Chapter Twelve
Selena sat atop her horse, trying desperately not to fidget. Judging by the way the poor animal grew more and more restless beneath her, her efforts thus far had been in vain.
She smiled and nodded graciously at the other women who were starting to mount their horses in preparation for their ride.
Lady Trescott and her niece, Lady Philippa, trotted by, feathers dancing jauntily in their hats as they passed.
Mrs. Westley and her sister, Lady Rockford, waited for the grooms to help them mount.
Their smart riding habits with their braided trim gleaming in the sun made Selena glad she had splurged a bit when purchasing a new habit for the trip.
At least she looked the part of an accomplished member of the ton, even if she did not feel so.
The Misses Cherryfield—Fanny and Lucy, two spinster sisters who, by all accounts, were more than happy with their unwedded lot—greeted Selena warmly, and her stomach unclenched a little at their friendly smiles.
Perhaps Jane’s mission to make her friends wouldn’t be as much a failure as she had feared.
Yet, despite the friendly faces that surrounded her, there was one face she missed. Though she hated herself for it.
He should have been out of sight, out of mind. But—she blew out an exasperated breath. He was never out of her mind.
Lord Lockhaven.
Edward.
Jane had, of course, invited him to the estate as well.
Selena loved her dearly, but her misguided matchmaking attempts were enough to drive a woman to drink.
Though, if the matchmaking attempts stopped, she might never see him again.
That should be her preferred conclusion to all this madness. And yet…
She sighed. And yet.
Though she needn’t have wasted her energies, because after all her angst and worry, Lockhaven had sent his apologies. He wouldn’t be coming.
The crushing disappointment that had filled Selena had only proven to her that she was right in trying to keep her distance.
She was already far too attached to the man.
And that wouldn’t end well for either of them.
Something she assumed Edward must have decided as well as he had declined to join in their festivities.
It had now been far too many days since she had laid eyes upon him.
Not that she was keeping count. She was too busy enjoying herself, mingling, making friends, enjoying the fine country air, to spend even a moment thinking about that man.
In fact, she could barely conjure the image of his face in her mind.
Nary a chiseled jawline or arched brow or thick, wavy hair to be found in the recesses of her mind.
Nor warm, brown, laughing eyes either. Not a one!
Her mind was a fortress, baring him entrance.
“I only have a moment, but had to issue you a quick warning,” Jane said, bringing her horse to a sudden halt beside her.
Selena startled, her cheeks flaming, though Jane could hardly know the path her thoughts had taken. “Warning?” she asked with a frown.
“Yes. Brace yourself, my dear. He has arrived.”
“He?” Selena’s stomach bottomed out. She already knew. But she could not help but ask. “Who he?”
“He. Lockhaven.”
Oh yes. She had been correct. Who he, indeed. ’Twas the he.
“He had a change of plans,” Jane continued. “Arrived early this morning, all devastating smiles and apologies. I did try to find you earlier.”
“Devastating smiles?” Selena echoed numbly. As if she had no knowledge of the exact smiles of which Jane spoke.
She knew all right. They paired nicely with the smoldering looks that tested her knees’ abilities to keep her upright.
“Yes,” Jane answered, eyeing Selena with a mix of curiosity, concern, and growing amusement. “He had a change of plans—”
“Change of plans—”
“Yes, as I said, and he is now happy to attend our little gathering.”
“Happy to attend?” Selena said, her voice a little stronger as her shock began to wear off.
“Yes. As I said,” Jane said again.
Selena let out a sound that might have been a sigh or a growl. Even she could not tell. Her eyes narrowed as she scanned the courtyard.
“Aggravating man,” she muttered.
“Quite right,” Jane agreed. “He won’t be joining the women for our ride—”
“He won’t?” Selena blurted before she could stop herself. “I mean, of course not. Thank the saints.”
If Jane heard, she ignored the comment. Aside from a noticeable twitch of her lips.
“He’ll be with the men and their more manly pursuits,” Jane said with a subtle roll of her eyes. Jane could outshoot the lot of them, though she did try not to upstage her guests. Hence, the leisurely ride about the grounds whilst the men amused themselves with the weaponry.
“That is all well and good, but that means he is still lurking about somewhere,” Selena said, her eyes straining to see around every corner and bush whilst the gnawing pit of nerves in her gut grew more tenacious.
An infuriatingly confusing predicament as, at this point, she genuinely could not tell if it was anxiety or anticipation.
She blew out a frustrated breath. Well. At least she now knew where he was—to some degree—and what he was doing.
Perhaps her mind could cease its endless imaginings of various scenarios with Lord Lockhaven at the center.
Being in his presence befuddled her, assuredly.
But it was decidedly better than not knowing where the blasted man was.
Waiting for him to pop up at every turn. No wonder she was a bundle of nerves!
Her mare shifted again, tossing her head against the tight grip Selena had on the reins. She forced herself to relax.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
“Are you well?” Jane asked, looking Selena over with a knowing eye.
Selena pursed her lips and didn’t bother answering.
She didn’t need to. Jane, and anyone else with any sort of observational skills, could instantly see upon looking at her that Selena was, indeed, experiencing an attack of the nerves.
But there was no help for it. She was finally making some headway with the other ladies—thanks in large part to Jane’s efforts, culminating at this house party at the Haddons’ country estate.
And it was about to be ruined if she couldn’t keep her emotions under control.
While Lord and Lady Trescott had always been friendly, the other ladies had been a little less so. But they, over the course of the last few days, had warmed to her considerably. A development Selena dearly wished to cultivate.
She had been dressed, ready to go, and looking forward to the company of the ladies, until he had decided to show his face.
Now, secreting herself away in the library seemed a more appealing use of her time.
“Are you truly so distressed by his presence?” Jane asked, a slight frown furrowing her brow. “I know I tease, but if you wish it, I will have Mr. Haddon send him on his way.”
“No, no. I will be quite all right. I merely wasn’t expecting to see him. Not here. Or at all. After…”
“Rejecting his proposal?” Jane asked, eyebrow raised.
“Yes,” Selena answered through gritted teeth. Then she sighed again. “I only pray I can make it through the next couple days with my dignity somewhat intact.”
Jane laughed quietly. “You will be fine, I’m sure of it,” she said soothingly. “He will hardly make a scene in public.”
“My apprehension does not lie entirely with him,” Selena muttered.
Jane’s eyes widened. “Did you plan on making a scene?”
“Of course not.” Selena frowned slightly at Jane. “Well,” she said with a delicate snort, “I have no plans to. But when have my plans ever manifested in my favor?”
“What plans would those be?” Edward asked, his deep, grumbling voice materializing out of nowhere at her side.
Selena squeaked, accidentally yanking on the reins in her startled panic. Her horse reared, front legs pawing at the air as Selena held on for dear life.
“Whoa!” Edward jumped toward them, arms upraised as he attempted to calm the horse and grab the bridle.
Stepping into the path of a flailing hoof in the process.
Selena couldn’t see exactly what happened. But one moment, Edward was at her side, trying to control the horse. And the next, he dropped to the ground like a sack of flour.
There was a flurry of shouting, and several grooms ran forward. They managed to calm the horse and backed her away from where Edward lay disturbingly still. But Selena had eyes for no one but the still figure on the ground.
“My lord!” Selena gasped in horror. She dismounted as quickly as she was able—ignoring the flash of ankle (and leg) she had likely given the poor grooms who managed to catch her as she launched herself from the saddle—and sank to her knees beside him, her hands moving over his face and upper torso searching for injuries.
“Saints preserve us,” Jane said, hurrying to them. “I’ll get more help.”
Selena hardly noticed when Jane left, shouting orders to the footmen. And she disregarded the flurry of dismay coming from the other guests as they converged. Her entire being focused on the man before her.
“My lord?” she whispered, her hand cupping his cheek.
This was on her shoulders. If she hadn’t been so ridiculously nervous to see him again, she wouldn’t have been so startled.
Would have had better control over her horse.
The man had never been anything but kind to her.
Forward, certainly. Determined, yes. Unnervingly so, on occasion.
But kind, always. And while their last encounter had ended awkwardly, judging by his past behavior, he wouldn’t have held it against her.
Conversing with him for a few minutes wouldn’t have killed her. But her anxiety at the prospect could have killed him.
It seemed even without a marriage contract involved she was nothing but a menace when it came to men. Was her curse worsening? Was she now killing men before the marriage vows? How novel. She should join a secluded convent somewhere just to keep them all from harm’s way.