Chapter 8
Rupert stared back at Lady Eleanor, his whole body searing itself with heat.
He had not expected to come upon her so unexpectedly and most certainly had not thought that he would be dancing with her later this evening!
His emotions had swelled with such great strength, he had been forced to hurry away from them all, unable to linger in her company any longer.
Thinking to step away from her and to have a few moments alone where he might compose himself, he had come to the quieter part of the ballroom, only to now be faced with the very lady he had tried to escape from.
“You will not speak to me?” Blinking quickly, her voice trembling, she came a step closer to him. “Please, Finchley. Do not push me away. You have already done that once already, and I do not think I can bear another rejection.”
“I am not rejecting you,” he said, hoarsely, his chest tight. “Eleanor, this is not wise. There are so many who could see us and – ”
“I care not.” Another step taken towards him, another shard of lightning striking him at her nearness to him. Rupert could not breathe, forcing his gaze away from her. “I must know what you meant in your letter.”
Rupert closed his eyes. “What do you mean?”
She sighed. “Do you not understand? Can you not see that I have been left alone and in such a great confusion these last few months that I had not known what to think?” There came a sharpness into her eyes, such that he had never seen before as his words pierced his heart.
“I thought that you were the very worst sort of gentleman. I believed that you were a scoundrel who had taken your fill of me and then chosen to step away once you had enjoyed yourself enough.”
“No! I would never have done such a thing to you!” Stay back from her, his heart warned, even as he drew closer. You cannot let her back into your arms, not when things are as they are. “I could never have been so cruel.”
“And yet, you were,” she said, her voice soft but her words burning him. “You left without explanation – and no explanation has been forthcoming still. Do you not know just how much I felt for you? Have you no understanding of that?”
Rupert looked down at the floor, his heart tearing. She had spoken about all that she had felt, not that she still held for him. It was just as he deserved, but all the same, it caused him great sorrow to hear.
“You spoke of protecting me,” she said, a good deal more quietly now. “What is it that you protected me from?”
Closing his eyes, Rupert shook his head. “I cannot explain.”
“Cannot or will not?”
Lifting his gaze, Rupert looked back into her beautiful face as regret whispered around him like a cold wind.
“The day I returned from speaking with you, a letter was waiting for me. This letter contained information that forced me to quit my estate at once, so I might do my best to resolve the situation as quickly as I could. Had I been unsuccessful, then the threat of ruination remained steadily over my head, and I could not permit you to be a part of it.”
She did not even blink. “But why did you not tell me?”
Swallowing hard, Rupert looked away and ran one hand over his jaw. Dare he tell her the truth? Could he trust her with it? Yes, that, he knew, was not in doubt. He could trust Lady Eleanor with anything and know without doubt that she would not betray that trust. But could he tell her of his heart?
“It was to protect you,” he said again, speaking slowly as he chose each word with care.
“If you knew of the situation, then I did not know what you would make of it – or of me. But worse than that, if there was any hint of connection between us and I was unable to resolve the situation, then you would have been tainted also, and therefore, I could not permit that to happen. I deeply regret that I did not speak to you honestly; however, I could have written and explained and prayed that you would understand… but I did not. I can only apologize, again, for my mistake and my lack of consideration.”
Lady Eleanor took in a deep breath, folded her arms over her chest, and looked back at him as she breathed out a long breath.
There was no gentle affection in her eyes, as there had been before.
Instead, she was assessing him, considering him, wondering whether or not he was speaking honestly.
Rupert licked his lips, not certain what else to say and fighting against the desire to move closer, to take her hand, and to confess that she had never once left his heart.
“Tell me.”
Rupert blinked.
“Please, Finchley. Tell me what the situation was, the one that pulled you from me.” A catch came into her voice, and Rupert closed his eyes. “I must know what it was that took you from me, else I shall be forever wondering, forever questioning what it might have been.”
Rupert’s heart squeezed, and he nodded unwillingly.
He did not have to do this, he knew, but perhaps this might lessen his regret and sorrow a little.
Perhaps this was what he had to give her as part of his genuine apology.
“It was my sister,” he said, his voice dropping to near a whisper.
“I do not think I ever spoke of her to you, Eleanor, for at the time of our meeting, she was on a prolonged holiday with my aunt and uncle at his estate.” He swallowed tightly, fearful now that her response to what he had to say next would push her away from him for good.
“My aunt wrote to me to tell me of a secret… a secret she had been keeping for many months.”
“Your aunt?”
Rupert shook his head. “My sister,” he said, his voice rasping heavily now.
“My aunt informed me that she had discovered, to her utter shock and dismay, that my sister was with child. Quite how Rebecca had managed to keep it a secret from them all, I cannot imagine, but she had done so, up until the moment she could keep it no longer.”
Lady Eleanor had gone white, and Rupert was certain he saw a tremor run through her.
“My aunt begged me to come at once, and thus, I made preparations immediately. My great fear was that news of her child would become known, and once known, it would not only be Rebecca that would be ruined but myself and my brother’s reputation.”
Putting one hand to her heart, Lady Eleanor closed her eyes, swaying lightly. “How dreadful.”
“I could not tell you,” he said, brokenly. “I did not know what you would think, but I feared what would occur should anyone find out about my sister. It is a terrible thing to have a child without being wed. It is the sort of thing that ruins families for generations.”
“Indeed,” Lady Eleanor whispered, her hand dropping back to her side, tears in her eyes now. “Your sister must have been greatly upset herself. Is she quite well now?”
It took Rupert a few moments to respond, astonished that she was thinking so kindly of Rebecca instead of being captured with horror over what Rebecca had done. “She… she is well,” he said, slowly.
“And the child?”
Rupert nodded, his heart beginning to pour over with love for the woman in front of him. Why had he ever feared her response? There was nothing but compassion and kindness within her. “He is well,” he responded. “My sister adores him, so I am told.”
Lady Eleanor took out a handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. “What became of her? You said that the situation was resolved, did you not?”
“Yes, I did.” A small smile touched his lips despite the difficulty of their conversation.
“A gentleman near to my aunt and uncle’s estate had previously expressed an interest in Rebecca’s hand in marriage.
I spoke with him at length about the matter, and in turn, he spoke to Rebecca.
” His smile faded. “My sister informed him – though she had not told me before this – that the child came about without her consent.”
A shudder ran over him as Lady Eleanor closed her eyes.
“I could not tell you the fury that passed over me upon hearing that,” Rupert continued, heavily. “Preston had the very same response. I confess, I left that matter in his hands, for he was quite determined to deal with that fellow in a firm and unrelenting way.”
“Oh, I am terribly sorry to hear such a thing.” Lady Eleanor’s face had lost all color, her shoulders dropping low. “Your poor sister. How dreadful a thing to endure.”
“She is contented now, however,” Rupert replied, recalling the pain that had torn through his sister’s expression when she had finally told him the truth about what had taken place.
“Lord Nottingham is an excellent gentleman, for he showed the same compassion and understanding as you, Eleanor. They were married a little over a month ago and, from what I hear, the whisper is that the child is his, that he simply could not wait until they were married. Given that the estate is far from London, closer to the border of Scotland than to this place, I had not thought that anyone would either find out about it or give too much consideration to it, but – ”
He stopped dead. He was not about to tell Eleanor any more, not when she had heard so much from him already. That was all the explanation she needed.
“What else were you going to say?” She drew closer and put one hand on his arm, sending a searing heat right through him. “Is there something more?”
Closing his eyes so that he could not see her, Rupert swallowed thickly.
“I cannot,” he rasped, his emotions redoubling themselves, taking a complete hold of him.
If he opened his eyes again to see her light blue eyes gazing up at him, he feared he would lose himself completely, would lower his head and kiss her senseless, even as they stood in the ballroom. “Eleanor, please.”
For a long moment, nothing happened. Her hand actually tightened on his arm for just a moment before, after a long breath that brushed across his cheek, she stepped back and took her fingers from his arm.
“I hope that you will be satisfied now, as much as you can be,” Rupert said, heavily as he dared to open his eyes again and look at her.
“And Eleanor, I truly am desperately sorry for what I failed to do at the time of our connection. I should never have left without explanation. For the pain and the sorrow and the upset you have endured, I am truly sorry.”
She nodded but said nothing, her eyes holding fast to his, a glint within them that Rupert could not fully understand.
They stood like that for some time, with every moment feeling as if it stretched on and on.
Rupert curled his hands into fists, resisting the quiet demand of his heart to go to her, to catch her up in his arms once more and confess all he felt for her still.
“I am grateful that I now know the truth,” she said, eventually. “I will, of course, keep that all to myself. No one needs to know anything of it.”
“I thank you.” Putting one hand to his heart, Rupert bowed low. “Eleanor, I am sorry.”
“I know.” Her smile was present but then gone again in a second, the light in her eyes dimming now. “I accept your apology, Rupert.”
The way she said his name had him sighing aloud, a groan catching the end of it.
It was an intimacy that no one but she had, something that she had only ever whispered into his ear when they had been held in an embrace.
For her to speak to him now in that way made his heart both sting with pain and squeeze with joy.
“We are to dance later, I know,” she said, turning away from him. “But do not worry, I will not ask you anything more.”
Rupert nodded but did not watch her leave, seeing her aunt standing only a few steps away.
Pushing his fingers through his hair, he walked away from her, striding across the room to find some brandy or whisky, whatever he could find.
Speaking with her had been more costly than he had ever anticipated, for it had brought back all that he felt for her with an increasing strength.
Speaking of his sister had taken some of his energy from him for it made him now think of the threat hanging over his head.
Weary and broken, he threw back one measure and then picked up a second, trying to steady himself inwardly.
“Lord Finchley?”
Pausing before he took another sip, Rupert took the note offered by the footman. “Who gave this to you?”
The footman inclined his head. “It was set upon my tray without my awareness, my lord. I am afraid I do not know who set it there.” Without another word, he stepped away, leaving Rupert to read the short note.
‘We shall start with something simple enough,’ he read, his brow furrowing.
I should like you to send me enough coin to purchase a box at the Theatre Royal.
You may have one of your own already, but this shall be for my own use, or to rent it out as I wish.
A child will be waiting for you at the door of your house in the morning.
Make sure he has it, else your sister’s present circumstances shall soon be made known to all. ’
Breathing hard, Rupert raked one hand through his hair, anger beginning to build in his chest. Whoever this was, they were making it quite clear that they knew all about Rebecca, her marriage, and her illegitimate child, which meant the threat was very real. What was he to do?
“There is only one thing I can do,” Rupert muttered, closing up the note and turning to make his way out of the ballroom. His dances forgotten, he set about the task required for him, seeing no way out other than to do precisely what was asked.