Chapter 16
“My father’s solicitor?” Susanna stared back at Lord Lancashire, her eyes rounded with astonishment. “Are you quite sure?” She watched Lord Lancashire’s face as he nodded, taking in the seriousness that lined his forehead and held steady in his eyes. “I cannot understand it.”
“Nor can I,” he told her, his voice low as they meandered through the bookshop together. “I was hoping that you might be willing to go speak with the solicitor yourself? Mr. Graves, his name was.”
Her stomach kicked. “I am not certain I could, not without my father’s permission. Even if I went without his awareness, the solicitors might speak to him about what I have done.” Licking her lips, she looked away from him. “But at the same time, I can see that it is the only way forward.”
“If it is of any reassurance, I am quite sure that your father’s solicitor, if he has done any wrong, will not be eager to hurry to speak with your father.”
Considering, Susanna nodded slowly, her fingers lightly tracing along the books on the shelf beside her. The Marquess’ suggestion made sense, and she did not want her own fears and worries to pull at her.
“I know that there is… difficulty there. With your father, I mean.”
Looking back at him, she swallowed and then closed her eyes briefly, feeling the stinging, searing pain against her heart.
“I am well aware that you have witnessed my mother’s indifference towards me.
” Her eyes opened as he touched her hand, only to pull away again as the door to the bookshop chimed gently, startling them.
When he looked back at her, Susanna smiled softly at the understanding in his eyes.
“My father is more than disinterested; he is entirely apathetic towards both Maude and me. He leaves all to my mother and thinks only of his own standing and the like.” Pausing, she took a moment before speaking truthfully.
“I am afraid of what he will say and what he will do, should he discover that I have spoken to his solicitors without his knowledge, but – but I shall do it.” Squaring her shoulders, she lifted her chin just a little. “It is necessary, is it not?”
Lord Lancashire nodded. “I think that it is, yes.”
“Then I shall. This afternoon, if you wish? You will have to attend in your own carriage, but I am sure I could convince Lady Ellen and Lady Kilthorn to attend with me. They will understand, and they will be discreet.”
“Speaking of being discreet,” he murmured, a sudden change in his tone making her heart skip a beat, “we have a moment, Susanna.”
She did not know what to say, her desire roaring into flame in an instant as he took a step towards her.
“Do you hope, as I do, for a day when we do not have to hide from others in the way we do at present?” he asked quietly. “Do you long for it?”
Her eyes lifted to his. “It burns in me, Lancashire.”
There was nothing but the two of them now, the sunshine from the windows seeming to reach out and envelope them, the familiar scent of leather and books wrapping around them like a shared secret.
Lord Lancashire reached for her hand, his fingers gentle but firm as they closed over hers.
The warmth of his touch sent a shiver through Susanna as she looked up at him.
For a heartbeat, they stood perfectly still as they gazed into each other’s eyes, with Susanna scarcely daring to breathe with the anticipation of what was to come.
She could feel the pulse in his wrist against her own, quick and urgent, matching the wild rhythm of her heart.
Eventually, and with agonizing slowness, Lord Lancashire bent his head.
The warmth of his breath on her cheek was one pleasure, only for it to be captured by another as his lips brushed hers.
It was not a hurried or reckless kiss despite their somewhat precarious meeting.
His lips met hers tenderly, his hands at her waist now, pulling her close.
Her breath caught in her chest, her hand lifting without active thought to rest against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart.
A heart that she knew belonged solely to her.
She felt her whole body yield towards him, felt the last hard edges of her resistance soften and begin to fall away.
For the space of that kiss, there was no conspiracy, no forged letter, no cold-hearted family.
There was only this — the warmth of his mouth, the strength of his hands, the certainty that she was wanted.
When he drew back at last, he did so slowly, as if reluctant to bring the moment to an end.
Susanna, her breathing still quick, touched her lips gently, her eyes still closed.
The taste of him lingered — warm, faintly of tea, entirely his own.
Neither of them said a word for what felt like an age, still standing as close to each other as they could.
And then, with a long sigh that broke from his lips, Lord Lancashire stepped back and released her from his embrace.
“I am sorry to move away from you, my dear Susanna,” he murmured, as she let out a slow breath and then finally opened her eyes. “I look forward to a day when I will never have to do so again.”
A tiny sigh escaped her as she gazed at him, unable to find even a single word to say in response.
That kiss had been a whisper of trust and a hint of promise – a promise that he would never reject her again.
How much she wanted to trust him completely and wholly!
How much she wanted to set aside all that had happened before and instead, turn to him in full belief that he was going to keep his word!
Slowly but surely, Susanna realized, she was beginning to trust him again, the dark edges of their shared and broken past no longer as sharp.
“Until this evening, my love,” he murmured, before stepping away, leaving her to sigh contentedly after him.
Her smile lingered for some moments thereafter, her gaze stilling on the place where he had only just been as her hands clasped lightly in front of her.
Lord Lancashire fulfilled all that she desired, and she wanted nothing more than to be beside him.
“Susanna?”
Startled, she jumped visibly and then flushed as Ellen appeared with a small stack of books in her hand. “Yes?”
Ellen tilted her head and then chuckled, her eyes twinkling. “I was just about to ask you if you had seen Lord Lancashire, for I was certain I had caught him taking his leave – but I see now that I have no need to ask you such a thing. Did you have a good conversation?”
The heat in her face grew all the more as Susanna tried to nod, ending up giggling along with her friend.
“I am glad you had a few moments alone,” Ellen told her, as Susanna fanned her face lightly with one hand. “You are content with him then, yes?”
Susanna nodded. “I am… though I must confess that there is a part of me that still does not fully trust all that he says.” Her blush fading, she looked down at the floor, a small nudge of guilt pressing against her heart.
“Mayhap that is quite normal, and I should not feel this nudge of guilt, but I do, all the same.” Her head lifted, and she looked back at Ellen, who was nodding slowly.
“When he tells me that he will never step back from me again, I want to trust without doubting, but there is still a part of me that holds back.”
“As you have said yourself, that is more than understandable and certainly not something you should feel guilty about,” her friend told her, reassuringly. “Are you afraid that he will discover something and that will cause him to reject you again?”
Biting her lip, Susanna nodded.
“A reasonable fear, given all you have endured,” Ellen replied. “It will fade in time.”
A sudden recollection came back to Susanna’s mind, and she snatched in a breath, her thoughts having been centered solely upon the kiss and Lord Lancashire.
“Goodness, I quite forgot. The very reason we spoke was that he had discovered something! And I must go to speak with my father’s solicitors at once. ”
Ellen’s eyebrows rose. “Your father’s solicitors?”
Susanna grasped her friend’s hand. “Do you think your aunt would be willing to take us all there?” she asked, without explanation.
“It is of the greatest importance, and whilst I will admit to being somewhat afraid of speaking to them without my father’s permission or knowledge, I must do this if we are to discover the truth. ”
“Then of course.” Glancing over her shoulder, Ellen tilted her head. “This way. My aunt will do as you ask without requirement for full explanation – although I cannot say the same for myself!”
Susanna smiled briefly. “I will tell you all in the carriage,” she promised as they went in search of Lady Kilthorn. “I only hope my endeavors bring something new to light.”
“Mr. Graves, good afternoon.”
The man came into the small room and bowed low, but not before Susanna had caught sight of the frown that pulled at his forehead. He came around to sit down at his desk, perhaps ready to procure any document that Susanna requested.
“I thank you for seeing me,” Susanna continued, the scent of many leather-bound books filling the room with a sense of gravitas.
“This is an important matter which, at present, I should like to keep from my father, the Duke of Somerset.” She emphasized her father’s name, seeing the way his man’s eyebrows lifted.
That was good. She wanted him to remember the weightiness of her father’s title and standing.
“Yes, of course.” Mr. Graves, if he found her presence unusual, did not say a single word in that regard. Instead, he appeared to be quite welcoming. “What is it that I can do for you, Lady Susanna?”