Chapter Nineteen
Selena sat up, her ears straining to catch the sound that had woken her.
Well, disturbed her. Sleep had been evasive the last few days.
Her mother had kept her so busy running about town preparing for the wedding that by all rights, Selena should be dropping into bed every evening and drifting off into an instant, dreamless sleep.
That was far from the case, however. Rather, most nights she spent tossing and turning, her mind churning with a bombardment of thoughts that would not stop long enough to let her rest. And when she did sleep, her dreams were filled with Edward.
It didn’t seem to matter whether the dream was horrible or wonderful (or very, very wonderful).
She had no peace either way. If she could just speak with him.
Alone. Clear her conscience. Ensure he was entering into this marriage with full knowledge of all the sordid details of her past, the danger he might be putting himself into, the men she’d married before him… Perhaps then her mind could rest.
She had little hope of it helping her body though. No amount of sleep would cure her restlessness. Only Edward could do that. Surely there would come a day when she stopped craving his touch. But it likely wouldn’t be any time soon.
Truly, it was becoming increasingly embarrassing.
Just the other day, they had been sitting in church.
He had only spoken a quick hello to her before the service, so he had certainly not said or done anything aside from breathing to inspire the deluge of sinful thoughts that plagued her throughout the sermon.
There he was, singing hymns and clasping his hands in prayer.
And all she could think of was the wonderfully wicked things he had done to her with those lips and hands.
For the rest of the sermon, every time the vicar or congregation said Hallelujah, she thought about how many times she had shouted God’s name under Edward’s ministrations.
She was going to hell for sure. But sweet heaven, it was worth it.
At least…she hoped so.
They had spoken for a few minutes after the service, but then they had each been whisked away by their families. She must find a way to have more than three minutes alone with him before the wedding.
There it was again!
A sort of muffled…well, if she didn’t know any better, she would think someone was outside her window cursing.
But that was impossible. Her window was far too high from the ground.
Though, there was a balcony. And multiple trees.
And a vine-clogged lattice. Now that she thought on it, a more inviting window had never been created.
And, as scatterbrained as she had been, she couldn’t recall if she had latched the window.
Selena had just swung her legs out of bed to investigate when her balcony doors blew open…and Edward stumbled in still cursing under his breath while he brushed stray twigs and dirt from his shirt and breeches.
“Edward?” she exclaimed, taking a few steps toward him.
His eyes shot to hers, halting her in her tracks. And then they widened and took her in with a gaze that grew more heated with every inch he spied.
Her hand fluttered to her chest in a futile attempt to cover herself. She had been sleeping—trying to sleep—in nothing but a thin chemise. Which obviously left very little to Edward’s imagination. Her robe lay across a chair near the fireplace, too far away to help her now.
Not that she would have put it on anyway. Not with the way his eyes devoured her.
“I can’t believe you are here,” she said. “I was just thinking of you.”
“Were you?” His gravelly voice sent a delicious shiver up her spine, his gaze sharpening at the fine tremor that ran through her.
“Yes. We have hardly seen or spoken to each other since we became engaged.”
“Well, it has only been a week,” he said, his lips pulling into a half grin that had her heart pounding.
“Yes,” she said with a shaky laugh.
“Have you missed me, Selena?” he asked, his eyes raking over her again.
“Yes.” The word was barely more than a whisper, but he heard it.
That crooked smile turned decidedly more heated. “I’ve missed you,” he said, walking toward her as if he thought she might spook, like a skittish horse. But the closer he prowled, the more rooted to her spot she became.
“You did?” She paused, trying desperately to regain some composure. Impossible to do with Edward stalking toward her like she was his prey.
His very willing prey.
She tried again. “I am glad you have come. We must speak.”
“Yes,” he said, stopping before her, so closely she could feel the heat radiating from him. So close their breath mingled when she raised her head.
Selena sucked in a lungful of air, trying desperately to control the fire raging through her. Her hardened nipples brushed against his chest with her inhalation and her breath strangled in her throat. His hands came up to grip her biceps, and she trembled in his grasp.
There was no stopping this. And if she was honest with herself, she had no desire to stop it. All her desire was for him. Now.
“Later.” She grabbed his lapels and hauled him against her, raising on her toes so her lips could claim his.
They crashed together, and he wrapped his arms about her, lifting her against him as he carried her back to the bed.
He lowered them both to the soft mattress, his lips devouring hers as they tangled themselves together.
She couldn’t think when he kissed her so. Couldn’t do anything except cling to him for dear life. Her body cried out for him. As did her heart. She would never get enough of him. If they lived for a dozen lifetimes…
“No wait,” she said, pulling her lips from his with a gasp. She couldn’t let this happen again. Not yet. Not until they had spoken. Not until he knew everything. “Wait, please. We must speak.”
He chuckled and rested his forehead against hers as they both tried to catch their breath.
“What is it, love?” he asked.
“My apologies,” she murmured, untangling her legs from his, if only to keep herself from ignoring her own words and immediately resuming their activities. “I hadn’t meant for—”
“Don’t you dare apologize,” he said with a laugh. “I promise you, there is no need.”
“Is this why you came?” she asked, looking up at him.
“No. Well,” he said with another wry grin, his fingers drawing soft patterns along her shoulder.
“It wasn’t my first intention. Though I confess, the moment I came through that window and saw you standing there, so beautiful it took my breath away, my intentions took a decided turn.
But no. I came so that we could finally have a private moment to speak.
We’ve barely seen each other since our betrothal.
And as you’ve said, there are things to say. ”
“Yes.” She took a deep breath and sat up, willing the nerves in her gut to settle.
Moving to the edge of the bed to get some distance from him did not help much.
He moved so that he could lean back against the headboard, letting one arm dangle from his propped up knee.
Which somehow made him look even more irresistible.
She briefly closed her eyes against the sight in a futile effort to keep her desire in check. It did not help. Later. She could give in later. If there was a later once he’d heard what she had to say.
No matter what though, even if he hated her for it, she couldn’t regret the time they’d had together.
Just speak, she chastised herself.
“I am sorry that I reacted so poorly to your news of the investigation.”
He was already shaking his head. “Again. No apologies are necessary. Anyone would have felt the same. In fact, your reaction was a fair sight better than most would have been, I dare say.”
“Be that as it may, your family has a right to want the truth. Their suspicions are not entirely wrong.”
That put a frown on Edward’s face. One that sent her stomach reeling.
“You’ll have to speak more plainly.” he said. “I do not want to misunderstand you. Are you saying…?”
“The worst of the rumors are not true,” she hurried to assure him. “I am not a murderess.” She gave the word the disdain it deserved.
“Of course not,” Edward exclaimed. The fierceness of his immediate defense soothed her soul. Though she did not entirely deserve it.
“But there is a reason why I vowed to never marry again. I am cursed, Edward. No—” She held up a hand to keep him from speaking when he looked like he was about to defend her yet again. Or refute her.
Her words came faster, more clipped, as she rushed to get them out before her nerves failed her. “Please let me speak before you question further. I cannot carry this burden any longer.”
“Very well,” he said. “I shall endeavor to hold my tongue.” He gave her that half grin that she so loved, surely in an effort to put her more at ease.
Noble of him but, she feared, futile.
“The worst of the rumors may not be true. But there is some truth in what has been said.”
“What?” he asked, stunned.
“I have buried more than one husband.”
The relief on his face twisted the knife in her heart. “Oh. Yes, of course. Mr. MacLaren. And you told me of Mr. Albescu.”
He said the name slowly, obviously noticing the dread she had hoped to keep from her face.
“Are there…more?”
She could almost see his body tensing as if he were waiting for a blow.
So she did not make him wait for its delivery. “Yes, I told you about Charles. And Marius. But there was also Francesco,” she said, her voice cracking. “And Louis.”
Edward sat, his eyes widening more and more with each name. “Four?” he asked faintly.
She let out a sobbing sigh and threw her hands in the air, moving from the bed to pace the floor in her agitation. “Yes four. And would have been five if Otto hadn’t run off and abandoned me.”
“You mean all four are…deceased?” Edward’s eyebrows flew up. “Wait, there was a fifth—”
But now that Selena had released all the secrets she’d kept pent up for all these months, she couldn’t staunch the flow.