I can tell you is that when I think of you being with Eastclere, I would far rather this.”
Verity bit her lip. It was not the romantic proposal she had always dreamed of and yet, he was right. It was better than what Eastclere offered her, and truthfully, she wanted Julian. She always had, even when she had thought she hated him.
“Julian,” she said slowly, “I must tell you, it is hard to say yes when you said no to me before.”
“When did I ever say no to you?” he asked, those long lashes he had been unfairly gifted blinking at her. He rose from his crouched position, coming to sit beside her on the sofa as he listened carefully to her story.
“When I first came out,” she said, spreading her hands before her as she gaped at him. Could he so easily forget? “My parents made an agreement with yours. We were to marry, but you declined. They told my father you were not interested in me.”
His brow furrowed. “I did no such thing.”
“You did,” she insisted. “It was not long before your brother married. Perhaps four years ago. When that fell apart, Eastclere made his offer.”
Julian sat up, scratching his head.
“No one ever spoke to me about this,” he said. “I shall have to ask James or my mother. But I can promise you this. I would not have said no to you so callously through our parents. Not without explaining myself to you.”
She nodded. As before, she felt that he was telling the truth, even though she was likely a fool for believing him, for the truth was much more rational.
“What I can tell you is this, Verity. Eastclere is not safe. This situation with him will likely only worsen. Now, I cannot see myself like my brother, staying home and reading books all day. If you want to accompany me on whatever adventure or opportunity awaits, I would welcome you by my side. If you’d rather stay home while I am out or away, then I will respect that and return home to you.
Either way, marriage to you would not be unwelcome.
I respect you. I’m choosing you. There is something you should know, though. ”
She looked up at his hesitant expression as the fire cracked in the hearth behind him.
Here it came. He was going to share something that would tear them apart.
Perhaps he had a mistress or wanted one.
Perhaps he would tell her this would be marriage in name only, that he would find his intimacies elsewhere.
“My brother had suggested to me that, like Eastclere, I marry to pay off my debts. I rejected that idea, and despite your dowry, that is not why I would choose you, Verity. If your father denies your dowry, I will be fine with it. I do not ever want you to believe that is why I am making my offer.”
Verity took a deep breath in and out. She had heard so much today, potential truths and lies. It was difficult to separate fact from fiction, for all she had to go on was her own intuition and what she knew of Julian and Lord Eastclere.
“I appreciate you sharing that with me, Julian,” she said. “And for being so honest and candid with me.”
“I promise to always be this way.”
“One more question.”
“Of course. As many as you have.”
“How would you benefit from marriage to me?” she asked earnestly. “I can see how I benefit, of course. I do have a dowry, but so do many women. All you receive out of this is… well… me.”
“That is precisely it,” he said. “Never before have I encountered a woman I am attracted to who I would also call a friend. Someone I could share my life with. You would be a partner to me. I would no longer be going through life alone, and for the first time, I like that idea.”
Verity nodded, considering everything he had said, everything she felt for him, and he in turn. There was the safe option, the road she had always traveled, and now this new one, which could hold danger around every corner, but also a great deal of excitement.
“Very well,” she said. “I have made my decision.”
She looked at his handsome face and took a deep breath.
Then gave him her answer.