Chapter Eight
Selena shifted in her seat, one she’d chosen on a sofa as far from everyone else as she could get.
Difficult to do as there were scarcely more than a dozen people in attendance at Lady Tresscott’s musical soiree.
Jane had hoped that a smaller gathering would allow for better opportunities for Selena to make some friends.
A noble endeavor from a dear friend who wished to see her happy. But one that seemed doomed to failure.
Everyone still treated her with a sort of sympathetic wariness that filled her with endless frustration, but amusement as well.
No one wanted to be outrightly cruel to a widow.
But their uncertainty as to her role in her husbands’ demises tempered their friendliness.
A brave few had thrown caution to the wind, however, and made some friendly overtures, so perhaps her cause wasn’t completely lost after all.
“You seem to be enjoying the evening,” Jane said, settling beside her during a brief intermission between performances.
Selena gave her sister-in-law a grateful smile. She could always count on Jane. “I am, I think.”
Jane’s sweet titter of a laugh had Selena’s smile widening. “You do not know your mind on the matter, hmm?”
“Of course I do. It is merely that I am of two minds on the subject. I do so love music. It has been a treat to hear such talent tonight,” she said with utmost sincerity.
Their hostess had arranged an evening of musical guests for them, ranging from a quartet group to an incredible opera singer newly arrived from Paris.
Selena had reveled in every moment. Before all her tragedies, she had actually spent a great deal of time taking in all the operas, plays, and musical performances that she could.
Moments she had sorely missed. She had been hiding herself away too much of late.
“Though,” she continued, “I do feel a bit like the oddity on display.”
“Yes, there does seem to be a fair bit of that going about.” Jane glanced around, returning any stares that lingered too long until they moved on with a shamed blush to their cheeks.
She finally sighed and patted Selena’s hand.
“I am glad you are enjoying your evening otherwise though. How are your parents doing? I saw there was a letter from them in the post this morning.”
“They are well. Mother worries, as usual. But says that my father has recovered nicely from his cold, and they would like to come for a visit soon. I didn’t want to presume but—”
“Of course, they are most welcome to stay with us,” Jane answered before Selena had a chance to ask. Her sister-in-law was a saint, truly.
“You are too kind, Jane. Thank you, I shall write tomorrow and let them know. Or…perhaps in a day or two.”
Jane’s laughter pealed out. “Surely, they aren’t that bad.”
“Not entirely,” Selena said with a small smile.
“But my mother does have a tendency to hover. And she worries that I have no wish to wed again. Despite my relative security, she will not rest until she sees me safely married to a suitable gentleman. She simply will not accept that I have no wish to marry again. Or need to, if I am careful.”
“Is it not a mother’s place to worry about her daughter?”
“Naturally. And I do love that she cares. I would just prefer if she cared a little less.”
Jane laughed and this time Selena joined in.
Truthfully, she was gratified that her mother cared for her future so much.
But it did grow frustrating when she refused to accept Selena’s choice to remain firmly in her widowhood.
Dooming a fifth husband to die seemed cruel and unnecessary.
And based on past experience, her marriages wouldn’t end any other way. Why tempt fate?
“Oh!” Jane’s delighted gasp drew Selena’s curious gaze. “Perhaps the newest guest to arrive will improve your evening,” she said with a mischievous smirk.
What?
Selena’s heart raced before she even turned to look. Who else would Jane be so teasingly smug about?
She glanced up and met the gaze of Lord Lockhaven. Who still seemed delighted to see her, despite the fact she’d run from him on no less than three occasions.
Of course, she kept running precisely because she was equally delighted to see him.
Frighteningly delighted, in fact. She had tried to deny it to herself over and over, but there was just no help for it.
He made her laugh. He brightened her day every time she saw him.
Their conversations were entertaining and stimulating.
And that smile of his, the slight brushes of his hand when he thought he could get away with it, those heated looks of his, stimulated parts of her she hadn’t been aware could be stimulated.
And she couldn’t help but crave more.
“Oh, I believe I see Lady Hayworth. I really should go and give her my condolences on the death of that cranky old parrot of hers. I won’t be but a minute,” she said, already rising and hurrying away.
“Jane, wait, I—”
“Mrs. MacLaren.”
Lord Lockhaven’s deep voice seemed to reverberate right through her chest, and she took a deep breath to steel herself before glancing up to meet his gaze.
“Lord Lockhaven,” she said, her voice quieter than she’d like, but steady, at least.
“I was unaware you’d be attending this evening.
How very fortuitous, meeting you yet again.
” His half-crooked smile sent a fine tremble through her.
One he noticed, if his widening grin meant anything.
He leaned in slightly closer, just on the wrong side of appropriate. “It’s beginning to feel like fate.”
Her heart pounded and she closed her eyes, looking down. “Or a curse,” she muttered.
For what else could it be when any future between them spelled catastrophe for him.
The pattern had been repeated too many times already.
And each time it had only proven that the fortune teller from her youth had indeed taunted her with promises of happiness and then cursed her that it would never be so.
“Lord Lockhaven, would you mind keeping Mrs. MacLaren company for me?” Jane said. “I do so hate to leave her on her own, but I must…” Her eyes darted around while Selena’s narrowed. “Go…over there, for a moment,” she finally stammered with a huge grin.
Selena silently plotted revenge while Jane made her escape.
Though it was somewhat Selena’s fault. She hadn’t shared with Jane the outcome of her last meeting with Lord Lockhaven.
She hadn’t mentioned she’d seen him at the museum at all.
The embarrassment was too much to be born.
Frankly, she was astonished that Jane hadn’t heard about it yet.
Though perhaps she had and had simply decided not to broach the subject.
Selena discarded that notion before it fully took root.
Jane would have asked. And Selena should have told her the moment she’d arrived home.
But she truly didn’t know what had happened.
One moment she’d been trying to formulate a response to his request to call and the next she was tripping over a pedestal and fleeing out the door once again, skirts in hand and pride in tatters.
“The music is lovely,” Lord Lockhaven said to her, his quiet voice only loud enough for her to hear.
“Yes, it is,” she said, swallowing hard, glancing about to see if anyone noticed their furtive conversation in the back of the room whilst one of the guests played a charming Beethoven piece.
“Forgive me for being forward,” he said, sending her heart pounding with anticipation. “But I do not wish to continue to foist my presence upon you if you truly not desire it. Do you find my company abhorrent?”
Her gaze snapped to him. “No. Not at all!” she whispered.
His full lips stretched into a slow smile that filled her with a delicious warmth. A warmth that quickly evaporated with his next words.
“Then why do you run from me? I must know.”
Her breath caught in her throat, and she looked away, anywhere but at him.
She couldn’t answer him. Not here. Not ever.
How could she tell him it was because of how he made her feel?
That she ran because she truly wanted to stay.
She ran because if she didn’t, then she would only grow more attached, crave him more.
It didn’t help matters that each instance had been preceded by a moment that had reminded her about her painful past. A past he could never know about.
He’d never look at her the same way. He’d certainly never speak to her again.
No man wants to be the sixth man in a woman’s life.
Or discover that the others had all met untimely ends.
Then again, why should she ever need to tell him?
It wasn’t as if she would ever agree to wed him or anyone else.
Not that he was asking. The man only wished to call on her.
Perhaps she was over thinking all this. After all, Selena had been in London long enough now to know that Lord Lockhaven had a certain reputation.
He was popular with women, was a great flirt, and likely a great lover as well.
Though to his credit, he didn’t attempt to truly court any eligible young ladies.
He never gave the women false hope. But women seemed to give themselves enough of that without his help.
But she couldn’t just sit there and not say anything. He was already looking at her like—
“Mrs. MacLaren? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. But if it is something that I am—”
“No, no,” she said, waving her fan along with her shaking head. “It’s not you. I just…”
“Mrs. MacLaren,” a woman said, drawing Selena’s startled gaze. “We’d be honored to have you play for us. Please,” she said, gesturing to the pianoforte.
Selena glanced about, finally seeing Jane who was smiling at her with gritted teeth and trying to subtly nod her head in the direction of the instrument at the front of the room while everyone politely clapped for her.
Oh, dear heavens.