Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Iswear, the next time I see my cousin, he will receive such a tongue-lashing, he will wish his mother had never laid eyes on his father.” Cecily glowered, her hands clasped in her lap.
Vivian sat across from her in the small window seat of the cottage. It had been a week since she and Thomas had parted ways, and in that time, she had tried to make the cottage feel more like a home.
Unfortunately, there was very little for her to do. Thomas had had everything decorated; he had clearly thought of everything. Which only made Vivian’s heart ache more.
He could not wait to be rid of me.
Vivian shook herself back to the present. “You need not. I was the one who let myself get caught up in a fantasy after all.”
“He did not even say goodbye to you, Vivian.” Cecily made a disgusted noise.
“I am aware, Cecily.” Vivian’s tone was cool, and she forced herself not to curl her hands into fists. “Clearly, he thought there was no point in such a thing. He was eager to be rid of me. After all, I had already served my purpose.”
“I am sorry; I did not mean to upset you, Vivian.” Cecily reached forward and squeezed Vivian’s hand in hers. “I just… It makes no sense.”
“I know.” Vivian sighed. “I appreciate you coming to see me, really, I do, but there is a storm coming, and I do not want you to get caught in it.”
She gestured to the darkening sky visible through the cottage window. Cecily followed the gesture, her lips pursing.
“It might not be that bad.” Cecily canted her head toward Vivian.
“It is not a risk I want you to take.” Vivian tried to smile at her friend, but the movement felt completely foreign to her. “And I… I am not very good company at the moment.”
“Very well, but you only need to write to me, and I will come and visit again.” Cecily embraced Vivian, and they walked toward the cottage door together.
Vivian nodded. “Thank you. It means a lot that you would go to so much trouble for me.”
“You are family, Vivian. I would go to almost any lengths for you.” Cecily opened the carriage door and grinned. “And if you change your mind, I am very happy to give my cousin a firm talking to. Though I suspect I might have to get in line. Andrea and Charlotte are both furious with him as well.”
“They do not need to be. I do not want anyone to chastise him.”
“What do you want?”
For him to want me.
“To forget that any of it happened and move on with my life.” “I cannot do that if everyone is constantly haranguing him.”
“Very well. But know that I am only staying my anger on your account.”
“Thank you. Now you really must get on the road.” Vivian waved Cecily away, watching the carriage disappear down the country lane.
The familiar numbness stole over her, making the gray day seem even grayer. She looked at the cottage. It was beautiful, right in the heart of the lake district with gorgeous scenery surrounding it, and everything one could ever want.
But it held no joy for her. Vivian was not convinced that anything ever would. Stop being so dramatic. She knew that as soon as she opened the door, she would be reminded of him. That Henrietta would fuss over her.
That she would listen to the sound of the hills, the silence around her, and imagine hoofbeats. He is not going to come. She pulled her coat more tightly around her and began to walk.
“Perhaps the fresh air will do me good,” she muttered to herself.
Thunder boomed in the distance, and the more sensible part of her wanted to go home. The part was drowned out by the thick numbness that enveloped her like a mist. She kept walking, finding a narrow path that wound up the hill.
“I will be able to see everything from up there.” She tried to muster enthusiasm for the prospect, but there was nothing.
Her footsteps were leaden, practically mechanical as she climbed the hill. Rain started to fall. She slipped, but caught herself. There is no Thomas to catch you now. Her heart felt as though it had been shattered between a rock and an anvil.
“He did not even say goodbye. I thought he cared about me.”
‘Why would anyone choose you?’ Her mother had known better.
“If I had listened to her, I might have saved myself the heartbreak. At least I have friends now. People who care about me, so I suppose there is that.” Vivian had reached the top of the hill, and the rain was now falling in thick droplets.
She squinted through the sheets of it, barely feeling the icy water as it drenched her skin. In the distance, she thought she saw someone riding a horse.
They would have to be mad to be out in this weather.
“Though I suppose one might say the same of me. After all, I am standing here just watching the world around me.” The numbness shifted ever so slightly before snapping back into place. “Is someone riding?”
Vivian took a step toward them and then caught herself. “It is no business of mine what a madman does.”
Still, she watched the rider winding his way through the paths. “It almost looks as though he is going to the cottage.”
For a moment, her treacherous heart soared, but she clamped it down hard. “It would not be Thomas. Nor will it be a message from him. He has made his feelings abundantly clear, and it is time I stop living in a fantasy.”
The wind snatched at her coat, whipping the rain against her. It roared in her ears, and she shouted, “I am tired of this! Tired of all this pain!”
Lightning flashed across the sky, and thunder boomed so loudly it shook the world around her. Vivian turned and made her way back to the cottage.
She slipped several times in the mud, and by the time she had reached the bottom of the hill, she was covered in it. She could not bring herself to be upset about ruining her clothes.
Thunder roared again, and lightning struck so close to her that it made her jump. “Oh well, as if you were not already ridiculous, now you are acting entirely brainless and wandering about in the middle of a storm.”
She put on speed and decided to take the road to the cottage. It would be easier than walking through the fields. No one would be out in this weather, so walking on the road should be safe.
Or at least, that is what she thought as she walked out onto the road. But as she did so, a stallion and rider rounded the corner. Vivian let out a yell, the smell of wind and rain mingling with the scent of amber.
I really am going mad.
The horse reared, and Vivian flung herself to the side, landing on the ground. She heard a deep voice calming the mount. She heard footsteps approaching her.
“Are you all right? You could have been killed!” the man roared at her, her mind tricking her into believing it was Thomas’s voice.
She opened her mouth to reply that she was fine, and found herself staring into the piercing blue eyes of her husband. Thomas’s face was a mask of fury and fear, his eyes wide as he led his horse toward her.
“Thomas?” Vivian blinked slowly. Did I hit my head?
“What are you doing out in this weather? You should be at home, safe in the cottage.”
“Why do you care what I do with my life? You made it perfectly clear that you want no part of it.” Vivian turned on her heel and began to walk back to the cottage. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back home.”
“At least let me take you there.” Thomas gestured to the horse as he fell into step beside her.
“No. I do not want anything from you.” She wrapped her arms around herself and sped up, wanting to be rid of him.
Why is he here? Her heart pounded furiously as the rain battered down on them both. She tried to drown him out, but she could not.
Thomas caught up with her easily. “Vivian, I know that I hurt you, but really, this is ridiculous.”
“I do not care.”
“Vivian, please—” Thomas began, but she rounded on him.
“What, Thomas? Why should I listen to anything you have to say? What are you even doing here?”
“I needed to speak to you,” Thomas shouted above the roaring of the wind.
“There is nothing more to say to each other,” Vivian yelled back, the wind snatching her words. “You said it all by not even bothering to show up at my fundraiser. When you refused to even say goodbye to me. I thought we were friends.”
“I do not want to be friends.” Thomas gestured to her as they reached the cottage.
She had expected the words, but they still stung. “Well, that much is obvious.” She flung open the gate to the cottage and stormed toward her front door.
“I meant that I want to be more than friends.” Thomas put a hand on her shoulder, and Vivian froze, turning to face him. “I want to be with you. I want to be your husband. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, however short it might be.”
Vivian closed her eyes. “Why are you doing this? Do you enjoy tormenting me?”
“I am not trying to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.” His blue eyes bored into her.
“You broke my heart, Thomas!” she roared at him, her voice breaking with emotion. “You cannot just show up here in the pouring rain and say you want to be with me and expect me to jump into your arms. That is not how this works.”
“Just let me explain, please,” Thomas begged.
“Explain what? That you did not want me, and now you have changed your mind?” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I have been through that once before, and I would be a fool to subject myself to it again.”
“I am not Lord Brixten.” Thomas’s eyes danced with fury. “I should never have let you go. I told myself that it was the best thing to do, that you would be better off without me. I thought what I was doing was noble, but it was the opposite.”
“And why would breaking my heart be noble?”
“I did not think it would break it.” Thomas let out a breath. “I was trying to prevent your heart from breaking. I am cursed, Vivian. And I am terrified that I might die, and that in dying, I would do what my father did to my mother. That you would be broken.”
Vivian frowned. “I thought you did not believe in curses.”
“I am not sure what to believe.” Thomas gestured between them. “That is why I was late to your fundraiser. I was trying to break the curse, but my last chance failed. I thought that if I asked you to stay, I would doom you.”
“Why are you telling me now?” Vivian asked.
Thomas gave her a look that was both pained and amused.
“Because I love you, Vivian. I love you with every fiber of my being. I love you more than I ever thought possible. You are the sun that lights the sky; you are the reason I want to get up in the morning. And selfishly, I want to spend whatever time I have left with you.”
“And what if I say no?”
“Then I will walk away a broken man. Tell me that you do not love me, and I will never darken your doorstep again. But if you feel as I do, I swear I will spend the rest of my life earning back your trust. That I will prostrate myself before you and beg for your mercy.” He kneeled in front of her as though to prove it.
The sight of him kneeling in the mud shifted some of the anger she felt. “Damn you, Thomas. Damn you.”
“Say you do not love me, and I will leave.” He gestured to the road.
“I… I cannot.” She shook her head. “I love you, Thomas. But I do not know whether I can trust you. Words are only words.”
“And what if I showed you?” Thomas took a step toward her, his eyes dancing.
“And how do you plan on—” Her words were cut off as Thomas closed the distance between them and kissed her.
His kiss felt like fire. As if he were claiming her as his own. The last shred of her resistance crumbled, and she threw her arms around his neck, kissing him back with just as much ferocity.
She could not tell if it was tears or rain that drenched her cheeks, but she did not care. When they broke apart, they were both breathless.
Thomas stroked her cheek with the thumb of his hand. “I choose you, Vivian. You are the only woman for me. I love you.”
“I love you too, Thomas.”
“Does that mean you will take me back?”
“It does. I want to be angry with you, but we have wasted so much time already.” She touched his cheek with her hand. “I do not know what time we have left, but I would rather have a day with you than a lifetime without you.”
“Then let’s go home.” He grinned.
“When the storm passes, yes.” She walked with him to the stables, handing the reins to a very confused groom.
As soon as Thomas did, he swept her into his arms. “I think it is high time we made this a true marriage.”
“I quite agree.” And laughing, she let her husband carry her into their next adventure.