Chapter 6
Ivy
The apartment is unexpectedly quiet when I come back from work. I thought Lake would be here. The lights are out and the only source of luminescence comes from a tiny screen on the living room table. High-pitched sounds of cartoon characters scream from the phone. I switch on the light to find Lake and Paige asleep, snuggled together on the couch. They’re a picture of cuteness and I have to stop myself from taking a photo. I clear my throat and Paige squints her eyes and slowly rises and gently extricates herself from Lake’s embrace without waking him.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” I say to Paige.
“It’s fine. Lake is never a bother.” She gets up from the couch and collects her bag lying on the other chair. I wince.
“I hope he didn’t make it hard for you to do your assignments?”
She takes her phone and turns it off. “He settled once I offered him this. After he had done his homework and ate his supper, of course. I thought it would be better for me to study here than at my place. My sisters can be a handful. I hope you don’t mind.”
“This is your place, just as it is mine. How was he during the weekend? I know I said he was only supposed to stay there for a few days, but work got the better of me and there was a delay.” I wonder if Paige knows about the news that’s spreading. She’s not a social media person, young as she is, but it’s still possible she would probably have heard about it. If she has, she’s not letting on.
“It’s fine Ivy. We played games. He enjoyed himself over there and was sad to leave. I told him the twins wouldn’t mind visiting him too.”
“Thanks again,” I say as she goes to the door. I make a mental note to give Paige more than her usual babysitter fee. She needs it after all and as someone who has to take care of a sick mother and two sisters in elementary, while also going to community college, she has a lot on her plate. She has been Lake’s babysitter since he was a toddler and it’s only right that I tell her the truth.
“Paige, before you go,” I say to her as she’s about to open the door, “Can we go into the kitchen for a minute?”
I tell her about my marriage and my family background. Like Sonya, I hadn’t told Paige who my father was before all this. When I told Sonya after news of me and Damien came out, Sonya was visibly surprised. Not to Paige, though. She shrugs as if she already suspected it.
“You have that rich girl look about you?” Paige explains.
I frown. “What kind of look is that?”
“It’s a vibe. I can’t explain it. But I never made the Hawthorne department store connection, though. I thought you were rich and were now poor because you lost it all or something. So you and Damien Sinclair were secretly dating?”
So she must have read the news because I didn’t tell her who I married over the weekend. It feels like everyone knows. I nod.
Sonya and the rest of the team at Antoinette’s were surprised to learn about my background after I told them. My siblings also got to know all about it when Carey posted a Wall Street Gazette article in the family group chat. Nolan called me immediately after asking if I married him because of Lake. I said no to him and all my other siblings even though, technically; I did. And when he asked in the group chat if Damien knew about Lake, I also said no.
She shakes her head. “That part I would never have guessed because you did not behave like you were dating anyone. I would have sworn you were single.” She smiles and then her face brightens with realization. “Wait, is that why you had all those late nights where you had to work?” she makes quotation gestures as she says the word ‘work.’
I nod even though I was actually working at Damien’s club so I could find a way to speak to him. “I can’t hide anything from you, can I?”
“Mom?” Lake waddles in, struggling to keep his eyes open. He’s in his pjs, another mark of Paige being a good babysitter, and looks like he is still tired. But that doesn’t stop him from rushing over to me and giving me a big hug. Seven years and he still feels like he’s two. I embrace him and thank Paige again as she leaves.
“Say thank you and goodbye to Paige.”
“Goodbye and thank you, Paige,” Lake repeats, waving at her and stifling a yawn. She blows him a kiss and closes the apartment door behind her. Hers is the next block to ours, so I’m not worried about her safety. My chief concern at the moment is Lake.
“Did you miss me?”
He shakes his head.
“Liar liar, pants on fire.” I make a whoosh sound and wave my hands at his pants. He giggles. I lift him in my arms. “One more time. Did you miss me?”
He shakes his head at first and then nods. “I missed you all weekend. You should have been at Paige’s. Her mom makes the most delicious cookies in the world.”
“Ooh. Don’t tell Sonya that.” He wiggles out of my embrace and races to his room and comes back with a zip-lock bag filled with chocolate chip cookies.
He hands me the bag. “I saved some for you.”
I feel full even though I ate one meal in the afternoon. It must be the anxiety. I take one cookie from the bag. Damn, he’s right. “Fuck. That is one good cookie.”
Lake tsk-tsks me. “Another coin in the swear jar.”
“Sonya better watch out. Paige’s mom knows how to bake a cookie. Are these all mine?”
Lake looks unsure. I can tell he wants them for himself and probably thought I would simply eat one and give him the rest of the bag. He looks down, twiddling his toes and then says, “Yes.”
I put on a fake old crone voice, “What a pure-hearted young man you are. For this, I shall grant you three wishes. State them, and they may come true.”
He wiggles excitedly. “I wish for a…” he counts on his fingers as I anticipate the same three things he always wished for recently, “a PlayStation, a bicycle…” I wait knowing the third one will be a trip to Disneyland, but the third wish, knocks me off my axis. “And a dad.”
“A father?” I say it in my normal voice. My throat gets clogged up with all the rushing emotion, so I don’t think I can do the voice effect. I knew the ‘father conversation’ was coming eventually, but I didn’t think it would be this soon. And not like this.
He nods. “Do you think Santa brings you a father if you write him down as a Christmas wish? Mona says Santa can’t grant wishes like that. A dad is something you just have. Or don’t have.”
“Mona from school?” Lake nods. I always want to punch a wall whenever I hear that little kid’s name. Mona can be a little too assertive and lately, she has been saying all sorts of things that people should and should have to Lake. Every kid should have a PlayStation. Every kid should go to Disneyland once every summer. Every kid rides a bicycle. Just normal everyday kid stuff. The funny thing is, I can now afford to give Lake all the things he’s wished for multiple times over, except this latest wish. “Lake,” I hunch down. “Some kids don’t have fathers. Some have two. Some have none, like you. And like Taylor Smith-Martin.”
“Yeah, but Taylor Smith-Martin has two moms instead of a mom and a dad. I only have one.”
“Paige and her sisters don’t have one.”
He crosses his arms on his chest. “Theirs went to heaven.” He frowns. “Wait. Did mine go to heaven?”
I shake my head. “Your dad didn’t go to heaven.”
His eyes widen. “Does that mean I have a dad?” I hate how intelligent my son is sometimes. It’s fun when he’s doing homework, not at times like this. Reluctantly, I nod. His face beams with hope. “Is there any chance he can come and live with us?”
How do I tell my son that his father wants nothing to do with him? Should I tell him that his father refused him even before he was born? I don’t want to say yes or anything close to yes and give him false hope. I also don’t want to crush his hope.
“Your father is a hard man to reach.” His face falls, and I immediately want to take away his disappointment. “But I can try to do what I can for you to see him. I don’t think he can live with us, but you can talk to him.” He brightens once again and I don’t know what to do.
Damien doesn’t want Lake. He didn’t want him then, and he probably doesn’t want him now. It’s better this way, actually. God knows what would happen if Damien wanted his child. He would take him and make sure I was not part of Lake’s life. It’s why I don’t want him to know about Lake’s existence. If he uses his power to take Lake away from me, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. And it’s not like I didn’t give him a chance to get to know his son. I gave him plenty. He rejected all of them. Speaking of the devil, my phone rings. In a twisted way, Lake’s wish has come true.
“Mommy needs to take this. You, young man, need to go to bed.” He nods cheerfully and darts to his room while I follow him and enter mine.
“Yes?”
“I thought you’d never pick up.”
“Here I am.”
“Damn, if something irritated you, it certainly isn’t me. I’m just calling to say I will be coming to your family affair.”
If only he understood the direct impact his behavior has on my mood. It’s because of his antics that I am in this horrible situation to begin with. That I had to go to him, bowl in hand, and beg for a marriage contract. But I’m so caught up with my anger and Lake’s words that his own don’t immediately register.
“So you’ll come?”
“Did I call at the wrong time? Is Lake close by? I get it. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend to hear me talking to my husband.”
I ignore his jibe. For all his flaws, at least he’s agreeing to come to the gathering. “Thanks, Damien. It’s the anniversary of my father’s death and my mother wants to do something to remember him.”
“Not sure I should be there, but whatever you say, Poison Ivy.” He ends the call immediately after. Poison Ivy? I’m sure I heard that right. I scoff at the nickname. Leave it to Damien to come up with a comic book nickname. I distinctly remember him having either a graphic novel or a fictional novel in his hands. Just like Lake. Lake loves reading and has recently fallen in love with comic books.
I pick up my phone again and go to the group chat I joined after Dad died. It comprises all seven of the Hawthorne siblings and has been inactive since the day of the burial. None have spoken to me about the news, though I’m sure Nolan knows. Might as well tell everyone the news.
Hi. Some of you might have heard the news. If you haven’t, I recently got married to Damien Sinclair. Yes, that Damien and Mom invited him to Dad’s anniversary. About Lake, he doesn’t know yet, and I would like to keep it that way for the time being. So don’t be a dick tomorrow and everything will be fine.
I read over the message before hitting send. No one says anything until half an hour later when I am preparing to sleep. Then my phone chimes. Raine has posted a blushing face emoji. No one else responds. I throw the phone on the nightstand andretire to bed so I can wash away any thoughts of Damien Sinclair. But when I sleep I dream of him, Lake, and his words. I wish for a dad.
Damien arrives at my apartment early the next day. Too early. He’s there a few minutes after Lake left with Paige. Paige was taking her cousins on a trip to the zoo for the weekend and thought maybe Lake might want to come. And since I am a rich woman now, I gave Paige more than enough money to spend on their trip to the Zoo and some at the Museum and for a fun lunch afterward.
“Should I come in or do you have to remove evidence of your boyfriend?” Damien says as soon as I open the door.
I’ve already done that, I say to myself. “Come in. Please wait while I grab my bag.”
I rush to my bedroom and do a few touchups to my makeup as my hands shake. I tell myself it’s because I’m anxious to see my family, but it’s all a lie. Only one man has this effect on me. My heart hasn’t calmed down ever since Damien walked in. Deep breaths aren’t working and after a while, I give up trying to draw a straight line on my eyebrow and opt for simple makeup.
When I come back from my room, Damien is not in the living room. He’s standing in the kitchen, his gaze fixed on something on the kitchen counter. I’m praying it’s not one of Lake’s drawings, which thankfully I no longer put on my fridge nowadays but are displayed in my bedroom.
“What are you doing?”
“A swear jar?” He turns to face me, a mason jar full of notes and coins rattling in his hand.
I shrug. “To keep myself accountable. I’m trying to swear less.”
“Yours or your boyfriend’s idea?”
“Mine. And yes, Lake keeps me accountable. Can we go now?”
He puts the jar down. “Lake sounds like a boring Sunday School teacher.” He doesn’t move at my command. Instead, he takes in the kitchen and looks around as if he has all the time in the world.
“You said you’ve already spent four million.”
“What?”
“I assume you meant to buy an apartment. Because from the looks of this one, you need a new place.”
“Thank you for deriding a place I worked hard to afford. Now can we go?”
His gaze returns to me, and with one look, he captivates me in an instant. God, he’s devastatingly handsome. The blue shirt and black jeans look he has on make him seem intimidating, but he’s not to me. The two top buttons of his shirt are undone and a little of his chest peaks through enough for me to want to see more. I don’t know why that drives me wild, especially on him.
“Why is that?”
“Huh?” I drag my gaze away from his chest, embarrassed by my momentary lapse in concentration, and focus on what he’s saying.
“You don’t need to work hard to live in a shitty place like this. I would have thought someone as rich as you wouldn’t have to live paycheck to paycheck.”
I look at the time on my phone. If we get out now, we will probably be early. There’s plenty of time, but I would rather spend as little time as possible alone with Damien if I could. Preferably outside this apartment. “Do we have to do this now?”
“I mean, I think as your husband, I deserve to know that at least. A marriage full of secrets is hardly one that would last.”
I roll my eyes. I don’t intend on making this marriage last. “My dad cut me off, and I wanted to prove to him I can do it all on my own.”
“And then it got too hard? I get it. Living like ninety-nine percent of the world can be a difficult thing to do.”
His tone is mocking and full of derision. I choose not to take the bait. Truth is, my parents wanted control of Lake. They wanted me to give him to them and pretend he wasn’t my son, so I wouldn’t disgrace the family. But I can’t tell him all of that, can I? Father practically cut me off not just from the family money, but from the family entirely. When I refused to do as he said, and mother was spineless to fight for me. If it weren’t for Nolan’s help, I don’t know what I could have done.
“Something like that. Can we go now?”
His eyes narrow, as if he’s trying to figure me out. But then he gives up, shrugs, and goes to the door. His town car is waiting for us outside. I notice that the same driver he had when we went to Vegas is the one who opens the door. He smiles at me as I get into the car and I wonder what he thinks of all of this. He surely must know my marriage to his boss is fake.
The car takes us to my father’s townhouse, now my mother’s. It’s one of the few things she got when he died. Instead of selling it, she prefers the prestige of living in a grand house, even though she can barely afford the upkeep. I steel myself as we enter the house. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here and the last time I was here, I swore to never return.